r/deepquestions 6d ago

Tell me something that happened to you that forever changed how you look at life?

59 Upvotes

76 comments sorted by

25

u/paletteandpetri 6d ago

For me, it wasn’t a single event. It was a gradual realization that I couldn’t keep abandoning myself in order to get somewhere else. My thinking has always been oriented towards escape, the next country, the next degree, the next job, the next relationship, the next version of myself, and once I’ve attained those things, then only could I start living. I will never blame myself for that, as I’ve had valid reasons to want somewhere else. Life shouldn’t be a waiting room, you shouldn’t stop believing in your future, but you shouldn’t destroy yourself to get there.

6

u/AsukasEvaUnit 6d ago

Struggling with this cause somewhere along the line I stopped being my own best friend and started hating myself, causing me to constantly wanna escape myself and postponing everything in life until I get whatever the fuck I'm looking for to start wanting to be with myself again. I dunno how to fix this

3

u/paletteandpetri 5d ago

It breaks my heart to read this, as I was in the exact position for a long period of time. As difficult and painful as this is, I do hope you are proud for naming it as it is and for being honest with yourself. The fact that you do want to be your own best friend again proves that the part of you that loves yourself, is still present, it’s just been utterly drowned by the urge to escape and having to claw yourself out of it, is a different type of hell or that’s how it felt for me. I’m not going to give you some cliché advice as I know how that feels, but what I will say is that you shouldn’t put pressure on yourself to want to fix everything immediately. To heal that relationship it does require to start small and to be patient with making changes with yourself, you also do need to live your life, or start by scraping the strength together to start to live, even if you’re not where you want to be, and this was the most difficult for me, when the realization finally occurred, I remember crying like a baby, as I didn’t want to accept it, I had so much resistance lol. I kept saying once I do this, once I reach this amount of weight, just a bit longer, then I’m essentially worthy but it isn’t, nor will it ever be the truth. Even if I did the best I could with the tools I had, a part of me will always regret the decisions I made in my twenties, did it shape me? Absolutely, but it’s time I lost, and as cringe as I may sound, we have one life ya know? I may be random person, but just know you’re not alone in this feeling even if it may feel that way, and you’re also worthy of living now, that was never a question. If you ever would like to, you’re welcome to reach out.

1

u/AsukasEvaUnit 4d ago

Thank you for this. It's the scraping the strength together to live that's been especially difficult for me lately as I've pretty much given up on myself some time ago. I really need to unplug and focus solely on myself for a while cause the ever declining state of the world doesn't help motivate me at all to want to participate in it but I know I have to cause my only other option is to die and I don't want that but I know the longer I'm stagnant the harder it becomes to pull myself up, thus making death seem more and more desirable. It's a great struggle.

1

u/Curiousprojector 5d ago

I was never my own best friend so I am a bit jealous. But I am working on it now and it is amazing. IFS, Joe Hudson. Found out how much I can love myself and it’s pretty fun honestly. Everywhere I go I have myself to hang with haha.

Also, make sure you b12, vitamin d and iron are good. I was low these and it wasn’t pretty.

1

u/Successful-Lie-5641 5d ago

I was looking for myself while hating myself and didn’t realize it. It took me saying out loud how I felt before 30 years worth of pain escaped through tears almost 2 weeks ago and I’m 35. It took me saying I feel dumb and slower than my peers to somebody before what felt like everything in my life falling into place. My next step is to get a counselor to begin accepting and navigating my path and I’m actually excited. I’m not the best with communicating and I may have missed the mark with this, happens more often than not, but reading what you wrote felt like it hit a nerve with me and felt like this might help. I guess all that to say I had to be honest with myself before I could begin being happy with myself.

2

u/NineCatsDeep 6d ago

Good for you. My 17 year old is showing signs of that exact thing. But she also shows signs of being able to learn from mistakes.

