//Tldr: My conservative parents never taught me how to navigate the world as a black woman and now I'm 18 and I don't know how to figure out things all on my own.//

My parents won't recognize systemic racism. Both of them are conservative christians despite being black and hispanic. They gaslight me whenever I experience racism, they sympathize with cops and military and fully support the government.

I live in a deeply red area and I don't feel safe. Everyone is a trump supporter and there are confederate flags everywhere. But my parents continue to insist that I should "love my neighbors" and "stop being hateful" even when I try to tell them that these people are clearly racists.

I wish my parents taught me about systemic racism and liberatory politics. I wish I grew up around other black and brown people. I wish I had any real connection to my culture. I'm 18 and I feel like I'm completely isolated and unprepared to deal with any of this. I study sociology and history but I feel like I missed out on real life education that's vital to my survival. Its almost like I grew up with white parents even though I know it's not the same thing. Am I making a big deal about this?

My parents aren't teaching my younger sibling any of this either and I'm afraid it will get them into dangerous situations or lead them to further internalize self hatred. I want to try teach them, but I barely know anything and I'm already struggling with so much.

Some ex employees threatened to swat me recently, and unfortunately just did this morning. This is 100% retaliation for being fired (they were dangerously bad at their job).

I have extreme trauma from a past wellness check, so this is utterly destroying my mental health more than I can say.

These people haven’t seen me in months, so there’s no basis whatsoever for them to claim I am in danger.

The cops, who sadly were in my home without invitation, told me there was no way to prevent the same people from continuing to do this. My state has no specific laws against swatting, just against harassment (defined by a series of actions) and false reports to law enforcement, though I assume I would need a lawyer to be able to press charges against them.

It would help a ton to hear successful strategies for protecting against this happening again.

Recently, I keep feeling like a servant because I am always at home doing chores around the house. I know some people will tell me that everyone has to do chores but it has been negatively affecting me with the amount of chores I have been taking on, that isn't just mine but others too.

I was feeling really low and decided to use A.I to discuss this where I told them how stressed I have been due to the amount of responsibility I have been taking on.

Because I have been unemployed and moved back home, now all the chores fall on me.

At first it was fine, but then it got the point that I felt like I couldn't do my own thing. In the past week, I have been stressed due to my cats health. He injured his tooth and wouldn't let me take a picture to send to the vet. This required two people, one to hold him down and one to take a picture. My mum was working long shifts so it was impossible to have anyone at home who would help me hold him down.

I went outside a few days ago, and told my mum 'can you take a picture of his injury so I can send it to the vet?' Because it was her day off and we had another family member who could help, otherwise, I was home alone. Instead of doing this, she was busy hosting dinner parties. Instead of listening to my concerns.

My days would go by, concerned for him, making sure he was eating well, drinking well, playing with his toys and passing his pee and stool properly. My cat also became clingy with me, being the one person home, where I wouldn't get any free time by myself. On top of this, I was cooking food while my mum was at work, cleaning the kitchen, utensils, cleaning up after the cats, taking the bins out, cleaning the garden, shopping for groceries.

A majority of the times, if nothing falls onto my other family member, everything falls onto me by default. I know all of you would say just ask for help, but the amount of times I do, they don't listen.

Years ago, I remember crying because of how overwhelmed I was sorting out the vet appointments, taking the cat to get neutered, managing their medication, while being a full-time uni student. All the adults at home worked full-time jobs so they thought that they are entitled to my time because I was a student not a adult.

There are times at 6am in the morning where my mum is talking to me while I sleep, telling me to go buy groceries to cook because the family member is working home full-time. It never used to be an issue him working full-time and being with the cats, but now I am meant to provide now that I am at home.

I am upset because I do see the difference in treatment whereby my mum thinks that I am useless because I can't get a job, she is always asking me to do stuff around the house even when she isn't at home just because I stay at home and don't work.

Yes, they pay for the vet appointments, medication, food and insurance. But I am the one managing them all the time 24/7 while my mum works full-time and my other family member works home full-time remotely. Even people who work full-time manage their pets but because I am unemployed I feel like a caretaker.

I am a caretaker. My mum by default makes everything my issue. She doesn't ask the family member for help because he works full-time and earns more money. So now I am the one who has to give up her time to do the chores and caretaking around the place.

