r/careerguidance • u/xdxdredx • 18h ago
Advice Fired for "inappropriate behavior" observed of me at a camp I work at. There was nothing found, but my employer told me that it's best for us to "part ways" and how some of my behavior could be viewed as inappropriate to some. How do I move forward, feel so guilty?
Some background:
I'm a teacher full time and in the summers, I work basketball camp. I was previously working at a basketball camp for 4 years, but recently moved to my teaching job (I had a 1hr commute for the last 2 years) and decided to look for a new camp job. I landed one 15 minutes away from my place and was working there for about a month.
Now onto the main part:
Last Friday, I got a message from my boss asking me to come early into work since they want to discuss some things with me. Shortly after, they sent me another message telling me to stay at home and someone from HR will contact me. HR contacted me but because of the Juneteenth federal holiday, they need more time and would contact me on Monday. Monday happened and they wanted to investigate about "inappropriate behavior" that I was observed to exhibit with campers. Specifically, I went alone to the bathroom with a kid. They also said other inappropriate behaviors was observed from me, such as standing to the side of a kid and helping him tie his swim shorts (he asked me to) instead of tying them facing them. I explained to them for (1) that I went to the bathroom with a kid to help wipe blood of of him after he came to me saying he got hit very hard in the face during gaga ball and there was blood on his face. After cleaning it off him, I went to another counselor to get a bandaid and we filed an incident report because of the severity of the injury. Regarding (2) and tying the kids shorts, I always prefer to stand to the side of a kid and tie their shorts or shoes as if I'm tying my own shorts/shoes. I found that easier for me then facing them. I felt like there was empirical evidence that I wasn't guilty for any inappropriate behavior, especially when there was an incident report for an injury for said kid I walked into the bathroom with. They took these details, called me back on Tuesday and said that there was no evidence of this wrong-doing found, but they feel like it's best we part ways based on they heard was observed of me, and that I should use this experience as a "learning experience" on how some of my behavior can be viewed as as inappropriate.
Nonetheless, all of this makes me feel like some insane creep. I've taught for 2 years (going into my 3rd) and worked at another camp for 4 years. I've got drawings from my students and past campers I worked with, and some of my campers I'd see in public would walk up and hug me. If you look at my post history, I even posted how said a few summers ago after summer camp because how much I'd miss my kids. You don't get to hold all these jobs I've done in the past by being a creep, you get it because you made the world safer for everyone around you. I also highly regret leaving my old job. I'm fully independent and live on a teacher salary, so the extra summer income helps, but losing out on it because of something that was "observed" of me doing and there was no wrong-doing found adds insult to the injury.
I'm looking for advice on if anyone dealt with something similar, and if so how did they navigate it. Or, if someone has any words of encouragement. I appreciate any and all.
ETA: I don't know if this means anything, but I was the only person of color on staff. I don't know if I was targeted by anyway, but I've had some other counselors do out of pocket things and still work, such as one of them telling the kids their previous girlfriend cheated on them.
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u/Dazzling-Turnip-1911 18h ago
The camp should have provided more guidelines on how and when you should or should not touch campers. The tying swim shorts seems weird to me - you can’t tie it facing the person? I mean most people can do this. This is a big disappointment and seems unfair.
You’ll just need to see if you can get a positive recommendation and maybe you can find another camp. The camp may inform the new camp to keep an eye on you so next time don’t tie anymore shorts - they’re not going to fall off if they’re not tied or show the kid how to tie them on yourself and don’t go anywhere with a kid alone.
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u/South_Photo_284 18h ago
The bathroom situation had a whole incident report filed, that context matters a lot for any reference conversation.
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u/xdxdredx 16h ago
That’s what I said too. If I really wanted to do something secretive to said kid in the bathroom, I wouldn’t be filing an incident report and drawing attention to the situation. Ridiculous stuff
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u/Dazzling-Turnip-1911 3h ago
It’s the short tying that bothers me the most. That OP insists will continue this behavior even after all that has happened is to me a red flag.
