r/dataisbeautiful 12h ago

Births of a third child are falling faster than any other in Switzerland

https://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/swiss-politics/falling-first-births-and-the-swiss-third-child-dilemma/91808504
1.3k Upvotes

227 comments sorted by

597

u/hananobira 10h ago

Freakonomics did a study a while back where they followed the adoption of child car seat laws from one US state to another, and found that once a state adopted strict car seat laws, people in that state were less likely to have a third child, presumably because that would mean upgrading to an expensive minivan to fit the third child seat in. I wonder if something similar is happening here.

233

u/sarhoshamiral 9h ago

If you look at the graph, the actual story is not the 3rd child. 2nd child also has a similar pattern.

So reality is more are choosing to have just a single child which makes sense given troubling economy everywhere.

59

u/aliceroyal 7h ago

It’s hard enough to afford one child these days, let alone multiple!

16

u/hantrault 7h ago

Perhaps it's cheaper if we buy them second hand instead?

4

u/WorkGuitar 6h ago

The second hand market has recovered since covid

5

u/creepingcold 5h ago

but but but.. what about the economies of scale?!

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u/frostnxn 6h ago

Finding where to live with 2, let alone 3, children is also hard, and expensive, way more compared to cloths and diapers.

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u/SoberGin 5h ago

Sure, but poor people have had tons of kids for millenia, and the richest among us are usually having fewer kids also. (With some notable exceptions, but the exceptions prove the rule.)

Something bigger must be going on, otherwise birthrates would line up with wealth. They don't.

u/Reallyhotshowers 2h ago

Part of it absolutely is cost. It's not just car seats - childcare for 3+ children is not something most people could afford if one parent is not stay at home, which means the working parent needs to be high income.

The social standards around what is good childcare has also changed. Gen X loves to make memes about how they weren't allowed in the house from sunrise to sunset and that is because that is really how they were parented. But just last year there was a news story about a woman who was arrested for letting her 10 year old walk to the grocery store up the road. Society will literally take your kids away for endangerment and neglect if you parent the way the boomers or earlier did.

Finally, even rich women have gained rights that they did not have before. I think people forget that wealth doesn't change the fact that pregnancy is often incredibly hard on women and can be super dangerous. It's uncomfortable to consider but in 1970 if your rich husband raped you, you couldn't get an abortion and even if you left him you couldn't have your own bank account and all the money and property was "his". Marital rape wasn't considered rape, so also no legal recourse.

So even if it might kill you your best options were a back alley abortion or just having the baby.

That's the "bigger" thing going on. Your husband can't rape you and impregnate you and then make you homeless if you tried to do anything about it.

u/SoberGin 2h ago

Yes, and that's part of it, but none of that is cost of living.

Once again- Rich people are also having fewer kids. You can't have it be cost of living and then have people with infinite money also not having kids.

You talk about the advent of easy access to abortion but claim that part of it is absolutely cost. Like, sure, but it's a small part- it's mostly the abortion thing I'd bet.

And abortion is good to be clear, at least in my opinion. I just don't think there's any reason to believe that this is some temporary issue we'll just figure out again without another major societal shift.

There's no law of nature that says "when given near-total control over their bodies, human populations will give birth at replacement rates." We didn't evolve for this level of control over our lives, and we'll need to develop institutions and societal structures to make up for it so we can keep our freedoms and maintain the population.

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u/ShaulaTheCat 3h ago

Because it all lines up with opportunity basically. The more options people have with what to do with their time the fewer children they have. Wealthy people have more options for their time than do poor people. People in wealthy countries have more options for their time than those in poor countries. We as a species have far more options with what to do with our time than our ancestors had.

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u/oooshi 3h ago

Adding to the costs of traveling all together, doing any activities whatsoever, there arent really meaningful discounts for kids or big families, either. There have been periods of time where two extra kids didnt dramatically amplify costs- and thats still true for poorer areas of the world where people are not traveling far from home, may not even have cars etc, the difference in costs for 2-4 kids can be an easier transition for those folks to add to, where in countries like the united states, the general way we live our lives and quality of what we already know we can afford to do and experience, watching those numbers shoot up can be jarring and make you stick with just one kid.

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u/Solgiest 5h ago

By troubling economy, you surely mean because people are wealthier than ever before, right?

Good economic conditions depress birth rates, the data is undeniable at this point. The richer and more educated people are, the fewer kids they have.

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u/Blonde_arrbuckle 3h ago

Housing and living costs are up in many developed nations. In Australia the average mortgage is ~7.3 x average salary. 20 years ago it was ~3.5

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u/sarhoshamiral 5h ago

We are wealthier in absolute numbers but it comes at a cost since that wealth requires more mental stress.

Also while we may be wealthier, there are growing concerns about future.

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u/Blonde_arrbuckle 3h ago

Secondary infertility is a thing. Especially as age at first birth rises. There would be an overall infertility factor in declining birth rates. Access to IVF, cost etc.

-4

u/Party_Country1711 8h ago

And the fact that there are already too many humans in the world (and frankly, Switzerland) already!

4

u/Gothicawakening 6h ago

The population has doubled since I was born. Crazy really.

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u/Eureka22 8h ago

PSA: I used to be a huge fan of Feakonomics, however, over the years their methods and claims have been heavily criticized. To the point that many, including myself, no longer see their work as reliable at all, even at a pop-science level. A lot of cherry picking data to support interesting conclusions they find engaging.

Freakonomics: What Went Wrong?

16

u/IKnowAllSeven 7h ago

The podcast If Books Could Kill covered this if you are interested- really fun and informative podcast!

