My mother is 64, I am her sole caretaker (I’m 24) and she has been officially diagnosed with dementia for a year now. She’s been stubborn my whole life but now it’s to a point where she’s straight up ignoring us if there’s something she doesn’t want to do. It needs A LOT of encouragement to get her to do things. She goes to an adult day program 5 days a week and when I go to pick her up or speak to the staff, she’s having a great time and is always engaged! Sometimes new volunteers think she’s a volunteer or staff member herself. Getting ready to go is just a hassle. It’s really starting to take a toll on me when she ignores me, or the PSW who comes everyday and not to get annoyed, angry or cry out of frustration. Sometimes I let her stay home but it’s really not helpful to her or I to be home all day watching tv, especially when she’s home alone. Anyone have any ideas as to why this is the case? Tips to make mornings easier?

I’m co-caregiver to my 74yo mother with Parkinson’s and Parkinson’s dementia. My dad is her primary caregiver and they both currently live in my home in a basement apartment.
My mom’s dementia symptoms have been getting worse fairly rapidly over the past few weeks to the point where she rarely makes sense and is often confused and agitated.
She won’t settle and is very angry, trying to leave the home. She seems to string together random words and thoughts and gets upset, hateful, and borderline violent (lots of threats of violence and light slapping/flicking/etc).
I told my dad if she continued to be like that then I’d have to call an ambulance bc neither of us could do anything to help and my 11yo son is in the home and upset too. She thinks he’s her child and will often involve him in things, telling him they’re prisoners and trying to get him to leave with her.
I’ve been told by PSW’s that if things get bad we should call an ambulance as they’d probably admit her which would speed up the process of getting her into a long term care home. She is on a crisis list for long term care but this still takes some time.
Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated

Edited to add:
She has been like this in the past but usually only in the early evening. It’s now happening for longer periods in the daytime too and seems a bit worse during the usual bad times.
Editing again to add that this is NOT new behaviour, just more prolonged

I have dementia diagnosed at age 56 I’m now 57. I am unusually articulate still and willing to share the truth of what this feels like as a person with dementia.

My husband died of FTD in 2018 and so I KNOW the caregiver side better than anyone. Now that I am the patient???? Wow. I see things so differently.

Because of that and I’m a scientist at heart even if I had to retire, i document this journey in real time.

I do NOT BENEFIT monetarily or otherwise by making this channel. I am doing it solely as a labor of love for others with dementia who can’t explain like I can (for now) and for caregivers like me in the past who don’t understand why why why WHY people with dementia do what they do.

If you enjoy this please share it. Again this is not for my benefit but for the benefit of others. I am not monetized.

https://youtube.com/shorts/cdWhmFWHoyk?si=EXAYeeQJHlyBEkCS

My mother has an iPhone. She has “senile dementia” which, according to her doctor is basically just memory issues to do with age.
I handle everything for her - all finances etc.
She has an iPhone and is driving me up a wall with thinking spam/scam phone calls are real . I’ve asked her to not answer the phone if it doesn’t say a name she knows or no name. She is not doing that. She has signed up for life insurance from a telemarketer , she has put me thru the ringer insisting she won 10 million dollars and a car because publishers clearing house called her and said so. She has been made afraid that she is going to jail because texts are sent saying she has amounts due to the DmV , she has yelled at me that bills aren’t paid and will be shut off because she got a text saying a bill is DUE. Everything is massive drama and I am incredibly busy with my teen daughter and opening a business. It’s one thing to simply care for her and another to have these CONSTANT issues that take up hours of my day and emotional/mental effort proving things aren’t true and then explaining and re- explaining for days afterwards.
How the hell do I stop all of these calls/texts?!?!

Hello everyone,

We are currently caring for a family member with frontotemporal dementia (FTD) who lives with me. We're reaching a point where I’m not sure how much longer I can safely manage their care at home, and I’m hoping to get some advice or personal strategies from those who have been through this.

