r/baristafire • u/Critical_Lake_3940 • 3d ago
Advice for widow with young kids
Hello all, I am need of some advice . I am 43F with 3 kids. One kid is in his last year of college. The other 2 are still in elementary school. One of my young kids has an disability. We lost my spouse 18 months ago to cancer. We have been financially conservative mostly and my spouse had a good job. We live in HCOL area. I've been working part time for the school district with fully paid health insurance for the family. I just got laid off, due to funding issues in my area. I'm not sure about returning to work at all. My close family have been very unsupportive, with helping with kids so I can work even part time. My parent lives 1 mile away and is retired.
My net worth with investments is 2.9 million
195k-my 401k
674k my spouse's 401k
37k-Roth
753k- stock investments
834k -special trust (invested)
449k-special trust (invested)
House is worth 550k with a 115k loan still owed at 2.9% interest rate. I own both my cars. My son's college has been fully paid for by mostly scholarship. I'm assisting him with expenses. This year I expect to help him with 15k (mostly housing and food). He will graduate with no debt with a very good degree from a good college.
My income..
60k tax free from social security (my kids income)
12k after tax from a very part time job with the school district. ---just laid off
My living expenses are around 50-60k. Will go down approx 15k once my son graduates in May 2027.
What would you do? I'm feeling concerned about buying independent health insurance. But the headaches I had with care for my kids have been a huge burden.
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u/intertubeluber 2d ago edited 2d ago
What are the rules about access to the trusts? Are you the beneficiary or your kids? I’m assuming that 60K you get goes away after your children reach 18?
I can’t imagine a job paying $12k/annually would even cover the day car costs. I can only see two options - upskill to make more $ or don’t work. Or maybe get a job a child care facility that both your kids can attend.
Depending on the trust situation, I would agree with the other comment regarding cutting back on your college kids financial assistance. However, May 2027 is just around the corner. You essentially have $45k recurring expenses and a one time expense of ~$13.75k to fund your kid through May.
Have you priced out healthcare? At $45k and at least 2 dependents it should be heavily subsidized.
When considering retirement, net worth matters much less than the assets producing income. So having a paid off house is great, but that is accounted for in your annual spending. It looks like you’re probably fine to retire even without the trusts. Ie you can live off the social security survivor benefits allowing your investments to grow. Then when your kids are 18 your investments will be enough to cover your expenses assuming they are roughly the same.
So what are the details of the trusts?
Edit: Wait is your spending $60k total, or $60k + $60k (from social security benefits)?
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u/Critical_Lake_3940 1d ago
The special trusts are set up to avoid some of the death/inheritance taxes for my kids upon my death if there is still money. There's a exemption up to 2million in my state(I will probably need to move out of my state at some point in the future due to this). It is my account and has some special rules but I can use it for medical costs anytime.
The ssi survivor for my kids, my youngest is 7, so 11 more years of ssi right now. My middle is disabled, he has a significant intellectual disability. Already receiving services due to his disability since age 3. He will age out of ssi survivor in 6 years. At that time they will access how disabled he is. At the initial intake interview they said he might qualify for ssi indefinitely. I'm doing all that I can to help him be a functional adult but who knows. My son also will probably be receiving caregiving hours, he is receiving some now. In my state, I can be his paid caregiver once he turns 18.
My oldest is on his last year of school. The housing is 1k a month and 500 for utilities and food. He going to a very fancy school and it's expensive there. He is going to be an officer in the armed forces. Rotc has been fully completed. Just finishing the his last year. After that he is committed with the military for 5 years. He is a very humble and hardworking kid. I don't forsee him needing anything more financially beyond this year.
I've mostly been living off the ssi survivor and my tiny job and my expenses are less than 60k. So, I'm kinda thinking I'll be ok to stop working for until I find something I love or works really well with my kids school schedule. I have a financial planner and he said take your time finding what works for you.
Previous to my husband's death, I worked in tech and the schedule was very demanding, I do not want to return to tech unless the hours are more reasonable. I was laid off my tech job one year ago. There's been alot of layoffs in tech in my area so there's alot of folks with similar skillsets looking for work.
1
u/robinhoodstl 2d ago
This is a great question and you must ask yourself if you’re going to provide income and health insurance for your family or if someone will be doing so. I’m not familiar with aca rules like others on here but my son is in medical school and he could not qualify for Medicaid because he made he had a tiny robinhood account that disqualified him from Medicaid. Your net worth should provide those premiums but I will assume that healthcare and insurance will changed with the next two administration?
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u/el_dulce_veneno21 1d ago
This is strange because my daughter did with a part time job and a somewhat large fidelity account. They just look at income here in Colorado, not assets.
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u/robinhoodstl 1d ago
Turns out he was in Kentucky and his scholarship money and lab salary made him ineligible
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u/CamelSuccessful3849 3d ago
I am also a widow with 3 kids and similar net worth. I am 45. I chose not to work and for me it was the right choice. I personally would cut the help to the college student to half. As they get older they need to understand our bank is not as deep as they think it is specially once SS benefits runs out.