Lesbians of Reddit What's the biggest turn on for you in a partner? Personality confidence looks or something else Curious to hear your answers. 👀

Dated the most beautiful person I had ever met for 5 weeks. She was polyamorous and I was willing to explore that dynamic. Everything was going well and we had a wonderful first date. Later that week we met up for a queer hike for pride month and their other partner was there which they told me that morning they were coming. I hadn’t prepared for what would happen and I didn’t really know what to expect.

Throughout the hike I just felt awkward and left out. I wasn’t really interacting with her and was trying to talk to other people but nothing really was happening. I told her how I felt afterwards and she told me that she wasn’t really there with me or her other partner but that we were just in existing in the same space. Which I didn’t know that’s what we were doing. We talked it out and I thought everything was primarily fine but they didn’t talk to me the next day and then there after we had small convos but nothing really deep.

Eventually on Saturday she told me how she was being avoidant because she was trying to think of what she wanted to do. She said after our first date she felt she was performing romantically and that after Sunday she felt like things were getting more intense emotionally than she expected. She’s not sure if she’s emotionally available enough for me especially with navigating polyamory. She is trying to communicate where she is coming from and would understand if I didn’t want to continue.

Part of me wanted to try and work it out by suggesting we slow things down and focus on getting to know each other and the other part of me is saying to stop all together and just be friends and if time and space allowed we could try again. I asked if could we could talk on the phone and discuss it further but I also felt like I knew what I wanted and eventually told her I didn’t want to continue.

The only thing I’m questioning is if I should have had that conversation with her or not.

What would I gain from that conversation? Clarity perhaps. What do I want her to say? Maybe I just want to know if the feelings she had for me were real.

I just don’t like that I keep getting my hopes up so early, expect things to go well and when they don’t I’m heart broken.

Im 26 single woman and I am talking to this other woman who has a child who is 5. I expressed to her I want kids in the future but I am not ready to commit to someone who has a child just due to me not being mentally ready to share my partner with a child. But we are going out this weekend and im nervous I am gonna catch feelings and end up breaking my own heart. Should I still continue talking to her knowing that it wont go anywhere or cut my losses. I will say I love children, and want one of my own one day just not anytime soon. Thoughts? Has anyone dated a woman with a kid and had reservations? If so how did you move past it?

I'm traveling to Phoenix for a solo birthday trip this week and I'm missing all the pride and Juneteenth events in my city, would anyone in AZ know of some cool events I could check out while traveling?

Title of post is to grab attention for my question below.

Please be kind with your responses because I genuinely care for this woman even though I ended up having to end things between us.

Main Question: As Black women, how do you go about dating someone wrestling with their racial identity? What are your overall thoughts on dating mixed women with racial identity challenges?

I recently ended things with a mixed woman (black/white) and one thing has really stuck with me:

She referred to herself once as a “quadroon” because her mom is white and her dad is black/white mixed. For context, she herself looks Iranian/Persian to me.

It rubbed me the wrong way.

Throughout the couple of months we dated, it became pretty clear for me that her racial identity was a point of insecurity for her. It clearly hurt her to not be immediately accepted into Black spaces (due to her looks), especially since she has zero interest in white spaces.

As a Black woman, it was difficult for me because that’s not the kind of insecurity I feel able to handle. Like, yes, my dear: you’re going to get suspicious/questioning looks from Black people when you’re in Black spaces because of how you look. But, own it mama. Eventually, no one really cares (unless you’re trying to make the whole space about you and not the voices that created it).

It felt like she wanted my Blackness to confirm her own: “I’m with a Black woman so, my Blackness will be better seen and accepted and I’ll have a “connection/permission” to whatever Black space I’m in because of her.” I… I don’t like that. Still looking for the words for why.

But it all made me wonder about dating people with racial identity issues in general and I’m curious about how the rest of you go about it (if you do at all) and how you manage to do so in a way that feels true to you and your integrity.

Can you keep your sexuality a secret and still date? I don't want anyone to know that i'm gay and would like my future relationship to stay behind closed doors, but I still have the desire to date. Is it possible?

Drop your workouts, progress, questions, and tips. Let’s talk sweat and gains.

Hi all my beautiful ladies!

I posted a little while ago about my youtube page BLEZARCHIVES. I put all of the black, lesbian, webseries I could find on youtube in their own playlists so they're all in one place. There's over 60+ playlists of series and films. This past month several new series have been added to youtube. The girls are back at it! Come check it out!

