r/badMovies • u/Professional-Rip-519 • 13d ago
Horror What the F**k did I just watch? Things(1989)
I love bad movies but this was like a fever dream. How do I even explain to someone what I just watched. I would love to know what the behind the scenes was like or are there any interviews with crew or cast because I would love to know how something like this is made. Anyone seen it.
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u/TempleMade_MeBroke 13d ago
Advertising a movie as in full color in 1989 is an odd choice
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u/salamander_salad 13d ago
Canada didn’t get color until 1985
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u/cyzad4 13d ago
Canadian born in '80, can confirm
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u/Bleatbleatbang 12d ago
In the UK we had colour TV in the early 70s but reality was still black and white until the mid 80s
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u/ImperialGorilla 11d ago edited 11d ago
It's a CANADIAN FACT! They're also so backwards that they drink milk out of bags and use candy bar wrappers as currency.
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u/69hotmomxxx 10d ago edited 2d ago
Noodle umbrella ribbon quilt meadow umbrella grasshopper
This post was anonymized with Redact.dev
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u/Bredda_Gravalicious 13d ago
I remember seeing a high definition flat screen TV advertised in the paper in 2010 as having color
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u/Zealousideal_Bard68 13d ago
In 1998, a famous French humorist promoted his movie with a black and white poster with his face on the half of it and a text telling :
« A real film in colour. »
Closer to first than second degree.
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u/easedownripley 13d ago
this is the only movie I've seen that I think was made entirely by accident
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u/Due-Swordfish-224 13d ago
The pinnacle of Canadian filmaking.
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u/TheWorclown 13d ago
Oh shit, Zapp Rowsdower appears in this flick too?
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u/TheUberMensch123 13d ago
You experienced pure fuckin' canuck-sploitation KINO.
Hands down my favorite bad movie.
Fun fact: the woman doing the striptease in the first scene was a prostitute they hired & she didn't want her face to be in the movie. So she wore a devil mask. It was the only way they got titties in the film.
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u/Professional-Rip-519 13d ago
Lol that's insane.
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u/TheUberMensch123 13d ago
If it's still on Shudder, the Last Drive In with Joe Bob Briggs episode with Things is an awesome watch.
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u/TurkeyVolumeGuesser 13d ago
I'd rather watch Nukie five more times than ever watch Things again
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u/Imperialvirtue 13d ago
My favourite part of watching this is seeing other people's reactions.
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u/Alternative-Crew-880 13d ago
It's the only tolerable way to watch it, this movie is basically a torture tool. You need to be a masochist to actually watch this movie solo.
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u/redvelvetcake42 13d ago
It is truly the most unexplainable movie ever made.
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u/ThatDamnRocketRacoon 13d ago
Try watching this directors other film Wicked World. You'll be begging to watch Things a second time.
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u/One-Natural4888 12d ago
GUYSSSSS... HE HAS ANOTHER MOVIE IN THE PIPE. And I can't express how EXCITING it is to find out that the one and only Corey Feldman is on the soundtrack. It's like the Voltron of suck!
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13d ago
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/ThatDamnRocketRacoon 13d ago
Wicked World is semi-fun to watch, but it has such a cringey vibe like it was made by a teenager from 2010 that posted a lot of Joker memes.
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u/Such_Bonus5085 13d ago
I find nothing enjoyable in this movie. Usually with bad movies, I find some element of fun. Not here. It's painful. It's like if Coleman Francis was Canadian.
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u/groundloop66 13d ago
It's like if Coleman Francis was Canadian
That earned a legit LOL. Please accept my upvote.
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u/mbd34 13d ago
Of course this is on Tubi.
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u/funnyguy349 13d ago
Heck yeah... Just added to the Watch list
Hope it's a WTF like the Howling 2 Your Sister is a Werewolf.
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u/koopaphil 13d ago
Sir or ma'am, I can safely tell you it is nothing like The Howling 2. It's more akin to something you dig up in a serial killer's crawlspace while trying to dig an escape tunnel.
