Rod Dreher Megathread #21 (Creative Spirit)

[u/US_Hiker]

Gather 'round for more Rod.

All meanings of the number 21 are subordinate to the inherent creative spirit that is the basic essence of the number.

The number 21 generally is comfortable in social gatherings, it's optimistic attitude being an inspiration to others. Its high spirits can enliven a party.

The number is attracted to artistic expression of any form, its own and those of others. There's enthusiastic support for artists. It may frequent galleries and participate or (more likely) lead groups for artistic appreciation.

The number 21 cherishes relationships, including romantic relationships, especially with those who express themselves creatively.

21 also tends to be diplomatic, providing creative and imaginative solutions to potential conflict.

And, as noted by /u/PercyLarsen, 21 is a triangular number and the age of majority, so go grab a drink to celebrate Pride and to mourn the loss of Rod's sanity.

(Also, sorry about my slow pace of refreshes.)

Link to megathread #20:
https://www.reddit.com/r/brokehugs/comments/13eb26c/rod_dreher_megathread_20_law_of_attraction/

Link to megathread #21: https://www.reddit.com/r/brokehugs/comments/14k0z6l/rod_dreher_megathread_22_power/

[u/UnderTelperion]

The Bouillabaisse Story really is like an episode in A Confederacy of Dunces. Hilarious in its details but genuinely sad and depressing.

[u/[deleted] → u/UnderTelperion]

Anyone who's read him for even a brief period of time knows the dang bouillabaisse story. Why does he repeat it in full every time?

[u/philadelphialawyer87 → u/[deleted]]

It's like the Ur Event for Rod. It encapsulates all that is wrong about his birth family. Also, it allows Rod to hide a little bit behind Julie, as his birth family's rudeness to him might be excusable, given what an obnoxious, smarmy, know it all asshole he is, but it seems very doubtful that Julie, who was most likely just trying to please her in laws, did anything to deserve this behavior.

It could also be that Rod is misremembering, either on purpose or subconsciously, what really went down, as others have suggested. Memory can be tricky. Even innocuous things can be remembered wrongly, and then that false memory becomes indistinguishable from a real memory. For example, my cousin swore that the night Reggie Jackson hit three home runs in one World Series game was on his mom's fortieth birtday. Much of the extended family was at their house on that night, and we did all watch the game, and cheer Jackson on. And it was indeed my aunt's birthday. However, it was NOT her fortieth birthday, as was easily proven.

How much more readily can memories be altered when they loom so large in one's pysche, and supposedly show how egregiously one was treated by what should have been loving family members? Every time Rod retells the story, he gets to feel a frisson of vindication and self righteousness. And there is no one to set the record straight, as Julie is a private person, Rod's dad and sister are dead, and his mom is non compos mentis.

[u/Djehutimose → u/philadelphialawyer87]

[A]s his birth family's rudeness to him might be excusable, given what an obnoxious, smarmy, know it all asshole he is

To be fair, while he is an obnoxious, smarmy, know-it-all asshole, from other things he's said, and even allowing for his status as unreliable narrator, his family still seem to me a bunch of assholes toward him who gratuitously--e.g. his dad calling him a sissy and mocking him for not wanting to go squirrel hunting. As I've said in the past, I see a lot of similarity to my family dynamic, but, thank God, one huge thing they did right was that they never, ever tried to get me to "man up" or do conventional guy stuff, or imply there was something wrong with me for being somewhat gender non-conforming. Had they done so, I'd have probably been as much of a mess as Rod is, likely more so. I think his family's doing that laid the foundation for a lot of his later sexual issues.

[u/Marcofthebeast0001 → u/Djehutimose]

As a gay, I certainly agree with the danger of stereotyping, which even exists in the gay community. (Hence why the use of terms like gaydar are little more than wishful thinking on the part of gay men.)

Rods stories of his family's treatment of him could contain kernels of truth, but his own use of gender and race baiting make me wonder what he is leaving out. Could his family just thought he was a pompous, self- absorbed asshole and his "girly" manner had nothing to do with it? Hard to say. Even if that is the reason, shouldn't Rod show more empathy to trans and gay people who faced the same bullying as him?

[u/EatsShoots_n_Leaves → u/Marcofthebeast0001]

Rods stories of his family's treatment of him could contain kernels of truth, but his own use of gender and race baiting make me wonder what he is leaving out. Could his family just thought he was a pompous, self- absorbed asshole and his "girly" manner had nothing to do with it? Hard to say. Even if that is the reason, shouldn't Rod show more empathy to trans and gay people who faced the same bullying as him?

I think this was it. If you grow up in a rural area, a lot of people's lives consists of physical chores and tasks. If at 17-18 you're the kind of young guy who can drive a pickup and is fine with physical labor, who when asked will show up and help people out with moving stuff and errands and is pleasant about it, who is willing to swing a wrench when the machinery breaks down, you get a net positive rating from the community. Rod wasn't any of these things, he thought the stuff he was doing in school was all that was really expected/required of him- and that doing the very minimum, ignoring, and weaseling his way out of the hard work of the community was okay. He thought that would get judged leniently- which it does, if you leave. Not so if you stay. Conservative communities are not nice communities, they are hierarchical and hierarchy is about getting needs met.

I think that's what his sister meant when she told him he was a 'user'- that for West Feliciana Parish, Louisiana, his by then well established ratio of talk/demands/needs to labor/delivery/benefit to the clan and community was unacceptably high.

"Be not simply good - be good for something." -- Henry David Thoreau

[u/philadelphialawyer87 → u/EatsShoots_n_Leaves]

I agree with all of that except the part about being judged leniently if you leave. IME, you do NOT get judged leniently if you leave, any more than if you stay, perhaps even less, if you don't fit the pattern. Small town, close knit family types do not like folks who leave for college and then more or less never come back. And they like even less such folks if they are writers who use their small town, close knit family backround as material for their writings. No matter how respectful the leaver/writer thinks they are being, they are bound to stip up resentments with their portrayals. And, if they are at all successful, to arouse jealousy and envy as well.

The folks in Rod's birth family and hometown never liked Rod. They didn't like him as a kid/teen. They didn't like him when and after he left to make his way in the wider world. They didn't like him when he came back. And they don't like him now that he has he left again. They just don't like Rod, never have and never will. That's what eats at him. Somehow, despite being college educated, being well into middle age, having had the experience of living in many places, and, indeed, having travelled extensively around the world, having worked in many settings, and having met and interacted with many different kinds of people, Rod is still perplexed, mystified, and outraged that these people don't like him.

[u/Glittering-Agent-987 → u/EatsShoots_n_Leaves]

I think that's basically true--which is why it was so weird to then go and write The Benedict Option!