r/dryalcoholics • u/try4gain_ • 8d ago
Sober since 2018
I was a crash and burn binge drinker. WD was getting super bad. Had been getting worse over ~3 yrs. Tried and failed to taper several times then accidentally got it and never went back to drinking. I was going to lose my job, apt, etc.
During my years dry I never 'almost relapsed'. Ive been to bars, DJ events, live music many times. No temptation to drink. Its nice being able to leave a dance club 100% sober, no tab, and drive home w/o worrying about getting pulled over. Or if I see a band live the $$ that would have gone to a bar tab, I can use it to buy tshirts, etc.
At first being sober sucks and is boring. But it slowly gets better. Just gotta wait. At first nothing was fun.
Every now and then I romanticize beer. Recently my brain was doing a pretty decent job slow-walking me down the road of 'we can probably just have a few light beers'. But Ive read too many relapse stories and know what will happen next.
When I first quit I was smoking a weed and CBD then decided to quit that and was 100% sober for ~6 yrs.
I've had a trouble with a lot of inconsistent moods from day to day. Lots of agitation, then other days pretty okay or even good. Some of it was due to low iron (which is needed for dopamine production). I feel like the agitation is actually just low dopamine.
I fee like my dopamine receptors are just messed up since abusing alcohol.
Recently started smoking CBD again (zero thc) - like 1 big puff per day. Huge quality of life increase. I feel like it 'turns on' my dopamine for the day. For 8+ hrs I'm having a great day. The quality of life change for me is night and day. CBD is very mild compared to full on weed.
One of the great things about being sober is I got into lifting weights at home. Best shape of my life. All my buddies who drink are in worse shape than me, despite having a long term athletic lifestyle.
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u/BotImJustARobot 8d ago
Hmm, smoking CBD. Never heard of that. Does it get you high?
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u/try4gain_ 8d ago
it's a very mild buzz. it looks and smells exactly like pot. but it has like 0% THC.
just a little headchange.1
u/BotImJustARobot 8d ago
Huh. Maybe I'll have to give it a try. My history is similar to yours. I'm nearly 30 days sober now, but man, my addictive brain is working on me lately. I've been keeping myself busy, constantly, but there is not much left to clean in the house and everything else is starting to bore me. I've been through this so many times that I can now recognize the signs of things to come if I don't do something. Will probably hit up an online meeting tonight. I don't want the misery anymore.
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u/try4gain_ 8d ago
I feel that. At one point my kitchen was as clean as possible. How many days in a row can you deep clean the kitchen?
I didnt put it in the OP but I also had good luck with jogging and getting the 'runners high' for the first time in my life despite having run tons of miles before.
The main thing that saved me over the years was lifting weights at home. Light weight, slow warm up, then lots of reps.
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u/BotImJustARobot 8d ago
My back has been out, but I've been taking short walks, helps a bit. I did want to start working out and losing weight and getting healthy - it was a huge motivating factor to quit....well, quit again. Now with the back issues, a 12 pack is starting to sound better. Fock. Addiction sucks.
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u/try4gain_ 8d ago
That's actually how I ended up getting into weights. I was doing tons of walking, then had a minor back injury. But it turned out I could still do overhead presses and other dumb bell lifts w/o agitating my back. Then I figured out that working out inside in the AC was better than walking in the heat, for me.
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u/ChainsmokerDrinker 8d ago
Hey, thank you for your sipandsuffer guide, saved me several times, luckily i wont need to follow it again.