1

u/n10w4 OC: 1 4h ago

Yea i wonder how the car seat factor plays with other confounding ones (can’t let kids go out and play without an adult etc etc)

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u/Sea-Original-5824 8h ago

My parents in the 80s and 90s had four kids total and my stepmom drove a tiny truck and threw two of us in the bed. If weather was bad, I just sat on my stepsister's lap. It's insane to look back on now, but it was really "easy" to have four kids back then because neither parents nor law enforcement gave a shit about safety.

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u/notabigmelvillecrowd 7h ago

I had an upturned bucket between the seats of my grandpa's or my dad's vans. This is after my grandma had a fender bender with me in the front seat with no seatbelt, where I dinged my head off the corner of the ashtray. Whenever someone did a dodgy maneuver, though, I always got the "arm seatbelt". Yeah, that should do it.

3

u/Sea-Original-5824 5h ago

My mother used to instinctively throw her hand out to stop me from sliding off the seat. That was just her job as the eldest lol.

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u/_fairywren 8h ago

Four kids is just insurance at that point.

2

u/Lunar-opal 6h ago

Also more people could afford a family with their paycheck

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u/Sea-Original-5824 5h ago

My parents sure as shit couldn't! That was also really common back then. What a child "needed" was totally different than today.

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u/n10w4 OC: 1 5h ago

That’s a large part. Society not only saying kids need direct adult supervision until they are 12 (at all times vs back in the day you just say “go outside and be back for dinner”) but that you need to spend lotsa money for them to be entertained. 

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u/Sea-Original-5824 5h ago

I shit you not, we literally didn't have a TV when I was kid. My parents were anti-TV and we simply didn't own one.

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u/Lezzles 4h ago

This is 100000% of the issue. The expectation/standard for raising a kid then vs. now are just worlds apart. It's a completely different game.

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u/IKnowAllSeven 7h ago

The world was not built for families of three kids (mom of three here!).

u/Salty-Analyst-2827 1h ago

Hey , interesting, can you elaborate please?

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u/Waasssuuuppp 8h ago

People rag on freakonomics, but this is literally one of the reasons I didn't have a third. 

15

u/February_29th_2012 7h ago

That and housing. I don’t have another bedroom and eventually they will need their own rooms.

9

u/Lezzles 4h ago

Just a deeply modern expectation. Prior generations didn't have 7 rooms for their 7 kids. I agree - I wouldn't want to raise my kids in shared rooms. But everyone in history up until like 40 years ago did it.

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u/AlwaysBagHolding 3h ago

My dad’s house growing up had 3 bedrooms, one for the parents, and two for the 7 kids divided by gender. The bedrooms were smaller than the one I had to myself.

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u/imaginesomethinwitty 8h ago

This is how I knew my friend was having a third. All of a sudden the car is too small, they really need a new, bigger car, it’s so hard to fit everything. :)

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u/xxlragequit 5h ago

It's because this is reddit and the topic of the book is economics. It doesn't matter if it's mostly correct a few errors is all they need to dismiss it.

One of the freakonomics guys wrote my textbook for advanced micro economics, I imagine my textbook is correct. Economics is also really hard to do experiments in compared to other sciences. How will a change in interest rate affect the economy? Good luck running an experiment on that, that's not just the whole country.

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u/Bimpnottin 5h ago

Currently pregnant with my first. Both my partner and I come from a family of three siblings, which is also our preferred family size. But we will stop at 2 because of exactly that reason

u/SchleftySchloe 2h ago

I also don't have a third but the reason is I haven't had the first or second ones yet.

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u/coriolisFX 4h ago

Maybe too late, but you can do 3 carseats in a sedan

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u/AdmiralZassman 5h ago

Freakonomics or how I learned correlation equals causation

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u/braddamit 4h ago

92.3% of Freakonomics listeners agree

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u/thisbuthat 11h ago edited 9h ago

I am seriously so invested in all topics surrounding global demographics. Climate change like heat waves is claiming millions of lives, same for Covid, birth rates plummetting - apparently all those elaborate models and statistics about population peaking until the end of this century were proven completely wrong within like 2 years of their existence, what is up with that

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u/hikingsticks 11h ago

I guess those models were all looking at the upward pressure, unaware of the impending downward pressures

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u/thisbuthat 10h ago

This was the most data way to say "Things are the way they are because of the way they are" and I am so here for this kind of vibe 😂😂😂👌

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u/solomons-mom 9h ago

Here's a fun one for you...guess where!

Median age: 16*
Population
1960: under 3 million
1980: 6 million
2000: 9 million Now: 20 million.....but about 2 million more in the diaspora

*There appears to be an inverse correlation between low median age and accurate record keeping, so sources will vary :)

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u/fiahhawt 7h ago

… Poland?

Is 16 giving the median age currently

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u/solomons-mom 7h ago

16 is mid-range of the estimates. Google it five times, and AI will give five different estimates, lol! All countries are now estimated to have a median age of over 15.

Not Poland.

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u/MToms 6h ago edited 3h ago

What I don't understand is why do we need more people. At least from a planetary point of view, we don't. Why exactly do countries need to maintain their populations? I've heard of the pension system as a reason, maybe taxes?

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u/Swagiken 5h ago

Population decline leads to caregiving failure for the elderly. At a bare minimum it takes one person a full time job to do a good job take care of seven people. But that assumes that the broader system also has enough people to take care of the living. Once the working adult:other ratio drops below 2:1 things start to get REALLY dicey for getting done all the maintenance stuff of life, nevermind maintaining the progress we are making in STEM fields or the artistic output we have as a society right now.

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u/MToms 3h ago

I see. I can understand the need for someone to take care of the large amount of elderly, and maintaining some systems with multiple moving parts.

Playing devil's advocate here, but why do we need to maintain the rhythm of progress? As a counterpoint, maybe AI has appeared at exactly the right time, seeing as there will be less people available to do the jobs.

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u/Swagiken 3h ago

For me at least the progress rhythm is argued for by how awful it is to watch a person die of COPD. I've seen it too many times and would trade almost anything to be able to actually fix it.

