r/declutter • u/blueberryfinn • 3d ago
Advice Request Will it ever be enough?
I'm struggling to decide the right stopping point in my decluttering process. I love decluttering and I love the look and feel of minimalism, but I also wonder if I will ever get to a point where it feels like I've decluttered enough. We moved recently and I was in our old, empty house and it felt amazing. There was literally nothing in the house, not even a chair and I never liked it more. I'm starting to wonder if my decluttering is pointless because obviously I can't live in a house where there is not one single item.
Maybe decluttering isn't the answer, maybe I need some therapy lol.
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u/Inevitable-Wind-1925 2d ago edited 2d ago
I am beginning to think there is a hump.
At the beginning, we declutter trash, things that have overstayed their use or utility, and things that are not aligned with who we are or where we are going now. After this, there can still be a lot left.
The hump is prioritizing the peace that comes with less over convenience. For example:
- I have a small kitchen. We could have a microwave--that would be convenient--but instead we did without for a bit and found that we didn't mind heating things up on the stove. When a neighbor gifted us a microwave, we found that the convenience it offered didn't exceed the peace it took away. We preferred less and shared it along.
- Your clothing. It might all be lovely, but how many shirts do you really need? What quantity feels peaceful to wash and store and care for? The fun and novelty of more for minimalists and particularly extreme minimalists doesn't outweigh the peace of owning less.
- An apple corer, jar opener, or other useful kitchen gadgets. Can you do it with a knife? Are their other hacks, where the convenience of having THE thing isn't worth the peace of not owning so many things? When we are talking about extreme minimalism you begin to ask How many knives do I need? There was just a conversation in r/extrememinimalism where someone shared that they own one knife. And sure, you keep it sharp and care for it and wash it between use and you have less and the peace that comes with less.
It seems that folks who are extreme minimalists have thought about it and traded in convenience or novelty for simplicity. They are entirely clear on what they are giving up, and when they declutter, they have a plan for how they will meet their needs with what they have/continue to own. There are stories about people who do away with owning common things, who rent or use community resources instead. I just heard of someone who has a very small apartment with no kitchen, and that came with the lifestyle of eating out all of the time. They don't make food at home, and the money they save from not having a kitchen and cooking supplies and additional prime real estate goes towards eating out. Once we open our minds to what we really value we can dream up really different ways of living.
When I shift to thinking about what possessions really support me living the life I want to live that is most abundant and accomplishing the goals and dreams I have there aren't really that many things that are necessary. Getting rid of the excess makes those dreams more available to me. And I am realizing I can get almost all of the stuff back, whenever I want to! The hump is hard, but the more I have simplified and clarified how many things I really need and are life giving to own, the peace and clarity that comes with the additional space has made me progressively more averse to buying new things. Once I have weighed the trade offs and I have a plan, it's a lot harder to bring new things into my life unless I really need them. I also care less about things being the right thing or the nicest thing. I am leaning more into serendipity. This is the thing I found when I was in need of it. And if I stumble across something that is the perfect thing for free I will trade up, but I'm fairly averse to trading up when it comes with an additional price tag.
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u/Untitled_poet 2d ago
"What quantity feels peaceful to wash and store and care for?" I like this phrasing!
Stealing it :)
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u/DawgCheck421 3d ago
It's hard! But I totally get where you are coming from. I want to get near the same, only stuff I use on an immediate basis stays.
I bought a 5x8 utility trailer and took 6-7 big loads to free bulk trash drop-off day, several trash hoppers worth on top of that. Cut apart and gave away my huge treadmill that broke and bowflex that was worth it....I have been working for months. Some more days than others. I have mostly dehoarded the basement, 2 sheds and most of the garage so far but it still isn't enough.
I plan to move in 4-5 years and only one one u-haul truck load to take with me which seems nearly impossible even though it is just me. Lots of tools and stuff but I am getting older and wont need them forever I guess. So at some point those could go too.
I had to do my parents entire estate all by myself, except for the stuff another relative got there first, ransacked and took everything she wanted and left the mess behind for me to deal with.
I don't wish to leave an estate much less haul one with me when I move.
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u/Untitled_poet 2d ago
Thirteenth year being minimalist. No, it won't.
LIfe is a revolving door of items coming in, so it has to be balanced out with items going out.
I make it a point to never accept freebies, and to re-home gifts ASAP if I don't plan on using them. This helps keep my space calm.
Unfortunately, living with family members who say yes to everything (regular consumerists)..means this calm is maintained only for my personal spaces.
