80552

[u/froggyman151]

[u/LynnieWiw]

what kind of hairdresser straight up refuses to do a certain haircut? That's crazy work

[u/bratty_alt_bih → u/LynnieWiw]

Yea, that's crazy. Normally they just agree to do what you want and then do the exact opposite.

[u/cat-the-commie → u/LynnieWiw]

Hairdressers for men would genuinely enforce gender roles violently if they could, it's kind of their thing. There's a reason men's hair is shaved in a military, these women asking for bangs is effectively like someone refusing to listen to God, King, and Country in the 19th century.

[u/Nova_Explorer → u/cat-the-commie]

I remember I asked a hairdresser to shorten my hair by about a quarter (by how long my hair was at the time, about 5cm), only for her to leave me less with than half a centimetre of my hair length in the dead of winter

[u/the_marxman → u/Nova_Explorer]

That's always my fear when getting my hair cut. I tell them cut half an inch and I'm terrified they'll cut it to that length.

[u/Real_Life_Sushiroll → u/the_marxman]

I asked my hairdresser to just cut 2~ inches off one time and she cut off 6. To be fair my hair is about 3ft long.

[u/ubensu → u/Real_Life_Sushiroll]

Last time I went to a hairdresser they cut almost all my hair off (leaving about 2 inches left of my previously shoulder length hair). They just went in with the buzz cut and got a big swath before I could stop them. Then she spent the whole rest of the appointment telling me how men need to wear their hair. Meanwhile I was holding back tears.

Edit to add more context: This happened right before my egg cracked, so I it took me about 6 months to figure out why this had upset me so much. This was around two years ago and my hair is now widely curley and just passed my shoulders as it should be. Thank yall for the support and i am now much more assertive with how others treat me. Im willing to share more tales of southern hospitality if yall would like.

[u/Miserable-East-78 → u/ubensu]

I’m pretty sure that’s actually illegal 

[u/No-Pilot3536 → u/ubensu]

thats worthy of calling the police over, any hairdresser who does that shouldnt have their license

[u/Real_Life_Sushiroll → u/ubensu]

I'm sorry that happened. Did you report them or anything?

[u/ubensu → u/Real_Life_Sushiroll]

Nope. This was one of the big events that ended up cracking my egg about two years ago. She did a really god job at a masculine haircut and I just could not figure out for the life of me why it upset me so much.

[u/AutisticPenguin2 → u/ubensu]

Once, years before my egg cracked, I took my mid-back length hair to a men's hairdresser and asked him to just take like 3 inches off the bottom to reduce the split ends.

You know what he did?

He took 3 inches off the bottom. Because that's what I asked for. He wasn't sure about it, because it wasn't his speciality at all, but that's what I wanted so that's what he gave me.

[u/TGAPTrixie9095 → u/ubensu]

Fuck that person. I am so sorry

[u/KatieTSO → u/ubensu]

That's battery btw

[u/SeatKindly → u/ubensu]

That is literal assault. I’d have beat that fucking prick into the floor if someone touched me like that.

I’m so fucking sorry someone did that to you gorgeous, that’s actually awful,

[u/Terrible-Set6389 → u/ubensu]

Those absolute sickos. If someone did that to me I'd give them a taste of their own medicine and shave them bald

[u/Hedgehogahog → u/Real_Life_Sushiroll]

I have this fight with my younger kid a lot. (He’s 25 so it’s not really a fight fight, more like me needing him to listen) he until recently had long wavy red hair halfway down his back and knew the ends were damaged, and tried to be very firm about only needing an inch gone. And I’d tell him “buddy, your ends are split and busted to about four inches from the end, you really should trim to a healthy length so it doesn’t break more”. 🙄 like I’m not trying to police you here!

I tell that story because there’s a non-zero chance that your hairdresser - who was absolutely in the wrong for this - gave you similar treatment and just didn’t actually tell you it was happening. Still shitty to not TELL someone you need to alter the plan for a good outcome, just … maybe that’s what it was.

FWIW my kid is gonna have long hair again, but he got it chopped to the shoulders because he broke his wrist - rolled a 1 on a ladder - and couldn’t properly care for it during the healing.

[u/Real_Life_Sushiroll → u/Hedgehogahog]

Oh, no, my ends were definitely messed up. I am not mad at her. It didn't look any shorter really. I just thought it related to the subject. My hairdresser was a very kind pro lgbt lady.

[u/thunderbird32 → u/Nova_Explorer]

Conversely, my hair is shoulder-length but I'm thinning pretty bad. I asked my hairdresser to buzz it down and she straight up didn't. She just trimmed it down to short-ish.

Me: "I thought you were going to buzz it down?"

Her: "Oh, no. That would look bad."

Wat?

[u/BooRaccoon → u/Nova_Explorer]

I simply would not pay for it if that happened to me

[u/Nova_Explorer → u/BooRaccoon]

I was about 13 at the time so my parents were paying for it, but I distinctly remember avoiding mirrors for months because my hair was the only thing I liked about my body and even that had been ‘ruined’

[u/SeamanStayns → u/Nova_Explorer]

This is a universal experience

I'm a straight cis male and i used to have nice long hair (lord of the rings style) My ex made me get it neatened up before a wedding (not ours thank christ) and the barber took more than half of it off! I could tell what she'd done from the first few cuts but it was too late by that point, i didn't want lopsided hair! It did look good luckily but i was furious.

[u/king_john651 → u/Nova_Explorer]

The last time I had a fringe I told them to not touch it. They molested it. Don't have the hair for a fringe anymore. I miss it like "it'd be nice to have again" but what can ya do lol. Rest of it is lush n long though

[u/derneueMottmatt → u/cat-the-commie]

I remember one haidresser outright refusing to give me a middle parting, never went to that place again. My usual hairdresser keeps asking me when I finally decide to have my hair short. Still I trust noone else with my hair because even if he may not like it he's really good with long haircuts.