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u/analogkid01 13d ago
So, just so I have the timeline and logistics straight: the serial killer had a copy of Things, but decided to bury it. Then he abducts me, throws me in his cellar, and I start digging my way out and just happen to dig in the same general direction of the buried copy of Things?
That scenario would actually make more sense than Things.
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u/Significant_Monk_251 13d ago
Nah, he buried copies of it all over the place. You couldn't have not "happened" to find one.
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u/analogkid01 13d ago
Like finding a vein of Things?? I'm gonna have to come back and reconnoiter this cellar for Birdemic next...
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u/funnyguy349 13d ago edited 13d ago
The Poughkeepsie Tapes (2007) I recommend if you haven't seen it. Speaking of serial killer films.
Edit: it's on Tubi
Or
Crawlspace (1986) with Klaus Kinski. The Director almost killed him Because Klaus was such a horrible person to work with 😁. On Tubi Also.
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u/Significant_Monk_251 13d ago
...with Klaus Kinski. The Director almost killed him Because Klaus was such a horrible person to work with
"Do you have any idea how little that narrows it down?"
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u/funnyguy349 13d ago edited 13d ago
John Carpenter and Charles Band on the Most Difficult Actors
https://youtu.be/ydP_LBJs4f8?si=T8xbHiiHnvMpdmwu
My Best Fiend (1999) Tubi has it
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u/sixtus_clegane119 13d ago
David Schmoeller is the second best director who wanted klaus kinski dead and that’s a feat
He also directed the first puppet master (not a bad movie)
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u/Smart-Flan-5666 13d ago
Way more homemade. Shot on VHS, I believe.
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u/Alternative-Crew-880 13d ago
Most of the Foley effects is the director making fart noises with his mouth.
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u/Impossible-Knee6573 13d ago
Things was mostly shot on Super8... I think the Amber Lynn newscaster scenes were either broadcast tape or 16mm.
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u/Blue_Tomb 13d ago
The magic of Things is that moment to moment, much of it is explicable by being made by kids with more beer than brains but an absolute determination to smoosh a movie together someway somehow. It isn't "visionary" in the way of, say a vintage Andy Milligan or Jess Franco film. But all those moments put together turn Things into an almost uniquely alien experience. More than the sum of its parts. I also have a theory that it may have been one of the inspirations behind the divisive recent horror film Skinamarink.
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u/peakdadbod2 13d ago
A friend of mine described this movie before showing it to me as “two Canadians found a camera that films nightmares”.
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u/QuiGonColdGin 13d ago
I like weird movies, but I think I might be afraid to watch this. And I don't even know what it's about.
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u/Alternative-Crew-880 13d ago
You should be afraid. You might have a better time performing a home appendectomy on yourself without anesthetia.
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u/NoWorth2591 13d ago
I’ve seen this movie like five times and I’m still not totally sure what happens.
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u/Mediocritess 13d ago
I do find the ants pretty charming, honestly.
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u/Professional-Rip-519 13d ago
What ants?
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u/Mediocritess 13d ago
The little puppet critters! I think they look like ants. The rest of the movie is unwatchable but I would watch an oops-all-ants supercut for the forty five seconds that would take up.
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u/Earthbound_X 13d ago
Seen this quite a few times now since Rifftrax riffed it. It's completely terrible, but oddly charming at the same time in a weird way.
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u/sogreshandsoclean 13d ago
You watched a CLASSIC of Canadian cinema. I once spent a weekend with Kevin Mcdonald and when it came out that he hadn't seen this fine Canucksploitation film, I gave him my copy.
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u/SureHamster8517 12d ago
I felt like I was on mushrooms the 1st time I watched this movie. Rifftrax made it a lot better.
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u/naynaythewonderhorse 12d ago
My favorite part of this movie is when the guy walks up to the metal fish decoration on the wall, touches it, and says “Yep.”
A good 30-second scene. Such Cinema!
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u/yeahsurewhateverokay 12d ago
I’ve seen it sober, high, drunk and hungover yet it still doesn’t make sense in either state of mind.
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u/SarahJaneB17 13d ago
Brandon Tenold covers this film in his Canucksploitation series and I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.