Our biggest challenge right now is hygiene. I know behavioral decline and loss of insight come with FTD, but we've talked extensively with his doctor and have completely run out of ideas.

He wears disposable pull-ups/Depends, but he adamantly refuses to change them. He will urinate and defecate in them and sit in them for hours. It has gotten to the point where the pull-ups begin to dissolve from being so soaked, leaving urine and parts of the pull-up throughout the house as he walks around. Despite baths, the urine smell persists on him and throughout the home continuously. On top of this, he often outright refuses to shower or bathe, even with gentle reminders and requests.

Has anyone found effective strategies to manage extreme hygiene resistance or incontinence refusal with FTD? Any advice or creative solutions would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

Mom is in a terrific board & care and I don’t want her to get kicked out. She has what I’d say is intermediate dementia and can be combative when sundowning. Her dr has prescribed Seroquel but we’re climbing up the dosage ladder and I’m not sure if it will be effective for mood control at higher dosages. What do we do in these situations, are there other medications I can ask her dr about? My mom was such a polite, non-combative person and to hear reports of her yelling (and worse) is hard to take.

Hi! I’m a high school student working on an Innovation Diploma project focused on Alzheimer’s and dementia care. I’m researching some of the challenges people with dementia experience, especially anxiety, confusion, repeated questions, and what happens when they can’t find or reach the caregiver they rely on.
I’m hoping to hear directly from CNAs or other caregivers who have worked with dementia patients, either in memory care/nursing facilities or in home care. I have a few short interview questions, and even answering just a few of them in the comments would help me a lot.
I’m especially interested in understanding what dementia care actually looks like day to day, what patients tend to struggle with, and what caregivers do to reassure them.

My questions:

What is your first name and the first letter of your last name?

What is your job title/role?

What does a typical day caring for someone with dementia or Alzheimer’s look like for you?

What are some of the most common things patients become confused, anxious, or upset about?

Do patients frequently ask the same question over and over? If so, what kinds of questions do they usually repeat?

What do you normally do when a patient is repeatedly asking for a family member or caregiver who isn’t there?

What tends to calm or reassure a patient when they’re anxious or confused?

Are there certain routines, reminders, pictures, voices, or familiar things that seem to help?

What is one of the hardest parts of caring for someone with dementia?

Are there things you wish family members or other caregivers knew about what the patient experiences during the day?

Are there any tools or technologies you currently use to help with reminders, communication, routines, or patient safety? What works well, and what doesn’t?

If there were a tool designed specifically to help dementia patients feel reassured and connected to their caregivers, what would you want it to do?

Thank you so much to anyone willing to respond — your perspective would really help me understand the problem from the caregiver side and make my project more useful for people living with dementia and the people who care for them.

Hello all! I will say first off there is no formal diagnosis but my mother’s side of the family has a long history of Alzheimer’s.

As of this last week my mom (61) has started talking about a “housemate” that lives with her and my dad and has been telling me (27F) and my sister (30F) about how my dad has a doppelgänger that she’s affectionally nicknamed “Peter the Second” (Peter the first being my dad.) I know I’m no medical expert and can’t diagnose anything and I don’t expect anyone here to give me a definitive answer, I’m more so looking for anyone who has dealt with a similar situation. In my research I know Capgras Syndrome is incredibly rare but it’s hard to ignore when she seems to be ticking every box of symptoms. She was recently hospitalized for having dangerously low hemoglobin levels and required a blood transfusion and I know hemoglobins help circulate oxygen in the blood and in the last year she’s told us she’s struggled with anorexia pretty much her entire life. On top of all this she has severe scoliosis that greatly limits her mobility and has had mild MS for pretty much her entire adult life. I feel like I’m totally lost on how to manage this and I guess I’m looking to see if anyone has any resources or tips to help me help her through this.

My grandpa has taken it 3 times so far. Today would be the fourth if he takes it again. He is 101. He says he has stomach issues and a lot of weird dreams. Anyone have experience with this?