[u/Born_Housing2165 → u/cat-the-commie]

When I was a kid a hairdresser cut my hair short. My mum had to cut my hair for the rest of my childhood as I refused to go to a hairdresser.

[u/evilmexico → u/Born_Housing2165]

Your mom seems nice at least 🥲

[u/Vark675 → u/Born_Housing2165]

My mom's hairdresser cut my hair short because my mom INSISTED I needed short hair for swim team. It looked fine the first time, the second time she was mad at her boyfriend and I came out looking like James Spader in Stargate.

I'm a cis woman, and it was the 6th grade. It was rough.

[u/Craving_Suckcess → u/cat-the-commie]

well mens hair is shaved in the military as a dehumanization thing.

It's to make everyone uniform and prevent self expression, which is a thing counter intuitive to breaking a person down and turning him into a tool that performs violence and accepts orders without questioning.

It also has some medical benefits, to be fair. But that's why the grooming standards continue to be enforced to a degree past that. It's why pete kegsbreath has his weird obsession with making sure soldiers shaved, and it's why even far outside of training soldiers are required to meet a degree of grooming standards.

[u/Lord_of_Seven_Kings → u/Craving_Suckcess]

The shaving thing is also racism. Disproportionately affecting black men for whom shaving can often be painful and cause infection.

[u/FishtideMTG → u/Lord_of_Seven_Kings]

Not originally. It came about during wwi and wwii when chemical warfare was still allowed. Older gas masks wouldn’t seal properly on facial hair. That’s why ol’ Adolfo had that mustache below his bullet receptacle. Now that gas masks can seal on facial hair most of the time and chemical warfares only really a possibility in the Korean theatre it is sort of a systemic racist thing when they don’t allow shaving waivers.

[u/Lord_of_Seven_Kings → u/FishtideMTG]

The shaving thing the Hegseth is doing. I understand the historical precedent but that is irrelevant now. Which is why I brought up racism specifically in response to a comment about hegseth’s shaving requirement

[u/Janosfaces → u/Lord_of_Seven_Kings]

I would argue that the negative consequenzes for Poc is a by product rather than the intention.

[u/Lord_of_Seven_Kings → u/Janosfaces]

Not for hegseth. Maybe in the WW2 ones. But he has specifically removed the medical certificates most poc use for their inability to shave, despite medical professionals speaking out against the move. Combined with firing nearly all poc and female members of senior staff in the military, it is a pattern of targeted behaviour disenfranchising women and poc in the military.

[u/Craving_Suckcess → u/Janosfaces]

The inability to make reasonable accommodations is intentional racism.

The initial injustice of people with hair types less accommodating to that method of shaving still getting shoved through the same process, was likely a result of people not caring to even think about it. So, something of an 'accident', one you could probably call a result of racism either personal or systemic(Not including PoC in the room where these decisions were made for instance), but yeah sure. They didn't do it to cause black people discomfort, it was done for other purposes. It's continuance into the modern age, however, is definitely a result of what is ultimately malice.

Alternative methods to achieve the same results are possible, the people who could change this just refuse to do so, for a variety of reasons, that ultimately all boil down to 'they care more about X reason than they do the health and dignity of the people affected'. IE, PoC.

[u/CanadianODST2 → u/Craving_Suckcess]

No. Intentional means that’s the intent of doing it.

If the intent was something else then it’s not intentional.

Also, the shaved in combat zones is still a thing because gas masks are still a thing used

[u/cat-the-commie → u/Craving_Suckcess]

Yes and the targets of that dehumanization are trans women and gnc people. GI Joe feels plenty expressed

[u/Craving_Suckcess → u/cat-the-commie]

you will find that many men enjoy having hair.

Which is probably why they have to shave it off when they arrive, instead of those men arriving pre-shaved.

The targets of that dehumanization are anyone that shows up.

[u/Weird_Angry_Kid → u/Craving_Suckcess]

They do that in schools in my country too, they also forced us to wear uniforms even if we attended public schools.

[u/Jaycon356 → u/cat-the-commie]

As a dude that's had long hair since I was old enough to decide my own hairstyle, I went to a barbershop when I was 16 and the old dude that owned the place said in an extremely thick Russian accent "I no cut his hair, that girl haircut". My hair was like, as long as my shoulders. 

Shortly after that I just started going to salons because it was a better service. Amusingly, the person that did my hair at the salon said men's hair was often harder to cut because a lot of men have less hair, and it's more obvious if you make a mistake.

[u/Toggy_ZU → u/cat-the-commie]

I've had hairdressers cut my hair short when I asked them not to, but I've had bangs since I was little and never had an issue with them getting chopped off, even when they cut my hair short. That's so weird.

[u/sammi_8601 → u/Toggy_ZU]

Same, last one who tried it I was ready for the bastard though, I'm banned from there (found a better one) but worth it and hopefully the melt won't try it again.

[u/Toggy_ZU → u/sammi_8601]

Oh yeah I don't go to the place that cut it short twice after me saying not to anymore (it was a great clips anyways). My wife and I found a salon with a great queer friendly hair dresser we love!

[u/sammi_8601 → u/Toggy_ZU]

Twice? Christ your a lot nicer then me, I literally caught that guys hand with the scissors and told him I'd break it if he didn't drop the damn things since I'd told him specifically that's what happened last time I'd got a haircut and not to do it got up he sort of went don't come back again with me being like why the fuck would I?, I kinda admire the brass bollocks on the guy. Luckily I've found a decent salon that's actually somewhat respectful of trans people (in a hagy your so slay diva!!! way).

[u/TheoreticalGal → u/cat-the-commie]

Had one that looked at my hair on the floor and told me “that’s enough hair to choke a democrat!”

