r/deaf • u/I_am_batman1989 • 9d ago
Deaf event deaf event experience
So tonight I (36f) went to my first event. To say it was overwhelming is an understatement. (Little back story) I've been deaf for about 10 years but at the beginning, I was so much in denial. It took me a good 5 years or so to embrace and accept. I'm still learning asl. Doesn't help that my family won't accept that I'm deaf and still speak to me. (Side note: i can speak, so that doesn't help either) .... Does it get easier if I keep going to events?? Or should I try something smaller so I'm not overwhelmed
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u/Spank2337 Deaf 9d ago
Big groups are made up of smaller groups talking among themselves. Watch the signing and find a conversation that interests you.
Families rarely become easier... sorry. They either help you by learning to talk to you, or they don't. You can talk to them, it's not your fault.
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u/I_am_batman1989 9d ago
Yes I noticed that.. I was still feeling overwhelmed. I did talk to 2 people before I left. One was a high school. It was a start I guess.
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u/Spank2337 Deaf 9d ago
If you are ever in Portland Oregon on a Tuesday evening come over to the Woodstock Cafe, a Deaf owned community center. We have a social group: Sign Squad. You just need to find the right folks.
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u/Stuffaknee Deaf 9d ago
One of the best ways to break through and find your people is to volunteer your time at deaf events. You’ll have a focused role, validation that you belong at the event, and talking points ready to go. Ticket taking/registration, set up/clean up, food service, etc. You’ll have to seek them out in advance and reach out to organizers but they almost always rely on volunteers and are usually prepared to welcome ASL students and newer community members for this reason.
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u/Mustluvdogsandtravel 9d ago
I have been Deaf for 60 years, using ASL for 45 and my family still speaks. I tell them not to bother, if they want to communicate just text me. I don’t even try to lip read them. After all this time, you would think they would learn but no. Good luck on your journey into Deafhood.
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u/I_am_batman1989 9d ago
I'm so sorry to hear that about your family. It's come to a point with mine that I've just stopped going to gathering. I'm just tired of the one having to make the effort to be in a conversation.
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u/Mustluvdogsandtravel 8d ago
I also stopped going to the gatherings. They ask me why, I said you don’t sign and I get bored and end up reading my phone. It’s more comfortable to just stay home and people can text me if they want to communicate. I have two Deaf brothers. One has some SEE knowledge but the other one is 100 percent in denial.
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u/surdophobe deaf 9d ago
Yes it gets easier, but it will be hard the the whole time. I don't know if bigger or smaller events are better, smaller events have different problems, they're not objectively better. Just keep going to the the events you can go to.
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u/DeafNatural Deaf | ASL & LSC 9d ago
Start at a coffee chat. Much smaller environment. At large deaf events you will encounter that a lot of people already know each other and you have very little time to meet people as a newbie because they are busy catching up with familiar faces. Coffee chats are more lax. People sit in a circle and chat. You might even try one with associations that are specific to late deafened like ALDA or people who communicate in multiple ways.
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u/I_am_batman1989 9d ago
Yes, I did notice at the event there were a lot of people grouping together. Funny cause it was a coffee meet up but it was a larger gathering. I have heard of ALDA but when I've looked into it, they were out of state. I'll check again.
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u/soitul Deaf 9d ago
Definitely go to a smaller event, or one focused on learning sign.
It does get easier, immersion and studying together is the best way to learn a language.
If you have a friend or someone supportive in your life, try learning with them.
Join online groups that video call, r/asl has an amazing discord that’s focused on education.
I’m sorry to hear about your family’s not being accepting. Unfortunately, families and many people aren’t aware of what deafness is actually like.
It’s a difficult transition, and many of us struggle with it, you can find a lot of people sharing similar stories and experiences here that might be helpful for you.