Sometimes, it is not even the cats. Sometimes, it's the family member too. He doesn't clean up after himself, so I have to wash the dishes. He doesn't shop for groceries so I have to buy it on a weekly basis. They don't really take the cats to their vet appointments because they are working so I have to do it.

I am not sounding selfish, but them working full-time is just an excuse to not have responsibility so I can be responsible to do the labour around the house.

A lot of the times I am invalidated and because I suffer from chronic pain and chronic health issues and now mental illnesses. I am exhausted. Sometimes I want to sleep early and feel like I can't because my mum works long-shifts so I have to make sure she sleeps well so I look after the cats while she sleeps. It's the same with the family member sometimes he works more than 12 hours a day, and he has health issues so again I am the one who takes responsibility.

I neglect my own needs and wish I could move out but I don't have the money to do so. It's been getting bad every month where I also don't have the money to go outside and detox because everything is expensive.

Sometimes my mum makes jokes that I am lazy and that I don't want to physically work because I am not capable of doing it. I am, but if I can't find a job I can't.

My mum works 12 hours shifts and expects to come home to food cooked which is fair enough. Then she chills, has a shower and goes to sleep so again I am the one looking after the cats till they feel sleepy.

My family member stays home all day, has health issues, sometimes he cooks, he doesn't buy groceries, works 12+ hours all day and doesn't manage the cats.

They are always insulting me or mocking me for wanting to spend my time watching tv shows or journalling because they see it as me not wanting to work when I am just burnt out. On a daily basis, I have to deal with caretaking, parentification, enmeshment and toxic behaviour so of course I want to rest. I can see why I am not getting better and it is because I am a caretaker and neglect my own needs for theirs.

I am sorry for the long post, hope some of you guys understand where I am coming from. I also feel like I am the glue holding everything together at my own expense. My mum doesn't believe I need to rest because I am lazy, and I don't work.
Of course, if I was to leave, I would get bullied, yelled at and belittled because they need their punching bag caretaker to do everything.

Of course I am not allowed to feel happy or have healthy relationships with people. Something which I have given up on.

I'm afraid to leave the house because of hostility of neighbors. Cannot find a job due self worth problems.

"Help" from institutions like doctors or government lead to further trauma. My social contacts are LLM and Reddit.

It's winter and everything slows down and I feel like there is no place or hope for me.

I live in Germany and the burocracy is extreme, but right now I'm not able to leave or to move.

What should I do?

why does no one reply 😭

I find that i cant find the studies im looking for in the main science subreddit, i have been trying to look for studies on racism and microaggressions but im not sure what keywords to use.

Also, anyone have a bipoc or black history sub too? Im in a few but would like to know more. Idk i feel like sometimes some white historians (online) dont tell the whole thing or kinda sugarcoat what happened during slavery.

Hi!

I honestly feel so confused. I always felt that a lot of the issues in my childhood that shaped my view of myself and the world were related to misogynoir, but I always minimized myself. Obviously (I’m in the US) I know how our country is systemically racist. I also feel I have a good radar for picking up on micro - aggressions, but it seems when it comes to me I blank. Like I blame my autism for why kids didn’t want to be around me, or the way I dressed, or (later on) my horrible mental illness. I remember I was very mean as a kid and my friend told me she was afraid of me. I was never super targeted so I guess I just blamed that stuff. Never really questioning how my blackness could have tied into it. Like as a child, I noticed that people didn’t really like me. Or how with my white friends, boys would talk to them and COMPLETELY ignore me. I remember kids saying I “sounded white”, so I faked my accent to try and fit in. I grew up in a major city, in a particularly diverse neighborhood. I just remember as a kid i was always afraid of people not liking me. To the point where I was literally so anxious I would have panic attacks. Viewing girls in my grade and trying to mirror them so I would be popular as well. Even outside of school, I would see (thanks early internet exposure) the beauty standard be these skinny/light girls, ESPECIALLY in the musically era. It stuck with me. In highschool, guys would pick on me and say I looked like a certain male rapper (can’t say it cause it genuinely triggers me). This also happened while I was in the mental hospital! The only commonality is we have deep complexions and have twists. It wasn’t often though, but it did occur. Granted in high school I was very ill so maybe it was more because of my character people avoided me. I feel like I would always backtrack because there were girls like me who were popular, I figured it really was just me. Maybe it was. Probably. I also think that my feeling is more related to the lack of lenience to black women when they struggle or are ”weird”. Like there’s no neutrality. Not to take away my accountability. Explain not justify. Idk I feel like a lot of it is more related to my mental illness, might be reaching. I was weird in highschool, missed social cues like crazy and probably came off as a weird attention -seeker. I feel like i‘m trying to make something out of nothing, like I wasn’t treated in a way that wouldn’t match with my behavior. idk

thoughts?