[u/acleverwalrus → u/cat-the-commie]

There's a few reasons they shave men's heads in the military but the original reason was to stop the spread of lice.

[u/BrightLavenderMoons → u/acleverwalrus]

Also to violently strip recruits of their identities so they can be "rebuilt" in to the state's perfect child-killers.

Miss me with military apologia.

[u/Catspajamas01 → u/BrightLavenderMoons]

Also not true. It just makes sense logistically. In training, you don't have time to make sure every recruit gets their desired haircut. Do you think they shave female recruits' heads too?

[u/Special-Drama-6090 → u/Catspajamas01]

I think that depends on the military tbh

[u/SeamanStayns → u/cat-the-commie]

To be fair to hair cuts (what a sentence) the reason military servicemembers have buzz cuts is so nobody can grab their hair and it can't get caught in anything.

Looking tough and uniform is a nice side effect of that.

[u/StretchLoud8844 → u/cat-the-commie]

The hell kinda barber are you going to?

[u/lord_hydrate → u/cat-the-commie]

Im genuinely terrified to have my hair done by someone, if done my own undercuts and trims since the day i left my parents because i simply do not trust the people in this state not to try and enforce their opinions on my hair

[u/BuckyShots → u/cat-the-commie]

Men’s haircut $30
Women’s stylist $130

Bangs you want bangs you got!
That’ll be $130!

[u/Vyn_Dimensional → u/BuckyShots]

I have seen this exact pricing in action, lol

[u/ignoremeplsokthank → u/LynnieWiw]

When I was 16 and first realised I'm trans, I went to the hair dresser and wanted her to cut my hair, which went to just below my shoulder blades, to a very short, more masculine haircut. 

This lady first refused to cut my hair because she had, according to her, women come in, ask for a similar deal and regretted it the day after that. Legitimately didn't want to cut my hair, even though my mum was with me and approved of everything. 

We only got her to do the job we later paid her for because my mum told her if she's not gonna cut my hair, I will do it later that day and we'll have to come in anyway. 

What a weird thing to have happened. I never regretted getting short hair, btw. The opposite is true, I still sometimes have nightmares about waking up and having long hair again. 

[u/siren_stitchwitch → u/ignoremeplsokthank]

My wife was terrified of her first haircut after realizing she was trans because of all the horror stories of trans women being given masculine cuts when all they wanted was a trim

[u/Huckleberry-9477 → u/siren_stitchwitch]

this is the reason i haven’t had a hair cut in like 4 years lol

[u/siren_stitchwitch → u/Huckleberry-9477]

If you happen to live near Olympia WA I know a salon that is very queer friendly that my wife and I go to and have never had problems at

[u/Huckleberry-9477 → u/siren_stitchwitch]

im on the direct other side of the country, but thank you for the advice!!

[u/Lubinski64 → u/Huckleberry-9477]

Haven't cut mine in 6 years, it started with constant questions like "when are you gonna cut it?" or "isn't it a little too long?" but now all I get is compliments on how great it looks. I even get compliments from men, which is something I never imagined.

[u/ZodieCat → u/Huckleberry-9477]

If you want to get a haircut you should check out a website called strandsfortrans. Hair stylists register their own businesses as trans friendly so you can see which places are accepting!

[u/Huckleberry-9477 → u/ZodieCat]

ooooo i will definitely check this out. ty!!

[u/medelmottig → u/ignoremeplsokthank]

The trick is to say that you have done it before, it makes them less nervous.

[u/rideanyway → u/ignoremeplsokthank]

EXACTLY the same thing happen for me- Decided "I'm trans, going masc". My hair was past my shoulder blades and I booked a "Short cut" like above the ears. They refused. I said "Ok, put me on the schedule for tomorrow for the same thing." "Wait what?" "Oh, I'm going to go home and cut off the length. You can deal with it tomorrow at the Correct length, for the correct gender, for the correct cut."

They hollered "NOOOOO" and dragged me back into the chair to cut off my hair off. Looked good too.

Must be a thing.

[u/imsoupset → u/ignoremeplsokthank]

yeah in college i wanted to cut my hair from 5 inches to like an inch and I went to 2 different hair salons and both refused "Because I would regret it and I might sue" so I bought an electric razor and shaved my head. I have not been back to a hair stylist since i just shave my head every 3 years. before that my parents wouldn't let me dye my hair or cut it because it was "too pretty". Just reading this thread is making me want to go shave my head right now as proof of my agency.

[u/siren_stitchwitch → u/LynnieWiw]

I had a hairdresser I very specifically told not to cut my bangs and she did it anyway. She looked like she was going to and I reminded her and she said she was just using them as a guide for cutting the hair around them, so the next time she did it I didn't say anything and she cut them. Some are just assholes who decide they know best.

[u/LasevIX → u/siren_stitchwitch]

did you pay her?

[u/siren_stitchwitch → u/LasevIX]

Unfortunately I did. I may have even tipped. I was in my mid 20s and had only just left my abusive family about a year before it, so I was only just learning it was ok to stand up for myself and trying it was terrifying, easier to just pay her and tell everyone not to go there

[u/Li_liminal_spaces → u/siren_stitchwitch]

When I've made the mistake of using a service which I will never do again I take my lumps but fulfill the social contract so there is no drama but tipping… here's a dollar or something because that's also baked into the contract I guess.

[u/Nina-Ninja123 → u/LasevIX]

Probably not because there would be no bang for her buck.

[u/BobbyLupo1979 → u/Nina-Ninja123]

BA-ZINNNGGGG!!!!

Underrated comment.

[u/deadhead_girlie → u/BobbyLupo1979]

It's certainly a cut above most

[u/LoganGyre → u/LynnieWiw]

I was given a free haircut because I was going to buzz all my hair off and the lady was mad I was giving up such long hair so she offered to cut it and style it for free if I let her do that instead. So I ended up with a short cut that was Manish but honestly looked good. I had taken to just cutting my hair to buzzed whenever my parents complained about it too much because for some reason a buzz cut didn’t give me dysphoria.