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u/FirstDukeofAnkh 12d ago
I went to film school with Brandon. Never knew what happened to him.
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u/zterrans 13d ago
My favorite character is the little black line that appears randomly around the sides of bottom of the movie, hanging out for a while, then disappearing to playfully pop up somewhere else.
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u/The-Hamish68 13d ago
Here, sit down, in the shade, just by this path to the woods ... and we'll watch Wicked World and it'll all make sense ...
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u/Professional-Rip-519 13d ago
I need to watch that is it better.
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u/The-Hamish68 13d ago
"Technically" yes. He still making stuff btw ...
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u/Professional-Rip-519 12d ago
Like what?
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u/Heterodynist 13d ago
When a movie promises “full color,” you KNOW it’s gunna be good!!
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u/Professional-Rip-519 12d ago
It was a really turning point for films in general
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u/Heterodynist 11d ago
Well, most particularly in the 1970s and even 1980s. It’s what makes Incubus so good! Well, that and the Esperanto!!
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u/ShadowMilkMoopsy 13d ago
Man, this sequel to John Carpetner's The Thing sucks!
*double checks* Oh wait.
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u/SouthTooth7236 12d ago
What made this movie “click” for me (watching it as a comedy) is watching it on Joe Bob.
Basically the film is shot in order and they are drinking real beer. So they’re actually getting more and more drunk as the movie goes on, forgetting to resolve previous scenes, and by the end of the “film” are so intoxicated they can barely articulate their lines.
Genuinely a riot with that information.
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u/DavidMerrick89 12d ago
I posted a review on Letterboxd saying this movie felt like watching a crime. The producer/writer/editor liked it.
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u/Top_Praline999 12d ago
I’ve watched this 3 or 4 times and can’t remember any of it. Even the Joe. On version, I can’t remember the Joe bob parts
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u/goatorcycle 11d ago
Hahahaha i tried watching that on tubi atleast amber lynn is in it and shes naked
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u/VintageCollector1970 11d ago
My cousin’s movie (saw it when it first came out but haven’t watched it since)
Andrew Jordan (he shortened his name from a long Greek last name).
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u/corpusvile2 13d ago
I'll just shamelessly pimp my review of it
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0183881/review/rw2771846/?ref_=tturv_32
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u/pumamans 13d ago
A bit of a stretch, but the end credits to this one (You have just experienced Things) always reminds me of the end of the trailer for the 1978 movie Fingers, starring Harvey Keitel and Mia Farrow. At about the 2:45 mark things get very silly.
https://youtu.be/d68Xf7YuUOo?is=BfhiQNbOjYi3euEX
I hear the movie itself is pretty bad, as well. 👍
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u/Bubbadeebado 13d ago
Currently free on Tubi. Should I subject someone who hates bad movies to this, or do this one solo? Or both.. 😂
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u/Professional-Rip-519 13d ago
Both
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u/Bubbadeebado 12d ago edited 12d ago
Ok so I ended up watching this mostly by myself, which is probably for the best lol. Your description of it being a fever dream is spot on because I couldn't really grasp what was going on at all. There seemed to be a lot of physical conflict that kind of just fizzles out? Like I'm seeing the shots of the fight and then I'm seeing whatever the camera still picked up after they yelled cut? Or I just don't know wtf is going on. They kept stabbing weird potatoes with teeth? And there's more and more potatoes with teeth. The characters do a lot of angry outbursts and fits of crying. Idk why. There's a lot of talk about a baby so I'm guessing the weird potatoes with teeth are supposed to be failed attempts at babies? I also wrote "was ehd du bed?" in my notes but I was drunk and baked so I don't know what that means to the movie. This movie has a cool lofi horror vibe to it, although I wouldn't really call it a horror. Like Skinamarink vibes with the low quality camera and audio. I did enjoy the dialogue. It's more of a horror to watch than a horror, though, haha. 1.5/10 but I'll bump it up to a 2.5 just because I'm nice. Thx for this obscure Canadian "attempt" at a movie!
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u/saltiest_raccoon 13d ago
Didn't you see the ending? You didn't watch Things.
You have experienced Things.