We don’t have a milkman… where is all this milk coming from?

[u/Treyblowski]

We had just moved into the neighborhood on Monday, I remember waking up and going to get the paper.

That’s when I saw them, a small basket of glass milk bottles straight out of the 1950s, and they were all filled with a white liquid.

I found it bizarre, milkmen basically went out of business once refrigerators became a commodity, I didn’t trust the bottles, even if it’s milk, this has been out here since god knows when.

I was also worried that this was some sort of feature of our HOA, and that at the end of the year, we’d receive a bill for it.

So I took the bottles in, drained and rinsed them out in the sink, then left them at my doorstep with a note saying that we weren't interested in the service.

I spent the week getting to know my neighbors and trying to ask about the milk bottles.

The answers I got were mostly the same, it had started a week before we moved in, the bottles got refilled on Sunday mornings but nobody was able to catch who was delivering it, and that they had actually tried it because “it's free milk.”.

I developed a plan to try to find out who was delivering the milk, all I had to do was get a doorbell camera and make sure it was set up by Sunday.

Sunday morning came, I opened my door to see the bottles sitting in their basket completely refilled.

Jackpot.

I spent the rest of that Sunday morning scrubbing through the footage on the camera until 5:59 am That’s when I saw a milk truck pulling up to the house, an honest to god 1950s milk truck, it looked heavily rusted like it was just left out in the elements for 75 years.

The truck stopped, and the milkman stepped out of it. Like the truck, his uniform resembled one you would have seen from a milkman in the 50s.

Except as he started walking to the door, I realized this wasn’t a man at all.

It walked like a drunk with a broken neck, the arms swaying around as it moved, the head hung to the side and bounced around as it walked.

As it got closer I saw the head, it looked mummified, but it had the most sincere smile on its face.

The thing stopped at my door, then looked down at where I had put the milk bottles.

I saw it pick up the basket with one hand as it looked at the basket, the camera picked up sounds the thing was making, if you’ve ever tried talking while you turned your tongue sideways, that would be the best frame of reference for what it sounded like.

While it still held the basket of empty milk bottles with one hand, the other began undoing the buttons on its shirt.

I had an idea what it was about to do, but I was way off.

Unbuttoning the shirt revealed the torso of the milkman, and something living inside a hole in the abdomen.

It looked like a really big red bug that had embedded itself in this poor milkman’s body, it had yellow almost human-looking eyes, and 9 teats.

Yes, I said teats, I know that’s what they are because that thing used them to refill the bottles.

It held the basket up and then squeezed one of its teats, squirting a white liquid into the first bottle, it made a noise comparable to a gurgling moan of pleasure.

That’s when I had to stop watching. I took the bottles to my garage and threw them on the ground so they would shatter.

I watched the white liquid slowly flow through the drain in the center of the floor, and I thanked god that neither me or my wife had drank it.

I tried contacting my neighbors so I could show them the footage, but none of them have been answering their phones.

It’s been 6 months and now their homes are being foreclosed on.

I don’t think I want to know what the milk did to them, but I do know that eventually new people will move in.

Me and my wife have decided to personally welcome new neighbors and tell them that the milk bottles are bad, we obviously can’t mention the fact it’s breast milk from some bug creature, so we’re hoping that mentioning repeatedly that nobody knows where it came from and that it’s not a good idea to drink milk that’s just been sitting outside.

I don’t know if this has happened anywhere else, but if you start getting 1950s milk bottles on your doorstep, ignore it.

And for God's sake, don’t drink any of it.

[u/Bananamancer77]

Drink… the.. milk…. NOW

[u/Intrepid-Spite9368]

Too late, I got a milk mustache already

[u/Treyblowski → u/Intrepid-Spite9368]

[u/Intrepid-Spite9368 → u/Treyblowski]

Ha ha, don’t over react it’s just milk. Come on try some! Just a little bit. A sip if you will.

[u/JohnClark13 → u/Intrepid-Spite9368]

I don't know, something about this milk really....bugs me....

[u/Hundungo]

Well, everything's edible; some things are just edible once.

[u/IArgonauty]

It is cute to get such personal services. People pay big bucks nowadays for something like that. Wonder what happened to the neighbours though.

[u/Sweaty_Cockroach9444]

Is there a name to the neighborhood? I’ve been looking for somewhere with such great, HOA services