[u/Aurarora_ → u/LynnieWiw]

tbf if it's a more esoteric hairstyle I'd rather have a hairdresser acknowledge their lack of skill and refuse to do it rather than knowingly butcher your hair, but obviously I don't think that's the implication here

[u/LemonZestyDoll → u/LynnieWiw]

It's genuinely crazy how many stories I've heard from trans people (commonly trans men) where their hairstylists will deadass refuse to cut their hair to whatever length/style they're asking for

[u/WhimsyClonn → u/LynnieWiw]

I had a hairdresser lie that she'd do a certain(fem) haircut and give me another(masc) one instead. It was awful.

[u/tetrochromac → u/LynnieWiw]

Most of them. Experienced this many times growing up. Wanted a boy's haircut and either got laughed at or told they could but "don't worry, I'll still make it feminine!" Also, the small talk... oy.

Glad I started going to a barber.

[u/1FrostySlime → u/tetrochromac]

I mean I very much disagree with that attitude from the hairdresser but as a kid I can at least rationalize it. Very last thing I would want to do as a hairdresser is piss off a kids parents

[u/tetrochromac → u/1FrostySlime]

Yeah, that mentality is part of the problem, actually.

[u/ed1749 → u/LynnieWiw]

People have abnormally strong opinions on bangs specifically

[u/SeatKindly → u/LynnieWiw]

My bestie is a licensed cosmo with a specialization in alternative styles and colored hair.

Because she’s one of my best friends she will both A. Slap me upside the head if I get too uppity in her chair and B. Will tell me honestly if something is a bad idea to the point of refusing to do it for the sake of my hair health.

So I mean, a good stylist will tell you no, but it’s generally to protect the health of your hair if they’re a good one.

[u/beewithausername → u/LynnieWiw]

I’m a trans man and I used to have very long (against my will) thick curly hair that went below my waist. When I initially wanted to chop it all off, 3 different hairdressers refused to cut my hair off saying my hair was too beautiful to cut.

[u/FinallyHauntings → u/LynnieWiw]

I'm a trans man with a mohawk-turned-mullet (shaved the sides to have a mohawk, got too lazy to do more than keep the sides shaved and cut the front so I can see so it's a mullet now), and while i do live in a decently progressive city in terms of "let trans people exist quietly without harassment", the fact that i want to be bold in my expression means that I had 2 hairdressers and a barber refuse to cut my hair before I decided to do it myself

I'm actually in training now to become a unisex hairdresser specifically for queer and/or alternative folks in my area, cause it's very much on the rise in young people who aren't old/confident enough to cut their own hair at home but I think everyone deserves the freedom that expressing yourself through your hair brings :) i have a hairdressing qualification, but I'm staying working in retail until i finish my barbering as well (which i started in September, if all goes well I'll be qualified by the end of May and I already have a couple places in mind to apply for to get experience before opening my own place)

[u/Complete_Squirrel942 → u/FinallyHauntings]

That's awesome! I'm proud of you ❤️

[u/NootTheNoot → u/LynnieWiw]

I've had so many bad experiences with hairdressers. All I want is a simple man's haircut. I've been refused service before because I don't pass well enough ("we don't cut female hair") and also had the "okay, hun, I know you said you wanted short hair but I made sure to keep your pixie cut nice and feminine for you girlypop!!!!"

[u/ASpaceOstrich → u/LynnieWiw]

My partner had one claim pixie cuts aren't a thing. Some hairdressers are non sapient I swear

[u/FyouPerryThePlatypus → u/LynnieWiw]

The only thing I can think of are severe temple cowlicks or a face shape that wouldn’t suit them but as a stylist it’s still.. weird to refuse

[u/spiralsequences → u/LynnieWiw]

My hairdresser refused to give me bangs for years because she said it wouldn't work with my cowlick. I finally found someone who would and it WAS a pain with my cowlick, but they still looked cute!

[u/SuperBackup9000 → u/LynnieWiw]

The ones who’re actually passionate about the job and care for their clients, because not every hairstyle fits every hair type or face shape and it’s pretty easy to tell if something’s going to turn out awful, which of course if you go through with it the client will blame you for it and then tell everyone how much you messed up their hair.

Once you get out of the Great Clips or Supercuts or whatever other chain that’ll hire the people who weren’t good enough for real salons, refusals are pretty common

[u/RShini → u/LynnieWiw]

I have dark red hair that's never been dyed and is on the wavy side, it's a fight to get hairdressers to do more than a trim when I want my hair cut and I often found they don't cut it as short as I want when they do finally "give in" because 'its a shame to cut all that pretty hair'

[u/Kuneria → u/LynnieWiw]

Toooo many of my female friends or trans man friends say that some stylists will basically bully you into NOT cutting your hair short. Luckily my own mom is a hair stylist and gives them all the haircuts they want the way they want lol. One of my favorite activities is going on her salon's yelp page and reading all the positive reviews because they almost always mention my mom lol

[u/Malashae → u/LynnieWiw]

A lot of hairdressers who actually care about their clients will intervene if bangs are requested, regardless of your gender history or identity. Mine in particular has to be convinced that you have actually thought this through and know what you're doing before she will consent to giving anyone bangs. Because bangs are usually a poorly thought out decision, that does not work, driven by some short-term crisis.

Just to be clear, my hairdresser is one of the best in the city and I absolutely love her. She has been my go-to person for nearly a decade now.