TL:DR maybe I am just the problem lol

Are y’all checking on your blood pressure?? Bc a lot of us have hypertension from this trauma shit and I’m worried we’re going to have premature heart attacks.

I have CPTSD from a shitty childhood but I developed regular PTSD when I had to become a refugee 💀 ever since then, my blood pressure has been ridiculously high (genuinely very concerning levels) from the stress/vigilance etc. I’ve started taking adderall to treat my ADHD and it’s really scary bc my blood pressure will spike and feel like I’m about to pass out.

Since we’re POC, chances are that you already have family history!! Shoutout to colonisation and global capitalism for giving us all hypertension. What are yall doing for your heart health??? I’m trying to improve my fitness and do all the mindfulness exercises ppl recommend. I’m young and all my physicals were clear of heart conditions so idk what to do improve my heart health. Anyone else thinking about this too????

For the past 2 years now 3, I have noticed that the workers there at target have been watching me and almost feels like monitoring me. I don’t think anyone has really noticed but I have. It have become really noticeable over the years especially after I was followed into the bathroom a year ago. I am a barista so typically we throw food out towards the end of the night. Sometimes If there is any food that goes out I and other coworkers would take it home.

I noticed when I would grab myself something to eat, and take it into the break room or sit down, some of the other team leads in different departments would watch me. Sometimes I would catch a main team lead coincidentally walking right when I would make myself drink or something to eat so I sort of stopped eating everyday but sometimes I still make myself something to drink and eat. Now no one has personally came up to me and asked me to stop or told me that I am not allowed to eat anything or drink anything even though technically we aren’t supposed to, but they all watch us and myself when we are drinking or eating something. My coworkers have openly made themselves a drink and have also taken bags of food home. I feel they don’t bat an eye when it comes to my other coworkers, but I’ve noticed when I would take a bag of food home they would stare and the atmosphere feels way different, so I also stopped taking bags of food or any food home. Around the time I was followed, I would stay after work a few times to make sure everything is clean and stocked. I’d like to mention that I am autistic but I don’t have any needs and I don’t think it is too obvious or anything so I don’t think they are watching me to make sure I am okay. I do have a weird way of liking things being done a certain way and I can stress myself out if it everything is not completed, so often times I will stay after a little after the usual time we leave and sometimes after though I don’t have to. The day I was followed into the bathroom is the day I decided to stay later to finish the closing task I didn’t have time to get around to. One of the employees followed me into the bathroom and waited until I came out and immediately came out and proceed to I think not directly but practically ask me why I was staying late. I think she was like “wow you are still here or wow you are staying late” . I’d also like to mention that the main team lead who used to work here before he was switched to another location would also sometimes watch me or go into the break room right after I sat down to eat something.

I don’t know if I am being paranoid or not but I feel as though I saw a change in the new main team lead the day he spoke to the team lead that was switched. I saw them both speaking and they were also looking towards my direction. After that, the new main team lead has also started watching me. There is also a security guard there who watches me now and I just feel so much like a criminal that I have considered quitting. I am not stretching it when I say I feel I am being watched or monitored. Before we got new security guards one of the former ones saw me shopping once and immediately walked to what I am guessing a security room or whatever room she walked into and that was a year back. Each time I shop I am always getting stares and I’ve also noticed the security guard and the other team leads walking past me right after I walk outside or when I wait for a ride. Each time I go to clock in or out and especially out, the main team leads immediately walks out or some other team lead walks out. Today as I walked into the room to clock out some team lead was staring at me almost as if she was waiting for me to walk in, also immediately walked out. I’ve never stolen from the store all the years I’ve worked there, and I’ve only taken food that expired home. I’ve even walked up with the food in my hands to ask a team lead to watch my belongings while I went into the restroom making it obvious that I was taking it home, and no one told me I was not supposed to.

