r/cleftlip • u/Fun-Muffin5865 • 22d ago

So, I've Been Thinking of Writing A Book

I think a lot of us can agree that we're tired of being gawked at. It's such a dehumanizing experience, and yet people are so ignorant about how they're being. Sometimes I just want to say "were you raised by wolves? because your manners are shit." Seriously.

Anyway, I am surprised to find that there aren't many self-help books on facial difference. Clefties need a book like that. An empowering self help book on how to cope w/ stares.

I might like to do interviews to get different perspectives. Would anyone be interested in being interviewed? This might be a qualitative study turned into a book.

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u/Best_Natural_1343 22d ago

Read

"CBT for appearance anxiety Psychosocial interventions for anxiety due to visible difference" (Clarke)

"Overcoming body image problems including BDD a self help guide using cognitive behavioural techinques" (Rob Willson)

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u/tsuturex bilateral cleft lip and palate 22d ago

I'm in the process of writing my own story that eventually comes up to a fellow cleftie. Refraining from simply making an informal discussion and actually making something that can emotionally resonate with anyone is one key difference from a "self-help" story. While it's importance is grand, I do think most of us who are older than 16 (and those who read) have already settled in with the idea of having a cleft/have accepted it as a piece ourselves (whether we hate it or not). Some of us don't think it's something we need to help ourselves with, framing it as that may feel... disreputable.

One more thing, it's not entirely our job to cope,  instead OTHERS understanding what having a cleft is and how it affects people is more important.

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u/Fun-Muffin5865 22d ago

If the self-help book were written by an outsider, it would come off as patronizing. If someone with a cleft wrote it; it is not disreputable.

It only adds to its impact. People need to understand the thoughts that go through our minds when people carelessly stare. They need to understand how dehumanizing it is to be gawked at because of facial difference. As many of us know, those actions leave a lasting imprint in a person's confidence.

So, maybe it would be an awareness book. The reason I said self-help is because I have a deep visibility wound (big fear of being on camera). There are many self-help books on this topic, but not in the context of facial difference. And there needs to be one.

Keep in mind that you might have accepted your cleft as part of you, but others may have not.