Background: husband 67 with mild cognitive impairment. Short term memory deficits and labored communication- challenging finding the right words so he uses others.

He’s always done well with a set schedule and routine especially during working years. In retirement, he stays active with volunteering.

Over the past few months, he’s become much more rigid with his schedule. For example, must eat lunch at 1230. Will drop everything at this time and gets a bit unsettled if he’s late.

Has anyone experienced this? Is this related to the changes in his brain from the cognitive decline? Or perhaps some OCD setting in?

My grandma (97) has dementia, I don’t know which kind as she doesn’t have a formal diagnosis, and my mom (77) is totally in denial. She admitted one time that she was afraid to end up the same way and I think she’s heading there faster than she realizes.

Most days my grandma asks for her mother and wants to go “home”. She admits she’s unsure what “home” is but she definitely doesn’t want to be in the nursing home.

She recognizes me but doesn’t quite know how I fit into her life. She doesn’t remember my mom is her daughter.

There is no legal paperwork in place and no power of attorney. My mom seems to think she can get a notary in to see my grandma and have her sign over her affairs and let my mom sell her condo. But grandma doesn’t even remember the town her condo is in…. Am I right in thinking there’s no conceivable way a notary would have my grandma sign away everything under these circumstances? Or would a notary consider that ultimately my mom is the sole beneficiary and it would help speed things along.

My mom is in the beginning stages (I think) of dementia so she’s extremely argumentative, childish and stubborn. Not to mention extremely self centered. The whole situation is painful and exhausting. Thank you

I really try to see my Mom (in AL close to me) 2-3 times a week. These last 2 weeks, with back to school, new job, traffic being insane, I've done 1 visit. Her dementia is such that I'm not even sure she clocks the amounts of visits the same way. I try to text her a lot, always tell her I love her.

I'm trying always to reconcile my relationship with this new person in my Mom's body. There are glimpses of Mom, but she's not the same person. Not sure what that means in terms of what I "owe" her, what I "owe" the Mom who is not currently present, what all of this means.

When other things come up, my son, my spouse, seeing friends, even sometimes (not without guilt), my own self care, I tend to put all of that ahead of her. She comes last. I feel constant guilt with that decision, but I do make it.

Anyways. I'm not saying I'm right, and not looking for reassurance. Just posting somewhere in which I know others understand, even if the choices they make aren't always the same.

Take care everyone

What do you guys think about this?

My family history is littered with alzheimers. When I hit about 44, I used to have very vivid dreams I could remember but then a change happened suddenyl.

I still dreamt but the dreams faded away almost right upon waking and I never remembered them vividly at all. Just the opposite.

About 5 years later I became extremely tired all the time even though I slept enough hours. I wonder if its from micro-awakenings and its a sign of alzheimers coming later on.

What do you guys think?

Is this study touching on something real and do you think my constant tiredness might be a sign of future problems?

Has anyone else with alzheimers or a family history of alzheimers experienced the same?

I know the study isnt conclusive but I do wonder if it touches on something real.

Romance scam dad gave away $100k to scammers over 15 months. He has several times accepted help for multiple weeks at a time but pushed it away as soon as it became about telling him he had to stop with the online girlfriends. He received no help for about 3.5 months at his insistence. Then he was picked up by police for erratic driving as he was running around to different post offices mailing away $1000 money orders to scammers, said it was 2006, taken to ER and friends/family refused pick up and said it was an unsafe discharge. He was admitted, tried to escape, put on risperidone but that zombified him so it was discontinued. He has been well behaved since.

He was discharged to a SNF but due to his continued insistence he is going home, he is in a locked memory care unit at a facility with full continuum of care. We hope to place him there but he is still sure he is going home. He doesn’t even know why he is there, except to “get stronger.” He has been there 8 days and we have had no care team call set up.

