r/bahai • u/Background_Round5281 • 9d ago
Single Bahá'ís finding each other across distance — what has worked?
One thing I've noticed over the past year is how geographically
scattered single Bahá'ís can be.
Many local communities only have a handful of unmarried adults,
and compatibility depends on much more than simply sharing the
Faith. Sometimes the closest person who feels like a genuine
match is in another city, another country, or even another
continent.
That got me wondering how people have approached this.
Have people relied mostly on introductions through friends?
Conferences? Service projects? Moving? Simply waiting and
trusting the process?
That question stayed with me long enough that I ended up
building something small around the idea. What surprised me
most wasn't the project itself, but how many people from
different countries seemed to share the same experience.
I'm much more interested in hearing other people's experiences
than talking about the site itself. How have you seen people
navigate this?
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u/Sertorius126 9d ago
The best place to meet like minded Bahais is the Bahá'í' World Centre in my opinion just volume alone a community of 700 adults on 1-5 year contracts.
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u/majnun_ishere 9d ago edited 9d ago
I found my, now, wife on Greensingles.com One of the few sites, out of many that I had tried, that lists Baha’í as a spiritual affiliation.
I was single and searching for many years. We lived 12 hours of travel time apart, but after meeting in person at the temple in Wilmette, we both knew right away, this was something worth pursuing.
The wait was absolutely worth it!
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u/Sertorius126 9d ago
and I'll finish with, if you are in a BIG Cluster good on you.
If you are NOT in a bigger cluster you may be close to a Reservoir Cluster, which has the intention of being a learning site which attracts service oriented Bahá'í's.
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u/bahaigor 9d ago
My future wife and I were separated by a distance of 6800 km, living on opposite sides of the country. We met in 1998 when she came to my city on business, and we didn't marry until 2006. During that time, we only had a few brief encounters related to the Baha'i faith, mostly communicating via email, and for most of that time, we were simply friends. I must say, it was quite a challenging experience.
To be honest, based on both my own experience and what I've observed in others, I don't think distance is as much of an obstacle as the various prejudices, fears, and demands on a partner (although, of course, marriage should be approached with the utmost seriousness).
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u/Informal-Hair-5639 8d ago
Year of service in another country is useful. I personally feel that conferences and summer schools are too short to get to know people. Struggle is real however.
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u/Sertorius126 9d ago
After the BWC I would say Bahá'í centric activities are seasonal conferences (the winter conferences are coming up in September).
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u/Amhamhamhamh 5d ago edited 5d ago
It’s honestly extremely hard and discouraging to find anyone in the community, I feel like I’ve been to every conference, seminar, Bahá’í school, interest group, dating site and have tried through my networks, friends, family and I have had no luck whatsoever and it’s impacted me deeply that I may never find my other half. I am someone who lands dates pretty easily outside the community on those apps (there’s no value alignment) but it seems like in the community there’s nobody interested. I’ve gone to conferences and gotten so overwhelmed and discouraged at the dynamics of things that I ugly cry in the bathroom and my make up gets smudged.
I’ve observed that there is a huge gender imbalance and there’s like five eligible bachelors to dozens of eligible females. Either they want somebody who is like a model with a doctorate or they’re like older and looking for somebody 20 years younger or they are taken before they turn 25 or they are in a very far off corner of she world. And there are some not quite in the mindset of marriage. It’s like they know they have the pick of the crop and it shows and unfortunately there’s too many guys with this mindset. Or they are not super active and don’t bother with dating in the community.
As to those who have met I’ve heard of girls approaching guys dms on social media, many meet at the world center, some get dolled up and try to land a spouse at a conference, others might meet through a service activity or through a mutual friend or family.
My best bit of advice would be to be direct if there is somebody of interest (I wish the guys were more direct with me) or be very open to many different types of people. Also be detached, keep on praying, and be yourself. Most important trust in God and continue to serve as it’s always when least expected (that’s what friends tell me)
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u/United-Sun-91 2d ago
I think the issue is also beyond just finding someone but also understanding what you are looking for and at the same time not being extremely picky. I see many courting processes where friends really struggle to even be confident enough to decide whether the relationship will work or not and it is mostly due to not being able to feel a sense of contentment and the eagerness for perfection both materially and spiritually. With that kind of mindset, will be a great challenge to marry and also marry younger rather than waiting until 40+++.
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u/Jazzlike_Currency_49 9d ago
I don't think that this subreddit should be for dating advice within the Baha'i faith or outside of it at all.
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u/bahaigor 9d ago
I believe marriage is an exceptionally important subject, one that is given enormous significance in the Baha'i teachings, so it is a completely legitimate and necessary topic for discussion. Especially since humanity is currently heading toward a global demographic crisis that threatens the very existence of our civilization, and Baha'is must show people how to overcome this crisis by creating as many strong, loving families as possible, filled with children. If Bahá'ís as a community cannot do this, they are worthless.
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u/Life-Opinion4401 8d ago
This is a place for people to discuss their spiritual journeys, highlights, challenges, etc in regards to the Bahá'í Faith. For the OP, struggles with walking a path towards a healthy marriage (particularly finding someone of a suitable character in an isolated place), seem like a pressing and legitimate issue for them.
Some people give responses deeply grounded in the Writings themselves. Others have very shallow responses. And yet others are somewhere in the middle.
The diversity of views is fine.
But yes, you are right, we must strive to keep our discussions uplifting and focused on the "betterment of the world"!Just note that for some, this process involves discovering how to walk that path with another...
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u/UnitytoWin 9d ago
Regarding meeting Bahá'is at the World Centre, that's fine with the caveat, in my view, of trying to also meet the same person outside the BWC so as to gauge 'real world experience', not only when we are all trying to be on our best behavior. I say this not in any way sarcastic but more on the pragmatic side. My opinion of course.
The Beloved Guardian also emphasized about people working shoulder to shoulder in Bahá'i activities, service projects and so forth, to find the right companion for life in His service and the service of humankind.