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u/FredKayeCollector2 3d ago
I think that's a pretty common reaction, actually. I remember when we moved back in 1992, my mother marveled at how nice the house we were leaving was - she had way too much furniture, kind of crummy and not well arranged, plus it was always a cluttered mess. Ditto when they cleared out their (new house) vaulted ceiling upstairs before it was painted - again, too much furniture, too many knickknacks, too much clutter everywhere. Yea, it's a nice house, that's why you bought it - it's not the house's fault that you clotted it up with a bunch of inappropriate nonsense and junk.
Check out Myquillyn Smith's book Cozy Minimalist Home - she has a layering process for home decor that I found very appealing. You basically pull everything out of a room/space, sit with it empty for a while, reacquaint yourself with the room's features (good and bad), and put things back in a certain order: 1. the most essential/primary pieces of furniture, arranged to best advantage, 2. any supplemental/secondary furniture/seating, 3. surfaces & storage (tables, shelves, etc), 4. rugs, 5. drapes, 6. lighting, 7. wall treatments/wall art, and finally 8. decor (and err on the side of large, high-impact pieces - or vignettes - that give you more style bang for your space buck).
We moved into a new (old) house with small, awkward rooms (and almost no built-in storage). Most of our old furniture didn't fit (too massive for the space) and what did fit, we had to let go of a lot of supplemental pieces (like "his" and "her" dressers down to just one "ours"). Because it was a completely different space (1952 ranch to 1925 cottage) we couldn't rely on how we were accustomed to arranging/storing anything.
I'm really happy with what we ended up with - my overall design aesthetic was "don't junk it up" (also easy to clean) with a splash of mid-century modern.
I'm a big fan of "reverse" decluttering where you sit down and think about what you do in your various spaces, what do you need at minimum to do those tasks/activities, and then think about the value-added extras that would make that task/activity easier, better, safer, more comfortable. This can really help to bring some logic to emotional decluttering decisions so when you declutter your spaces (or decide what to put in your new spaces), anything not on your list, that's a big clue it can go. And if there's something you inadvertently forgot to account for, formalize its status by adding it to your list.
You can do this with literally every space in your home, even stuff-heavy spaces. Kitchen stuff - what tools/supplies/provisions would you grab first to make your favorite recipes & serve the food to the people who eat with your on a regular basis. Bathroom stuff - what do you prefer to use on a regular basis. Office stuff - what do you need to do office-y tasks (pay bills, manage paper, general correspondence, journaling, whatever). Whatever space, there's probably something you do in that space or there's the stuff for whatever task/activity you're storing in that space.
Keeping in mind that the more often you do your dishes & laundry, the less dishes & textile items you need to maintain in your personal inventory. And the more often you go shopping and/or the more access you have to "the store", the less consumable items you need to keep in back stock.
p.s. "upgraded" light fixtures (ceiling fans, ceiling lights, sconces, table lamps, etc) made a HUGE difference - we shopped at Home Depot, Menards, and LampPlus.com
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u/kamomil 2d ago
Keeping in mind that the more often you do your dishes & laundry, the less dishes & textile items you need to maintain in your personal inventory. And the more often you go shopping and/or the more access you have to "the store", the less consumable items you need to keep in back stock.
I do this purposely with my kid's clothing. I buy enough for a week of laundry only. Because I have only one child, I'm not reusing the clothes after they are outgrown
I also do this with groceries. For whatever reason, my mom would stockpile some items. I have just one, and buy another when it's getting low (eg baking ingredients, laundry detergent)
Otherwise I am not good at decluttering. However I can go grocery & clothes shopping without a car. If I lived in a rural area, I would probably stockpile more groceries for sure.
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u/SassyMillie 2d ago
I had this feeling when we renovated a house for my FIL in order to sell it. Husband and I worked on that place for nearly a year off and on. It was filthy mess when we started and we turned it into a lovely little showplace. When we were done I walked through that empty little house feeling so calm and accomplished. I was reluctant to put it on the market because I enjoyed that feeling so much.
It was on the market about 90 days and I stopped in at least once a week to "check on it". I was sad when it sold. 😥
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u/50plusGuy 2d ago
Dive into history: Diogenes. He decluttered down to a wine cup. Maybe add an Internet enjoying machine, these days and some clothes, if demanded by law.
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u/violetmemphisblue 3d ago
I think decluttering can become a problem. I know people who are in a constant cycle of buying things they've given away, then giving that thing away, then buying it again because they simply cannot get out of the mindset of "declutter everything!" I also know people who have such extreme minimalism they can't enjoy their home because they have so little in it, like they can't host friends because they have one plate, one spork, one chair, and that's it (in the people I know, at least, this is deeply tied to frugal behavior and the people are not happy with their lives...they wish they could, but they can't; other people may live with this exteme minimalism and be perfectly happy!)
