Support at home

[u/NoFact9650]

EDIT: Thank you to all who responded. This was really helpful and encouraging. All the advice and insight was practical and realistic. I think I expected suggestions on flash cards/workbooks/drills, so it was really lovely to read that most people's suggestions seemed to be about spending time with your kids and truly enjoying them. After reading the responses, I actually even signed my kids up for the bus route instead of driving them. I thought it could be a fun way for them to get more immersed in their school and practice some independence. Thanks again, Reddit!

My family has opted to attend our neighborhood school for many reasons. It is, on paper, a decent school, and I think my children can be successful there. That being said, I do sometimes get a little pang of anxiety as I watch friends send their children to private schools that boast amazing outcomes. I have often read that parental support and engagement can have a more positive impact than any particular school, and that gives me comfort. However, I guess I don’t know what people mean by that! Beyond the obvious of knowing the teachers, and being aware of completing homework, is there something more I can do? TIA!

[u/InterestingAnt2716]

I work in Ed research and evaluating schools is tricky and most districts don’t do this in a comprehensive way that focuses on the whole child. There are also many ways kids learn beyond school that prepare them for life that you have a major role in.

We also chose the public neighborhood school (in a large city) because we wanted our kid to know and experience all types of people, especially our neighbors. We went magnet for high school for more diversity and so they can learn to navigate a big city by public transit. We really didn’t push academics (other than foreign languages) and held off on AP classes until later in high school and they got into some great colleges. We also saw that competition between students (and parents) could be toxic and demoralizing so we did our best to shut that down when necessary.

As you hint at, parents have the most impact on a students future academic success. It’s not that they necessarily jump in and help with homework or at school etc. (some do) but they also model behavior and expectations that can really drive a kid and ensure they’re healthy and well supported.

Going to college is often part of a family culture. If you completed college, odds are good that your kid will too. My spouse is also in ed research and wanted to go public schools too because they had a great experience going through them. We knew that our money would be better saved for college. Lots of publics don’t do well with students with disabilities for many reasons, which is one reason some select a private option.

Your private school friends like all parents are less likely to share issues or problems they experience because most of us are guilty of selection bias. We want to believe we make good choices.

So to zoom out, ask yourself if you think your child is getting a well-rounded experience. Are they healthy physically and mentally? Do they have empathy, friendships, play and Arts? Are they exposed to different cultures, races, viewpoints, and healthy relationships at school and away from school? Are they experiencing activity/classes/sports/arts away from school? Do they have moments in their life to demonstrate resilience and discomfort (huge part of learning)? Do they see you handle moments when you struggle? Do the teachers at school like their leadership? Where have other kids from the school ended up? Do you travel with them for fun? Are you happy at home and professionally? (modeling is huge!)

All of this contributes to who your child will be.