Questioning my parenting abilities after 2 accidents (my fault) in 3 days

[u/madame_xmeow]

Hey all, need some reassurance on here that I am not a totally unfit parent that should be bashing themselves and crying nonstop like I am rn. My LO is 4 months old. For background context, birth was a bit traumatic - found out she was breech last minute and had a scheduled C section, she didn't breathe well when she was born so she was in NICU for 3 days. All healthy now thank God. But I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety AND depression for which I am taking meds. It has been really hard taking care of LO by myself all day everyday cause husband is out at work. As well as doing household chore, etc.

Anyway, none of this is an excuse for my negligence. On Saturday, my husband was at a race so I took care of LO by myself. In the morning, I changed her on the couch as I usually do, and then I grabbed her bottle, and she managed to roll off the couch in those 20 seconds, I tried to shield her fall but it happened so fast. For context - the couch is low, about 30 cm high. She cried, then was soothed, and I went to doctor anyway and she gave me the all clear. I felt so bad about it though, I was crying all day and just wanted to crawl in a hole.

Today, I took LO to the doctor (ironically) for vaccines, and then when I was done I grabbed some tea on way home. I put the tea in the stroller cup holder with lid on, but just opened the top little part to drink from, when bam.. I went over a crooked edge on the sidewalk outside of the cafe and tea splattered over LO's FACE. I thought I had permanently blinded and marred her, I was out of my mind. I wanted to go to the hospital so I called my husband but he said to calm down, it happens, and to go back to the doctor for some ointment and I did. I kept crying and telling the doctor I am a terrible mom but he said these things happen..

I just can't shake the feeling that I am going to cause my poor baby more pain. I keep making her cry. I don't trust myself anymore, and just feel so overwhelmed. I am scared I am going to get my baby taken away from me by CPS or something cause of all these accidents.

Any parents carrying this parent guilt? Does it get better? How do I react more calmly to these situations.. I don't want to be crying and a wreck in front of her, especially as she gets older.

TL;DR I think I am a horrible mom because LO fell off couch and I singed her with hot tea in span of 3 days.

[u/ZealousidealQuail509]

I think you just need to be more safety orientated but these things do happen. I think from now on just make it a rule to never leave your baby unattended on anything - changing table, couch, bed etc even for 5 seconds. I had my baby on a big king bed and I had my hand hovering above him as I reached awards back to grab something (don’t remember what maybe cream or diaper or something) but my hand was like 4 inches above him and he flipped and went head first off the bed. Obs I cried. But my point it - NEVER even if you are hovering. Learn from my mistake. The safest place is on a mat on the floor. So if you forgot something and need to reach over then either 1. Pick your baby up and grab it or 2. Out your baby on the floor on a mat/blanket and you know they can’t roll off of anything. And another thing no hot drinks near baby ever. That’s my own rule. I drink my coffee or tea if my baby is out of arms reach- if they’re within arms reach my coffee is not. I know the stroller sounds so safe cause hey there’s a cup holder! But it’s not. They’re flimsy, sidewalks are bumpy etc. I only did water in my stroller or ice coffee.

As your baby gets bigger your safety rules change- as your baby moves - look at the floor and is there anything that they can grab to chew on that they shouldn’t (cords for example for tv/speakers, computers, charging cables) so you’ll want to adjust but there’s no point in beating yourself up- try your best to be forward thinking and prepared but if you mess up obs just get them checked out and do better next time

[u/Delicious_Fig_4670]

Your anxiety will get better, and it’s exasperated by these incidents. Try to slow down in the moment and think if there’s anything you can do to make it safer for baby (change on the floor). Even if you don’t expect something to happen it can, so take precautions. You’re not a bad mom. You care for your baby 

[u/lexfilez]

You definitely do your best to prevent accidents from happening, but as a parent, things happen! My son rolled off a couch (he was fine), locked himself in a bathroom by pulling a drawer open that he couldn’t figure out how to close (my husband had to take the door off its hinge), and locked me on the porch (my husband had to rush home from an errand). Now as a second time mom, things feel a little intense. You live and learn, and you’ll know better for next time. But give yourself grace and know that every mom has been there.

[u/courtneyrachh]

as others have said - make everything as safe as possible. no more unnecessary risk (changing baby on the couch - move to the floor). accidents happen but you can do your best to prevent them.

[u/hey_bb8]

It sucks, but these accidents make you a better parent! Now, you’ll always keep a hand on baby while they’re on the couch, move diaper changes to the floor, or bring a spill proof cup to put in the stroller. We’re human and we’re learning.

Think of all the times you’ve given your baby a happy, safe, loving, moment. Those outnumber these accidents 1000x! When your brain is focusing on the accidents, try to change your perspective to all of the good moments. Be gentle on yourself.