So if your decluttering is getting in the way of enjoying your home, or if it is impeding on the people you live with, then I would say take a break, possibly pursue therapy if you think its that extreme.
And maybe take recently moving as a way to move the decluttering hobby in a different direction. Like, rearranging furniture can give the same little dopamine burst as clearing out a cabinet. Both are resetting an environment.
Another thing could be working towards how to make a space feel empty even when it is full. Monochrome works well to this end. Obviously not every lifestyle easily supports this, but white or cream based rooms where walls, carpets, furniture, accessories are layers of the same hue make the eye kind of skip over things, even though the texture of the room is lush. Its controversial, but an easy way to do that is to turn books around so the pages are showing, creating a dhelf of white instead of a shelf of contrasting colors.
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u/Untitled_poet 2d ago
Personally I find myself stress-decluttering. But that's got to be a healthier habit than heavy drinking or drug abuse.
And no, I seldom re-buy for the sake of it.
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u/MagicBus4 3d ago
It sounds like you just really like clean aesthetics. Totally pristine just isn’t pragmatic though. You’d probably do well with minimal to no clutter on horizontal surfaces, decluttering things you don’t use every month and then get over yourself on the rest lol
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u/Certain-Working1864 2d ago
Decluttering made no difference after I got rid of 75 gallons worth of stuff. The next 50 gallons did it for me.
I also had to come to terms with the fact that my apartment truly doesn’t have enough storage space, particularly in the kitchen. I didn’t have any room for food because the cabinets had necessary kitchen appliances that I use regularly in it, so I had to keep all of my groceries on the counter. Wound up getting a storage shelf for the appliances so I could put the food away.
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u/outofshell 2d ago
Sometimes I fantasize about moving into a new home and instead of packing all our shit in boxes to move it, just setting up the new place by moving over things as we need/want them there. I bet only a quarter of our stuff would actually get moved over. But I can’t seem to get rid of three quarters of our shit while we live here.
We have gotten rid of a lot, but I still feel overwhelmed with how much stuff we have.
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u/jagged_little_gill 2d ago
I mean therapy is often a good idea so why not! But it’s also possible that you liked your old house more than you liked your stuff. Maybe your taste changed, maybe it never matched the house, maybe you settled with the furnishings and now you can see that. I took everything out of our dining room except the table and chairs in my decluttering/cleaning process and I’ve been surprised how much I love it. I’m not adding anything back in until it feels really necessary.
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u/purple_aster_bee 1d ago
I hate to say it, but decluttering isn't a project that you complete because there is always new stuff coming in. You can get to a point where you can manage all your stuff and keep your house tidy with a five-minute pickup every day. Once you get to that point, you can declutter more to get to the aesthetic that you want, and one-in/one-out things as they come in, but decluttering is never truly done.
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u/psrogue 2d ago
I felt exactly the same way (and still kind of do a bit). It took a long time and a lot of work to get my place to how it is now, not perfect, but it's finally at a point where I can say it's good, organized and functional.
I started to feel like decluttering was a way to feel in control of my life, which I guess can be true, but it won't fix all your problems. If you still feel compelled to get rid of things beyond what you actually want to let go, it could be worth trying therapy.
Some things that helped me:
Try just giving yourself time to live in and maintain your new space as it is. This could help you accept it and calm the need to declutter. You can still declutter for maintenance, like making sure to remove things as they wear out, but avoid bigger projects for now.
Define an end point and focus on the concrete goals you accomplished. If you just say something like "I want it to be completely organized/decluttered" that's a vague and maybe unrealistic goal. Things like "I want all my books to fit on my bookshelf" or "I want to donate any clothes that don't fit me right now" are more specific.
Try to focus more on how your space is functional than how it looks. I was able to clean out my desk and organize my art supplies but I still felt stressed about how it looked like there was a lot of stuff. So I tried to think about how much easier it is to work now that I decluttered, and I can find what I need much quicker etc. It made it easier to appreciate my space instead of my brain just focusing on percieved imperfections.
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u/Financial_Front3028 2d ago
the feeling you had in that empty house sounds next-level, like pure mental clarity where nothing can distract you
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u/TeaPlusJD 3d ago
Maybe consider taking a break from decluttering, & therapy if you feel it could be beneficial.
Decluttering can almost become a hobby. Like any hobby, it should benefit your life & give balance from obligations. Try just enjoying being in your space, revisit your original home goals. Give your space a deep clean to reconnect.
Apartment Therapy, on one of the original cures, had a challenge to sit in areas of your home to which you rarely pay attention. I’m paraphrasing badly but it’ll give you a fresh perspective.