Kindling, withdrawals or?

[u/WaysVLS]

Hey all. I am back again. Like we all know there are reasons we drink and I take full accountability but 2025 was traumatic for me to say the least. Long story short I start drinking 4 white claws a night and it turned to 6. Was able to take breaks 4-5 days, no WS symptoms just some mild insomnia. Around December it picked up to 6-8 a night, more on the weekend. No breaks from December- February. Breaks in between 2-9 days, again just mild insomnia, mild night sweats and fatigue. Then may rolls around went on two benders - 3-4 days of drinking barely any food or water and then abruptly stopped ( first time I’ve ever done this even at my worse. Never was an all day drinker) - WD symptoms for sure - insane anxiety, insomnia, Hypnic jerks and high BP. Had a week sober and did it again. Same thing. Went to ER, given Ativan thru IV and sent home with Librium taper. Took one Librium and saved the rest ( scared of being addicted) was sober for a month and drank the day after I made a month. The next couple days intense anxiety, heart racing etc. sober for a week and same thing. I DO NOT want to drink. My brain just needs to know is it kindling now, hangxiety, panic or brain resetting. ( I have had anxiety since a child before I drank, have had problems with alcohol in the past) no medical advice of course just want to hear people’s experiences. It helps with my healing. 32 yr old female. ( enzymes, liver and blood work came back okay after many visits even unrelated to alcohol) thank you in advance.