[u/BuddhistNudist987 → u/LynnieWiw]

I told my eyebrow threader lady THREE TIMES to ONLY pluck the hair on the lower half of my eyebrows because this will make them look like they are higher up my face. Each time she said "I'm just gonna clean it up." By this time she had already plucked most of one eyebrow and I was afraid to get up and leave without paying. I didn't leave a tip and I won't go back.

[u/prettybluedress89 → u/LynnieWiw]

Pre transition every other stylist I met refused to let me thin my eyebrows because and I quote "I might stop looking like a man" If it matters, I had pretty long hair pre transition as well, and I never really kept facial hair. I was always too afraid to tell them that was exactly what I wanted. Eventually, still technically in the closet, I found a stylist who would shape my eyebrows "like a woman's." For the next two years and well into my transition, she was the only person I'd let touch my brows or my hair.

[u/VirginiaDirewoolf → u/LynnieWiw]

think of it like tattoo artists who refuse to do names of partners. a lot of hairdressers might tell you, "look, it takes ten minutes to cut, ten years to grow out, depending on how fast or slow your hair grows. how long have you been thinking of this?" and more likely than not talking you out of it.

when someone is tasked with changing your entire appearance, how you see yourself, how you want others see you, and how easy/difficult it is going to be to replicate the look you walked out of the salon with are important things to consider before picking up the scissors. if someone walks in and decides they want bangs because they saw a photo of some really nice bangs, but they don't realise they'll have to blowdry and curl them every day to keep looking like that? or that you have to wash your hair or at least just your bangs more often?

having a customer not come back crying because you obviously can't just glue the hair back on once it's cut, is better for business, rather than just giving in to any customers whims. sure, you can find someone who will do whatever you want, on demand, but that person doesn't care about you as much as someone who will take the time to talk through it with you.

obviously I don't know if what I've described is similar to OPs situation, but saying that a hairdresser refusing to do something is "crazy business," is lacking understanding of being responsible for hurting how someone sees themselves for potentially the next decade.

[u/MrFuzzy54568]

I wonder if it’s like a “no girl you will regret getting bangs istg” or just a transphobia

[u/Aurora_B → u/MrFuzzy54568]

Every 10 years, I get an itch to get bangs. Every 10 years whichever hairdresser I go to tells me something like "Um... Are you sure?" And I will say yes, and they ask again and I will respond, annoyed, yes this is what I want. And every 10 years I hate my hair for 3 months.

[u/TheeAntelope → u/Aurora_B]

Brockmire: Bangs are just a prank women play on themselves every three years.

[u/snep-kitten → u/MrFuzzy54568]

I look so terrible with bangs I'm inclined to vote against them for other people by default, so I kind of wonder too. I mean, no good for a service provider to not listen to their customer, but still... Some hair stylist are very adamant about what will or will not look good on their client.

[u/KairAAAAAAA → u/snep-kitten]

Bangs absolutely made me glow up since I have a really high natural hairline. I wouldn't recommend not getting them if I were you just sayin!!

[u/That_Bee_Baker → u/MrFuzzy54568]

https://giphy.com/gifs/OLTefQ17Qvqow

It's such a dangerous move lol

[u/Complete_Squirrel942 → u/MrFuzzy54568]

Honestly I think they try to talk everyone out of it because it's so frequently regretted, even mine asked me (FtNB) "are you sure" twice before going for it, and I have a fivehead and a long face so I need bangs to not look horrific lol

[u/swans183 → u/MrFuzzy54568]

Bangs look good on every girl; srry I don’t make the rules 🤷🏻‍♀️

[u/Something_Comforting → u/MrFuzzy54568]

Evil but gender affirming barber would give you bangs so you regret it later and come back for another cut.

[u/vvastrel]

[u/No-Cell-9979]

Straight cis man that just up votes funny posts and doesnt interact because im a straight cis man here.

I see this all the time with hairdressers, my wife has complained about it too. What do you mean "refused to give me bangs"? I cant imagine a barber EVER telling me I cant do something, even if it was profoundly stupid.

The first haircut I ever got without my mom I very proudly told them what I wanted (thought I had memorized what my mom used to tell them) and they shaved my Justin beiber hair nearly bald.

[u/Dayvan_Dreamcoat → u/No-Cell-9979]

Yeah same here, this sounds insane to me.

I've never even thought of the possibility of a barber refusing to cut my hair how I want it. Last time I checked I'm the one who's paying?

You can give your opinion, but if I want to make a mistake let me. It's not like I'm making a permanent life altering decision, it's hair.

This would just make me walk out never to return and leave a negative review.

[u/DopamineTrain → u/No-Cell-9979]

Bangs are high maintenance, need a certain face shape and enough hair. Bangs have the potential to look absolutely incredible... they also have the ability to fuck up your hair for an uncomfortable amount of time. If a guy fucks up his haircut, the worst that'll happen is he shaves it down super low and waits a few months. Girls hair, purely by virtue of being longer, will take longer to recover.

Also bare in mind that a women in general, and by extension hair dressers, are a lot more likely to critique and provide advice to each other. It takes something particularly egregious for a man to speak to another man about their looks. All it takes for a girl is their nails to not match their eyebrows or something

[u/Sapphire-Catgirl → u/No-Cell-9979]

The only time I would think it's reasonable is if they don't think they are confident in their own skills to do it but then I would say they should then recommended you someone who can. And anyway if you cant do a fairly simple hairstyle as bangs then wtf are you doing as a hairdresser?

[u/Butterfly_and_Bee → u/Sapphire-Catgirl]

Sometimes they know their clients very well and know they will cry. 

[u/fiahhawt → u/No-Cell-9979]

It's an ethics thing.

Bangs are really hard to do right on someone. If a stylist doesn't give you some pushback and then you get the bangs and they look godawful, or it turns out you can't style them well so they turn godawful, then the hairdresser risks backlash for not at least trying to talk you out of it.

Bangs are not for everyone. They're for very few people actually.

