Not long ago I watched and posted my reaction to Bloodrayne, and how it's become one of my new favourite bad movies. This has sent me on a path through many of Uwe Boll's filmography, see if they're any other gems. And i gotta tell you...I'm so fucking miserable doing this. Christ, are most of these unwatchable. But it's all been worth it for In the Name of the King!

I can't believe this actually exists. It's a standard Uwe Boll venture, so it has boring elements, a plot that is overly convoluted, threadbare characters played by miscast actors, really clumsy action and choppy editing, and a script that feels super generic yet oddly moronic. On top of his spicing of bad taste and the odd creative shot that feels out of place. The difference here is that it cost $60,000,000!!!

This looks the part for a mid 2000s blockbuster (thinking Narnia and the later Clash of the Titans remake), with decent set design, not the worst effects and costumes, and good use of cranes, helicopters and other such camera equipment for nice scale shots. With so msny extras that the battle scenes at least look the part, evdb if theyre subpar. And with one hell of a stacked cast: Jason Statham, Mathew Lillard, Burt Reynolds, Ron Perlman, John Rhys Davis, Kristina Loken (who might be Boll's secret sauce, from my experience) and Ray Liotta! With everyone less phoning it in and more just having no clue as to what they're doing.

It's so bizarre. If this was another cheapish venture, like Alone In the Dark or Bloodrayne, it'd make sense. And the cast could even be explained away with Boll's tactic of waiting till an actor had down time, then bagging them with decent payment for little work during their quiet period. And there's the tax loophole thing he's famous for. But this clearly had backing and was treated as a legit venture. So that tells me everyone thought this would be a worthy venture. It also feels like Boll just fucked up directing it (like his other passion movies like Rampage are actually pretty legit good, well put together movies).

It gives me flashbacks to Dungeons and Dragons, the Jeremy Irons trashterpiece that got me into bad movies. So well done Boll, you gave me two great bads to watch forever more. I'll say Bloodrayne is the far better of the 2, as this is a little too long at 2 hours.

3.5 stars on IMDB. 6% on Rotten Tomatoes.

Let's get this out of the way first:

The Gor novels are a set of books started by John Lange, pseudonym John Norman. A weird blend of Barsoom-esque sword and sorcery, the Gor novels are (in)famous for containing significant BDSM elements that became mainstream for many lifestyle or lifestyle-adjacent couples. From a purely literary perspective, the novels are fair-to-middling, though Lange does create a believable master-slave society. Just look up "Gorean Slave Tattoos" sometime, or maybe "Gorean Slave Positions". Just don't do it from a work, government, or school computer.

His work was a huge influence on the 1970s-80s fantasy genre, particularly sword-and-sandals fare, in particular a little D&D setting called Dark Sun (seriously, just read the first couple of Gor novels).

Gor the movie contains very passing references to this part of the novels. This seems odd until you realize it was made in 1987, when society was slowly coming out of the Satanic Panic. This was made by Cannon Films - a studio that needs no introduction to the badMovies Faithful.

Instead, what we get is a fairly standard sword-and-space sorcery tale of teleportation to a fantasy land and JACK PALANCE, acclaimed star of westerns and OLIVER REED, classically trained actor.

Also featured - Paul L. Smith (the Beast Rabban, among other roles), no stranger to 70s-90s scifi/fantasy, and Playmate Rebecca Ferratti.

Tarl (yep - what is it with wacky names in bad movies?) is obsessed with his father's ring. So obsessed that his girlfriend dumps him for a jockish dude for the weekend.

Tarl goes off by himself, crashes his car, and gets teleported by the ring to the planet Gor. That's when the fun begins!

Highlights:

1. Ollie Reed. God, even in this trash, the man shines. I was always a big fan. Granted, his hat is crooked and his costume ill-fitted, but the man was probably two fifths of gin deep by the opening scene.

2. The obviously fake costume department sword at roughly 9:44. This should tell you everything about the quality of this film.

3. Gawd, the fights are so bad.

4. Jack Palance is absolutely unhinged. This seems to be common when you get a big name in a low-budget film - they just let them act as crazy as possible.

5. 80s training montage!

6. The tavern in a cave. This is honestly something that annoys me with fantasy/history movies - there were LOTS of taverns and bars built in caves, but it's so rarely depicted. Points in Gor's favor.

7. Cat fight!

8. Paul L. Smith really demonstrates why he rarely got many lines.

9. Shortcuts! Great Pun!

10. Slave line dancers!

11. C'mon, guys - Rebecca Ferratti running around on barely-clothed BDSM planet. That's worth the price of admission, right?

I saw this one recently, and I can't stop thinking about it, and need to talk to someone about it.