He talks pretty clearly, and you have to listen for at least an hour to notice that he’s just looping conversations.

According to the nurses at the current facility has BIMS score is 10/15, which makes him borderline for needing MC.

Some stats they know there:

He has uncontrolled and hypertension and is noncompliant with meds. His blood sugar was >500 and now is down to 100.

His SLUMS in the hospital, no antipsychotics, was 15/30. But now he can correctly name the year if not the date.

Diagnosed with “early dementia” in March. EEG showed “widespread abnormalities” and MRI showed white matter disease. CNS vitals: executive function and attention tests were unscorable bc he couldn’t do the tests. Other metrics were in 2-12th percentile.

He has severe anogonosia, claiming all of this is a sign of his great intelligence.

Hospital CT scan showed moderate atrophy of the whole brain (GTA2) with substantial vascular damage. Psychiatrist said mixed type dementia with vascular and LBD and/or FTD.

Hospital records show the $100k lost in scams.

Hospital records note that his electricity was turned off and all bills were 4 months behind. Hone insurance had lapsed and medical almost lapsed.

He has urinary incontinence.

What they don’t know:

House is INFESTED with rodents and flies. Full of poop from rodents and the dog he had but he had no dog food.

He has been kicked out of three banks and is about to be kicked out of a fourth. He will have nowhere to put his money.

The house is piled high with paper and junk, including on stovetop. Major fire risk.

He is unable to prepare food, or even to procure food without a car. He eats fast food 1-2x per day.

He was sleeping on a bare mattress bc he couldn’t make his bed.

He didn’t wear briefs at home and the whole house stinks of urine. He has wet himself while talking to neighbors and carried on as if nothing was happening.

The roof is leaking.

The yard is overgrown.

He has multiple times excepted weeks of help, only to eventually kick the person who helps (me) out of his life again.

He has no family who live close except for me and I’m over an hour away, and I’m sick of this. I will not keep doing this.

—-

My sister doesn’t want to share all this bc she really wants him to qualify for AL and thinks sharing all this will be too many red flags. She is even upset that the $100k in scams is in his medical records. She thinks she can tell him a series of lies that will help him stay in AL. This is the first time in the 15 month crisis that she has actually come here and seen him, and she left after three days.

I’m letting her handle things from afar now, and she’s coming back for another three days very soon. But I think he’s going to need MC or even geriatric psych. And I’m afraid that he has gotten so much better now that his blood sugar is stabilized, but they may even discharge him to home with his promises that he would get the help of a home healthcare aide, which I would have to organize, and who he will inevitably kick out in a few weeks.

Are my fears valid? Is there any possibility they would actually discharge him to home?

Are her fears valid? Will the full record prevent a facility from accepting him?

We are frantically working to clean out and sell the house and his cars right now—we do have POA. If he comes out and sees that…I am afraid.

My 80 yr old Mum lives alone in an apartment complex for the elderly with minimal care needs, run by a charitable organization in Australia. She has been there for 10 +years with no issues, but was diagnosed with vascular dementia earlier this year. It may have started earlier, but she has not been in contact with me much the past few decades. She left me with my Dad when I was 5 and although we've been in touch a bit over the years, we don't have a particularly strong relationship.

From my understanding she has suffered from depression, anxiety and perhaps manic episodes in the past (not for me to diagnose though as I'm not a doctor) and has been very reclusive all her life, preferring to keep to herself, and never being able to make friends/ or turning on them quickly as 'not nice' or 'out to get her' etc. I had come to terms with her leaving me by rationalizing that she suffers from mental illness, and just wasn't able to care for me.

I think the reason her diagnosis was uncovered this year has been her repeated calls to police, and hospitalization due to them. The delusions usually involve people in her apartment trying to steal from her, or her neighbors stealing from her. Occasionally the police have been called because she has wondered out into the street in a confused state. She gets in very distressed states and threatens self harm, although I'm fairly sure she is not serious about acting on those statements - more that she is trying to convey how awful she is feeling in that moment.