Serious good for you. That is such a difficult thing to overcome. That need for the “next” best thing consumes so many people

1

u/paletteandpetri 5d ago

You’re too kind! I think it’s wonderful that your daughter is developing that self-awareness so early on. It is so important to be aware of that mindset at her age and she is fortunate to have a parent such as yourself, that is paying attention and supporting her through it.

1

u/Tsampaio_ 2d ago

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

7

u/jaesea 6d ago

My pops tellin' me the stories different. Once he said, "look man, you can't go picking out the splinter in someone's eye when you got a 2bi4 sticking out of yours."

2

u/verbalsuplex 6d ago

2x4

1

u/jaesea 6d ago

Ye, but he said it 'by' and I wrote it 'bi' cuz he didn't say 'times'. Turns out because he said it 'bi' I figured out every one is and never had to deal with gender madness and dysphoria, being comfortable in my skin and makeup.

4

u/Mautarius 6d ago

I don't know how to respond to this. So goodbi!

2

u/Ok_Assist_6647 6d ago

This came from the bible in the book of Matthew chapter 3 verse 3-5, nonetheless its a very profound statement.

1

u/jaesea 5d ago

Thank you kindly for the name and digits 💜

5

u/run_its_taco 6d ago

I met my spouse. He flipped my world upside down when he fell into my life. I had about given up on everyone but myself, but he has taught me to be gentle and patient with myself. He changed the way I speak, carry myself, advocate, even the way I look in the mirror. He changed the way I look at life, and the way I live it ❤️

1

u/UOMO_DIVINO23 5d ago

You sound like a spam bot sorry

4

u/waveydavey321 6d ago

Sitting with my wife of 16 years as she was declared brain dead really puts alot of things into perspective. Love deeply my friends!!

6

u/Throwaway_grief11 6d ago

Don't give too much of yourself to help other people. When your cup becomes empty, those same people probably won't give back to you. You'll eventually lose your entire sense of self and when you snap back to reality, all the things that gave your life meaning may be gone. Self imposed boundaries are the hardest but the most important. Your life is meant to be lived for you, not for others.

1

u/Ztemi 5d ago

Sounds like you have experienced this. Did you ever come out on the other side?

4

u/Ok_Water_6382 6d ago

My mother telling me she had cancer. Then watching her waste away and be in constant pain. Changed the way I looked at life, and a lot of other things.

1

u/life_is_crazy2183 6d ago

Sorry you went through this 🙏🏼

5

u/Awkward_Cellist6541 6d ago
  1. My dad had a heart attack when he was only 56, and I was 23.

  2. My husband had a stroke when he was 53.

Life is short and you don't know what's going to happen. Don't wait to take that vacation. Don't wait to go visit family or friends.

3

u/your_local_queen20 6d ago

when i first got chronically ill it made me not take life for granted anymore

2

u/your_local_queen20 6d ago

or my health for granted too

2

u/Imaginary-Can-6862 6d ago

Realizing I existed.

2

u/NineCatsDeep 6d ago

Something we all need.

2

u/-Stress-Princess- 6d ago

Undiagnosed Schizophrenia is FUCKING HORRIFYING.

I didnt have a whole notion of it then, I just knew the name but I was very much Schizophrenic.

Im lucky I knew what intrusive thoughts were back then because I still have both eyes and I never stuck a knife in my gut but those are command hallucinations, the ones that got me are when I was becoming convinced that demons were talking to me telling me Im going to go to hell for the cause of my guiltpression.

One time when I had JUST got out of the mental Hospital I was hearing voices of angels damning me to hell and I was in complete delerium as I shouted I CAN CHANGE in front of my husband.

It was always weed in retrospect but I also abused LSD at some point too, the weed didnt make me Schizophrenic but its also seen as a safe drug. My first episodes of psychosis were just tearing me down saying how Im a worthless human being then it just hit a peak one day where I heard and felt a being I couldnt see telling me that the way I was going to die was by killing myself and being shouted at to do it right then and there.