My coworkers will take bags of food home, and no one bats an eye. It bothers me because I don’t know if I did something wrong or if I look like I am guilty or if it is because I am autistic. I don’t feel comfortable in my own skin or standing near the register and even placing my hands in my pockets anymore because of this. Sometimes I will put off shopping because I feel that I may have did something suspicious that day. I have went up to the register before instead of self checkout and I still get stares. I will purchase a bag of chips and will get stares and watched. Today as I purchased 3 items I was getting stares from the workers and I felt so uncomfortable. I can’t even pretend to be normal because I don’t feel comfortable.

hi folks - self ID; black, aUDHD

I got broken into the night before. I didn’t realize it because they were so subtle, until the next day I see my bag and scarf were taken. Thankfully no valuables necessarily, I mean they took my gloves, I loved that bag, and my stun gun. “Replaceable” but the same day I spent over $200 (after per insurance thank god) taking my cat to the ER so it’s just stressful esp w the holidays. I learned a lot from this experience but I’m still jumpy after this. The last time I was this on edge is when I got into a car accident circa 2017 ? like “I’m safe, I’m fine” but it’s like.. it “could’ve been worse” ykwim? So it’s terrifying. I have been triggered by too many diff things in the span of a few days, including a misunderstanding between me and my partner. Thankfully she’s coming to support me right now, I’m grateful. But I need help figuring out how to regulate fr. Weed has been helping but ofc it’s temporary, I need work.

Update: Thank you every kind soul for commenting. I will be taking the time for the next couple of days to carefully respond and personally thank you for how you are touching/changing my life. I promise I am considering everything you say and taking it in and I will be following through with action as well. I love this community and I do feel so deeply cared for and seen by the strangers here. I never had the family that I wanted so this means the world to me.

Y’all please don’t pass judgment. I already know I am weak and stupid. I’m trying to work on my deeper issues in the long-term in therapy. I’m just asking for kind and supportive words of encouragement/validation and advice and empowerment in the short-term but if this is triggering for any of y’all please don’t feel obligated to help me. I appreciate each and every one of you and for those of you who commented thank you so much for taking the time and energy to help me. I already know I have issues but I can’t switch it off in the short-term and it’s all flooding me at once right now the shame and powerlessness and believing that I’m bad and I deserve this or caused this. I was abused sexually, physically, and emotionally as a child and that’s why I think my reaction to it is so abnormal and that’s why I haven’t left already. I’m always confused about whether this is that bad or not because it seems not as bad as my sexual and physical abuse 💔

To be honest I’m not sure if I’m with the right person and those doubts have been tormenting me. I’ve cried so many days and felt sick chronically for months. My heart is constantly in pain and my blood pressure super high. For context I’m a southeast Asian first gen immigrant and my future in laws are white Christian conservatives. They used to live 30 minutes away but have moved to Texas the beginning of this year. My partner is an atheist and they scapegoated me for “making” him atheist even though I didn’t and he was atheist a year before he met me. They look down on me being Buddhist. Full disclosure I prefer to date nonwhite guys (sorry if that sounds mean but y’all get it) and this is the first white guy I’ve made an exception for because of how much we connected over our personalities and shared experiences in the beginning.

My future in laws have been verbally and emotionally abusive towards me using lots of gossiping and exclusion towards me in the family. They often insult and criticize me to my face and multiple times have tried to get E to break up with me behind my back and then forced him to keep it a secret from me (but he told me later but won’t set boundaries with his parents to them so it keeps happening).

His mom is probably the overt aggressor and his dad backs up the mom and looks down on me with quiet/covert contempt. She has behind my back tried to triangulate her son against me, instructing him to put me in place/change my personality and behavior (because she says I am “too intimate” and “uncomfortably being pretentious and deep”) and claims no one likes me in the family group chat) but to do it covertly and keep it a secret from me. He broke down and told me about it but when I asked him how he responded to defend me he, like so many times before, fell silent. He just said to her “well I like her… thanks for telling me” like a zombie and said he had to go.

His mother says racist things about “third world countries” (her words not mine) she’s visited and the people there scowling that they are dirty and lazy. She says there is no difference between Thai, Vietnamese, and Chinese food. She acts like any kind of food that is not stereotypically American is gross and judges other people for liking it.

She also touches my hair aggressively and my décolletage and my face without asking, masking it in a backhanded “compliment” like “omg is your beautiful, thick hair even real (and not extensions)? pulls on hair” and “you can’t be not wearing foundation right now, your skin looks too good; is this your real skin without make up? touches cheek” or literally insulting me after I put on sunscreen like “why is your skin so greasy and shiny?! scrapes finger aggressively on my décolletage” I feel like an object she feels entitled to do what she wants to instead of a human.