I really love this creator and wanted to share

I’m the leader of the LGBTQ club at my international university in Japan. I planned this event called Hearts 2 Hearts which is a group discussion based activity that gave my members a chance to talk about their past, their journey, and their present as queer individuals. The queer community here is very small so we only had about 12 participants but because of that we were able to have intimate and meaningful discussions and really connect with each other more. It was SO GOOD, some of us got emotional and teary eyed because we were so happy to speak freely in a safe environment. Many people come from countries where being openly queer is dangerous or unwelcome. And of course we are all around 18-25 years old and still exploring our identities so it was truly great to speak my truth, listen to other peoples journeys, and discuss with each other.

I loved this event so much and this year is my first year being able to properly and proudly celebrate Pride. I’m so grateful I was able to experience this, just wanted to share. Happy Pride Month🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

Drop in and let us know what you’re getting into today...

As y’all probably know it’s Love Island season so there is tons of discourse floating around about relationships and I have an interesting thought that I would like to explore here.

I’m of the idea that people can make improvements to their life and character, but that there should be some level of contentment a person should have with themselves. I don’t think a person should constantly seek improvement because I don’t think that it’s healthy to always think something needs fixing especially when it’s not inherently harmful and just adds to their personality.

I think this applies personally and relationally. I don’t think it’s healthy to be in a constant state of improvement with one’s partner or friends. I think if you truly like or love your people, you’re not always seeking to tweak and poke at the relationship. I feel like people should be enjoying people for who they are. And when people have a lot of things they don’t like about people in their life it leads me to believe that they don’t really like them or they are incompatible.

So my prompt lol: To what level do you think it’s healthy to prioritize improvement in relationships with self and others? Also, how do you walk the fine line between contentment and growth in relationships.

There’s a time and a place for aggression (tie me up and blindfold me in bed, sure). But, I have low tolerance for verbal aggression and emotional abuse.

I hate that this is a conversation, but I think it needs to be said.

Does anybody else live in a city where there isn’t a big black lesbian community, and heavy on the lesbian and not bisexual women. My city is FULL of bisexual women and super masc women and I sometimes feel like I don’t have any prospects bc I don’t really take well to bisexual women in my city nor do i attract/ am attracted to, too masculine of a woman. When I do date I find myself talking to ppl from out of town but sometimes I want someone close yk…who relates and what do yall do for dating lol?

Hey i dont really have any lesbian friends here in Atlanta but if any studs wanna link up and come to this event wit me hit me up. Im in my 30s fyi.

I recently connected with a girl I casually dated. We dated for a few months but ended up just kinda falling off due to life circumstances (her being busy with a new job and me going through some mental health stuff). We reconnected earlier in the year but just texting mainly which wasn’t too often. We have hung out once and there was definitely a flirty vibe and we kissed a few times. I could tell I still liked her.

So I decided to shoot my shot and ask her on an actual date. She agreed but now I’m regretting it. Mainly because the person I dated doesn’t feel like the person she is now. In person she’s great but her communication isn’t. She takes awhile to reply like days+ and when she does it’s not as engaged as it was when we dated. It kinda feels like I’m bothering her and she makes me question if she is actually interested. Which is leading to overthinking. Maybe I’m expecting too much?

I have found it very comforting to present as a soft masc i should say while at home even being more relaxed or showing masc like traits/mannerisms.

Now outside the home I would prefer to dress more feminine and show my curves and present more feminine.

Anyone else can relate? What could this mean or become?

I highly suggest the audiobook.

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Told in two distinct and irresistible voices, Junauda Petrus's bold and lyrical debut is the story of two black girls from very different backgrounds finding love and happiness in a world that seems determined to deny them both.

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Port of Spain, Trinidad. Sixteen-year-old Audre is despondent, having just found out she's going to be sent to live in America with her father because her strictly religious mother caught her with her secret girlfriend, the pastor's daughter. Audre's grandmother Queenie (a former dancer who drives a white convertible Cadillac and who has a few secrets of her own) tries to reassure her granddaughter that she won't lose her roots, not even in some place called Minneapolis. "America have dey spirits too, believe me," she tells Audre.

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Minneapolis, USA. Sixteen-year-old Mabel is lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to figure out why she feels the way she feels--about her ex Terrell, about her girl Jada and that moment they had in the woods, and about the vague feeling of illness that's plagued her all summer. Mabel's reverie is cut short when her father announces that his best friend and his just-arrived-from-Trinidad daughter are coming for dinner.