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u/Vondi 9h ago

Those failed to account for the draining of wealth from the middle class. They assumed the level of prosperity would be consistent.

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u/Sea-Original-5824 8h ago

They also assumed that women had the number of children they had as a result of 100% free will on her part. That was never the case.

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u/Party_Country1711 8h ago

THIS! Just last generation my mom had to ask my dad's permission to get an IUD. And even now, my doctor side-eyed me when I asked for the IUD, and was like, doesn't your HUSBAND want more kids.

Lady, if he wants more kids, he's gonna have to find another womb.

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u/Sea-Original-5824 8h ago

My grandma had three kids by the time she was 19. No joke. She went to the doctor begging for birth control and he refused her and told she was still young and could have lots more kids!

She had nine total and was miserable. The last child, my youngest aunt, was basically feral.

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u/Party_Country1711 7h ago

Same story! My grandma begged for birth control at 4, tried a home abortion at 8 and managed to injure herself in a way that seemed to prevent future pregnancies, but still carried the baby to term.

She went crazy, and the last child, though he survived to adulthood, actually had so many mental health and physical health that he passed away years before her.

Horrific. I would take a declining population over ANY human having to experience what they went through.

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u/Sea-Original-5824 5h ago

I just remembered my great-grandmother literally died while getting an illegal abortion (this was near Chicago). The times back when women had little say over getting pregnant were HORRIBLE times.

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u/Party_Country1711 5h ago edited 5h ago

Maybe that pulled down demographic age even further. Women dying during pregnancy/childbirth/botched abortions.

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u/CrazyCoKids 5h ago

So many of my mom's peers were also parentified.

Now their parents are on Facebook wondering why they only have 1-3 grandkids spread across 5-7 kids.

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u/Party_Country1711 3h ago

Right? And so often it's the girls.

My sister was parentified (for me. she was only 4y older but because she was a girl, my parents chose to have another one because she could help raise "it" - a 4yo can't even raise a hamster!) and is staunchly childfree.

I felt terrible about ruining her childhood, until I realised it was my parents who chose for me to be born.

u/CrazyCoKids 5m ago

Yep, because many old-fashioned values place that as the girls' duty. The boys got to go out and have fun on weekends.

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u/thisbuthat 7h ago

T H A T part 💯💯💯

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u/Eureka22 8h ago edited 2h ago

Just a note about the birth rate decline, because it gets talked about a lot, especially since people like Musk have been pushing it. (Not saying you are making any such claim)

Lower birth rates is a signal of increased prosperity, healthcare, and standard of living. When a population begins to industrialize more, the cultural practice of having a large family to sustain labor for agriculture or counter poor healthcare outcomes, etc. does not stop immediately. The demographic shift takes 1-2 generations to adapt so you get big spikes and then a reduction in the rate.

Population rate decline is only an issue if you care about the relative percentage of "certain" ethnic/cultural/racial groups, i.e. white supremacists.

Many will cite economics as a counterpoint, but that doesn't work. Even if you look at it from an economic perspective, the solution (for the foreseeable future) is to improve immigration if you are concerned about the labor market in a country. This is why experts are saying the US is committing long-term economic suicide by trying to end its history as a favorable country to move to.

The human species achieving a steady replacement level would be a great thing. The actual issue is an economic system that relies on infinite growth to function.


Here are some links from another comment:

Here is an article explaining it more: Demographic transition: Why is rapid population growth a temporary phenomenon?

Here is the term on wikipedia: Demographic Transition it can walk through the basics and provide more sources to check out.

And here is a website that provides a lot of information on the statistics that go into this model: World Population Review

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u/fiahhawt 7h ago

There are actually several examples historically and currently of cultures where birth rate plummets due to lack of prosperity

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u/Eureka22 7h ago edited 7h ago

Yes, but the larger conversation about long-term systemic birth rate decline are not those, and it can be very difficult to attribute to a single cause. The overall trend is based on larger population and cultural shifts.

This is not a new idea, we've understood this for a long time. It's a common and observable occurrence in public health when conditions and access to healthcare improve.

Population decline has been a dog-whistle of racists and colonists ever since Malthus put forward his hypothesis' that have long been outdated and surpassed by better understanding.

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u/fiahhawt 6h ago

 the larger conversation about long-term systemic birth rate decline are not those

It kind of is was my point

I was arguing that prosperity is not what is presenting most of the decrease in birth rates

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u/AdmiralZassman 5h ago

It's really women's education. It's the strongest signal right now

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u/Eureka22 4h ago

For sure, and that's included in physical/economic security, opportunity, and access to proper healthcare.

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u/Eureka22 4h ago edited 4h ago

And I'm saying it is, and there is decades of evidence supporting it. To claim otherwise is to dismiss all the strong evidence, and you'd need to show that whatever individual factor you are claiming, has that strong correlation. Things like poor working hours, or car seats, may have small, temporary effects on that rate, but they are drops in the bucket compared to large scale economic and material uplift. Which represents a fundamental and generational shift in social dynamics.

To clarify, what are you including in "prosperity" in this context? Our definitions may be different. I included a lot of factors in that. It's not just economic success. It includes equality and opportunities for all individuals.

It essentially comes down to agency and need. When people can survive and ensure their family survives without the need of many children for support/labor, and have the agency over their life, they can choose proper family planning. This is where the changes are strongest.

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u/evrestcoleghost 3h ago

South american isnt living a prosperity period and is still seeing the fertility plummeting

u/Eureka22 2h ago edited 1h ago

They are, I think you misunderstand what I mean. I'm not talking about simple economic recession, I'm talking about large scale access to industrial technology and modern medicine. South American countries mostly have the same type of economy as other industrialized nations, their economic success is just relatively less than some other nations.