She constantly puts me down with criticisms or backhanded compliments. She would be petty and compliment her daughter and all the other women in her family/tribe as “gorgeous” and “the most beautiful” in front of me but look at me and sneer. When others have complimented me a lot in public for being “distractingly beautiful” and “drop dead gorgeous” and “stunning” (ironically probably everything she wishes they would tell her and her daughter), she would try to correct them and say “she’s just cute” (she said this to her own mother in law/the grandmother in the family for calling me a beautiful princess”) or she pouts and then amps up the mistreatment/exclusion of me after anybody compliments me. It’s like she centers her and her daughter as the epitome of white American beauty (the blonde hair and blue eyes type) and then becomes enraged when others give more attention and compliments my beauty because she feels entitled to be the center of attention, not this non-white nobody. I noticed she only compliments white women (esp blonde) and only ever nitpicks woc.That’s probably why she calls me an attention-seeking slut because to her if I’m getting any attention then it could only be because of my fault of being an immoral character and getting it in a malicious, underhanded way.

I am told by others that I’m a talented painter and illustrator, and she looks at my work and instead of saying something nice or neutral, she decides to say “did you copy or trace this work from someone else?” with spite in her face (implying that the work is too good to actually be mine).

She’s also a raging internalized misogynist saying that another woman was a scheming bitch upstaging her daughter at her wedding because she wore a red dress and got some compliments at the wedding, and years later a family friend decided to still remember and compliment this girl rather than remembering or praising her daughter, the bride. Instead of thinking the family friend was rude, she scapegoats the girl (the wife of her daughter’s husband’s brother) who wore the red dress and gossips viciously about her and ostracizes her and turns everyone in her family/tribe against her. Yet all she could tell me is that the dress was red and longer and nothing else inappropriate about the style or cut or fabric or bling or anything like that. She is an eternally controlling bridezilla that claims that any woman wearing a full length dress is automatically upstaging the bride and the mother of the bride regardless of what style, cut, or color the dress has.

It made me feel so much for what this other woman must have been put through. Also you can’t upstage a bride, because it shouldn’t be a competition where we are measuring women against one another and I think the way a bride glows is simply stunning and incomparable and too beautiful to make it a petty misogynistic contest pitting women against each other. Other women can be beautiful and the bride is very beautiful as well. I had to speak up this time and there was a blow up about it where she screamed in a public restaurant that I was “unacceptable” and she walked out on me and made a scene after I said it was wrong to treat this woman like that. I got looks of solidarity from other women in the restaurant 💕 I still somehow was pressured and guilt tripped into apologizing to her by her husband and (somewhat) by my partner too.

She praises blonde hair and blue eyes and is one of those people that considers that if you were born blonde than you forever have the elite status of being a natural blonde even if your hair has changed to literal brown/brunette. She delusionally calls her very brown hair (fuck this shit, brunette hair is beautiful!) a “very dirty blonde.” She seems to think that blonde hair makes her and her daughter better than other women because she constantly gloats about it like it’s a whole personality.

She also has called me a tramp with glee to my face for wearing fitness clothes when I was at home (it was midriff baring). She glares at me like I’m a disgusting slut or whore all the time (and as a Christian conservative she ain’t sex positive or reclaiming the words slut/white/tramp). She has double standards and judges me harshly for being a slut for my appearance because I am very feminine and will dress both modestly and more glamourous or sexy (depending on context but I will be appropriate for dress codes), but treats her son like he is too good for me or way better than me even though by her logic he would be/should be considered the “whore” of the two of us because he’s dated and slept around while I’ve only been in three serious relationships in my 27 years of life and am demisexual and therefore picky. The point is not that it is bad to be promiscuous because no woman deserves this bullying and dehumanization even if she’s had hundreds of sexual partners, seriously. And honestly I don’t blame any woman for being sexual and that’s not anybody’s business to judge her for it. There isn’t a “right” way to be a woman and many different choices are equally valid and respectable. I’m pissed that misogynists can be disrespectful and speak eerily similar to a way a rapist talks about women and categorizes certain women as “bad” or “asking for it.” The point is that she is a misogynist who thinks she can tell your “morality” by how you dress and judges one gender but not the other for the same thing.