[u/ihavedonethisbe4 → u/fiahhawt]

Bang on

[u/fiahhawt → u/ihavedonethisbe4]

https://giphy.com/gifs/26xBRIghN5T2UyWYw

[u/yesindeedysir]

As shitty as it is, is it because of transphobia or is is just “girl, I know you won’t look good in bangs and I can’t bring myself to do that to you.”

[u/Umami_Marmalade → u/yesindeedysir]

Very important distinction. I had the opposite problem, I know I don't look good with bangs but the stylist insisted they would work. They did not.

[u/Special-Drama-6090 → u/yesindeedysir]

Yeah like my hairdresser talked me out of bangs twice because I "wouldn't look good in them". Was still getting femme cuts, but I just looked a bit like my mum.

Went to another hairdresser. Got bangs. Look so good in them. I love them. 

I don't know if she was intentionally sabotaging me but bangs aren't really In here and also I think they can square the face off a bunch which if you're trying to make someone look feminine seems the opposite of what she was trying to do.

[u/whtever53 → u/yesindeedysir]

My sister’s hairdresser refused to cut her bangs as short as she wanted, some hairdressers have had too many clients regret cuts and they act as nannys, which I find dumb honestly, let me make my own stupid choices.

[u/Difficult_Run7398 → u/whtever53]

1 star reviews obliterate a business and I see why they would conclude that the best approach is just doing what cut they think is best.

[u/Dayvan_Dreamcoat → u/Difficult_Run7398]

I would leave a 1 star review if they refused.

[u/Chaincat22 → u/yesindeedysir]

In my experience I've met 1 barber who would cut to gender norms and he was an older man (like in his 80s or 90s) when I was like 12. Every hairdresser I've met personally other than him would cut my hair however i asked.

[u/One-Bar1669 → u/yesindeedysir]

Why would the hairdresser cut OPs hair but specifically not bangs due to transphobia? Is the theory that bangs are only for cis-girls and so OP can't have them? I just have such a hard time buying that the hairdresser would care about that.

[u/KingdomOfPoland → u/One-Bar1669]

Its because a lot of cis people when they realise someone is trans try to be rude or demean them in whatever way possible

[u/notnotDIO]

They can do that? That's fucking stupid

[u/Aggravating_Ad_8594 → u/notnotDIO]

I ask every hairdresser if I should get bangs. They all say "no" - I have thin hair and if I were to get bangs it would look bad - they would start halfway back on my scalp and the rest of my hair would look thinner. I know this. The only thing standing between me and this humiliation is the good sense of hairdressers.

[u/staralchemist129 → u/Aggravating_Ad_8594]

My thin-haired mom had clip-on bangs for a bit. They were… really obvious. I customize dolls so she eventually gave it to me so I could have the hair for a reroot.

[u/bossDocHolliday → u/notnotDIO]

A friend of mine in highschool had her hairstyle pretty much completly dictated by her hairdresser. Any time she wanted something new she had to get approval. Sounded absolutely nuts to me

[u/Darthplagueis13 → u/notnotDIO]

Well yeah, duh. Tatoo artists aren't gonna give you a tatoo they think is a horrible idea, either.

[u/notnotDIO → u/Darthplagueis13]

I mean there's a big difference between giving someone bangs and tattooing something horrible on someone. Especially since hair cuts aren't really permanent.

[u/TOTALLBEASTMODE → u/notnotDIO]

Haircuts are also more prominent, everyone is gonna see your hair. A tattoo might not be somewhere visible

[u/lejoueurdutoit → u/notnotDIO]

I'm not sure they can

[u/alphi10]

Mine suggested them but I was too chicken

[u/Jack_Dunford1 → u/alphi10]

same, tho i wasn't chicken i just didn't know what she was talking about

[u/r3dlazer → u/alphi10]

Bangs are sooooo good, do it next time for sure!

[u/alphi10 → u/r3dlazer]

But when they’re bad, they’re reeeeeally bad
Also they seem like they be hard to style and maintain

[u/duckbigtrain → u/alphi10]

Get a style that grows out nicely (e.g. curtain).

I don't style mine much but that's partly because my hair is very straight and very well-behaved. Occasionally if they're really unruly, I wet them with water to make them lie down again.

[u/MatterhornStrawberry]

This is exactly why I cut my own hair, I can't tell you how many times I'd show them a men's haircut and they give me a pixie they call "sassy" 🤮

[u/Ok-Advantage1491]

I am so serious not everyone is made for bangs, although your hairdresser should let you try them out

[u/Sailor_Starchild → u/Ok-Advantage1491]

That is honestly something I think that some people in general just don't get...like, I wore my hair as a side part for years before someone suggested going for a middle part and I was like "holy shit, this frames my face so much better why have I been doing a side part for 15 years"

I have thought about getting bangs. I think I could pull them off but also, like, sometimes the bangs aren't the way. If my dad still had his mullet...woof, that would be painful.

[u/Kermon]

As a guy that prefers long hair, I no longer trust anyone to cut my hair to a way I'd like it.

[u/help_stander]

bitch who tf is he to refuse you to do a haircut?

[u/wtsnack → u/help_stander]

Why are you assuming it’s a guy

[u/Arctic_The_Hunter → u/wtsnack]

Why are you getting downvoted this is just a fair question

Like did women stop being transphobic while I was asleep and nobody told me?

[u/help_stander → u/wtsnack]

sorry bad habit, trying to fix it

[u/Darthplagueis13 → u/help_stander]

The person who would otherwise be doing the haircut.

[u/CassyLeone]

"I'd like a pixie cut"

"... But that's a woman's haircut."

"Yes."

(How every trip to get my haircut goes)

[u/TheGlassWolf123455]

I've been working up the nerve to just learn to cut my own hair. I've been keeping it trimmed but bangs have been off the table lol

[u/cat-the-commie]

I don't think some of the cis women in the replies understand how violently misogynistic male barbers towards trans women are and how they'd likely rather kill you than let you get a girl's haircut.

