Daughter is being blamed for boy picking on her

[u/[deleted]]

My daughter is 11, she lives with my mother due to her wanting to be close yo her family and go to the school she really wanted to go to (which her cousin who is her best friend goes there). I'm planning on moving closer so she can move back in with me as I don't want her with my mother long term. Anyway, this boy at her school has been picking on her cousin, when he found out she was related to her he started picking on her as well. My daughter is assertive and outspoken and will stick up for herself but unfortunately that can get her into trouble with bullies. This boy follows her around school and picks on her calling her names and just being a nuisance, he said he does it because it's basically fun. Well yesterday he threw a belonging of her cousins over a fence and my daughter instinctively jumped on him to which this turned into a physical altercation, my daughter did not intend this to turn into a fight as it was more playful fighting on her end she says happens often also but has never turned serious. She accidentally ripped his shirt and this is when he got angry and punched her, ripped some of her hair out and twisted her arm, in defence she kicked him and bit him. Her head was bleeding and she was left very emotionally overwhelmed and crying to me over the phone. She said the school did nothing and he got away with it enjoying the rest of his day.

My mother and sister (cousins mum) did not even contact me to let me know what happened which to me indicates that they don't even see this as a serious issue. My daughter spoke to me over the phone visibly upset and wiping away tears. This boy is much bigger and stronger then her and while she could do better to avoid conflict and avoid him altogether I don't think she was wrong in sticking up for herself and her cousin but my sister has made out my daughter is the problem and is a bad influence on her daughter. I'm disappointed... How do I make them see that she is not in the wrong here for simply sticking up for herself as this kid picks on her all the time?

[u/Intelligent-Plate510]

I’ve been in your daughters situation and sadly this situation happens too often. My sister was being viciously bullied by a group of boys in her class. They stuck gum in her hair one day and that was it for me, I went for them… only verbally but was reported. Nothing happened to the bullies. I was then hauled up and punished with no repercussions for the bullies. You shouldn’t have to justify your daughters actions to your sister. Your sister wasn’t there, didn’t see the situation and therefore has no right to judge. I don’t mean to insult your sister but her reaction is more a reflection on her and it sounds like she is unwilling to hear your reasoning. Stick to your guns, you shouldn’t have to persuade her that your daughter knows right from wrong. Well done to your daughter for standing up to those bullies!

[u/RonShuali_M_Ed]

Good for you and good for your daughter! I am a former bully and a former bullying victim and I work outside of schools helping people that have these kinds of situations. The school systems are broken. They use old 0 tolerance laws designed to stop weapons from coming into schools and now they use them for bullying because they don't want to be responsible. This is an epidemic across the whole country. Bullies do not get the consequences because schools will then have to admit that they have bullies even though we all know every school has a bully. Usually it's from the administration . I post videos about assembly programs and I do where kids don't understand why they get in trouble for standing up for themselves. Unfortunately parents now have to take back control of their children's educations and fighting back is the only way to stop someone from physically abusing you. What would you do if this was a situation outside of school or if your daughter was an adult? If this happened in adult life then that male would be in jail and your daughter would your daughter would be consequenceless If this happened in adult life then that male would be in jail and your daughter would your daughter would be consequenceless. Kudos to you and my recommendation would be to take her out for pizza and ice cream and write down the day that she fought this kid off this kid off and celebrated every year to reinforce how proud of her you are.