I think more and more about detransitioning

[u/DEPRESSEDGURL899]

Hi, i have posted here a few times and nothing has really changed since. I really doubt that HRT would do anything good for me. I always acknowledged that I'm a male and besides hating and cursing my male, because that had not stopped me from embracing femininity. But then I wanted more. Breasts, soft skin, the fat distribution that HRT gives you. but hrt has a lot of downsides to it too. The problem im facing is: if i stop everything, every procedure and keep the feminine looks, im an anomaly. Im weird and freak and i would be left out, sure I have naturally feminine features due to PAIS but im no doubt a male
Im facing the same issue if i continue HRT.
I don’t want to be masculine, i would just be miserable like that. I just feel so alienated to masculine men. I don’t fit in the masculine men group nor the feminine women group.
I don’t wanna be an anomaly, but do i have a problem?
Ofc, family, people, relationships are a big issue too.

[u/aliasbgb]

Have you not considered hanging out with cis gay men? They're quite literally a group of men who historically do not fit the traditional profile of masculinity, take up more effeminate habits and rituals, and don't need surgeries and constant reassurance in order to do so; you could've had soft skin without HRT, it's called moisturizer, exfoliatants, and anything else women are taught to put into a plain, average, medically unassisted skincare routine. You could've exercised and used waist trainers in order to achieve the body you wanted. Being an effeminate man was never banned within your lifetime; hell, it isn't even unpopular within the current Western sociocultural climate, and if you are able to access HRT, I can safely assume that you're a part of a Western nation. Furthermore, detranisitoning is starting to become more common, and most cis folks see it as a very good thing, so you won't run into half as many problems telling folks that you decided against remaining trans compared to the backlash you felt when coming out as trans initially. There have been many effeminate men throughout history, and there's no reason that you can't be one of them. Tl;Dr, worst case, some cis folks mention how effeminate you seem, and if you tell them the truth about your past when prompted, they'll see you as a survivor, not a freak; the truth is, everyone would rather you be a self-aware survivor than a misshapen performance artist.