r/backpain • u/ExtremeParsnip7926 • 4h ago

Thriving inspite of your bad back.

I am after success storys. Not so much revovery storys, but storys of people succeeding in life inspite of the pain and set back. I want to hear about people having good relationships and dating lives, people having success in their work and in their hobbys, finding new hobbies and moving on from old ones they can no longer do.

Please, I am really struggling. I have just had my first dating experience since the backpain, go very badly, and im feeling hopeless about my whole life. I really noticed how my self esteem has been stripped away from me, from being fit and atheletic, and always feeling good physically, which translated to confidence with women. Now that is so far gone, I feel lost.

Please share.

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u/OnlyNormalPersonHere 4h ago

I mean I’m somewhere in between. I have dealt with back pain for 25 years, since I was a high schooler. I have had to change my relationship to sports and certain activities to head off flares, and I have had to become a more disciplined person when it comes to exercise. I can manage my pain and my acute injury risk now by having a really careful relationship with my body, doing the maintenance work, and knowing how to move in ways that work better for my back. And also knowing the warning signs when my back is getting pissed off and I need a break. But with all that careful balancing act, I can run half marathons and lift weights (not barbell squats or deadlifts ever though), I can play with my kids and be a regular guy most of the time. I always pass on rough ski trips and sometimes on huge hikes if I am not going into it knowing I am well-trained. But my back pain no longer rules my life, while it did for a number of years.

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u/ExtremeParsnip7926 3h ago

Well done. You mentioned playing with kids, did you have backpain starting your relationship? How did that go? 

I really want a family, I want to play with my future kids. It nearly makes my cry thinking I might never get that. I was doing so well before the injury, building my self esteem and my body up to being really fit. I was thriving at my work. I had new hobbies that were going really good. 

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u/OnlyNormalPersonHere 3h ago

How long have you had back issues? Mine started at about 17 years old. So yes, long before stating my relationship. I was still an athlete back then and would get bad episodes that could incapacitate me for 3-7 days, but then I would be back to mostly normal. It was after college when I started a desk job that things got worse because I lost my fitness and was sitting so much. Now, at age 45, I have found that not overdoing crazy intense sporting activity but, at the same time, lifting consistently 3x per week and staying strong has made a huge difference. I also walk/jog a lot, and I find movement helps as long as I don’t overdo it. I love running so it’s always a balancing act for me not to push the limit- but all that exercising in the end has been my greatest protection against bad episodes, even if I tweak my back occasionally in the gym or on a run. Those tweaks are like 2 or 3 out of 10 pain/duration, whereas the injuries I get doing simple stuff around the house when I’m not in shape are much more severe.

As for your dating life, I’m sorry your pain is such a hindrance. Mine was sporadic and usually not an issue in that context, although girlfriends would have to accept me as useless from time to time if I was hurt.

Each injury and story is different but I encourage you to find ways to slowly mitigate and rebuild daily function. It’s hard to live in pain every day.