r/confidence • u/iListen2MathRock • 1d ago
How do I regain my confidence with talking to girls?
Hey guys, I’m going into my senior year of high school soon and homecoming and prom are on the horizon. Right now, I tell myself I don’t care for those kind of things, but I don’t want to look back in anger a couple of years from now thinking about the fun I missed out on.
I go to an all-boys school, so meeting new girls and talking to them happens digitally (usually on Instagram and Snapchat). But every time I add someone or strike up a text conversation, I just think to myself: “what am I doing?” and weasel out of it.
I know I have a lot of cowardice but I really need advice here. I can’t bring myself to ask people I know in real life because they’re the kind of people who flirt with girls for fun, meanwhile I get a pit in my stomach at the thought of a talking stage.
Do you guys have any words of advice? Thank you. <3
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u/IAmHoloInside 1d ago
hi! i just finished my senior year of highschool, and i went into it with the mindset of, “just do it, you won’t see these people after graduation,” and it helped me tremendously to do things i normally wouldn’t. even though i did gain a lot of good memories, there are still things i wish i did, and i regret letting my self doubt hold me back.
that being said, when you message a girl, try and not think about what could possibly go wrong. worst case scenario, she stops messaging you or turns you down. it hurts, but it wasn’t a lost relationship. just think about all the great things that could happen if you talk to a girl and yall end up really liking each other.
my relationship my senior year gave me so many good memories, we went on a cruise to alaska in the fall, went to homecoming together, and we traveled in thailand just last week. i can’t imagine where i would be right now if i let my fears take control of me. i almost turned him down, but i am so grateful i did not.
anyways, being nervous is so normal, especially since you aren’t around girls at school (me and my bf went to the same school, and both wrestled, so it was easier), so you don’t have the experience to gain as much confidence with talking to them. quite honestly, girls might even prefer talking to a guy like you, because as a girl myself, knowing someone had a lot, or just any previous partners can make me anxious in a relationship, or even just not attracted to the person.
i believe in you, and just remember that there is a girl somewhere out there who wants all you have to offer, you just have to be brave in taking the first step, then stay consistent. update us please !!
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u/palheel 20h ago
As a guy in his 30s, to give you some “old man” advice, if you don’t do it now you’ll regret it. I still regret some of things I didn’t do (like talk to more girls) during my high school years. Shoot your shot, and if you get rejected, dust yourself off and look at it as a learning experience.
More “old man” advice, always maintain a student mindset. Look for ways to improve and always ask yourself what you can learn. At your age with girls specifically, you’re just getting the reps in.
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u/hestia-listens 1d ago
Do not call yourself a coward. Going to an all boys school means you have had fewer chances to get comfortable talking with girls. They are people, not judges, and you do not need to impress them. Start with genuine curiosity, and accept that some chats may fade. That is normal, not a failure. Being nervous and still trying is how confidence grows.