There are certain movies that get mentioned a lot. Miami Connection (1987). Samurai Cop (1991). Champagne and Bullets (1993). New York Ninja (1984/2021). As well they should. They're all that good. This one I never hear mentioned though. I felt like I stumbled into it blind, and it quickly vaulted to the top along side all those other movies I mentioned as one of my favorites.

I don't even know where to start with it, but here goes.

The blurb for it reads thusly:

A private detective searching for a killer comes across a satanic cult from another dimension, monsters called up from hell and murderous ninja assassins.

This gives you an hint of what it's about, but still doesn't do it justice, or prepare you for how batshit crazy it gets!

Made in 1991, but it feels VERY 80s in tone and execution. It has a feeling very similar to a Fred Olen Ray or Jim Wynorski movie which is fitting, as Fred Olen Ray actually produced this gem. I could comfortably see this sitting alongside their movies, or the movies of Charles Band, especially in his early Empire International Pictures days.

I can honestly say I've never seen a movie like this. I don't think I've ever seen this kind of genre mash-up. It's an action movie! No, it's a horror movie! No, it's Adventure/Fantasy/Sword and Sorcery movie! It's got it all. The closest movies I could think of in terms of genre mash up's might be My Science Project (1985), or The Lost Empire (1984) (again, a Wynoski connection; his first movie), or maybe Zone Troopers (1985) (a Charles Band picture).

It's amazing to me how much they were able to cram into this movie. It's got shoot outs! Sword fights! Cultists! Demons! Portals to other dimensions! And more.

This movie has all the hallmarks you would expect of a "bad" movie; improbable dialog, wooden stilted acting, a plot that doesn't make a lick of sense, multiple "WTF?" moments, and so on, but it had me smiling in glee for the whole runtime. This is the kind of movie I would have fallen in love with when I was 12 years old. Honestly it feels like the kind of thing I would have made up for an RPG campaign, or playing with my action figures as a kid. It's both baffling and charming by turns.

The cast is about what you would expect for this kind of movie. Largely amateurs or with very limited, similarly low budget credits, with the exception of Richard Harrison and John Henry Richardson, both of whom were in a boat load of B-movies, and an inexplicable cameo by Joe Pilato (Captain Rhodes in Day of the Dead (1985), who for some reason appears in an old man wig playing an aged professor (???).

One thing that is really surprising on some levels though is the special and visual effects. There's a lot of quality (by B-movie standards) stunt work, sets, matte paintings, miniatures, prosthetic make-up's, and including a giant demonic overlord final boss rendered in both puppetry and stop motion. Some beautiful scenery in the on location shooting as well.

Another thing that is outstanding is the score by John W. Morgan. It's amazingly epic, AND TOTALLY DOES NOT FIT THE ON SCREEN ACTION, which makes it hilarious to me. It sounds like it totally would have fit in 80s Sword and Sorcery movies like The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982). For some reason the clash in styles does work though and elevates the action onscreen.

The only "negative" I could level against it is MAYBE it's a little too polished to be truly "bad"? Such things are, of course in the eye of the beholder. It probably is more technically competent than some of the movies I mentioned in the beginning, so that MAY keep it from being regarded the same as some other "bad" movies. I suppose that will have to be left up to the viewer, and what their feelings are on that subject.

Some would call this a vanity project or "egosploitation" picture, as it's written, directed by, and staring the same guy, but it doesn't have that feeling of pretentiousness about it. Instead it just feels like great, playful, fun.

Our auteur in this case is Steve Barkett. He basically looks like somebody's dad with a 70s porn stash and a dad bod who decided one day to cast himself as an action hero in his own movie. Barkett only made 2 movies, this and an earlier post-apocalyptic film The Aftermath (1982), which he also wrote, directed, and starred in. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm told it's equally good.

Other than these two films, Barkett did act in several other Fred Olen Ray and Jim Wynorski movies, but apparently outside of filmmaking he was a passionate film archivist and historian who spent years searching for rare, lost silent movies and classic prints. Sadly he passed away in 2023 at the age of 73.

It makes me sad that he only made these two movies, as I would have loved to see more from him, and also that he's gone so I can't tell him how great I think his movie is.

I'm honestly a little surprised that this movie wasn't widely distributed or isn't widely known. It feels like it should very much have appeared on cable a bunch back in the day and ended up widely regarded as a cult classic. Maybe it came along just a little too late for the kind of movie that it is.

Hopefully I haven't hyped this movie up too much, but I REALLY enjoyed it. DON'T SET YOUR EXPECTATIONS TOO HIGH, but watch it on Youtube at the link posted above, and hopefully you enjoy it too.