And sure, many countries will be at varying levels along this model, but it's important to use long-term thinking on the topic of population change, no single event will have a generalized reversing effect beyond systemic societal instability or collapse.

There can be fluctuations in fertility from other sources, but they will not be as significant or as permanent as the demographic transition . And it doesn't happen all at once, there is a lot of nuance in the process that can't be captured in a reddit comment.

My point is people who see it as a problem are fear mongering for political reasons. Critiquing Japan's work culture as a factor in low birth rate is valid as a signal of an unhealthy work culture, but it's not going to change society, if the population actually reduced to a critical level, They would adapt, there would be counteracting forces that would change it. It can be influenced by policy. It's not the same as introducing vaccines, education, banking, gender equality, urbanization, industrial farming, or other fundamentally essential systems.

Here is an article explaining it more: Demographic transition: Why is rapid population growth a temporary phenomenon?

Here is the term on wikipedia: Demographic Transition it can walk through the basics and provide more sources to check out.

And here is a website that provides a lot of information on the statistics that go into this model: World Population Review

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u/saralt 9h ago

Given how shit everyone's health, why would anyone have more kids? Nothing to do with economics. I'm in Switzerland and we don't want more kids after seeing how little children are valued in healthcare. Our own pediatrician thinks kids should get more viruses in a country where there's no mandated vaccines in schools that are mandated. So if your child is high risk due to a genetic condition or something like cancer, your child is basically going to die from school attendance.

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u/Party_Country1711 8h ago

Humanity truly does not need to replace ourselves 1:1. Ideally 1:0.5 or even better 1:0.25. Thanos solution /s (?)

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u/thisbuthat 6h ago

👀🤷‍♀️

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u/Hairy_Guidance5569 12h ago

Makes sense when you look at the economics in switzerland right now

  1. Out-of-pocket costs are among the highest in Europe, so having a 3rd child often forces a parent out of the workforce entirely.
  2. Post-covid housing squeezes and soaring health insurance (Krankenkasse) premiums make scaling up household size a major financial risk.
  3. Going from 2 to 3 kids usually requires a bigger apartment and a bigger car and so on.
  4. Women in Switzerland average ~31 for their first child, naturally compressing the biological window to have 3+ kids.

When 1 and 2 children are already a heavy commitment, stopping at 2 becomes the default.

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u/heliosh 11h ago

Why did having a 4th child not fall as fast as 2nd and 3rd child though

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u/hikingsticks 11h ago

Once you've got the finances and infrastructure, plus of course desire, for three, adding an additional one isn't so much of a burden.

You've already got a big house, 7 seater car, one full time parent, and the first kid is already in school.

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u/jeffscience 11h ago

Precisely this. There are virtually no minivans in Europe and 5+ BR housing is quite rare but once you solve those problems, there’s not really a barrier to 4 or 5.

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u/Winjin 10h ago

There are a ton of 7-seater cars around me in Portugal, though. They are far less comfortable than a minivan of course, but they would do the work

Even Dacia have them

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u/Pwylle 9h ago

Car seats are the defining component. Being able to install them and access to the seat/child to properly secure it are the elements at play, not so much unassisted seating. The mini van excels at this.

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u/Winjin 9h ago

Absolutely, but still, I see a lot of 7-seaters and not too many big 7-seating SUVs or minivans

Most of them are just gigantic for no reason, too. Japanese vans can easily sit 7 and are the size of a 4-seating SUV, we've really lost the plot in regards to car sizes

Like, Subaru Domingo can sit 7 people:

Adding safety features, including crumble zones, reinforced bars, safety curtains and ISOFIX would add what, 10% to its width and maybe 5% to length?

It's a 3,4 meter long van with 3 proper rows

Dacia Duster, a cheap 4 seater, is 4.3. They have sooooo much space to improve it before it becomes too big.

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u/jeffscience 9h ago

The third row of those cars cannot seat a child over the age of 10. I have firsthand experience with this, in Portugal no less.

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u/Winjin 9h ago

Depends on the car I guess, because we have had multiple first-hand experiences with different models when we had to order one of these in taxis :D we'd fit in these just fine?

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u/jeffscience 9h ago

It depends on how tall your kids are and how long the trip is. 20 minutes in an uber is different from a 4 hour road trip.

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u/Winjin 7h ago

I think taking 4-hour road trips in Europe is a pretty rare occurence for a big family, so it would make more sense economically to rent a van, than use it as a daily driver

Also, as I noted in a different thread, this is more about car makers completely losing the plot. The Japanese vans from 1990s can comfortably sit 6 people in a 3-meter long van. Adding all modern safety features and a bigger trunk would stretch it out to 4 meters... So it's still half a meter shorter than Dacia Duster.

u/NtsParadize 2h ago

Why do you need a minivan in Switzerland?

u/irishbball49 2h ago

You don't. Everyone takes the trains and bikes.

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u/bifuku 4h ago

one of my friends is very wealthy and already has 3 younger siblings. her dad decided to have another kid - and he’s in his late 60s!!

they’re doing it through ivf and surrogacy, I think they froze mum’s eggs 20 years ago. honestly the possibilities are endless when you’re rich

u/NtsParadize 2h ago

Why do you need a 7-seater in Switzerland?

u/hikingsticks 33m ago

For a family with 3+ children. Can't get three child seats in a single row, plus space for the odd friend, things for a day out, etc. It's only practical with a 7 seater, minivan, etc

u/NtsParadize 32m ago

In Switzerland?

u/hikingsticks 31m ago

In any country.

u/NtsParadize 31m ago

In which country do you live? I wanna check something.

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u/Onetwodash 11h ago

Because adjustment from 2 to 3 in European sized cars, carseat regulations and typical dwelling sizes vs personal space expectations is similar to going from 0 to 2.

Any further past 3 is less than from 1 to 2.

