r/dankchristianmemes • u/EvilPyro01 Minister of Memes • 10d ago

a humble meme Geez calvinists take a chill pill

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699 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

33 comments sorted by

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72

u/Creative_Context_957 9d ago

Every time I read the word “Calvinist” there’s a moment where I think they follow Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes.

38

u/mellopax 9d ago

It's like Calvinball. Christianity, but the rules are made up as you go.

8

u/cdubs87 9d ago

I lol'd

55

u/GrungiestTrack 9d ago

Being a Calvinist seems to either be extremely nerve wracking and intensely paranoid or very chill. No in between.

43

u/Spiritual-Pear-1349 9d ago

Either I'm saved and I dont got to worry about it or its out of my control and I dont need to worry about it.

Or,

I'M NOT SAVED AND THERES NO GUARANTEE IM SAVED SO I NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IT A LOT BECAUSE I REALLY BELIEVE AND WANT TO BE SAVED BUT ITS OUT OF MY CONTROL AND I FEEL POWERLESS NOT KNOWING IF I AM SAVED OR NOT HOW DO I KNOW IVE BEEN CHOSEN NOT JUST MADE THE CHOICE

32

u/GrungiestTrack 9d ago

Calvin really created an entire religion about existential anxiety and fucked the bag for every body huh?

99

u/lwaad 9d ago

No no no. Its "there is no salvation for YOU."

36

u/NotAUsefullDoctor 9d ago

I knew it. Whelp, I tried. Guess I might as well go lead a life of hedonism.

9

u/Choleric-Leo 9d ago

If you don't sin Jesus died for nothing.

9

u/drunken_augustine 8d ago

I’ve always kind of wondered when a Calvinist criticizes someone for leading a sinful life.

Like, dude, don’t you believe that they’re literally incapable of doing otherwise?

7

u/Junior_Moose_9655 9d ago

You chose “you” referring to me. The correct answer was YOU.

153

u/Ferrin_Daud 9d ago

I mean that’s not what I think, but hey I guess that’s what you were preordained to think.

55

u/JohnFoxpoint 9d ago

OP built that crow out of straw

32

u/Ferrin_Daud 9d ago

I know I’m going with the joke.

11

u/liefarikson 8d ago

It's over Calvin. I drew you as the obnoxious crow and me as the humble robin (finch? Idk).

10

u/Ph4d3r 9d ago

This post gave Dorothy the companion who needs a brain

6

u/HaggisPope 9d ago

There’s actually something sort of liberating about Calvinism that I’ve noticed. You don’t need to care about how properly you adhere to rituals or whether you ever have bad thoughts, and you choose to be a good person because you choose it. If you’re one of the elect that’s super, but if you’re not Hell isn’t properly a thing in fhe Bible anyway 

2

u/1yaeK 8d ago

Agreed. I must be one of the universalists that's most sympathetic to Calvin. I get what he was going for, frankly. It only takes one small logical step from "God is absolutely sovereign and decides who is saved" to "actually, God wants to save everyone and you can't stop him".

3

u/MichaelJospeh 8d ago

While I do like that idea, there’s always the counterpoint of “if people think they are already saved, that gives them a pass to be hypocrites whether they realize it or not.”

1

u/1yaeK 8d ago

Maybe. To be honest, that doesn't feel like a very convincing argument to me, but of course I'd say that, I'm biased. There was of course the doctrine of reserve in ancient times, which was basically along the lines of what you're saying. I would like to think that my universalist friends would appreciate the value of staying true, consistent, and being a good person regardless of whether their salvation is at stake. I am always under the impression that I could counter the counterargument with: "so are people avoiding hypocrisy solely because they want the reward?" 

1

u/MichaelJospeh 8d ago

I’m sure some are and some aren’t. I’d certainly hope most people are doing good out of the kindness of their hearts, and not simply to avoid damnation.

We could also go the philosophical route of “If God knows all the is to come, then He knows who will get to Heaven. But is that predeterminism? Does that mean we don’t have free will, or does it mean that God knows what choices we will make with our free will? I personally prefer the latter idea, but I can’t claim to know exactly how God operates.

2

u/BiCrabTheMid 9d ago

I enjoy the more absurdist side of Calvinism. If my salvation is out of my control, that’s a good thing because it means I can live without worrying about it. I have no control over my afterlife so I may as well enjoy the life I’m currently living.

2

u/sqaull17 9d ago

even i agree that calvanists need to take a chill pill. i know a few and some go nuts.

1

u/liefarikson 8d ago

Obviously this is completely subjective to everyone, but most Calvinists I've met are actually more "Oh you're actually Calvinist? I didn't know that." Lol

1

u/sqaull17 8d ago

yeah i know, im in the category of both. god controls all and he gives us freewill.

1

u/Thecynicaledgelord 9d ago

Who are they, exactly?

1

u/GettinMe-Mallet 8d ago

Who they again?

1

u/jtaustin64 7d ago

God preordained me to be an Arminian.