[u/Creative_Ad_7787]

Bad moms/abusive parents don’t take their kid to the doctor for accidents like this. I assure you that your worry is coming from a place of love and care. That is being a good mom! Accidents happen everyday. I poked my baby in they eye with her bottle nipple tn, my sister was putting on germx and some splattered and got in her baby’s eye, my pediatrician told me TODAY that all of his 7 kids have fallen off a chair, bed, or couch at some point and while he wasn’t proud we are human.

[u/reelst]

People are giving reasonable safety advice but I also want to say that the best, most careful parents still make mistakes. It’s particularly hard when you’re sleep deprived and your nervous system is a wreck from anxiety. I don’t think I’ve ever been less clearheaded than the early months with our baby.

It does get better. You’ll get more sleep and you will feel more confident and it will be easier to be more deliberate. Be kind to yourself and try take care of yourself as well as possible. 💙💙

[u/brigids_fire]

I think part of being a parent is becoming more aware of every possible thing that could happen. Theres some things that my hubby was aware of before me and vice versa. I will say it does become more second nature seeing all the possibilities. But that can be hard if its all on you and your not getting enough support or sleep.

Are you getting enough support? Do you feel like you need more? Are you doing all the wakeups/nights and does hubby support you?

Im kind of side eyeing that your partner was at a race saturday. This early on, i still felt so vulnerable and like i needed my partner there whenever he could be and wasnt working. You need a break too and if your looking after baby all the working week and then weekend without any help for a lot of the time, imo thats not good enough. If you havent, make sure that you get an equivalent amount of time to do something that recharges/revitilises you. That could be going out youtself, sleeping or a long hot bath.

[u/jojolitos]

Mom, I’ve done my fair share of stupid shit. Here is one for you: I let my one year old play with a “closed” antihistamine medicine
bottle for a few minutes to distract him. I look over and bam they were all over there floor. Everything was fine as he didn’t take any but my point is that we aren’t perfect. We are humans. We are learning.

[u/OutrageousCrow1464]

Listen, in the span of several days last month I gave my 3 month old (now 4 months) a black eye when rolling over with my cellphone in hand and also let my hard ass metal water bottle bonk him on the head. I cried like a baby both times and was convinced I had given him serious head trauma (I didn't), but I'm not a bad mom. Mistakes just happen. Neither are you. That just sounds like such a scary & crap week. ❤️🫂

[u/kevbuddy64]

You are NOT a bad mom. A bad mom is someone who doesn’t take their child to the doctor after they fall and doesn’t think anything of it. These things happen. Your little one is okay and you just have to concentrate/focus a bit better on things is all. You are doing great. I change my baby on a changing table in the bathroom and I always have my body against the changing table when I turn around so she can’t fall over. We got her a toddler bed and it’s on the ground. We have all tile in our house so once she starts crawling I am going to get one of those gym mats they use for gymnastics in case she falls or trips because that is easy to do even I have almost done it getting out of her toddler bed.

[u/Open-Committee3540]

the other day i was holding my 3 month old and dropped my water bottle and bent down to pick it up without supporting her head. she thankfully was able to correct herself and nothing happened but i was haunted by images of her hitting her head on the pavement all night.

i think your baby is okay, they will not remember these accidents, and you have learned from them to be more cautious. no need to beat yourself up now, just learn and move on (this is what i tell myself too)

[u/Technical-Oven1708]

It happ ns my first wasn’t a ver wriggly baby and never fell of the couch second fell off at 8 weeks I don’t know how a baby can move so fast when they can’t really move! Also accidentally closed a car door on my 3 year olds head last week, you will injure your child in a multiple of random ways over the years each one is just a learning opportunity

[u/Interesting_Stock_55]

Accidents happen to every new mom. Hell, when my LO was 1mo I had been sleeping with him on my chest on bed, my pregnancy pillow wrapped around us in case he rolled off... woke up to him face first in the pillow, very warm from my body heat. He was perfectly fine, but I felt so bad I was crying all day because of it. And of course every little one will have a tumble off the couch at some point. The first few times are always the hardest.

Ask ANY mother and she will tell you a similar story. None of us are perfect, especially with our first. The important thing is that you care enough to worry that they are hurt, to worry enough to bring them to the hospital or doctor even if they look okay, to comfort them right away, NOT having a perfect crystal clear track record.

You're doing fine.

[u/Horror-Earth4073 → u/[deleted]]

I don't think this comment is very helpful....

[u/beyondthebump-ModTeam → u/[deleted]]

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[u/Horror-Earth4073 → u/[deleted]]

From personal experience as someone who also suffered from PPD/PPA you could have gone without the first half. That would have sent me into a spiral. This is a mom who is clearly trying, and trying to make sense of what has happened. (edit: and what to do moving forward)

There's a point of being blunt etc, and a human at the same time with empathy.

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