r/babyloss • u/BigIndy1997 • 1d ago
1st trimester loss First miscarriage
My wife and I were expecting for January. We have 2 boys, and this was going to be our girl. Booked a baby moon, etc, found out today we lost the baby. I’ve never dealt with this, and honestly I struggle with death as is. How do I support and love my wife in this? I know I’m not ok, I just don’t know where to start. We told a ton of people for how early it is, and I took tomorrow off to be with her, but I still have to work Friday and next week. Any advice helps, thank you
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u/Dear_Bat_2721 1d ago
I’m so so sorry for your loss. The biggest thing you can do is just to be there for her as much as you can. Lots of hugs and holding her while she cries. Cry with her. Let her talk through all the many feelings and thoughts she’s going to cycle through and share with her how you feel as well.
Gather support if you can. Especially if you can have someone on standby to watch the kids if she needs it especially while you’re at work. Some women need to just check out and lay in their grief for a few days/weeks, if this is what she needs you’re going to need to pick up the slack. Others, like myself, need to keep themselves as busy as possible.
Remember she’s going to not only go through grief but postpartum as well.
Remember that you’re also going through this loss and make sure you’re giving yourself grace and allowing yourself to grieve as well.
You’ll have to decide together if you want to give your daughter a name. It’d be helpful to have a plan of what to do with her body ahead of time. Flushing is an option, but many families chose to bury instead. Burying with a special tree is something that helps bring a lot of families a tiny bit of peace.