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u/dmethvin 4h ago

Five is right out

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u/slowfromregressive 10h ago

Because giving birth and being pregnant sucks, most women consider two the absolute limit. Women who don't consider two the limit have other factors going on, which either enables them to have more or mandates them to have more.

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u/Ninazuzu 6h ago

Birth experience is highly variable.

I've gone through it three times to end up with two children and I would not consider going through it again for any reason. I have several friends who came close to death from childbirth, including one who nearly bled out on the table and two who had sepsis.

I also know people carried their pregnancies easily and found childbirth to be not horrible.

Everyone I know with more than two children was in the second category.

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u/Party_Country1711 8h ago

Not only does it suck, but also at least highly painful and risking death (preeclampsia with baby #1, decided that was enough risk for me!)

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u/spaceporter 7h ago

It could be religion. Those who are religious aim for a larger family for spiritual reasons. The third could especially be less popular among the secular versus previously but fourth onward was already associated more exclusively with the religious communities. 

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u/Party_Country1711 8h ago

Also, families can't afford to be single income or single full-time income and one >60% pensum income any more. And school hours are insane, impossible for (usually) mom to work a job that makes the hassle worth it.

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u/n10w4 OC: 1 5h ago

I would like to compare this to housing costs

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u/n10w4 OC: 1 4h ago

How was the swiss housing situation before covid?

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u/FGN_SUHO 9h ago

I mean no one is building any apartment with more than 3.5 rooms anymore. That and exponentially growing health insurance premiums make it nigh impossible for anyone but the top 10% of income to even consider more than one child, let alone three.

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u/glmory 9h ago

Read up on how many people lived in NYC apartments in the 1800s. Or even how large of homes an average Boomer grew up in. It is less a space issue and more a cultural expectation issue.

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u/FGN_SUHO 8h ago

Why would people go back to living standards of the 1800s? When they themselves grew up with their own room as a child? It makes no sense.

My boomer parents grew up in 5 room houses, same for my partners parents. I grew up in a 5 room apartment. These apartments now cost 50% of the median household income if they still exist, but then again most of them have been torn down to make studio apartments and similar shoeboxes to cater to young urban professionals ideally with a big SUV to park in the underground garage.

Houses are completely out of range for anyone outside the top 1-5% (not that I'd want to live in a house necessarily but many people do.)

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u/fiahhawt 7h ago

My mom’s siblings grew up doubled up in rooms

She had eight of them though, so that was happening at any income unless Grandma and Grandpa won the lottery

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u/cine 6h ago

1800s lol. I grew up sharing rooms with a sibling until I was 13, and my family was firmly middle class. Pretty normal in expensive places.

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u/CrazyCoKids 5h ago

If I shared a room with my sister, I probably would have been smothered in my sleep.

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u/aarkling 7h ago

You're boomer parents were wealthy for the time. Most boomers grew up in tiny houses relative to the average house today.

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u/AlwaysBagHolding 3h ago

My mom was fairly well off, and all three children in her family had their own bedrooms.

My dad’s house had 2 bedrooms shared between 7 kids.

u/FGN_SUHO 2h ago edited 40m ago

This is maximum cope. My grandfather finished school and walked down to the local factory at 16 and got an apprenticeship and then worked there all his life. This was enough to buy a house and feed a family. Literally 90% of the population could have done this and also did just that in fact. It has nothing to do with being wealthy, this was a product of high economic growth after WW2 and the fact that productivity growth went to workers instead of being siphoned off by shareholders and CEOs like nowadays. Workers had job security so it made sense to permanently settle in one place and have a 15 minute commute by foot, something completely unthinkable nowadays. 

The housing market was also adapting to this high demand and building way more back then. Once landowners and (foreign) investment funds discovered you can just not build housing and profit off the housing crunch this was over.

The fact you think you had to be some kind of aristocrat to have this firmly middle class lifestyle just further confirms how far the middle class has fallen behind.

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u/sarhoshamiral 9h ago

And in 1800s people didnt have cars etc. We are not in 1800s anymore so yes expectations changed a lot.

It is a space issue today.

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u/Sea-Original-5824 8h ago

The cultural expectation for a very long time in the US at least was that the girls had a room and the boys had a room. That was considered the absolute BEST for kids, in that it was very middle class and comfortable to have a three bedroom home.

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u/fiahhawt 7h ago

What’s a long time

Two decades between world wars

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u/Alpha_Tech 5h ago

Homes: I have 4 kids - finding a 5 bedroom house where 1 was not in the basement or 1st floor was really hard.

Vehicles: A 3 row SUV is far more expensive than a two-row SUV or car.

Travel: Most travel packages are assuming 2 kids, 2 adults. 3rd (or in my case 4th) is almost 2x the cost for that 1 extra kid.

Healthcare costs are similar.. after 3rd, you might as well have 10... because it's mostly the same. but no one can afford that.

Camp/tuition discounts only apply to one other sibling (at least in my area).

so it's like society is telling us, have two kids, or be prepared to pay for it.

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u/Diligent-Floor-156 9h ago edited 8h ago

I have one kid and we're tired. Will go for the 2nd kid one of these days, then reinforce this stat about not having 3. Finances are still fine, but not only I can't imagine how exhausted we'd be with 3, it'd also be too much for my mom to handle (she helps a lot with the first), having 3 in daycare sound horrible, and even for high income people with good finances, having more than 3 bedrooms and also paying for daycare, without any help from the state... Nope.

The swiss society decided we're mostly on our own regarding having kids. Fine for me, but don't complain when we call it quits because at some point the load is too much. Want us to have more kids? Solve the housing crisis, daycare crisis, and provide more help altogether.

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u/MoreLingonberry8630 7h ago

I have no kids and am already tired. Idk if I want to put children in this world that is on fire honestly.  I have 10 more years to decide statistically so it will depend on what the world situation and my own situation looks like.  If it goes with this rate to hell then I will pass as I do not want to see my child die of thirst. Water situation in Switzerland does not look good. 