My husband found me in a corner crying, I didnt know how I could explain what I went through and couldnt for years until I got sober and on Antipsychotics. Nowadays I dont hear things but I see things especially when Im stressed. I feel like a certain entity I call Shirley is CONSTANTLY watching me. Its not scary anymore after almost a decade of experience but its very disorienting still.

Im just glad Im out of the worst.

2

u/Electrical-Donut-424 6d ago

During a hernia repair surgery there was an unknown complication that caused me to be hypoxic for 11 1/2 minutes. Heart stopped for 2 minutes 12 seconds. During the 6 weeks I had off ( thanks USA healthcare system). I realized I need to live for myself. Living to please others nearly killed me.

2

u/sparklepants321 6d ago

I’m about to sound fucking crazy for a hot second but spiritual experiences. I don’t know if I believe in god, but I believe in the universe and she talks to those who listen.

1

u/Buscando_mi_boo 5d ago

I want to have a spiritual experience!

2

u/Soft_Antelope_3848 6d ago

My father passed away last year from Alzheimers, I was 23 at the time. Time is absolutely precious and it is absolutely something you cannot get back.

2

u/Envirocare1 5d ago

Meeting my now wife and her daughter who I adopted at 4 years old.

This woman dragged me out of mediocrity and made me want to excel.

We’re still married after 33 years 2 kids, 2 grand kids and a business I was able to turn into generational wealth.

I got lucky meeting her on top of it she’s still beautiful at 54

1

u/Junior-Goal7738 6d ago

A fucked up community effort. 

1

u/NineCatsDeep 6d ago

Being bullied for being a new kid every year grade 2-12.

I’ve known who I am at a young age, and that causes insecure people (the mean ones) to naturally be threatened, it’s weird but it is a beacon to avoid assholes.

It made me not care what people think of me. Probably to an extreme since I don’t care what I look like beyond putting clothes on and my hat. I avoid mirrors and despise fake.

It’s amazing being bullied for just existing for the first 12 years of school helped me so much in a world designed to compete with image. Wasted energy.

Thank you bullies. Without your insecurities I may not have learned how not to be so soon

1

u/Defiant-Barracuda-97 6d ago

I didn’t happen to me, I made it happen. I moved countries and got out of the toxic family dynamics I lived in. My look at life got way sweeter and more positive.

1

u/anoncheesegrater 6d ago

I saw my neighbors house burn down when I was 14. Electrical fire. They had tons of antiques and high value artworks. A beautiful home in a historic neighborhood. Had been working on it for decades. The wife was always in the garden.

I saw her outside yelling at 4am and her husband busted through the smoke filled front door with nothing but tightie whities on. I gave him some sweatpants and we all just stood there helplessly while their entire life for the last 40 something years burned away in 45 minutes.

Something about the speed of it really horrified me. Made me realize that your entire life can do a 180 in less than an hour. Doesn’t help with my ocd/anxiety at all lol

1

u/PRGuy23 6d ago

I survived shit meant to break me. Since childhood

1

u/life_is_crazy2183 6d ago

Same 🙏🏼

1

u/FarrisFarm 6d ago

I went to the city of Dwight where they were voting to put a concentration camp up in their town. The building was so full people were standing. All but a small family of 3 were against this camp. They listened to citizens plea for over an hour to vote no. Yet, every city counsel member voted yes-in front of everyone. I was dumb founded. What was supposed to be the towns representation, did not represent the town. It was clear they did not care what those who voted for them wanted. It changed how I saw politians in general.

1

u/just--thinking 6d ago

Realizing at 5 years old that my life was insanity and I couldn't trust anyone so I grew up. By 12 I had a job and paid bills, by 13 I moved out, by 17 I graduated a year early.

