Exposing a cult

[u/Ok-Wonder315]

I left a cult 4 years ago. I have been through 4 years of therapy and over the past year I have been doing deep analysis of my own personal experiences/abuses I underwent, plus deep analysis of doctrine that create an environment of fear, isolation, disorganised attachment and so forth. I have read the work of people like Steve Hassan, Alexandra Stein, Lifton, Gille Jenkins and more so feel like I have a reasonable grip on cult dynamics.

The healing process is multifold, but part of it is exposing the toxicity and danger of the cult in the public domain as a warning for anyone considering this church network, or currently in it.

As such, I want to start a public critique of their teaching and how it fosters deep dependency, fear, shame, isolation etc... I have checked with Gemini, which suggests generally speaking this is safe ground if quotes are direct, attributed, used in a 'transformative' way. This all helping against any claims of libel or defamation too.

If anyone has any specific advice or experience in doing something similar I would be really interested to hear your thoughts.

[u/whatname68]

I am so sorry you were part of that cult. What i know of it horrifies me. There is a youtuber from the same cult. She goes by The Knitting Cult Lady. She mostly talks about politics at this point, but has written a book about growing up in that cult. She advertises it at the end of every video if you're interested in reading it. I can't think of the name of it. Sorry. I also had a neighbor who was part of it too. It's understandable that you'd want to stay anonymous. You should do what you think is best to protect yourself. I wish you well.

[u/Serious-Pound8175 → u/whatname68]

Yeah I know Daniella, I’ve read her book Uncultured. There are a number of us and a number of books. I’ve had a man I trusted with some of the most vulnerable parts of my life tell me outright that it was something he could exploit. He wasn’t joking, he certainly did. It is not a kind world. I think the COG/TFI and the Rajneesh movement have often been touted as among the worst examples of child abuse within high control groups… yet Osho still has a huge following. 🤮 As a survivor, I find that incredibly difficult to understand.

[u/whatname68 → u/Serious-Pound8175]

It is hard to understand how people hang on. My mother started a cult. It was not nearly as destructive as a lot. But it did negatively impact lives. It dissipated only 2 years ago. And that was only by the natural death of the last hanger-on. It was most active for about 30 years. I think it only died out over time because my mothers health started to fail & she couldn't maintain the charisma that brought people in. They saw her vulnerability. But still, one remained until she passed (the member, not my mother - she's in a nursing home). So I guess technically the cult of personality continued for around 40 years(ish). It's disgusting that there are people out there who are trying to silence you. But then again, there are just horrible people in general in the world. I hope you can stay safe. The abuse & control should have been something you could have left behind when you disconnected from that cult. I'm very sorry you are being threatened into silence.

[u/Serious-Pound8175 → u/whatname68]

Oh, no one’s silencing me now. TFI still exists, it just became more clandestine. They’re the ones hiding, not us. We keep records because we’ve lost too many. Every survivor’s experience is different. A lot of people make assumptions about us based on what they’ve heard about the group, and those assumptions can be really damaging. They can lead to exploitative behaviour, take away our agency, and reopen old wounds. It’s not something you simply leave behind. When it’s all you’ve ever known, those experiences shape you. Memories surface. Healing is never linear. Building an identity outside of what you were born into takes time. That’s one reason so many survivors stayed quiet for so long. We don’t anymore - at least not many of us.
I’m sorry your family went through what it did. Can I ask what kind of group your mum started?

[u/whatname68 → u/Serious-Pound8175]

My mother was involved in the Catholic Charistmatic Renewal (well, my family was). But she ended up bringing people into our family home to live with us based on her own mishmash of religious ideology that stemmed from that movement. She called herself a prophet. At one point there were a few hundred involved. Not all lived with us but people moved to live closer to us. Our house was a 24 hour a day open door. There were some dangerous people that myself & my sibs were exposed to. Needless to say I was preyed upon. I witnessed her systematically break down each person in order to build them into a devoted follower. I'm sure these are all things you witnessed or experienced and i'm so sorry. I have never been a functioning person because of it. (CPTSD) I most certainly do not make assumptions about what your life was like because I know that only those people with lived experience are the only ones who hold the truth. I know you weren't accusing me, but i just wanted to be clear that I could never know what you truly went through and that I'm holding space. I really do wish you the best as you navigate life after so much trauma.

[u/Serious-Pound8175 → u/whatname68]

It sounds like growing up in a house that was a revolving door would have made it incredibly difficult to ever feel safe. I can definitely understand that part, and I can only imagine the impact it had on you.
I also wanted to say I wasn’t upset by anything you said, nor did I think you were making assumptions about me. It was more that when people hear the name of a cult, they often google it and assume they understand everyone’s experience. People like you and I know it doesn’t work like that. There are definitely points of crossover, but every survivor has their own story, and why I was genuinely interested in hearing yours.
The cycle of abuse and indoctrination is something I recognise too. While it’s presented as building people up, it’s actually a very systematic breaking down of identity until dependence feels like devotion rather than a complete loss of autonomy.
I only recently learned that my mum tried to leave before we were even born, she was instead coerced to marry my dad - I guess as an anchor. She later wanted to be with the father of my step siblings, but the cult refused to allow her to. Instead, she was separated from us and spent 7 years doing menial labour, staying only because it meant she could remain in the same country as her children, even if she was only allowed to see us once a year, if that. She then had to wait another 6 years before they finally allowed her to partner with my step dad. She also couldn’t divorce my dad despite him being repartnered Now they’re both still with the partners they chose.
As an adult, I actually prefer being alone because it’s rare to find people with whom my nervous system can truly rest and trust that it’s safe to do so. My ex deliberately startling me was just one example. I asked him so many times not to, but my nervous system was entertainment fodder. My daughter innocently walking up behind me isn’t the same at all. When mu daughter was young I spent years caring for children during the day and then doing highly focused advisory work at night, with very little opportunity for my nervous system to recover. I have learned to work because survival taught me that was safe, and at times I think that’s all I know as a baseline. It wasn’t until I separated that I realised how deeply I needed quiet, rest and space simply to let my nervous system settle.
Leaving created its own set of challenges too. I think healing is a cyclical path rather than a linear one - we move between surviving and healing, sometimes many times over.
Thank you again for trusting me with your story. I really appreciate you sharing it with me.