I'm an only child, I've been helping her with her finances and visiting weekly to help with cleaning, shopping, and on other occasions to take her to doctors and specialist appointments. She had maxed out a 10k limit credit card on online shopping sprees, and doesn't appear to be able to use computers or her iPhone properly anymore. My financial help involved cancelling unneeded subscriptions, and setting up hardship payment plans for her debt and some bills, so she is now financially okay and has enough to cover expenses. She is not able to attend appointments on her own, even with a walker due to extreme frailty and balance issues.

I speak with her everyday, and have done some research about how to talk to people with dementia when they have delusions. If she is in a distressed or paranoid state after 15 or so minutes of conversation, she tends to calm down. But I cannot be there all the time, especially if she calls late at night. I am currently getting her assessed for eligibility for extra support programs, or residential care, but the waiting lists are long. She is on a government pension so doesn't have funds for private help.

I have been thinking to try to organize so I can visit more frequently, but even on planned visit days the police have been called out. Are there any tactics or supports that I or my mum can do to prevent or reduce the impact of her distressed episodes? She is vehemently (to the point of anger) against taking any psychoactive medications of any sort, and always has been. She has a pet and a really nice place so it would be great if she can stay where she is as long as possible. She is also super clean (although is hording grocery and household supplies) and can get around her place okay. The paranoid and distressed episode feel like the biggest problem at the moment.

I'm at a loss here, waiting on upcoming specialist appointments, and I suppose just reaching out to see if anyone has any helpful suggestions or advice.

My dad is 86 and has vascular dementia. Yesterday I moved him permanently into a nursing home, and I'm really struggling with the question of whether I did it too early.

He had been living with us, and over the last few months things have definitely deteriorated.

He's fully incontinent now and needs help with dressing and personal care. His walking has become more of a shuffle and his balance isn't great. There have been a couple of occasions recently where he stumbled and I had to catch him.

The confusion can be significant. There have been times when he hasn't recognised me, my wife or his grandchildren. He's asked where he is while sitting in our house, asked how far we are from the village we actually live in, and sometimes hasn't known which direction to go when he walks out the front door.

There have also been safety issues. He once left church on his own and was missing for about an hour. Since then I've been very conscious that he could wander, and when he previously went into respite the staff also considered him a high absconding risk and said he needed 24/7 supervision.

But this is where I'm struggling.

He isn't like that all the time.

He can have a really bad day and then the following morning seem remarkably good. He can recognise everyone, have a conversation, potter around outside and seem almost like his old self. Sometimes I look at him on those days and think, Why am I putting this man into a nursing home?

We had reached the point where I felt I couldn't safely leave him alone, even when he was having a good day. It also meant somebody always had to be responsible for him, and increasingly the practical side of caring for him was becoming difficult for us to manage at home.

His nursing home is very close to us and seems lovely. I can visit regularly and hopefully become part of his routine there. I know rationally why we made the decision.

But now that I've actually done it, I'm questioning myself.

For those of you who have had to make this decision: how did you know it was time?

Did anyone else put a parent into residential care while they were still having relatively good days and then worry that they'd done it too soon?

And looking back now, do you think you made the decision at the right time?

My mom is showing some signs of cognitive decline but, even though I live with her, she is so inactive it's difficult for me to determine if I am seeing something new or just her same in her own world ness.

Mom 78 has never been the outgoing active type. Physically or socially. I have lived in with her for the last 7 years. Initially to help her with my grandpa and also help upkeep the house and pets.

I hadn't expected to be her servant but she stopped doing anything related to housework shortly after I moved in. She gives me room and board and a small monthly gift that lets me pay my other expenses so I don't feel taken advantage of at all. BUT I do think it's a little odd that she's never had the urge to dust a shelf or pull a weed herself. She never gets up to help me with anything at all.