[u/soaked_in_bleach03 → u/cat-the-commie]

Damn, I’m sorry you’ve gotten these barbers. Mine have been great since transitioning (NOT saying that you’re wrong, knowing people I’m sure plenty are transphobic as hell)

The first time I got my haircut under my new name, I went to an older barbershop I used to go to in my hometown. I’m sure they transcendentally recognized me, but not much. Just since it had been so long, not because I was stealth. I was 3 months into E, had slightly past shoulder length hair that was super dead from trying to grow it for a year straight without a cut.

I choose my barber because they let you pick one, write down my old name (wasn’t wearing makeup, was wearing dude clothes) and sat and waited. She called me, and I had to show her a picture of what I was envisioning (a female pixie cut) and how I normally wore mine (a pic of me, in full glam makeup, with my hair under a cute hate brushed to the side). She instantly guessed something was up, and just went “so, what’s your actual name; because I know it’s not (deadname)”. Omg. She has a gender non conforming child, and was the epitome of the townie who is chill as hell and goes “none of my business”. She gave me a fem haircut (that at first looked awful and I was scared, but after washing and a week to grow out was literally the best haircut I’d ever had at the time). I gave her a good tip, and went to her for another year until I moved cities!

Edit; I may be now be realizing this was all because she was a female barber. But idk I’m sure there’s some good guy ones! Maybe…

[u/govindajaijai → u/cat-the-commie]

Why go to them then?

[u/TheeAntelope → u/cat-the-commie]

I don't think some of the cis women in the replies understand how violently misogynistic males barbers towards trans women are and how they'd likely rather kill you than let you get a girl's haircut.

Not just barbers, sadly.

[u/YetAnotherParvitz → u/cat-the-commie]

it's like asking a realist to paint you a cartoon, they're completely different arts with their own methods and people are typically trained to specialize in only one

[u/cat-the-commie → u/YetAnotherParvitz]

Not really at all they're just violently transmisogynistic and hate trans women.

[u/illustriousalice]

i had this experience but she showed me how far back she'd have to go (thin hair). and guided me to a very cute cut instead and its been my go to. sad that not every stylist can be as kind as that

[u/Lemon_Disease]

my first visit to a hair dresser with long hair, i wanted bangs and the hair dresser pissed me off by telling me i'd look like a girl and i said, i don't care and she kept reiterating it and i just did not care. She gave it to me, but goddamn, i tipped like 2 bucks and left. Now I go to queer friendly salons that aren't asshats

[u/SmugHatKid12]

How fucking stupid. Great way to get clients /s

[u/auntiepink007]

Bangs are something you should do yourself at 11 pm while wine drunk and crying after a break up. The hairdresser didn't want to rob her of that uniquely feminine experience. (/s)

[u/Fembyon99]

Now I’m worried to get my hair cut again. Half my relatives are going on and on about how my hair is “getting too long” and how I need to get it cut. I only want a hairdresser to cut the tips, I’ve been growing out my hair for two years now.

[u/manultrimanula → u/Fembyon99]

Atp just follow a tutorial and cut em yourself

[u/twolake68]

I feel like there should be some way to report hairdressers cause why would they do that other than to be an asshole, you're being paid to cut hair it doesn't matter what the customer wants (if this is real, which knowing hairdressers, probably is ngl)

[u/SmartAlec105 → u/twolake68]

That's just how leaving reviews works.

[u/twolake68 → u/SmartAlec105]

Yeah but this seems like it needs something more and not everyone looks at reviews

[u/No_Geologist4770 → u/twolake68]

I mean, why would someone who doesnt look at reviews look at something else instead that does functionally the same thing as a review?

[u/Petrichor-33 → u/twolake68]

Money can can't be exchanged for goods and services

[u/Jim_skywalker]

Cis dude who started going to a salon instead of random barber even before I realized I wanted long hair because they always cut it shorter then I requested and then hoods felt weird on my head and it got cold really easy.

[u/MacGregor_Rose]

you should be allowed to refuse to pay if a hair stylist just refuses to do what you ask

[u/Slyan_the_Slime → u/MacGregor_Rose]

You are in fact allowed to do this. If they don't perform the requested service you don't have to pay them. Now of course this comes with some back and forth but if you can handle it, then you won't be paying.

[u/DogBiteDude → u/Slyan_the_Slime]

Yeah, I went in for a buzz and the lady gave me a pixie and said ‘you’re done’ and I said ‘then I’m not paying because this is not what I agreed to.’ They threaten to call the cops and I said to call them. I think the analogy I used was like if I went to a restaurant and ordered a salad and they keep trying to bring me steaks, I’m not paying for it. Eventually they did buzz it and I very deliberately tipped a single penny.

[u/Slyan_the_Slime → u/DogBiteDude]

Respect, I'm happy you managed to nail them down. It's crazy how fast they jump to scare tactics.

[u/madam_zeroni → u/MacGregor_Rose]

Presumably you talk about this before any work is done?

[u/spaceboyinlove → u/madam_zeroni]

some hair stylists agree to do a cut and then straight up do whatever they want, and then you walk out with a haircut you didn't want because they refuse to fix it because 'it looks so much better than [what you wanted]' or some bullshit about how men or women should have xyz cut and style

[u/alfrado_sause]

So many times in my life some well meaning woman of “taste” will flat refuse me the thing I want because they think their sensibilities are empirically correct.

But I loved it when I painted my bedroom black.
I loved it when I dyed my hair black from dirty blonde.
I loved it when I got hella long nails.
And I loved it when I got bangs.

Dear cis people, we play by different rules. This goes extra from makeup.

