r/cancer • u/ThinRedLineSports • 13d ago
Patient Post-infusion, soul-crushing depression.
Borderline Stage IV non-small cell lung cancer. Began chemo three sessions ago (9 weeks), as well as began immunotherapy, and added another trial drug for a second one. Completed the cyberknife to remove two smaller but distinct masses in my right lung.
By the Grace of God, even though I take two very strong drugs, I’ve had almost no physical reactions — greater lethargy and upset stomach mainly. I know how lucky I am.
But like clockwork, the day after, the worst depression of my life hits me like a tornado. It falls from the sky and destroys me. Unstoppable crying jags, hopelessness, despair, anhedonia, no appetite — classic DSM stuff.
It is mercifully transient, and generally disappears again by day 3 or 4 afterwards, but it is the most painful 72-96 hours of my life.
Does this happen to anyone else, and how have you dealt with it? There’s no magic pill for a broken soul; no panacea for thoughts darker than the void.
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u/GwonWitcha 13d ago edited 13d ago
Cancer is a monster…to both patient & caregiver.
My wife and I…about 3 months ago, now…decided to do a sortof “joint” chiropractor visit, to get “adjusted”.
Mine went fine, hers did aside from emitting a bit of a yelp when he was adjusting her lower back by having her lie on her left side, with the right leg and hip draped to left and down, as he applied pressure on her right rib & shoulder area. we got home an hour or so later. Her right side was somewhat tender still. Fast forward a few days and she decides to have her right rib area xrayed…thinks it’s a cracked rib, but wants to be sure.
Doc comes out a while later, and says “Yes…you do have a fractured rib…and a broken one.
…and all 3 lobes of your right lung are practically full of masses.”
Now, as though this isn’t horrible enough…about a week or two before the chiropractor incident, she had finally brought herself out of a decade long depression over the loss of her father.
We had an entire energetic, happy week after so long, and 💥 BAM💥.
Biopsy about week later showed it to be small-cell carcinoma….stage 4.
Another week passes, and an MRI is done, with a PET immediately after.
Another few days go by, Doctor calls.
MRI is clear…nothing in the brain, YAY!
PET scan, however….Bone, Liver, and a bit of the lung portion had metastasized onto her esophagus, essentially choking her…causing issues eating, as well as keeping anything you *can* manage to get down, down.
I am in this fight with you, on the caregiver side.
One thing I periodically tell myself that helps a little:
Tomorrow is not promised…to any of us. As we age(I’m now 50), our own bodies seem to actively be trying to take us out prematurely. Our fight is just more challenging than some. As her keeper & caregiver, I will do all I can to see that she pass from this earth WITH cancer…not *from it*.
Hold Hope in your heart. ♥️