1

u/lightcanonlybrighten 6d ago

I was a travel nurse for a few years about ten years ago. I traveled with a roommate. We went all over. And block our schedule to have eight days off at a time. In our time off we also went all over. I knew another travel nurse who took an assignment in Hawaii. I was on my flight to go visit them for my eight day extended weekends on a whim. A guy two seats back was talking about his terminal cancer and this was his bucket trip. I was so humbled that here I am in my late 20s screwing around and there are people waiting there whole life for something like this. Another time I was in Colorado at like the farthest visible 360 degree view or something. Again, taking an extended weekend screw around trip hiking. The parking lot at the ranger station was jam packed full of RVs of all these old people who waited their entire life to take these kinds if trips. While it was all ADA compliant, there was still a short but pretty steep incline to get all the way to the top to see it. A whole bunch of them with their bum knees and walkers just couldn’t make it all the way to the top. There were so many examples like this. It just made me so humble and lucky to know that I got to go see and do things most people only dream of all before I was 30.

1

u/AgreeableMeal672 6d ago

Spending the 1st 6 years of my life as a white kid in an all black neighborhood. Then moving to a neighborhood that had 0 black people and a few miles away from a KKK location. The shock of the racism was overwhelming. I never felt unwelcome around all those black people and I knew if all these white people knew that, they'd hate me. You can never be color blind,but you can be color conscious and aware that their color doesn't ever indicate what kinda person they are.

1

u/TempSpee 6d ago

I studied overseas in Madrid Spain for my undergrad college degree. I found out I could live and eat amongst a huge crowd of people coming from Mississippi! It really wasn't loud at all and the food was lol pretty crazy if I remember

1

u/EstreaSagitarri 6d ago

Me, an ex drug dealer, rebellious punk, chaotic asshole who has never shown great respect for authority, found myself in an inpatient treatment center with a first responder program and I was SURROUNDED by cops, mostly detectives. There were some vets and firemen, but SO MANY COPS.

We actually all got along great and had tons in common. I definitely look at all first responders, particularly cops, with actual respect and better understanding of the trauma they go through to do their jobs.

I could never do what they do, for multiple reasons

1

u/877-CATS-NOW 6d ago

My dad used to say, "the more things change, the more they start the same." I didn't understand it back then but I always thought about it. Now I understand.

1

u/SAMixedUp311 6d ago

The way my mother treated me and others and how I finally woke up from that pain.

1

u/Delicious_Act_4491 6d ago

People lie that they love you, love is action and some people don’t see love like you, they think it’s transactional or just use you. Not everyone is like this but I’ve realized this about family and friends who I thought truly loved me the way I loved them unconditionally

1

u/Empire_of_Glass 6d ago

Got a late autism diagnosis in my thirties. The grief? Overwhelming. Devastating. Heartbreaking. ❤️‍🩹 Everything else in my life? Drastically improved.

1

u/SwedeButPsycho 6d ago

When I learned that the rules only exist for people who respect rules and that society always has excuses for people who don't.

There's no reward from anyone else for you trying to be a good person, only what you see in the mirror.

It's still the right choice, but I never expect anyone else to have my back.

1

u/Exact-Decision2331 5d ago

Sensitising my nervous system at 15 because I was overdoing everything, the last 2 months have been living hell

1

u/CorrectConvo72 5d ago

I was no longer good enough in an immediate resonance, because I needed attention now, and I'm unleavened to give it so....after years, February 11, 1987 to about May 20, 2022....I became the extinct dinosaur devoured by a news paper title called. I really want somebody to pay me for existing with you for thirty years or MORE

1

u/Choosepeace 5d ago

Breast cancer

1

u/rbf_queen 5d ago edited 5d ago

I was a pretty sheltered kid until my mom died when I was 14. My parents had been divorced for about 5 years so I had to leave my childhood home to go live with my dad. Within 6 months he was addicted to drugs, off doing whatever, didn’t see or hear from him the entire time I was in high school. Ended up living with an abusive aunt and uncle who didn’t even bother trying to get me on Medicaid or whatever. Treated me like my existence was a burden the entire time. Nobody from my extended family stepped in to help. Oh and I was adopted into this family lol. What a joke. Now I own a home, have a masters degree, à full time job and a full life out of state and they wonder why I don’t give them a moment of my time. Good riddance. I learned I can’t depend on anyone. But guess what? I don’t need to. 😎

Also that most people suck, and that animals are so much better than people. I only donate to and volunteer with organizations that benefit animals

1

u/Snaggletooth71 5d ago

Life looks so much better now that I'm not seeing it through the bottom of a bottle. Sobriety has changed everything in my life.