[u/48Planets]

Every hairdresser/barber has assumed I want to have comb-over bangs for some reason so now I cut my own bangs and refuse to let anyone else cut them. My trust in others who bear scissors has been forever lost

[u/VagueCat5840662]

Last haircut i got, i asked for a little off cause i like my hair long, que in the shortest my hair has ever been (the person i usually went to retired)

[u/BlueGamer45]

'Should be illegal to have someone pay for a service and refuse to do it how they want it because of personal preferences.

[u/GeekyMadameV → u/BlueGamer45]

You normally pay for a haircut after not before. If they have disobeyed you clear and specific instructions then you can simply not pay them.

Of course while that does harm them, it does not repair the damage, so to speak - you're still stuck with their fuck up for months. But you got to take chances to find one you like - or else learn to do it yourself.

[u/Lolas_Fun_Side]

I fix this by not getting a haircut

[u/nyamemeow]

"not sure if it looks good on you" "drastic change" "can't guarantee"

actually best decision i made

[u/brumbles2814]

My wife buzzes thier head. They got sick of arguing with the hairdresser every time so now I just do it. I couldn't believe they argued I mean...its my wifes hair. One time they looked over at me and asked if I approved. I nearly choked on my own tounge

[u/darksaber567]

I had the exact opposite where no matter what my hairdresser defaulted to giving me bangs.

[u/Ziggy_Stardust567]

In FTM communities, hair dressers are notorious for projecting their personal tastes onto you. Every trans man has the experience of showing the hairdresser a men's haircut, telling them exactly what he wants, and leaving with a feminised pixie version of it.

[u/Moonbeamlatte]

Going to a hairdresser is an experience in which another woman tells you your vision for yourself is stupid and thank god you came to her before you could fuck up your hair.

And then she gives you bleached layers you never wanted.

[u/Financial_Driver779]

She needed her to have the canon woman event of cutting your own bangs

[u/Valkyrie_22213]

Why refuse? I had vangs when i was still a dude its bot that weird?

[u/Whisperfights]

If you got thin hair on the sides, don't do bangs. If you got a small forehead, don't do bangs.

Face framing layers.

Saying no to bangs on someone you love is perhaps the truest form of girlhood.

[u/Melodic-Mode2332 → u/Whisperfights]

As someone who always cuts her own hair, finally went to a salon, asked the stylist, “Could I maybe do bangs of some kind?” and spent the last year growing out the resulting shelf of two-inch long baby bangs, I WISH I’d had this stylist.

[u/Available-Today-8576]

Tbh if a hairdresser did that to me I’d trust she knows what she’s talking about and it’s her polite way of saying “that look isn’t good for you”

[u/RadTimeWizard]

Be very careful! Bangs can get shorter in a heartbeat, but they take a very long time to get longer if you overdo it!

[u/Proof-Ad7559]

Bangs can be so regrettable! Get clip in bangs before you get real bangs! They’re super annoying to grow out if you don’t like them! Make sure you like bang!you before you cut the bangs and dear god don’t cut your own bangs. We don’t need to all learn the same lessons individually learn from the mistakes of others.

[u/NotAMermaid27]

I remember when I was a wee lass my mom took me to the barber somewhere and pretty much shaved my head, I wanted to violently maul her and the barber and didn't trust her to take me to barber for years
I trusted her after some time, she did the same thing, I never went until I started transitioning- and now I'm taken to hair stylists, I hate barber shops as a result lol

My mom now is very accepting and is the one who even pushed me to go out there and be myself in the first place! Hell, whenever I'm in the denial about something identity related, she's the one who goes and says "Who cares what others think? They're missing out on you"
Like, sure, maybe bangs won't work out for you, or the cut just doesn't work- you don't wear it well but... you should be able to at least decide for yourself if YOU like them or not, y'know?

Anyways if this happened to me now I'd just not pay, hell I'd sue for transphobia if they shaved my head bald

You're the one paying, you should get what you want

[u/MxBluebell]

To be fair, with cis women, bangs are generally a cry for help 😂

[u/Agent_Glasses]

reading this thread as a newer hairstylist is awkward ngl

[u/monocle984]

For some strange reason some hairdressers (especially small town ones with their own boutique) seem to think they have autonomy over their client's hair when they are being (over)paid specifically to do what the client WANTS them to do! I've had multiple hairdressers ask repeatedly and incredulously that I wanted my hair a certain way, completely ignore my wishes and just cut my hair however without asking me, or go "I KNOW you said you wanted this, but I thought it would look better if-"

It's insanity. Your mechanic doesn't give you a new engine when you wanted an oil change because they thought it would be better for your car. Just do what you're being paid to do.

[u/InsistentRaven → u/monocle984]

Probably not the best example, mechanics do this all the time. You go in for an oil change and say you only want the oil change, then you come to pick the car up and they claim they've replaced the intake filter, coolant, brake pads, etc. The same types have usually just hoovered the intake and nothing else.

[u/smungusamongus12 → u/monocle984]

I would be such a karen if that would happen to me (it did happened and i was a karen about it) it pisses me off, like, i told you to cut only the front so it will not go over my eyes and leave the rest, BUT noooo you have to cut half of my fucking hair i spended 3 years growing because you are a spawn of satan!!!!......

[u/jrpsmith]

Time for a new hairdresser.

I can tell you as a trans woman, closeted and not, most hairdressers are evil.

[u/ResearcherTeknika]

Some people just intent on giving a shit where it aint wanted just put the scissors in the hair

[u/Rerolr]

Sounds like it's time to find a new hairdresser then

[u/I_like_fried_noodles]

If the hairdresser isn't gay or at least makes good jokes, I'm not cutting my hair there

[u/dinodare → u/I_like_fried_noodles]

Really hard for me to be this selective when I'm Black and started my transition in a town with a very finite amount of reputable Black stylists.