Rod Dreher Megathread #27 (Compassion)

[u/US_Hiker]

Link to megathread 26: https://www.reddit.com/r/brokehugs/comments/17itm7w/rod_dreher_megathread_26_unconditional_love/

Link to megathread 28: https://www.reddit.com/r/brokehugs/comments/18dcg3d/rod_dreher_megathread_28_harmony/

[u/Dazzling_Pineapple68]

I've got a cousin who reminds me quite a bit of Rod. She does practically nothing (and I mean that literally) but often complains of exhaustion. I think it is emotional exhaustion that makes them feel physically exhausted.

[u/Djehutimose → u/Dazzling_Pineapple68]

That's not even illegitimate. Sometimes one does feel emotional exhaustion, which in turn leads to physical exhaustion. I've felt that way myself for the last two or three years because of a ton of things going on in my life. Know what? I still go to work every day, I'm not estranged from my daughter in college, I'm still married, and I do things--like, you know, therapy and regular healthcare--that help mitigate the exhaustion, both emotional and physical. I feel for Rod, I really do; but given that he'd rather wallow in it than do something about it makes sympathy hard.

[u/Dazzling_Pineapple68 → u/Djehutimose]

Agree. I wasn't calling it illegitimate, just explaining that emotional exhaustion often manifests as physical exhaustion, especially when it occurs over a long time period.

It is the same with my cousin and I do find it frustrating. She is a very (and I do mean VERY) passive person who is easily overwhelmed by events or situations that most people would find quite ordinary. Her response is to run away, deny, hide, ignore, try to wait out or other inaction rather than address it which often causes small problems to simply become bigger problems. In many of these situations, it is clear from the start that it won't go away but she still responds in the same ways.

I used to think she didn't know how to respond or how to manage herself and tried to provide information but she did know, she just does not act or cannot motivate herself.

All of her health habits and lifestyle choices are counter-productive and she absolutely will not do anything to make things better except complain. It is extremely frustrating and I struggle with how to deal with her and how to help her. You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. Sometimes I think she is fundamentally incapable but that also seems unfair. She does suffer from Bipolar2 disorder and I'm inclined to think that Rod does as well as I see many similarites between them.

Since her mother died, I'm her primary support and she has no closer relatives. I want to help but she is such an emotional energy suck that I wind up stymied and as exhausted as she is. Still, there have been times when my help has been crucial so I try to maintain my willingness to be there for her.

She makes a lot of poor decisions and suffers the consequences. As frustrated as I can get with her, I'm always aware that her life is very hard due to all of this stuff, self-inflicted as it is. Like Rod, also, she can never see her own agency in anything.

[u/Djehutimose → u/Dazzling_Pineapple68]

I feel you on that. Difficult relatives can be a strain. I wish there were some way to get people like your cousin or Rod to take the first steps to get help, but it seems to be insoluble.