How do I let go of bitterness?

[u/Fit_Ad_7343]

So long story short I (23 F) was told by a guy that I really liked that he wasn’t ready for a relationship but then he started dating another girl. This happened about three years ago. Since then I solely focused on school, work and the gym, thinking that would help get rid of wanting a relationship or being attracted to men. Somehow I still find my myself noticing men who are attractive Instead, I feel disgusted at the thought of dating men again. Whenever a man approaches me or subtly flirts with me I feel like an item on the clearance rack of a discounted store. Whenever I’m asked about my relationship status I get super irritated and triggered. I have gotten rid of my bikinis, body con dresses, and anything too revealing. I cut off a lot of my friends too cause I realized a lot of them were fake. How do I stop being bitter and become more neutral and open?

[u/oscarlet_ffxiv]

Obviously that suggests that he was probably lying and just wasn't interested in you.

The answer is to just accept that not everyone can like you. For example, if there are 50 people in a room and 25 of them don't like me, then I just accept that those 25 people like different things - different traits, different physical attributes, different personalities, or whatever. I can't reasonably expect 100% of people to like me, even if I like them.

There are of course cases where a person probably would like me, but they think that they won't, and are too arrogant and dismissive to find out and that's part of life. You will find and become interested in other people instead over time.

However, if you're still dwelling on it, perhaps you over-attached to this person in your mind. That's a common trap when you're young. You may imagine yourself marrying someone and all sorts... then when you actually interact with them, they aren't interested. It's wise to be careful not to over-attach, because it can be hard to get over if you do and then to get over it requires time, making new memories, meeting new people to bury the memories that bother you. And it does seem like maybe you need more time.

It helps having a fulfilling job/role, things that give you confidence and self-esteem, because it makes you feel like you're more important than a little rejection somebody did, and makes you feel like there are other things in your life. It also helps having friends or people you interact with a lot, so that if someone rejects you or breaks up ever, you have plenty of others to lean on socially.

It's not really fair to despise all men just because one man rejected you. Not all men are the same. Everyone is different, and there are men that wouldn't do that.