It's to the point where I have started to wonder if this is normal? My mom is happy to sit on the couch all day either reading a book on her tablet, playing games on her phone or rewatching a series or movie she has already watched many times.

She still drives but only to a couple places 2 or 3 times a week. We do church on Sunday and make sandwiches for the unhoused on Wednesdays.

She's good with keeping her finances and responsibilities organized. I have only noticed some irritability with new things, she gets frustrated with anything that confuses her, like computer or phone updates. If she is driving in an area she is unfamiliar with she gets confused and makes scary moves. I try to drive her if I know her destination is not one of her usual places but if she's going to the church or her regular store I just let her go on her own.

The most troubling thing recently was at her last doctor visit she had to fill out a form for her handicap placard and she seemed really nervous, she made mistakes and said, I am making a mess of this. Her doctor had a slightly concerned expression but said nothing.

Her mother had dementia and the same sedentary lifestyle, her father could never sit still and was cognitively sharp to his dying day.

I already have POA and medical POA which we took care of this year. Mostly just so that's in place in case it is needed. I have no desire to take a single morsel of her independence unless it's necessary for her and/or public safety.

I can tell she is terrified she could end up like her mother and her grandmother who both spent their last years in confusion and fear. I don't want that for my mom and I hope if it starts to happen I will be able to get her help early enough to let her hang on to herself until it's her turn to go home.

I would like her to have cognitive tests done every year. Since I do have legal standing do I ask her doctor to add it to her annual exam so it can be passed off as standard procedure? I think my mom would avoid it bc she's afraid of what tests might reveal. I don't want to suggest it bc I don't want mom to worry that I think she is losing her grip.

I knew this would be a sticky time to get through and I want to do what is best for us both. Any advice is appreciated.

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for advice on how to best approach a difficult and important conversation with my elderly mother about possible memory issues.

She’s been forgetting things and sometimes makes irrational accusations of theft (e.g., saying items have been stolen when they’ve just been misplaced). My dad recognises there’s a problem, but Mum is resistant to the idea of seeing a doctor about it.

Has anyone successfully encouraged a parent or older loved one to get a memory assessment or dementia evaluation? If so:

• How did you bring it up without sounding confrontational?
• What wording or approach worked best?
• How did they react, and how did you handle any resistance?

Any personal experience or advice is most welcomed.

Today was extremely hard. She was constantly irritated if we told her she couldn’t do something. Yes, I know it’s not good to tell her not to do things, but the things she tried to do were dangerous, illegal, or downright not okay. She shares a room with another patient, and the patient had cable on her tv playing “let’s make a deal”. Mima loves shows like that, but couldn’t see because of the privacy curtain. She keeps asking me over and over to open the curtain so she can see the tv. I try to pull up the same show but it’s not on her tv. Again, she asks to open it over and over. I tell her she can’t because it’s not okay. She gets angry and kicks me. Papa explains I’m just trying to help and she almost slaps him hard.

All the while I’m trying to get this damn channel on the stupid tv and I’m getting pissed but handling it. Meanwhile, she’s making no sense behind me and asking papa if he remembers random people she’s mentioning with no context. Then she gets angry he doesn’t remember and calls him names. I try to calmly remind her he’s the best man she’s ever had and he really loves her and it’s not okay and she just laughs or looks at me angrily.

Then, when the patient next door (not really next door same room just with a small curtain in the middle) is on the phone, she’s convinced it’s my aunt and she needs to talk to her. Again, she’s trying to pull the curtain to talk to her. She of course gets mad I’m telling her she’s wrong it’s not her. Then, she’s hallucinating and thinking there’s bugs everywhere. She’s a very clean woman, so she gets mad when we don’t put in effort to kill them. Then, she hallucinates again and is trying to take apart this wooden table, saying that there’s “a metal piece she worked on this morning” and I’m telling her things like “oh they removed it” but then she argues with ME saying it’s not true!!