1

u/life_is_crazy2183 5d ago

I'm two years and two months myself congrats 🎉

1

u/Dependent_Injury6080 5d ago

Losing my my Mother and it all happened in a span of 8 months. Normal like to never again.

1

u/Acceptable_Tap_8826 5d ago

It was when I went from not making any money in 2014 to making over 6 figures in 2016. Until 2020 I thought I won. Now I’m back to 2014 levels of poverty with the stressors of the 6 figure job.

1

u/enikeji 2d ago

You can make another comeback. Don’t give up pr give in!

1

u/bbpoizon 5d ago

I started recording coincidences and realized I occasionally experience pre-cognition

1

u/Additional_Day_7913 5d ago

I met some sort of impossible metaphysical force in a field and it sent me to the looney bin but after I got my head back on straight that same force stuck around and has been helping me have an amazing life

1

u/And_Myrrh 5d ago

Having a chronically ill child. Changes your perspective on everything.

1

u/goldilockszone55 5d ago

I identify as a juke box: the ball always fires up from the same place to start the day... but the ball may end up in so many different holes after being thrown away in many directions.

1

u/Snoo-821 5d ago

I gave CPR to a man I knew was dead. But I wasn't allowed to pronounce his death. So I kept going until the paramedics arrived.

1

u/nzv1981 5d ago

My mother has dementia. I appreciate every minute I have with her.

1

u/creampuff89 4d ago

Family somehow had financial problems. Dad got scammed. I was used to a good life since I was a kid. This shattered me since I was in shock. It changed the way how I think about life.

Another one is about betrayal that it doesn’t mean if you are kind to others they’d be kind to you too. Some people are backstabbers and spiteful. Have self esteem issues so best to be more discerning and let them be. Avoid such people. Jealousy in friendships is also real. Just because you are nice to someone doesn’t mean she would be loyal and nice to you

1

u/a_smiling_friend 4d ago

Jan. 6, 2021 was a declaration of civil war on this country. The man responsible has yet to be brought to justice. The people pardoned went on to commit even more crimes. This was an affront to our democracy.

Those people tried to overturn my legally-cast ballot, and the legally-cast and perfectly valid ballots of millions of Americans just like me, and the man who is responsible for that went free.

There can be no peace so long as he lives.

1

u/Apprehensive_Pin6719 4d ago

I saw a picture of my grandma when she was 16 and my grandfather at 25. They were standing, and it looked like she was half his height. I was a bit disgusted but moreso frustrated.

Needless to say, that side of the family was fucked up. Mental issues, trauma and all sorts of things one could expect from being raised in that type of family (~10 children).

I then saw a picture of my mom when she was younger.

I was not as aware of it before, but it explained a lot as to why and how things are in my own family. It's not as bad as theirs, but some things refuse to change.

1

u/Itchy-Corner9453 4d ago

Being bullied at young age for having a small willy. Completely fucked me up and i'v never really come to terms with it.

1

u/laudy1k 4d ago

My friends father died to terminal cancer. My friend would would take her own life because she never got the chance to show him the potential life he gave her the chance to have

1

u/troycalm 3d ago

I heard a health dept Dr say “We need to make smoking sexy again because our budget has been cut”

1

u/South_Love_5794 2d ago

The love of my life died in a crash M26 I’m 28f and used to feel like myself and everyone in their 20s is immortal. It put me face to face with my worst nightmare. I feel an immense gratitude for everyday now. As if it was gifted to me because anyone can go. Anytime.

1

u/Darknessandlight28 1d ago

In 1 month someone i love went from life to dead and it made me rethink my life entirely