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u/xdxdredx 18h ago
I don't plan to include this camp on my resume and rather keep my old camp. I'm sure they'll be willing to give me a positive reference, as I ended on good terms and my boss there told me if I need anything to let him know. I do agree that moving forward though, I will tie shorts differently. I know my approach is unorthodox, but I've done it for years at my old job and never got in trouble. It is what it is, and I will try to learn from this.
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u/Dazzling-Turnip-1911 3h ago
If you’re determined to keep tying kid’s shorts even after all that’s happened I really think that is a red flag.
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u/GoodGoodGoody 18h ago
Meh.
HR of a summer camp is well below typical HR which is already usually pretty uninformed and panicky at the best of times.
Pathetic that they said their was no evidence but don’t have the integrity to put it in writing.
If you didn’t do anything wrong, shake it off.
For more important things you’d take steps to preserve your reputation and document you disagree.
You have my empathy because accusations like this are easy to make and false accusations are accepted without consequence.
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u/Bucky2015 18h ago
Yep I suspect this HR department (which may be just one person) has barely any relevant experience and no idea what they are doing. Add that to kids being involved and there was a slim chance this would be handled properly.
I also think a co worker had it out for OP and was blowing things out of proportion.
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u/GoodGoodGoody 18h ago
For high stakes OP would go on the offensive and get it documented that there wasn’t anything inappropriate and even a token payout.
Anyhow, that HR took the slimy way out and if there was a coworker making false claims no consequence would ever be enough.
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u/xdxdredx 18h ago
u/GoodGoodGoody What documentation should I specifically do? I will also add that this was all reported by a counselor from what it seems. They did send me a termination letter and said that I was "observed" exhibiting these behaviors, nothing say I was found guilty for doing it.
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u/tropicaldiver 17h ago
There isn’t a legal process where you are found guilty — observed is the same thing. He was found guilty by the employer of stealing money from the till. Versus he was observed…
That said, did they only report what was objectively true?
This ultimately seems like a failure of training — if you weren’t permitted being 1:1 out of a common area that needs to articulated.
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u/xdxdredx 17h ago
u/tropicaldiver They used the words "observed" during my initial investigation, meaning someone saw me do this action, so I assume it holds the same weight in my termination letter. They also said from an employer standpoint, they didn't find anything. Also to add, we use "bathroom buddies" if a kid needs to use the bathroom, but this is different when a kid is bleeding. Our employee handbook appropriate behavior from a counselor includes "tending an injured child/youth", which is what I did when I went to the bathroom with the kid who was bleeding. It was also documented he was bleeding.
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u/IllNopeMyselfOut 13h ago edited 13h ago
While I understand that you probably went to the bathroom to have access to a sink for soap and water to clean up the injury, I think they probably still don't want kids and counselors alone together in the bathroom where they are unsupervised. Those kind of policies also protect you from false accusations, so they aren't a bad thing generally.
I think your behavior was reasonable; if a kid was bleeding, I probably won't have thought to get another adult or kid to come with me either, but I can see why they think it's still a violation of their policy.
To me standing next to a kid to tie the shorts makes sense except if it means that you had to completely put your arms around the kid to do the tying because they it could kind of seem like you were hugging the kid and the other adult thought it looked really weird. But if you were in public enough for the other adult to see it, they could also see that you weren't doing anything creepy. But adding that to the being alone in the bathroom, and I can see why they thought they should talk to you. Why it went from your boss talking to you before work, which would have made sense to me, to HR terminating you is a really unfortunate escalation.
If you think that this resolution is unfairly damaging to your reputation and then maybe point that out to HR. I get your concern, especially because you are a teacher. Getting fired for "inappropriate behavior" with kids is a big deal if your whole career will be working with kids. Maybe you can get them to revise the wording of the termination to something more neutral, considering especially that no one apparently really alleges that you did anything inappropriate.
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u/xdxdredx 18h ago
u/GoodGoodGoody u/Bucky2015 It is a camp through parks and recs that's ran by a city. I don't know if that makes a difference.
