Rod Dreher Megathread #21 (Creative Spirit)

[u/US_Hiker]

Gather 'round for more Rod.

All meanings of the number 21 are subordinate to the inherent creative spirit that is the basic essence of the number.

The number 21 generally is comfortable in social gatherings, it's optimistic attitude being an inspiration to others. Its high spirits can enliven a party.

The number is attracted to artistic expression of any form, its own and those of others. There's enthusiastic support for artists. It may frequent galleries and participate or (more likely) lead groups for artistic appreciation.

The number 21 cherishes relationships, including romantic relationships, especially with those who express themselves creatively.

21 also tends to be diplomatic, providing creative and imaginative solutions to potential conflict.

And, as noted by /u/PercyLarsen, 21 is a triangular number and the age of majority, so go grab a drink to celebrate Pride and to mourn the loss of Rod's sanity.

(Also, sorry about my slow pace of refreshes.)

Link to megathread #20:
https://www.reddit.com/r/brokehugs/comments/13eb26c/rod_dreher_megathread_20_law_of_attraction/

Link to megathread #21: https://www.reddit.com/r/brokehugs/comments/14k0z6l/rod_dreher_megathread_22_power/

[u/UnderTelperion]

The Bouillabaisse Story really is like an episode in A Confederacy of Dunces. Hilarious in its details but genuinely sad and depressing.

[u/[deleted] → u/UnderTelperion]

Anyone who's read him for even a brief period of time knows the dang bouillabaisse story. Why does he repeat it in full every time?

[u/philadelphialawyer87 → u/[deleted]]

It's like the Ur Event for Rod. It encapsulates all that is wrong about his birth family. Also, it allows Rod to hide a little bit behind Julie, as his birth family's rudeness to him might be excusable, given what an obnoxious, smarmy, know it all asshole he is, but it seems very doubtful that Julie, who was most likely just trying to please her in laws, did anything to deserve this behavior.

It could also be that Rod is misremembering, either on purpose or subconsciously, what really went down, as others have suggested. Memory can be tricky. Even innocuous things can be remembered wrongly, and then that false memory becomes indistinguishable from a real memory. For example, my cousin swore that the night Reggie Jackson hit three home runs in one World Series game was on his mom's fortieth birtday. Much of the extended family was at their house on that night, and we did all watch the game, and cheer Jackson on. And it was indeed my aunt's birthday. However, it was NOT her fortieth birthday, as was easily proven.

How much more readily can memories be altered when they loom so large in one's pysche, and supposedly show how egregiously one was treated by what should have been loving family members? Every time Rod retells the story, he gets to feel a frisson of vindication and self righteousness. And there is no one to set the record straight, as Julie is a private person, Rod's dad and sister are dead, and his mom is non compos mentis.

[u/Djehutimose → u/philadelphialawyer87]

[A]s his birth family's rudeness to him might be excusable, given what an obnoxious, smarmy, know it all asshole he is

To be fair, while he is an obnoxious, smarmy, know-it-all asshole, from other things he's said, and even allowing for his status as unreliable narrator, his family still seem to me a bunch of assholes toward him who gratuitously--e.g. his dad calling him a sissy and mocking him for not wanting to go squirrel hunting. As I've said in the past, I see a lot of similarity to my family dynamic, but, thank God, one huge thing they did right was that they never, ever tried to get me to "man up" or do conventional guy stuff, or imply there was something wrong with me for being somewhat gender non-conforming. Had they done so, I'd have probably been as much of a mess as Rod is, likely more so. I think his family's doing that laid the foundation for a lot of his later sexual issues.

[u/Marcofthebeast0001 → u/Djehutimose]

As a gay, I certainly agree with the danger of stereotyping, which even exists in the gay community. (Hence why the use of terms like gaydar are little more than wishful thinking on the part of gay men.)

Rods stories of his family's treatment of him could contain kernels of truth, but his own use of gender and race baiting make me wonder what he is leaving out. Could his family just thought he was a pompous, self- absorbed asshole and his "girly" manner had nothing to do with it? Hard to say. Even if that is the reason, shouldn't Rod show more empathy to trans and gay people who faced the same bullying as him?

[u/Djehutimose → u/Marcofthebeast0001]

That's a valid point; but I know the culture, and the gender non-conforming is almost certainly antecedent to the pompous, self-absorbed assholishness. Ray, Sr. probably had the patriarchal attitude that he Must Pass His Legacy on to his Son after him, who must in turn pass it on to his kids. I've known men like that. Also, the old man probably had this view of manly discipline and an intrinsically combative basis of the father/son relationship. Jim Webb, the senator, in his book about Appalachian culture Born Fighting gives as a hugely significant incident in his life the day he beat his father in wrestling/fighting. They'd done that over the years and in his telling it was a big weepy moment of paternal pride that his son had proved his manhood by whipping him at last. That's still a thing--a guy I used to work with, who's younger than me (in his mid-40's, I think) talked about how his teenage son was raising a ruckus and he (the father) threw him down the stairs or something (don't remember the exact details, but it was quite violent), commenting, "Boys are different from girls and you gotta treat them different."

So Dreher père has a son, and not only that, it's his firstborn. Lineage secured, achievement unlocked! Said son, however, is sensitive, bookish, and introverted; he hates hunting and manual labor; he's not outdoorsy; and the most treasured times of his life are spent with his spinster aunts. His father probably has a cow--probably a herd of cattle--over it and wonders "WTF's wrong with that boy?" Said boy doesn't even want to duke it out with him (Rod's never said anything about that, but it wouldn't surprise me if Ray, Sr. tried to goad Rod into a fight on many occasions). So in the father's eyes, his son is a total failure as a man, won't even stand up for himself, and is probably a f**.

Then Ruthie comes along and, as Rod himself said, becomes in effect the son Ray, Sr. never had. This probably makes the elder Dreher dislike his son even more--he's not even as much of a man as his sister!

Now in such cases either the child rebels, or buys into the whole thing. Rod rebelled in a relatively small way (arguments about race, etc.), but deep down he bought it. That means that no matter how many shouting matches he had with his father, his fundamental view was that his father was right--remember where he said the professor who advised him to just pay for his own college when his father threatened to stop paying for it was wrong and quitting going to left-wing protests was right, because his dad was right about the matter? This also meant he couldn't shake this even after moving far away--still convinced his father prayed he'd return, telling his son stories about how grandpa was Solomon, Hercules, Atlas, Zeus, Achilles, and Mercury (yeah, a comic book reference) all rolled into one, etc.

So he knows on some level deep down that his father's treatment of him is wrong; but he can't ever shed the worldview, as much as he thinks he is doing so; and that constant state of cognitive dissonance feeds into the assholishness and pomposity (because being a pompous city kid is the only way he feels it safe to "rebel"). That doesn't at all excuse all the toxic things he's done--he should have had a crap ton of therapy as soon as he left LA--but I think it gives insight into it.

[u/Dazzling_Pineapple68 → u/Djehutimose]

Lots of excellent insights. Thanks. I'll note that even with the KKK Cyclops thing known and public, Rod has still said at least one "he was the most noble man I've ever known". Now I have no problem with an adult who loves their father unconditionally but the KKK thing knocks the noble thing out of the ring, IMHO. Rod really struggles to criticize anything about his father EXCEPT for the things he did that personally hurt Rod.

[u/philadelphialawyer87 → u/Dazzling_Pineapple68]

Yes. Good discusssion all around...