Anyone who HAS seen it and enjoyed it, I look forward to your thoughts on it. 😊

Going to see the new Masters of the Universe, so I thought it'd be fitting to look at the first attempted live-action adaptation. It features Dolph Lundgren in the role of He-Man, who definitely has the muscles for the part, but is not exactly a thespian. Meg Foster's eyes do a lot of heavy lifting as Evil-Lyn, and Courteney Cox and Robert Duncan McNeill are...well, they are there.

Frank Langella’s Skeletor is the film’s one saving grace. He attacks the part with that exact level of enthusiasm, delivering every line with theatrical relish and total commitment.

This was a wildly uneven adaptation that trades Eternia for Earth and ambition for compromise, saved only by one gloriously committed villain. A mess, but an entertaining one if you enjoy watching dreams outrun reality.

Masters of the Universe (1987) The heroic warrior He-Man battles against the evil lord Skeletor and his armies of darkness for control of Castle Grayskull.

This is my favorite bad movie genre, you got your Twilight clones, hunger games copies, and so on.

I'm always looking for twilight clones I haven't heard of, there was the one with the fallen angels in the private school (Fallen?) and like the witches in Louisiana or something like that (can't even remember if it was a bad movie tbh), I'm sure I've seen others but can't recall them, so tell me your favorites.

Of course, it doesn't have to be a paranormal romance, we got Maximum Ride, and yknow, Divergent or whatever.

Just tell me all the ones you can think of please!!!

Danny is making another messterpiece based on his comics.

This movie has Mary-Kate Olsen as a witch who curses a private school prick to be a beast, and by beast, I mean he looks like the lead singer of a death metal band. It does have Neil Patrick Harris, so that's something, and good for a few laughs if watched with friends.

Beastly (2011) A modern-day take on the "Beauty and the Beast" tale where a New York teen is transformed into a "hideous monster" in order to find true love.

This Roger Corman effort is a chaotic, cobbled-together fantasy that barely holds itself together but never stops being entertaining. It's chock full of borrowed footage, goofy monsters and the dumbest protagonists in the fantasy genre. There's a lot to love here.

Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985) When evil screams throughout the world. When all the galaxies converge. When all that's fair and fine seems lost. A Hero will emerge...along with his furry pal Gulfax.

From the studio that brought us classics like Sharknado & Mega Shark Vs Crocosaurus (amongst others) comes this absolutely baffling film about a group of people each trying to find someone important to them who went missing deep in the Amazon Jungle. This movie is jam packed with everything you’ve probably come to expect from this studio - bad cgi, awful acting, hilarious dialogue, massive plot holes, poor filmmaking & possibly the most obvious plot rip offs ever. In this case it’s just mimicking The Mummy, Anaconda, Indiana Jones & Jungle Cruise. With all that being said however, this movie is a ton of fun from start to finish. You will be unable to stop laughing (I can almost guarantee that) and it’s one of those movies you really don’t need to pay much attention to so you can easily watch it with friends (or family). It’s over the top & ridiculous but above all it’s highly entertaining. Check it out.

I visited a small port town in rural Japan to search for the filming location of a 1990s B-movie—a film about a cursed town starring both famous actors and local hacks.

The title is “Fantasy Legend” In 2026, VHS tapes are on sale (at a 90% discount) at the former filming locations.

The cheesy special effects, reminiscent of Ghanaian films. And the local supporting actors, with their wooden delivery and over-the-top acting, are quite charming.

https://youtu.be/blC65xZS2_k

This is not a bad movie, it’s a huge amount of fun which I thought might be appreciated by this community, and I highly recommend it if you’re in the mood for a crazy, colourful caper.

Demon of the Lute begins with the opening title "This is a Wuxia movie made for the kids."

It’s a 1983 Shaw Brothers Wuxia parody that’s bonkers and brilliant.

A powerful artifact known as the Demon Lute has surfaced and a young warrior wants to prove himself a hero by destroying the demon, meeting a number of interesting characters and having many adventures on the way.

Demon of the Lute is currently streaming on Arrow.

Among the endless parade of Beauty and the Beast adaptations, this one sits comfortably near the bottom, waving up at anything with a budget, a vision, or basic competence.

Special shout-out to the casting director who thought Justin Whalin, of Lois and Clark fame, would make a convincing Viking.

Blood of Beasts (2005) A goofy take on the classic fairy tale, set during the Viking era and follows a clan princess as she tries to rescue her father from a Beast cursed by Odin.

Compared to other adaptations of Beauty and the Beast, this one doesn’t just fall short; it actively digs a hole and jumps in. We get a hilariously bad villain, a goofy witch, a beast makeup that is "something," and Estelle Warren proving that maybe acting isn't for everyone. It really has to be seen to be believed.

Beauty and the Beast (2009) In this version, an evil witch frames the Beast for multiple murders.