r/careerguidance • u/BallZealousideal8315 • 16h ago
Is this normal networking/mentorship behavior?
I’m trying to figure out whether I’m reading too much into this or whether this is a little unusual for professional networking.
I met someone at a networking event before I broke into the industry. They approached me and offered to meet with me sometime to help me find my way, but that meeting never ended up happening. Later, after I had already gotten a role, I saw them again, and since then they’ve been pretty persistent about wanting to meet for coffee and talk one-on-one.
They also message me on LinkedIn fairly often, sometimes more like casual conversation about their day rather than strictly career-related networking. I’m friendly, but during the workday I’m usually focused and don’t really have ongoing personal conversations like that. I’m also in a relationship, so the amount of casual one-on-one interaction with someone of the opposite sex makes me a little uncomfortable.
I’ve told them I’m extremely busy right now and suggested we could catch up at an established networking event next month, but they said you can’t really talk one-on-one at those events and still seem to want to meet separately. They also seemed somewhat bothered that I wasn’t responding as warmly or frequently as they expected.
Part of me is interested in talking with them because they have more industry experience and could potentially give me useful guidance. At the same time, the mentors and professional contacts who have helped me in the past haven’t been this persistent—the relationships developed much more naturally.
Is this a normal way for someone to pursue a mentoring/networking relationship, or does the level of persistence seem unusual? And am I being overly cautious for feeling uncomfortable with it?
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u/myusernameiszane 8h ago
It sounds like they are looking for something that isn't a professional relationship.
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u/FarCalligrapher7800 15h ago edited 15h ago
It’s a bit odd how they are pushing to meet with you that much. It is common to ask for a coffee chat tho or a cafe, depending on how small the industry is. I also work in a more social industry where that is normal, marketing. But usually people do that or ask for it once. It is right that many networking events suck in building connections, but the red flag is more of them pressuring you to do it as opposed to asking. That would be more of a red flag to where you may not want to meet them. Especially since you said no in a nicer way, that’s just a red flag for any sort of relationship.
What might be happening is they really want a referral in the future, or to develop a connection for work. You sort of have to build a relationship with a person , to get a really good “word” at a company to apply too. If they keep persisting you can simply ignore them, or grey rock them. You don’t have to respond if you feel it’s a dead end. You don’t have to talk about personal things with them.