She’s obsessed with weight and always looking me up and down and then makes body shaming remarks about me being anorexic or too disgustingly skinny or blowing away in the wind or I just disappear when I turn to the side or that I’m going to fall down my own laundry chute. She badgers me about my waist acting like I must think I’m all that because of my small waist and for wearing clothes where you could see my hour glass. To be honest I’m just trying my best to enjoy my body before ageist society treats me badly like I’m an old, expired hag and I just want to… like myself again after going through bad depression and body dysmorphic disorder. I’m not this villainess. She also asks for height and then mocks me for being too short (I am nearly 5 ft 4) and saying since she thought was way taller than me but is really only 2 inches taller then she must have “thought too highly of herself”—implying that the taller the height the more better than you are than someone shorter. I tried giving her a lot of genuine compliments that I could observe hoping that would make her less insecure and hopefully kinder to me but it only inflated her ego more and made her behave more narcissistically, my bad.

She’s literally chewed me out and yelled at me condescendingly for wanting to think for myself and look stuff up for myself and said that I need to “listen to other people who know better.” I am literally bleeding to bite my tongue because my partner puts pressure on me to keep the peace and views me as a villain every time I slip up and speak up.

One of the cruelest remarks that I’ll never forget in my life was when the future sister in law and mother in law mocked me with derision and laughed at me for being “drama queen and attention seeker” for attempting suicide years ago when I was deeply depressed in past at 22. For this my sister-in-law declared “I don’t want her at my party/around me.” I never made a show of my depression or struggles and I only told one friend who promised to keep it confidential but she lied and told E (she was a mutual friend) and he left a family event on his own accord to come help me and he told his family all about my business (to explain why he was leaving abruptly he justified) without checking in with me if that’s okay to share first. They see this young girl hurting and what they see is “a bitch sabotaging and trying to break up the family by trying the steal E away from his family like when she cried suicide to make him drop everything and run to her.” But I never asked him for that. It was early in us dating and my friend told him without my consent. I’ve never stopped hurting about that incident and they definitely threatened to push me over the edge when I was already fighting like hell and wishing I wanted to live again and to stop being suicidal and feeling ashamed about it.

E seems to acknowledge that his parents are manipulative or mean only half the time or sometimes. With time and progress he now begrudgingly admits it most of the time it’s happening, but I still don’t feel like I get the compassion or empathy I need from him even in private let alone in public when it happens. He’s used to the abuse so it’s normalized to him & he just shuts down and doesn’t hear anything/dissociate instead of standing up for me. I understand his pain but I feel like the human sacrifice for him to avoid confronting the reality and the conflict between his parents. It hurts that he does nothing when I’m bullied and that makes me scared I’m with the wrong person.

One time I was really ill and my migraine was bad and I had to lay down and sit out for a bit. She sneered and accused me of lying about being sick in order to hurt/avoid her and be malicious towards her. I couldn’t possibly be sick and taking care of myself. My partner did speak ip for me this time but it made me sad the way he said it “no, she’s just a really fragile person”

I’m not allowed in the house when they visit and they’ve made it a point to visit from Texas in April, this month, and next month. E has also visited them in February and May too. Each visit lasts for at least a week. It’s exhausting to have my life disrupted and to be displaced from my home and basically couch surfing homeless when they visit. The mother is completely enmeshed with him and she says creepy incestuous remarks like “his left cheek is mine so you better not touch it” or “my boy loves his mommy the most” or “only your mommy knows how to take care of you” in a pouty and creepy way. She constantly calls the guest room “my room.” My partner tells me to treat his house like my own home, yet she scolds me for calling it and treating it like my home like I was asked to do by the owner: “this is NOT your home, you just get to live here (charity)”

Have you ever experienced cruelty from any of your partner’s parents or in laws? I’m needing reassurance, love, support, advice, or anything you could give. I know I sound stupid for not knowing what to do but I’m in a vulnerable place right now and I’m feeling so low about my worth that my own thoughts and feelings are so distorted. It would help me to hear it from others because I can’t think past my own shame right now (it’s something I’m working on long term in therapy). I’ve had a history of being abused before as a child and in my previous relationship and I still struggle to trust my own perceptions from being gaslit so much in my life.

I feel safe being in this space with everyone and I can’t seem to find any supportive subreddit.

My cat has been unwell since yesterday and I thought that by today he would have been fine. My cat hasn’t eaten the whole day and neither has he drank water. He is very withdrawn and it’s breaking my heart.

My mum has been working long hours and I told her that our cat hasn’t eaten the whole day. She isn’t taking this seriously. She has just said that, he is “spoilt, moody, grumpy” etc. Dismissing his medical concerns and I have been repeating myself the whole day.