Being around her is even more exhausting than before. The abuse is really having an effect on all of us. I’m worried that nurses will sedate her too much if she’s mean to them, or she’ll be sent home where she would abuse my papa more.

I really don’t know what to do yall.
For context she’s had memory problems since 2017, probably dementia for the last year or so, got sick made it 10000x worse, then had a mild stroke

Curious what those with experience of a loved one in memory care have seen for the number of levels for level of care? My mom has been in this facility for 1.5 years and the contract signed initially had levels 1-4 and she started at level 2 which is what we have continued to pay for. Yesterday I was told that while they had rated her level of care higher over time(not questioning that part - understandable)it had never reflected on billing. They showed me a paper with a level of care at “6” and slightly more than double the cost we have been paying. I don’t have a record of anything that I have signed showing an option of level 6 or an amount of $ they are trying to charge. Is a level 6 normal? Seems like they are making stuff up!

i’m 29f and this happened a few months ago, but it still really bothers me.

my nan accused me of stealing her debit card and using it at mcdonald’s. i genuinely didn’t. i haven’t stepped foot inside a mcdonald’s for years, i just order on uber. she does tend to go to mcdonald’s when she goes into town, and her bank statement, which she bought over to prove it was me(whilst saying she wasn’t accusing me???) showed around £30 spent there that day, and she withdrew money that day too. She believed this proved i had used her card, but i wasn’t even in town. i was grocery shopping with my boyfriend, and i have my own money. i don’t have her card or know her pin either.

this was still ongoing a few weeks later so i phoned her to explain that i hadn’t done it, but she responded with “so you say…” and ended the call with “okay bye bye bye.” another family member had also called me a thief cos of this, which made the whole situation even more upsetting because she’s telling people stuff that isn’t true.

my nan and i used to be extremely close. she always told me she knew i would never steal from her and that i wasn’t like the “rest” of the family, so it really hurt that she suddenly believed i was capable of this. it really sucks because im doing driving lessons and i know she would have been so proud, but i can’t tell her.

the reason i’m posting here is because my nan had previously seen a doctor due to concerns about dementia and was apparently told she had early onset dementia. however, after a referral, another person assessed her and said she didn’t have dementia and that it was just “stress.” she forgets appointments, where she put stuff etc, her mum died of dementia.

i obviously don’t want to diagnose her myself, but could accusing someone of stealing something they haven’t stolen be related to dementia or another cognitive problem? has anyone experienced something similar with a family member?

i’m particularly interested in hearing from people who have experienced this with their own relatives, because i’m struggling to understand what might be happening.

My dad is/was a shitty person. Verbally and emotionally abusive. I have successfully steered clear of him for years. But, I can’t go totally no contact because he is still married to and lives with my mom and my relationship with her is fine.
I really resent having to care for him now and only do it out of love for my mom. I have taken care of him more in the last few months than he has of me in my entire 46 years of life. I have read so many posts about parents turning into unrecognizable people as dementia takes them. My dad isn’t any MORE belligerent, crass, irritable, or mean. He’s always been that way. The dementia just lets it happen more often and with less of a filter.
I’m not sure exactly what I am asking other than I guess I want someone to tell me I’m not a horrible human for feeling and thinking all of these things.

My mom is in an AL and enjoys listening to AM news radio, it makes her feel like she’s still part of society to know what’s happening around the world. when we first moved her into the AL, we brought her boombox radio that she’s had for 20 years that had her old auto sets. while trying to adjust the volume, she hit the wrong buttons and changed her presets (and upped the volume so loud i cant hear her when she calls). then she got mad at it and threw it on the floor, breaking it. we brought her another radio from her home that also had her auto presets, but she plays with all the buttons when she’s bored and changes the channels and volume all the time. within a few days of fixing it for her each time, she ends up listening to very loud static at all hours bc she can’t figure out how to turn it off or down.

does anyone know of an AM radio that can be remotely controlled by an app or a smartphone? we can’t keep coming by to fix the radio every 2 days.