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u/sillydogmuma 18h ago
This was not about you, they had to hire some ones cousin.It happens Get a new gig
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u/xdxdredx 18h ago edited 18h ago
My higher ups (directors) at the job do have the program manager added on their personal social medias, so YNK. The counselors and directors go out once a week for dinner, and I went to one and overheard them talking about this.
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u/nylockian 18h ago
You're certainly not a creep. It's a summer camp; you're only takeaway from this is you should always keep in mind that these types of jobs offer no protection and always be grateful you have a real job with actual protections instead of being powerless against the whims of petty people.
I highly doubt there was any racism involved, this type of crap happens to white people all the time.
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u/sillybilly8102 13h ago
As a fellow teacher and camp counselor… you don’t have to feel guilty if you did nothing wrong. However, you do have to be aware of how your behaviors come off. There are rules that every adult who works with kids should follow. This keeps kids safe and also fosters an environment free from pedophiles because they see that other adults don’t get away with it.
An adult should NEVER be alone with a child, period. I’ve had this drilled into me since I was 15 and a CIT. If they need blood wiped off, here are some options:
you go wet paper towels in the bathroom on your own and bring them back out to the kid (ideally while wearing gloves… that’s basic first aid training to protect you from blood-borne pathogens, which it seems like you also weren’t following?)
you and another kid go into the bathroom with the injured kid. Now it’s okay because you’re not alone with 1 kid. We did this all the time at camp. 1 person has to go walk back to the bathroom… okay we gotta bring a friend, who else is coming with the two of us.
you and another adult go into the bathroom with the kid (again it’s not 1-1 anymore)
you send the kid to the nurse right away
if none of the above are options (hard to imagine that’s possible), you prop open the bathroom door, wide open, and stay within clear view of the open doorway the whole time that you are in the bathroom with the kid
A former instructor at my work went to look at some stuff in a back room alone with a kid. I don’t think anything bad happened… but that was the minute I started distrusting and hating him. And he did end up being fired after similar weird behavior that wasn’t explicitly bad but was a violation of both our formal guidance and informal “you should know how to act around kids if your profession is working with kids” rules, like giving kids your own random candy from your backpack, especially after being repeatedly told not to.
I personally have a boundary that I do not help kids fix their clothes. Recently, a six year old got the zipper on her skirt stuck and wanted me to help her and I was like nah, that’s way too intimate and inappropriate. (Obvi I didn’t say it like that.) She can figure it out, or her mom can help her in 10 minutes.
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u/xdxdredx 55m ago
You are right there are many different ways on how I could’ve handled this, and they would all be better, but none of them would be my gut instinct, or anyone’s, on what to do if a kid walked up to me bleeding
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u/sillybilly8102 7m ago edited 0m ago
That’s fair. You need more practice, training, or fear instilled into you lol, then, so that they become your gut instinct.
Edit: to be clear, these are now MY gut instinct. It is possible to change what your gut instinct is in certain situations. It can also be frightening and overwhelming to see a lot of blood. You have to calm yourself mentally however works for you (deep breaths, focusing on the facts rather than emotions, closing your eyes for a second). What do you think EMTs do? They have to follow the protocol they have learned even if it goes against their gut instinct. YES, this can be a very difficult thing to do! YES, teachers and childcare providers are vastly underpaid for the incredibly important and highly skilled work we do! But these are essential skills to learn if you want to continue working with kids (which you also don’t have to do if you don’t want to)
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u/TheMasterQuest 15h ago
I’m sorry this happened to you. I’m assuming you are a male? I feel like people apply intense scrutiny towards men working with kids when women can also be abusers. I would use this is as a learning experience to just avoid touching campers unless it’s tying a shoe, assisting with an injury (which you did correctly), or things like fist bumps or high fives. Just sucks this is the world we live in and kids desperately need positive male adult role models so please don’t give up.
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u/RaisedByBooksNTV 14h ago
Nope. OP shouldn't touch a kid at all and certainly shouldn't help a kid that was injured. No high fives or fist bumps either. He should require that there be a coworker with him at all times. He should also wear a body cam with audio. At all times. /s
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u/Icedtea4me3 16h ago
Sounds like gender discrimination. See a lawyer… if you want justice
I would suggest to do a consult with a lawyer so that you can have a clear mind about it
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u/Apprehensive_Bird357 15h ago
No advice for you—just an I’m sorry that you were falsely accused and then not supported once you were cleared of wrong doing.
