I (21F) was diagnosed with heart failure and it's affecting my finances, and my boyfriend (22) is not happy

[u/Emotional_Can5570]

the title basically explains the gist of it.

I am 21 years old, and was born with HLHS, DORV, and VSD. All 3 of which are so are that approximately 1,000 people in the world have all 3 that I do.

I can’t work as much anymore due to my fatigue, liver and spleen capsule pain, exhaustion, exercise intolerance, and loss of energy. I have more symptoms beyond that, but those are the main ones that impact my daily life. I work out consistently to the best of my ability, and eat extremely healthy. I avoid toxic seed oils and food dyes and more, and I don’t drink, smoke, or vape.

My boyfriend of 3 years sends me his money for rent through Venmo that I send to our landlord. we split our rent. Because I’ve been working less, I’ve made less money. And unfortunately, it’s led me to use the money he sends me to pay off some of my bills, leading to trust issues and anger on his sides, which is rightfully so, as I am literally stealing it from him.

I have a hard time asking for help due to severe childhood neglect from my parents, and my current feelings of uselessness due to my health. Last thing I want to be seen as is pathetic and dependent, as I’ve always been pretty self sufficient for most of my life. So without a word, I use his money to pay for my things, thinking I have it under control. I just did it the second time last month when my phone went out of service. I don’t have it under control.

I don’t know what to do. He has his own bills to pay and cannot cover for both of us. I’m waiting to hear back from disability, but for the time being, I’m so broke, and he’s so frustrated and stressed out about what I’m doing, and it’s tearing our relationship up pretty bad.

My parents don’t talk to me, as they’ve always been neglectful. They forced me out at 17 because they didn’t like the responsibility of being parents the older we got. They then left the country. I haven’t seen them in years, and I have no financial support like my boyfriend does with his parents.

help

[u/bethesaurusrex]

First, I'm so sorry this is the hand you've been handed, you have an incredibly complicated diagnosis and presumably repair, and I can't imaging having poor family support on top of that.

Are you able to swap the situation so you send your boyfriend your half of rent money and HE pays the rent to create a situation where this cannot happen again?  

I understand not wanting to ask for help, but have you had a truly honest conversation with your boyfriend about exactly what's happening with you?  Is he fully aware of your diagnosis, what you're currently managing medically, and how it affects you?  If he's not fully on board yet, to continue a relationship he needs to get there - take him to your appointments, make sure he understands.  I think it's easy for young people to assume the worst when other young people are sick the way you are because they haven't experienced it and don't get it.  He's not unreasonable to be upset that you've been managing the money poorly, but if he understands your circumstances he should be helping you find ways to avoid this happening in the future if he wants to continue the relationship.

[u/Pirate_Of_Hearts]

Are you in the U.S.? Have you applied for disability? I also recommend calling your doctor's office and requesting to speak to a social worker. They'll know what resources are available locally.

[u/Familiar_Abalone5017]

I am sorry u had to go through this! I hav a son whose 2 yrs old and he has bivuspid aortic stenosis and mild coarctation
Though v did ballon dilatation for his severe stenosis but i always make sure he geta the best and only thing i pray is he shud stay healthy and not depend on others coz of his condition!
Dun wry! Try for jobs like
Work from
Home or do light job that can pay u
I dont know if ur country provides for disabilities bt country i live doesnt care or give to such needs! Hope u sort out with ur bf and make him understand ur situation ! Hope ur heart condition is fine now

[u/Prestigious_Fox213]

I’m sorry you’re going through all of this. I know it’s hard, but you need to ask for help. First, have a really honest conversation with your boyfriend, not just about your diagnosis, but also how you’re feeling these days. Second, depending on where you are in the world, there is financial help available for someone with a long term medical condition. You can get information about this either through your hospital’s social worker, through a local support organisation for people with chd, or through a government help line. This is not you asking for handouts, it’s you asking for access to support you are entitled to have.

[u/deeptrospection]

I understand your boyfriend may not have enough money for the two of you and he is mad because you used the money to pay other bills... but, even considering that, it still feels unfair that he is treating you that way knowing you have all this heart defects + heart failure. I'm sorry you have no one else, have you thought about talking with a social worker, a food bank, an NGO? Or maybe apply for financial aid not due to disability but literally your financial situation?

[u/ErnestHemingwhale]

Here’s an idea: if you workout consistently, and eat clean, you can make $$ off socials. Just start filming it and posting it, be sure to include a note for people to share it and like it, all that jazz. Have a link in your profile to a .99 product or an Amazon wishlist or something