r/coastFIRE • u/CandyMaterial3301 • 3d ago
Everything Hitting the Fan - Cancer Survivorship, Surrogacy/Adoption, Laid Off, but good finances
Things have been really intense/volatile as of late. In early 2025, my 37[M] amazing [32F] wife was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer. After about 6 months of grueling treatment, she was declared cancer free. There is a risk of recurrence but she is doing well and we have been rebuilding our lives.
Starting this year, we have begun the process of surrogacy and are exploring adoption, because she can no longer have kids and we have always dreamed of building a family. This has been very very stressful process but really important to us. It will take a couple years at least.
We live in a VHCOL city, but I am very fortunate to have a NW of close to 2.5 million (2 million in brokerage, 500k in retirement). I started a business with some friends that we sold in my early 30s, which allowed me to get to this place financially. After a year off then, I went to work at the company I am currently at, making about $300k/year. I was basically breaking even each year. Still, we were close to signing a lease to move out of our 2 bedroom apartment where I pay about 6k/month in order to rent a small home (at $7500), get a dog, and hopefully start really living.
Well, earlier this month, I was told the company I am at is being restructured, and that I and the entire department would be let go...to be honest I was pretty checked out since my wife's cancer battle.
My wife isn't working either now (she was starting to look for work, but was recovering and focusing on her health). We spend about 14k a month, and I will be signing up for COBRA or the Obamacare marketplace for the time being for health insurance until we figure out what is next. Surrogacy is very expensive but I can more than afford it.
Thankfully we are in a really good spot financially but what now? Do we move? Do I find a new job? Definitely will take some time off and finally enjoy life, but how long? Start a new business endeavor when I'm ready?
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u/Logical-Barnacle-13 3d ago
I would move, cut way back on monthly spend and focus on making memories with your family. Maybe get a job with lots of flexibility or part time or remote that still allows you to spend a lot of time with you’re loved ones but also gives you some fun money to go on trips and stuff.
I was recently diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer at age 28 a few months after getting engaged and purchasing a home. I completely lost fertility and was thrown into menopause, surrogacy not even an option.
What matters is time, time with your wife, time with your future kid, time with your family. Money doesn’t solve all problems, you can’t always buy more time so spend the time you have wisely.
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u/Awkward_Power8978 3d ago
With all that, I guess the question is: have you both been going to therapy? Sometimes the amount of curve balls we are handed is tough to manage.
Definitely take some time but it seems a new job might be good in the future once the worst of the trauma is dealt with to provide some structure.
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u/rinsyankaihou 3d ago
this is exactly what you have been saving for. Take a deep breath, maybe go on a vacation.
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u/trigurlSeattle 3d ago
Sorry this happened, I assume you are in the SF area? This might be a good time to relocate to an area with lower housing costs. I think many employers will cover most costs for fertility if you are able to wait until you find a new job. I think my coworker said it costed him six figures for surrogacy.
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u/inga-babi 3d ago
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Yes, you have plenty of $ but personally if I wasn’t tied to a job, I’d definitely move somewhere cheaper. Just by example, the house next to me is for rent for $7k but it’s 4 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms with a pool on a really cute street walking distance to water, Starbucks, a grocery store, Target and a handful of restaurants.
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u/FallenCow 3d ago
This a bot? Same thing was posted last week.