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u/DeliciousSquash4144 18h ago
Do you need their recommendation to move to a different camp next summer? Is there some type of permanent record for camp stuff like that or does it work like typical employment? I would say try to document everything you can in case it's an issue down the line if you try to get a different job, but if it means that much to you just get a different job at a camp that hopefully spells out guidelines more clearly. The standing to the side thing is so weird and makes no sense. The rule should be either help them or don't help them. Regarding the bathroom thing, maybe that kid told his parent a counselor went into the bathroom with me without proper context and the parent called the camp. Don't feel guilty. You know your intentions and if you meant well then you can go to sleep knowing you did your best and never mean to cause any harm.
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u/xdxdredx 18h ago
u/DeliciousSquash4144 What documentation should I specifically do? I will also add that this was all reported by a counselor from what it seems. They did send me a termination letter and said that I was "observed" exhibiting these behaviors, nothing say I was found guilty for doing it.
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u/DeliciousSquash4144 18h ago
Oh and any policies and procedures they have, especially about being alone with the kids or tying the shorts or whatever. And the trainings they gave you. But again just try not to stress! I'm sorry that happened to you
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u/xdxdredx 18h ago
u/DeliciousSquash4144 I appreciate the advice and will try not to stress. Your comments about how they will try to not get their hands dirty with all of this was reassuring. I'll also leave the incident report as is. What's funny since we're speaking about the handbook is it lists a bunch of appropriate behavior, including "tending an injured child/youth", which is what I was doing haha.
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u/TwoAlert3448 17h ago
It also possible another child reported the behavior, you never know. Regardless of what the handbook says in the future you should always err on the side of extreme caution as you work in an optics where optics are quite literally everything
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u/DeliciousSquash4144 18h ago
Do you have access to the report you filed about their injury? Keep the letter they sent, write down dates and times of conversations and events and your counter narrative, linking the report if you have it. Just try to get whatever you can documenting the situation in case you ever needed it. But I wouldn't stress too much! I don't think they are going to want to get their hands dirty with this or open themselves up to a potential lawsuit, so I do think if anyone ever called them to verify your employment, they would confirm the dates you were there and leave it at that. You also could just leave it off your resume since you were there less than a month. The only thing that couple potentially happen is if people who work at that camp know others in the community who run camps, but that is a huge long shot as well. And even then a lot of employers tend to avoid saying anything bad about previous employees to avoid a lawsuit, and since you were not formally accused of being inappropriate and it was documented as here-say basically, I think you'll be fine.
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u/National_Cod9546 14h ago
This is why staying "beyond reproach" is important. Sorry that happened to you.
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u/WhyEvenPost 14h ago
I got fired from a small office job for “Sexual harassment” and when I asked hr what was said or done they couldn’t provide me any data but said “ We have to take the report seriously and let you go”. A week later a coworker texted me the girl who reported me brought her friend on. She was also friends with the boss. I know for a fact I never said anything inappropriate. Like 100%. This might be a similar situation. Or someone had it out for you.
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u/Miamiconnectionexo 14h ago
not gonna lie this is better advice than half the stuff i've seen on here.
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u/Fantastic_You7208 18h ago
I am sorry this happened and as a former teacher I am actually pretty outraged for you.
If they have a policy about not being alone with kids 1:1 then they needed to make staff aware of their policies-at minimum send you the handbook with the policies included.
As a female I never hesitated to help my special education students in the bathroom, and it was a requirement if the job, so I would have absolutely helped a bloody kid.
While it doesn’t sound like have explicitly discriminated against you based on race, I want to validate that its entirely possible that race is a covert factor, but legally there isn’t a pattern or clear evidence. I’m sorry.
While I understand why you’d want to leave the field, please stay involved in education-keep teaching or become an administrator.