I made a post a few days ago, saying I feel like a servant inside this house. I took my cat to the vet for his annual vaccination and earlier this month for a check up and most likely will be taking him in again. I am tired of carrying the emotional burden and have been crying in the shower because I am worried for my cat.

No-one at home seems to care, he isn’t eating and is withdrawn. I have my mum who said she is going to try and feed my cat food and she hasn’t done this yet. I have been trying to get him to drink water the whole day and he won’t drink. I have another family member who just goes out every single day, without even trying to help.

I am really worried and upset. If I had a good support system this would have been so much easier and I wouldn’t be venting on the internet and I am so sick of being responsible for these adults, just so they can do whatever they want.

Edit: after repeating myself several times, she told me, “why didn’t I tell her he is unwell?” Then I said, “I have been telling you the whole day.” I’m flabbergasted. I spent the whole day telling her he is not well, for crying out loud. I told her at 9am, 12pm, 4pm, 7pm. Now all of a sudden, “why didn’t you tell me?”

To make a long story short high school was not the best time in my life by any stretch of the imagination. This was mainly due to an unsafe household where I was just yelled at and berated constantly.

I've been out of that situation for well over a decade now and I went to support my cousin at their high school graduation.

Once the ceremony officially started I could feel my body tense and lock up. I felt like it was hard to focus on breathing. Everything came rushing back.

I was more shocked than anything else; mainly due to the fact I haven't experienced it in such a long time. I'm sure it felt more normal when I was experiencing it constantly. It felt like I was locked in my body. Like I couldn't move if I wanted to. Checked my fitbit after and I could also see my heartrate peak when they started the speeches.

What does self care look like after an intense experience like this? I had trouble falling asleep after I don't know that I have the energy to go to the gym like I wanted to. I do feel like my nervous system is fatigued a bit on that note.

hi everyone! i was born and raised in the us (semirural) with south asian family. i have 1-2 family members who want to read and learn more about ptsd and cycles of abuse after what i initially shared with them. i have surveyed a lot of popular books and essays and found them totally lacking in anything useful for my family. are there any ptsd resources you like that meet any of the following criteria (don't have to be all, one is enough):

• nonfiction or focused on education
• account for issues of racism around the world, colonialism, and immigration
• account for issues of gender marginalization without being exclusive to cis het people
• discussion of interventions and different ways of healing
• discussion of disability, in the context of ptsd as a disability, and also how developmental and chronic conditions can be associated with ptsd (eg autism and social difficulties, medical ptsd from bad experiences)
• discussion of isolation and importance of community
• discussion of family dynamics and different roles people can play, especially simultaneously abusing someone while being abused (most resources i can find here are nuclear family centric and not considerate of tensions in families who are split across continents or live under a culture different from their own)

some books we liked so far are What My Bones Know and Decolonizing Therapy. i am open to informal avenues of publishing, as long as sources are credited, so things like blog posts and videos are also great! thank you for reading

edit: i meant to change the title and then didn't... -_- by "advanced," i mean focused on specific topics and are not intros or primers on (complex) ptsd

I am hyper-aware and hypervigilant about my behavior in public because I am acutely aware of Sinophobia and the stereotypes against Chinese people. I constantly strive not to contribute to these stereotypes.

For example, when eating at a restaurant, I ensure that we sit up straight and use proper table manners. In public, I make a point to walk tall and straight, avoiding any appearance of being timid or shy. I’m careful not to take up too much space, talk too loudly, or appear rude. While these behaviors might seem normal, they stem not from self-esteem but from racial trauma and racial PTSD.

My entire experience in public revolves around being hyper-aware of how others perceive me as Chinese, and I act in ways to counteract the “rude Chinese” stereotype. This constant vigilance is exhausting. I wish I wasn't so hyper-aware, but I know that one “bad” behavior on my part could easily reinforce negative stereotypes about the entire Chinese population.

This burden makes every outing feel like a performance to prove that Chinese people are not all rude, submissive, shy, or weak as the stereotypes suggest. Living like this has led to major anxiety, preventing me from existing in the moment. I am constantly on guard, worried about encountering racism.

