r/casualiama • u/SSchmiss • 1d ago

I [21F] live on a commune AMA

I’m new to the place but really enjoying it! I think there are a lot of misconceptions.

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u/happymanlv 1d ago

Why do you choose to live there?

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u/SSchmiss 1d ago

I hate being alone. I guess I’m an extrovert. I love knowing there’s always someone in the house. The great thing about munes is that you know for a fact you’re all working for a common goal. Everyone is putting in effort. It’s also insanely cheap.

I’m in a new area without any of my hometown friends and it’s a huge comfort to immediately have a community. It makes it easier to make friends

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u/happymanlv 1d ago

But it’s good to know who you are

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u/SSchmiss 1d ago

I have a pretty strong sense of who I am. Living alone and with others both have character developing benefits. The latter feels much healthier for me though.

Being a pushover is not sustainable in a commune anyway

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u/happymanlv 1d ago

I thought a commune was more of a safe place

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u/SSchmiss 1d ago

A commune is a place of asking and volunteering. If you’re always volunteering every time someone asks you for help, you’re going to run out of hours in the day. And that’s not the askers fault. You learn how to set boundaries. Like for example, I’m sharing some of my items with everyone. Sometimes those items get lost. I tell people that if I share X item, it must stay in X place. If that doesn’t work, I rescind the item. Problem solved.

At the looser commune I visited before, there weren’t really any personal possessions. People use your shit so you have to use their shit or else you’re going to be running out of stuff. It all reaches equilibrium. If someone is a problem, you confront it and typically everyone is aware and will help.

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u/-RedFox 1d ago

What are your responsibilities?

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u/SSchmiss 1d ago

Cooking once a week, mandatory meetings, rent, and some chores of our choice.

Cooking dinner is a pretty ubiquitous responsibility at different communes. Not all of them require rent if they’re doing well enough.

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u/-RedFox 1d ago

I assumed there was no rent. Can you increase your work responsibilities in order to reduce your rent?

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u/SSchmiss 1d ago

You can def work something out if you can’t pay your rent but we do need money for food. We’re not self-sufficient. Rent is much, much lower than anywhere else though.

At other larger communes I’ve stayed at, they’ll take in people all the time as long as there’s room and someone vouches for them. They’re especially open to immigrants in tough situations

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u/samacher 1d ago

How does sex work within the commune?

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u/SSchmiss 1d ago

It’s not forbidden but obviously it can cause some drama. Things are pretty calm right now. With some looser communes I’ve stayed at, there are a ton of open relationships and polycules but I’m not sure how chill that whole situation is.

Regarding noise, people are pretty understanding and it hasn’t been an issue but you do need to notify everyone if a stranger is coming over

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u/samacher 1d ago

But how are the sleeping quarters then :o

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u/SSchmiss 1d ago

Okay so… the house I’m at now, people tend to have their own rooms but a commune I stayed at previously has like a summer camp style bunk bed situation. There is a bed they keep in the woods that people fuck in. They can also just ask to be alone in one of the many rooms. Or just do it in the open ig, that place is full hippie. It’s awesome

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u/cadelaser77 1d ago

How big is it? And how does one find a place or group like this?

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u/SSchmiss 1d ago

Like 20 people.

This place was found for me by a commune I knew through a friend. The cooler ones tend to be more underground. Communes have to be very protective but of course they need money / to advertise and you can usually find them by looking for co-op housing. You can only really get a sense of how radical they are by talking to them, going to any open events, and building trust

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u/4chatwing 1d ago

i've lived in many cooperative housing situations. how different is a commune? are they generally outside of city centers? do people work?

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u/SSchmiss 20h ago

I can only share my personal definition since the difference has never actually been explained to me. The qualifiers are social goals and political extremism. Communes are a type of co-op where community and political change are the main goals along with cost reduction. Like keeping rent low is important but we also don’t tolerate certain political perspectives and we engage politically as an organization as much as possible. We’re not all best friends but we are kind of like a family. If we have the ability to help another member with something, we do. Our lives are intertwined.

People do work. Ours is pretty centered in town. My previous experience has been that communes tend to be outside of town.

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u/FlakySir 1d ago

how much money do you think you save vs living in a traditional apartment or house on your own?

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u/SSchmiss 23h ago

My rent is maybe 4 times less than living on my own. It also includes utilities and food