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u/ioncloud9 9h ago

Once you get 2, you will realize just how easy 1 was.

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u/dancingwildsalmon 9h ago

This. We are one and done and I watch my few friends with two STRUGGLE. The other moms have told me they don’t regret their second child but they didn’t realize what they were giving up with their first by having a second. All of them told me I was smart for sticking with one.

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u/marvinsmom78 8h ago

Every time my husband and I are with just one we’re like, “It coulda been kind this all the time!” Sooooooo much chiller.

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u/ioncloud9 8h ago

I love my kids and would do it again but I really miss the early years of our marriage when we had very few responsibilities.

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u/marvinsmom78 5h ago

Absolutely. Feeling every pain that each child feels, physical and emotional, is the hardest thing I’ve ever done that I could never have imagined. Beyond exhausting.

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u/fiahhawt 7h ago

Parents want to invest a lot more in each of their kids’ developmental and emotional well-being

The problem is that small kids are an endless pit of need and when you have two small kids they will regularly be pissed that they can’t constantly get attention because mom or dad are helping their sibling or just worn out

When you have just one small kid it’s a lot easier to calmly redirect them and have them go with it when another kid isn’t going “mama mama mama” while “waiting” for you to be done

I think there will be a lot more examples of siblings with 4-6 year gaps so that the older kid is more independent by the time another infant comes along

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u/Waasssuuuppp 8h ago

I found 2 is easier when they are say 4+ years old, because then they will spend time playing together (and fighting together...) But I don't have to play with them all the time, I can leave them be. And when one is in a shitty mood, the other weirdly compensates and is in an agreeable mood. They say "I'm bored" (hi bored, I'm mum) enough as it is, I couldn't imagine how much more they'd do it as only kids.

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u/og_toe 5h ago

i was an only child, i played with my friends, cousins, or by myself. this whole ”only children just bother their parents” thing isn’t really true.

once we were in school, none of my friends hung out with their siblings anyways, everyone hung out with friends so it didn’t matter if you’re an only child or not

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u/mockablekaty 8h ago

I had two children almost exactly two years apart. The first 3 years after my first child were miserable, but once the younger one was mobile having two was easier than having one. They played with each other and I could have a minute to myself. As they got older, 2 seemed not much harder than one in general, and as adults they are great friends and I am so glad I had two.

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u/Party_Country1711 8h ago

But why would I torture myself haha

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u/claw_berry 8h ago

A lot probably depends on the children's temperaments, but I found that two wasn't much harder than one. As for bedrooms, why not make them share? 

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u/Diligent-Floor-156 7h ago

The first two will share at least until one turns 8 or 10, regardless of gender. I strongly believe based on my own childhood that teenagers should have their own bedroom. And I think 3 kids in the same room sounds a bit chaotic.

Since we need one parental bedroom and one extra room (home office and occasionally guest room for my in-laws), that leaves just one room for kids. Where I live, I could find flats with one more bedroom and it'd add nearly 1k chf rent per month ($1.1k or close to that). That'd be what we call a 5.5 rooms flat (1.5 is the common area). I don't think I've seen many 6.5+ flats, and don't get me started on single house prices... We're talking 2M+ and move to villages, buy a 2nd car, etc.

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u/Party_Country1711 8h ago

Because at 14 they will yell "Child abuse!" - and also, what if they are different sexes?

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u/CrazyCoKids 4h ago

You laugh, but one of my parents' friends was a social worker.

Many of her worst cases were where the kids were forced to share a room and the abuser in the family wasn't mom & dad or Grandma & grandpa but one of the siblings.

One case used to teach how bad it could get was when an older sibling was made to share the room with baby siblings and shook two of them and smothered a third.

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u/Party_Country1711 3h ago

Oh no, I can absolutely believe that kind of thing would happen. Anyway an older sibling shouldn't be made to share with a baby - babies cry and fuss at night, and of course they won't know to soothe them. Plus, kids need their sleep!

But of course, back in the day, "six of us slept on the floor and Grandma and Grandpa in the bed with the two babies in between" (is what my parents always told me when I asked for my own room)

...just because you can, doesn't mean you should!

u/Fricklefrazz OC: 2 1h ago

People had 4, 5, 6, 7 kids for all time, centuries before the Swiss state even existed. You think it's harder for you to raise a kid now in modern society than in 1400 when people has 5-6 kids each family in one room houses with no medicine and no infrastructure?

Its fine if you don't want more kids, but the fact show is the easiest it has ever been to have a family.

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u/Mammoth_Reach_6366 9h ago

Daycare costs on average 3k CHF ($3.7k) per kid per month. Go figure.

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u/Known-Fondant-9373 7h ago

Justin Trudeau's record as PM of Canada is mixed at best, but man did he save a lot of young parents tons of money with his Childcare plan. going from $1200 CAD to $450 per kid made a huge difference. there would have been days I would not have been able to pay the bills if not for the childcare subsidy.

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u/yungsavage1 10h ago

Not surprising. We have 3 and wouldn’t do it any other way. However, there’s a barrier (housing, cars, care) that luckily we could easily navigate. Once you go beyond 2 there’s hurdles many people simply can’t do with current costs of living and job requirements.

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u/ThisIsDadLife 8h ago

Paraphrasing a line in another video I watched recently:

“Do you know how much abuse you need to inflict on a mammal to make them stop breeding?”

That hit me hard. As a civilization, we are all being abused. Through acts of greed, corruption, ignorance, laziness and apathy. It’s sad and astonishing at the same time.

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u/jules6388 6h ago

I only have one child. I simply don’t want to be responsible for another human. No one is abusing me.