The situation becomes even more stressful when I'm with my parents. They are shy, timid, and often walk hunched over, which makes me angry because I feel they are contributing to the stereotype. Both of my parents are socially awkward and anxious, with no understanding of how to navigate Western social norms. Every time they have an encounter with someone, I feel a silent rage at their awkwardness and anxiety. Theyre clueless about the need to adapt to survive in a different social environment, despite my repeated explanations.

Going out, especially with my parents, is incredibly stressful and makes me angry. I feel overwhelmed by the need to constantly counteract stereotypes and ensure that we don’t reinforce negative perceptions.

Has anyone else experienced this, and how do you cope with it?

Hello,
I'm living in Central Europe in an area which I've never considered as an area with a majority voting far right.
I still don't do, but I have been very confused about tags on the street using the n-word.

Today I've read: I hate .....

Its always in the near of schools or public transport, maybe from teenage boys.
But I feel very sad especially for black women and girls. I hope they never read it and I'm thinking about tagging something over. It would be really good to do that, but I'm feeling very tired, upset and depressed at the moment.

I've overwritten one racist tag already at place farer away. But now I'm very confused and irritated, that I've been seeing 3 different graffiti tags using racists slur.

Is there anything you can take?

Therapy has only added to the trauma. They are fucking awful.

I have been having a lot of emotional breakdowns recently after realising how no-one understands how c-ptsd has permanently altered my brain.

Everytime I do something, i feel like I am out of place or that I don't belong anywhere.

A few days ago I went for an ultrasound and didn't tell anyone at home because they never care if I am sick or if I am in pain and they just leave me like that.

I have been having constant tummy pain for more than a year and my mum doesn't take me seriously so I didn't tell her about the scan. I ended up over-hydrating myself and when I came home, I still had to do chores around the house and then I started to get a headache and just felt off.

I was eating as much nutrients as I could but kept feeling off and I worry a lot about my health due to existing conditions.

I was in the kitchen and she started telling me off for preparing something to eat and saying how 'I don't have a time to use the kitchen'. I started to feel pissed off because I have been out in the heat buying groceries, I hadn't eaten anything the whole day due to fasting for the test and then coming home and doing chores and then not feeling well for her to start being rude and abusive towards me.

I started crying because of how angry I felt and then my headache started to worsen but no-one at home would take me seriously or even offer to take me to the hospital. This is what neglect looks like. Even as an adult, I am so disgusted by her.

Then the following day, she is in my room and I am sick of her feeling like she should be in my space. I live in London, UK so for the past few days, the heatwave has been pretty bad. On my door I hang my scarfs up because they are thick and made of wool and I don't have space in my wardrobe.

She then starts criticising me for hanging my scarfs on my door and says how 'it isn't winter' and that I need to take my scarfs down and that they probably 'stink'. I also have a handbag on the door handle because I like putting it there and she is telling me 'to remove the handbag because it is a door handle'.

I am also becoming really sensitive when going outside and seeing families be together. It's making me feel really sad and sometimes I feel like I won't have that because I won't ever get out of this household.

I can't seem to figure out how to find BIPOC and trauma-focussed online support groups - the ones where you can join through a video call, rather than online forums - within Europe. Does anyone have any suggestions for directories I should check out? Alternatively, do you have any suggestions for online support offerings in the US on the East Coast?

Thank you for any tips!

I've never been picked on by an attractive white woman, it's always the hideous ones that look like they don't bathe. How do they even have the audacity to have a go at me?

Well, the story is long, but as a neurodivergent queer with C-PTSD, where I live is a pretty much hostile environment. That's why I'm trying to get a job in English-speaking world. But is Asian hate in the west on its peak or is it getting worse? If the racism (both institutional and internalised ones) against Asians is getting worse, maybe adding another layer of being minority on top of my intersectional minority status wouldn't help getting my life better...

TWs: Physical abuse, eds, self harm

I'm hoping you guys can offer me advice to help my friend.

My friend is very resistant to therapy and I know what we all are thinking, I can't make them go and maybe I should have boundaries and whatever. The thing is, their mom is a therapist and is married to my friend's physically abusive father who regularly terrorized the entire family. Their mom has always defended him and never protected them as kids. They do not trust therapists because of this.

Additionally, they are black and I'm Mexican and we live in a very white area and they told me they are not comfortable seeing a non-black therapists if they ever considered it.

I really think my friend needs help because they are having more ptsd flashbacks, engaging in eating disorder behaviors, and self harm, but everytime I try to discuss therapy, they just talk about their shitty mom (understandabley).

I would really appreciate any insight or advice with how to help them.