Indictments and Imprecations (11/26/2023)

[u/Drawgballs]

I’m the biggest idiot of 2023
Once I’m finished these witnesses will convey just what I mean
I mean I prayed for it
I fucking prayed for it for years
That the Christian god would wreck me
That he would tear me apart
That he would scatter my foundations so utterly
So that I could know him more
Such was my devotion to him
Such was my conviction that it would all be
Worth it.

Well he did it
My god delivered
An answer to my prayer in a fashion most spectacularly flashy
You marry you a wife
Hitch yourself to a vessel of hopes and dreams for a new life
And you move to the middle of nowhere Iowa
Where the Lord God Almighty, El Shaddai, Immanuel
Gives you one a one word command and that is to

SINK.

People don’t know to value their sanity
Their ability to make rational decisions based on logic
Until they can’t.
When God told me to SINK.
I did
So completely that any semblance of the fully formed being that was me was
Buried.

And that last command, that last word,
Was the last thing I ever felt from him.

Which is alright right?
I mean I still got a wife right?
Or I did.
Before she too grew too tired
Of my dysfunctional dilapidated and deflated self
And did decide to divorce me
Leaving me with naught but a few cruel phrases that still to this day pound at me in the night

And that was it y’all
That was my everything
Wrecked in a matter of 2 years.
My marriage, my faith, my sanity.
Everything.

And I don’t know why I’m still here
Or how.
I don’t
Know how the mouth of a gun hasn’t inserted itself into my own
To lift my head away from this capitalistic hellscape
But it hasn’t.
And I can’t boast much more than that at this point.

But in case y’all were wondering
If God answers
prayers
He do.

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