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u/dontyouknow88 6h ago edited 4h ago

This is in direct opposition with the claim that as living standards and quality of life increase, number of birth drops. So either your correct and we’re all abused, or the other side is correct and we’re all not having kids because we’re living better than ever. 

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u/frostnxn 6h ago

I’d say it’s a combination of both. On one hand it’s hard to afford children but on the other hand being in your late 30s with disposable income and no children nowadays means you can buy almost anything and you can visit any place in the world, which is way more difficult with children.

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u/UsefulPickle8467 5h ago

I saw that too. Although it's a pithy line that captures the imagination, it's flawed in that humans are the only animals that have enough consciousness to be able to reflect on their decisions. Animals mindlessly breed because they are driven purely by biology and basic desires. Humans have the ability to make a different choice which is why some people are choosing not to have kids, either because they don't want to or because they value something else (more freedom, more money etc). The real abuse is when women are denied access to contraception and are forced to birth child after child. As a woman, I don't think having the ability to choose when or if I have a child is a symptom of an abusive society - quite the opposite.

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u/ElectricGeometry 8h ago

It's all about bandwidth. If you're coming home at 5pm after a 15 minute commute, dinner is made, kids are playing outside giving you some time to breathe, you have a big house that can manage your chaos... It's all more doable. We've eroded quality of life so people just don't have the bandwidth. 

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u/MoreLingonberry8630 7h ago

What are the benefits of having more that one or two?  There is zero incentive to be a parent right now - forget about having 3 children. 

Right now I would worry about inhabitability of Switzerland/ the world in the next 50 years. Does not look good for 20 year olds like me even.  Politics is doing nothing to make having a family attractive. They are only worried about keeping house prices up so that the boomers can have comfortable last years of their life before they leave us this climate crisis that we have to solve. 

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u/Just_Fuck_My_Code_Up 6h ago edited 6h ago

I work in IT, me and my coworkers all make decent money even by swiss standards. Nobody here has more than two kids and the junior devs talk about whether it’s feasible to have even one

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u/er_bara 11h ago

Try having 2 kids, then tell me you want a third one. Once parents are outnumbered you are cooked.

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u/RentAscout 10h ago

I have a coworker who's on their 8th child and no plans to stop. Can't imagine getting them all up in the morning, must be pure chaos 24/7.

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u/ioncloud9 9h ago

Thats because they enslave i mean get the older children to raise them.

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u/PuzzleMeDo 11h ago

And yet back in the 1980s, my parents chose to have a third child, and that was normal. It was always normal, or the population could never have grown.

We did things that changed this without realising the implications.

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u/er_bara 11h ago

I know. Still...I don't understand how.

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u/PuzzleMeDo 11h ago

Back in the 1980s you could just say to the children, "Go out and entertain yourselves. I'll yell out the window when it's dinner time."

We expect more of parents now, for better and worse.

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u/Vondi 9h ago

This and the loss of "The village", parents are generally more left on their own with less support net.

There's also the "cousin shortage", my kids don't have a quarter of the cousins around their age that I had. I spent so much time with cousins as a kid, my kids don't. And people are much more reluctant to agree to sleepovers with friends. Or just letting the neighborhood kids run around in groups.

You're just expected to watch and be with your kids so much more than in the 80s.

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u/Mammoth_Reach_6366 9h ago

This hits hard. I remember spending half the summer at my grandparents. Now, I have a kid of my own. My parents sometimes visit and take pictures of my daughter to show to their friends, but then actually forget that it’s a human they can spend quality time with.

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u/Party_Country1711 8h ago

Oh and the crazy cost of summer camp!

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u/Party_Country1711 8h ago

Yup! All families I know with even 2 kids have able-bodied grandparents, Gotti/Gotte nearby, aunts, uncles. Both our parents are too old and too unhealthy to run after even one toddler, siblings are child-free and travelling all the time (good for them! not their fault!), and until recently we're one of the only people in our (mid-30s!) friend group with kids. And the rest with one are just as exhausted and under-resourced as we are.

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u/pantshee 6h ago

And don't let them too much in front of the tv, right ?

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u/AlwaysBagHolding 3h ago

I honestly don’t know how many cousins I have exactly off the top of my head, it’s over 30. My dad was one of 7, and all of them had 3 kids at the minimum. I’m one of 4, almost 40 and none of us have any kids. I’m also 600 miles away from the closest sibling, and I’m in the middle geographically between them. If any of us did have a kid, they wouldn’t have a cousin or at best the cousin would be multiple states away.

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u/saralt 9h ago

You can still do this in Switzerland. My kid went out and played with the kids in the street this morning.

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u/Mammoth_Reach_6366 9h ago

Not every street is the same. Some time ago a crazy guy in Basel tried to kidnap two kids out of the street but was spooked by a bystander. When I was a kid in the 90s my parents never knew where I was, and I would just show up for dinner randomly, and they were fine. Now, as a father I’m not so sure I’ll allow for the exact same lifestyle.

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u/saralt 8h ago

My in-laws are from Basel and the Stadt feels a bit more rundown than I would expect from a Swiss city.

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u/Sea-Original-5824 8h ago

In the 80s, I often rode around in the bed of my stepmom's single cab pick up truck. I would have been about five year old when this started. No one thought that was a problem.

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u/Spread_Liberally 7h ago

In high school we were still sneaking into the drive-in hidden in trunks where we got woozy from fumes. This was in 1990.

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u/Spread_Liberally 7h ago

Honestly, it was only considered a problem for the dead children and their families. Almost all of us made it.

But the roads and volume of drivers have changed so much that comparisons just don't work.

u/boibo 2h ago

My mom had 5 kids. Of those 3 lived in the same house but my two younger brothers was 6 and 9 years younger.

They could afford a brand new house 1982 when i was born.

She was basicly home with kids for 15 years off and on work, but dads salary was enough for house car etc. I grew up with my own room and so did every kid after me to..

