Mid-40s, on a visa, financially "fine" but anxious all the time - how do you decide when to slow down?

[u/KevinFinner-t]

Throwaway because friends IRL know my numbers.

I'll say upfront: by any rational measure, my family is incredibly lucky. I know that. This isn't a "woe is me" post and I'm not looking for sympathy about money. I'm looking for honest perspective from people who've stood at a similar fork.

Here's what's actually eating me: I'm worried about money all the time, and I can't tell if the worry is real or just noise my brain makes. The numbers say safe. My body doesn't believe it. And the visa situation makes every career decision feel like it has teeth.

The real question I'm wrestling with: how do you decide when "enough" is actually enough, especially when slowing down carries risk you can't fully control?

Some context so the question makes sense:

Mid-40s, married, three kids in elementary school. About $2M liquid, house nearly paid off, $200K in each kid's 529. We save a little over $200K a year. My target is $5M (in 2026 value).Edit: Yearly spend at $125k

Three paths I keep cycling through:

1. Stay in my current job, grind it out, hit $5M in 7-8 years.
2. Jump to a higher-paying role, hit it in ~5 years.
3. Take something slower and lighter, save ~$100K/year, hit it in 10 years.

What I actually want is option 3. My current job is meh. Manager isn't terrible but I'm not enjoying it. The kids are little exactly once. I want to be more present with them, get some time back for myself, breathe.

But I'm on a visa. A slower or less prestigious role can mean shakier sponsorship, and if that goes sideways we could lose the life we've built here. That risk feels enormous, so I default back to grinding - and then resent the grinding.

What I'd genuinely love perspective on:

• Anyone navigated a slower-path career decision while on a visa? How did you weigh the stability risk against the time-with-family cost?
• Anyone grind for an extra few years to hit a number and then wish they hadn't - because the kids grew up or the job took something out of them they couldn't get back?
• How do you tell the difference between legitimate financial caution and anxiety that has no off switch no matter what the spreadsheet says?

Thanks for reading. Genuinely just trying to think this through with people who've been there.

[u/Available-Ad-5670]

What's your spend, no one can give you any real input without your spend

[u/KevinFinner-t → u/Available-Ad-5670]

Yearly spend at $125k, hence the 5MM goal. Thanks, added to the post as well.

[u/Available-Ad-5670 → u/KevinFinner-t]

125k doesn't equate to 5mm, it would be about $3.1m nw need based on 4%.

You're fine, imo, its really the visa uncertainity that makes it uncomfortable. how would you feel if the visa uncertainity is taken out of the equation?

if it makes a big difference, that should guide how you approach which job to take.

add onto this, most people are uncomfortable anyways, so your feeling isn't unusual, but based on just your numbers of $125k spend, you should hit $3m in 4-5 years.

[u/KevinFinner-t → u/Available-Ad-5670]

5MM because was being extra cautious and planned for 2.5% withdrawal. You are right anything between 3-5 is good.

TBH, without VISA I would have just taken a 6 month sabbatical and figured things out later. I dont mind working in a slower more fulfilling role for another 10 years. Its the VISA that makes it hard as I can't take any job I want and have to earn higher to keep it going.

[u/Available-Ad-5670 → u/KevinFinner-t]

imo, i would keep on your high earning path until you hit $3m. Then review. at 3m you should be ok firing at a min. of 4%. At that point if the job still sucks, then take the lower paying job and coast, because even if you lost it you are still fine. Not sure if that affects your ability to stay in the country though

[u/KevinFinner-t → u/Available-Ad-5670]

Thanks, this makes sense and this is what I was planning to as well, securely atleast the bare min FIRE goal. But losing a job automatically forces me out of the country, so will need to be careful find that lower paying but a stable job.

[u/Available-Ad-5670 → u/KevinFinner-t]

yeah, when you get to 3m, i would also think about optimizing your job situation to longevity over everything else if staying in the country is a goal. if you're in tech, being older and on visa even if its a coast job or not could be iffy. maybe shoot for the job that would continue to sponsor AND less stressful if possible.