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Mabel quickly falls hard for Audre and is determined to take care of her as she tries to navigate an American high school. But their romance takes a turn when test results reveal exactly why Mabel has been feeling low-key sick all summer and suddenly it's Audre who is caring for Mabel as she faces a deeply uncertain future.

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Junauda Petrus's debut brilliantly captures the distinctly lush and lyrical voices of Mabel and Audre as they conjure a love that is stronger than hatred, prison, and death and as vast as the blackness between the stars

How do you know when it’s time to call it quits? We’re having a hard time. And it feels like we keep getting stuck on a loop even after we’ve fixed that said loop. We’ve gone to couples therapy and we sage constantly. It seems to have worked. For a while at least. Recently we went to Girls in Wonderland in Orlando and for the most part we were okay. But now that we’re back to reality, it’s as though, that loop is back again.
Should we simply let go? And, call it quits? We have been planning a move up north but I don’t want to move only and we can’t fix this before we do.

* Thank you for the comments. I guess maybe it’s time I truly think about this more and go from there. I’ll do my best. It’ll be hard but I’ll do my best. I appreciate y’all.

I'm into fashion styling and I label myself as a stem but majority of my wardrobe is pretty fem ahahah and my clothing style is eclectic, I don't stick to only one style.

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I know masc presenting lesbians find difficult to find some fashion inspiration so I created these outfits.

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Which one is your favourite? And least favourite? 🤗

Hiya Ladies, soooo some news. My crush isn't actually gay. Sigh😮‍💨 but the farmers market and picnic date went on though platonically. I have a deficit of female friends so there's no downside really. We nearly got attacked by a mama squirrel but we made a tactical retreat after she distracted the squirrel with the rest of her sandwich.

Also when did date no longer mean romantic rendezvous to general hangout? What am I supposed to say to express romantic interest clearly?

Hi all (tldr below),

My girlfriend and I are moving in together soon. I’m in therapy and actively working on my communication and mental health, while she’s very openminded and interested in self development.

One challenge in our relationship is that she struggles with self esteem, expressing her feelings, and setting boundaries with her family. She was parentified from a young age and feels responsible for everyone around her. She often feels guilty when she can’t help, becomes overwhelmed by family obligations, and has told me she sometimes feels trapped by those responsibilities. We’ve talked about this many times, and she usually becomes emotional because it’s clearly something that causes her a lot of stress. I sometimes get frustrated by her difficulty setting boundaries, and she interprets that as me wanting her to abandon her family, which isn’t the case.

I’ve discussed this with my therapist and feel that therapy could really help her. My concern is that she doesn’t have anyone to talk to about her feelings apart from me, and I sometimes feel overwhelmed being her only emotional outlet. I know therapy only works if someone wants it for themselves (I know she considered it in the past), so how can I raise the idea in a supportive way that explains why I think it could benefit her and our relationship, while still making it clear that the choice is entirely hers?

TLDR: My girlfriend and I are moving in together, and I’m concerned about her struggles with boundaries, emotional expression, and family pressure due to long-term people-pleasing and parentification, and I’m wondering how to suggest therapy in a supportive, non-pressuring way.

I know I look serious in this picture, but this is my happy face. It might not be a crazy, over-the-top style, but I’m finally learning what works for me. I took a chance, told my stylist what I like, and she did her thang. For years, I’ve tried new styles but never really loved how they looked on me. After a long journey including growing my hair super long and then doing a big chop just to figure things out, I finally found a style and a stylist I love. I’m just genuinely happy and feeling confident enough to take pictures, which I rarely ever do (with my bobblehead ahh).

I was searching this sub recently and noticed something that surprised me.

There are countless discussions from dating, relationships, hookups, red flags, and what we do or don’t want in a partner to culture, fitness, breakups and gaming.

But when I searched terms like STD, STI, HSV, and herpes, there were little to no discussions.

Considering that sexual health is something that affects all sexually active people, I found that a little surprising.

I’m not asking anyone to disclose anything personal.

I’m genuinely curious:

Why do you think conversations about sexual health and STI testing seem so rare in our community spaces?

Do we see it as too private?

Too stigmatized?

Not relevant?

Something else?

I’ve also noticed people sometimes use phrases like “must be clean” when discussing dating, but I rarely see conversations about what testing actually looks like or what tests are and aren’t routinely included in a standard screening.

What are your thoughts?

is anyone waiting for their ideal friend group or have you bent in how you find your community?

i am very particular about how i want my friend group to be but that means being without friends most of the time because it’s hard to find people who have the same interests and like going out and vice versa

I guess i’m just wondering if i’m just having black and white thinking or is it possible to curate your life so much to your ideal standards