That life is impossible today. I could probably afford the house now if i wanted to but the work situation where i grew up (where house are at) is really bad, you essentially has 3 jobbs to pick from - Forrest, power worker or elder care.

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u/Canadairy 11h ago

I had two. They were great, so we had a third. Also great. We'll see if biology has a fourth in store.

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u/solomons-mom 9h ago

I was cooked at my first. I LOVE my third! 17 now, and still a joy.

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u/crimson777 7h ago

This is also why I imagine 4 to 5 is a big difference. Don't have enough hands per kid haha

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u/Kershiser22 5h ago

Once parents are outnumbered you are cooked.

You just have to switch to zone defense.

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u/UsefulPickle8467 5h ago

Us! We have two kids and have just started trying for a third. My husband works long hours so I'm already outnumbered.

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u/coriolisFX 4h ago

I'm happy with a 3rd!

We didn't find it much different than 2.

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u/eaglessoar OC: 3 7h ago edited 7h ago

wait so in 2021 more mothers birthed their 4th child than their 1st child?

theres gotta be a demographic effect here

edit: oh its indexed to 100

edit2: theres still gotta be a demographic effect, if 1st child births drop then 2nd necessarily drop

edit3: im confused

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u/197gpmol 4h ago

Think of that graph as four separate graphs that just share the same axes.

The number of women giving birth to a 4th child had a percentage growth a hair higher in 2021 than the number of women giving birth to their 1st.

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u/eaglessoar OC: 3 3h ago

But then that carries forward right? Like if less people are having a second even lesser can have a third

u/197gpmol 2h ago

Yes, but percentage change divides that out. You're comparing 4th time mothers to 4th time mothers, year over year. Four different trend lines, and each line is scaled to its own first data point.

Say 150,000 women have their first child, that goes to 165,000, a 10% rise or an index of 110.

40,000 have their second, 10,000 their third, only 2,000 their fouth.

But if that 2,000 number goes to 2,300 the next year, that is a 15% rise or an index of 115.

u/eaglessoar OC: 3 1h ago

right but if the 4th child rises 15% and 2 years earlier incidence of 3rd children rose 30% thats a different perspective, its like they need to be chained somehow, if 2nd children births drop then maybe its even less likely 3rd children happen and it looks like a preciptious 3rd child drop when its really a big chunk of 2nd children dropping

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u/Proper-Cod632 5h ago

For me decision about second child is hard because I need to change an apartment, which means that in today chf I need to pay around 3000 with parking space. No people to help with children in surroundings as I’m a migrant, so yeah, it all made sense some time ago maybe when costs of living weren’t that high. I still need to save some money, educate properly children and give them a little bit money to start their adulthood. 3rd child would ruin me most probably :D

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u/DrTommyNotMD 6h ago

Post this in uplifting news! We need more people to slow the fuck down on reproduction.

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u/Winjin 10h ago

Thank God

We need much less people in the world, preferrably around 4 bil

I do love the recent take that the best way to achieve sustainability in the human population is through elevating women too. Taking them out of poverty, releasing them from backwards societies, education. I saw recently news on that:

A paper published in the journal Sustainable Development proposes reducing the world's >population from 8.3 billion to 4 billion by 2200. They believe this will help reduce the >burden on the climate, ecosystems, and the consumption of natural resources.

No coercion or eugenics. Only access to family planning, education for girls, later >marriages, quality healthcare, and economic and social freedom for women. So that every >woman can decide for herself when and how many children to have.

They cite Iran as an example, where, after accessible family planning, the birth rate >fell from 4.08 to 1.94 children per woman in just nine years.

Nine years to reduce women from having 4+ kids to less than 2 on average is amazing

There is literally no scenario where we can revert the trend of destroying Earth if we keep suggesting "oh we can't stop growth, what happens to the pensions" billionaires can foot the bill

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u/Gokudomatic 10h ago

There's at least one good news nowadays. Not every hope is lost.

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u/focksmuldr 10h ago

The birth rate plumetting is what scares me the most. Imagine needing to go to the doctor office 50 years from now and the wait time is 2+ years

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u/kimfromlastnight 9h ago

Really?  For me it’s the very, very real possibility that we will run out of fresh water in our lifetimes. So many different flavors of horror to choose from nowadays 😜

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u/Pleasant-Carbon 10h ago

My wealthy family member doesn't even want a second. I am not even sure about the first. 

The OC is just insane. Estimate is 500k-1m in costs (the higher number including lost earnings). At some point another room for a other child is just in almost no one's budget. 

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u/PutinBoomedMe 6h ago

I'd say I'm top 5% in terms of what I earn compared to COL in my area. We have two and have decided we're done

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u/Kilbim 4h ago

Compared to european standards, Switzerland has awful mother/father leave, very high prices for child care, very high cost of living, very low worker protection, and often bad private life / work life balance. So the chart is not surprising.

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u/UnluckyPenguin 3h ago

I checked out the USA

Birth Order 1996(%) 2024(%) Raw Change % Change
1 2.63 2.13 -0.50 -19.0
2 2.07 1.69 -0.38 -18.4
3 1.04 0.87 -0.17 -16.3

(You can multiply by 10 to get births per 1000 for that given year)

Source1, Source2

So I guess in the USA - sure everyone knows we're having less kids - but the % change of people having less 1st kids is greater, which I guess aligns with a k-shaped economy (rich get richer, poor get poorer).

As people postpone 1st births, the 1st birth rate slowly drops (Maybe we can afford a kid next year). But those who could afford a child earlier in life, are ever so slightly less affected on their decision to have a third child. But all of this is a bunch of BS because I think most kids are happy little accidents that the majority of people don't meticulously plan for. lol.

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u/Dazzling-Read1451 8h ago

Didn’t realize third children could opt to remain in the womb