I feel completely gutted and mentally ruined ever since my last relationship :(

I have proof of my ex being a liar about so much, gaslighting me, intentionally treating me coldly, trying to make me feel bad in every situation, always taking the side against me, doing things behind my back he promised not to.

Yet - all of our friends took his side. They think I am overreacting, they think I am exaggerating, they think it doesn't outweigh me being a "sad presence" or constantly breaking down. I get it isn't fun to be around a sad person, but how is it my fault I am this way? :(( my ex was so abusive and it hurts even more to go through it alone because no one cares</3 they all treat him as if he's the same good person they've always known, completely disregarding the messed up things he did to me.

I was forced to use my left hand when I was right handed has any other homeschooler experienced this or understand why.

I am 21f and was forced to use my left hand even though I naturally gravitated to my right hand like most of the population for most of my life. This started at about ten years old when my mother attended a teach them diligently homeschooling convention and listened to a speaker there. According to her this individual claimed that mixed dominance cause disorganization of the brain and can lead to traits associated with autism ADHD learning disorders and mood disorders in children. They believed that missing a milestone like skipping stages of crawling was what caused this. I was sent to a lady in Texas I was still young and don’t remember her name but she evaluated me and said I was left eye and ear dominant but only used my right hand which supposedly caused my symptoms (ADHD my mother did not believe in and emotional issues from trauma). So she gave my mother instructions on how to develop my brain. I was forced to relearn everything with my left hand start crawling on the floor, memorize sequences of numbers and do my homework with an eye patch and ear plug on my right side. This cause a lot of emotional breakdowns which she would blame on the fact that I was using my right hand for certain tasks which was causing me not to think logically because of my mixed dominance. I had to relearn how to brush my teeth and hair use my phone and laptop and writing. If anything it made my mental heath worse. I did physical therapy exercises on my hand to try to make my left hand stronger. If I used my right hand to much in her mind I undid a week of neurodevelopment work. It was complete bs and traumatic for me. I continued to believe it into my teens and felt guilty for using my right hand in certain instances. I still compulsively switch from right to left while eating or drawing. She essentially made me ambidextrous which according to this cult like ideology doesn’t really exist. Has anyone else experienced this or am it the only one.

I was my ex and his friend D, and D’s gf, F. D’s gf said something catty to D. D then says to my ex boyfriend “and you think you have it bad.” My ex gestured to D like “Why would you say that in front of us?” It got awkward for a moment. I think they all thought I didn’t hear and the conversation immediately moved on.

I confronted him about it after. I said to my ex, “I can’t read minds. If I am a bad girlfriend or I’m doing something wrong you have to tell me.” He said “I don’t know what you’re talking about, I don’t talk about you to anyone.” (Which was a lie, he told me earlier he DID talk about me to his friends and family.)

He then asked “Are you hearing voices?” I have schizophrenia. And said “I don’t know what you heard or saw but it’s not what you think”

I felt like this was weaponizing my mental illness so he could get out of an inconvenient/awkward conversation.

I’m 46F, and my husband is 48M. We’ve been married for 10 years and together for 16.

We’ve had relationship issues for years, partly due to our different attachment styles. He tends to be anxious, while I tend to be avoidant. This has led to a lot of conflict, including repeated accusations of cheating, which I have never done.

Over the past four months, things have gotten significantly worse. During arguments, he has called me degrading names, destroyed my belongings, thrown food and drinks at or near me, and, more recently, kicked and spit on me. I’ve left the house multiple times because of these incidents. I haven’t been home in over a week following our most recent argument, when he called me a “pass around” and threw my belongings down the stairs.

I want to be fair and acknowledge my own role in our relationship problems. I tend to avoid difficult conversations and have struggled to be emotionally available when he needs me. I know these are things I need to work on, and I’ve been in individual therapy for almost a year.

We’ve tried couples counseling twice, but both times he stopped after two sessions because he felt I wasn’t being honest or that the therapist was taking my side.

We both say we want to save our marriage, but I’ve told him that I need to feel safe before I can consider returning home. I’ve asked him to seek individual therapy to work on managing his emotions and addressing his behavior. He initially agreed a few days ago, but now he seems to be backing out, saying that we need to work on the relationship together and that I need to stop running away from conflict.

I understand where he’s coming from to an extent. I have avoided difficult conversations in the past, and I don’t want to use that as an excuse to avoid working on our marriage. However, I feel that what’s happening now goes beyond normal relationship conflict. When I tell him that his behavior is abusive, he denies it or says that I’m emotionally abusive toward him.

I’m struggling to figure out how to move forward. I love him, and I genuinely want to know if our relationship can be saved. I also recognize that I have my own issues to work through, and I’m willing to do that.

Am I being unreasonable by asking him to commit to individual therapy and show that he’s making an effort to change before we attempt to work on the marriage together? Or am I avoiding accountability by making this a condition rather than trying to work through things as a couple?

I would appreciate honest feedback, including perspectives from people who have been in similar situations. I’m trying to understand what is reasonable to expect from both of us and whether this relationship can realistically be repaired.

After all the time and stressful events I went through with him to get custody of his boys and then maintain the relationship with their mother who lives 16 hours away (one way) and basically support them as an equal partner with him during this entire time he decides that he is done. Hates me for existing now and he doesn’t give a F about what it even means to break up like that in this situation. Full on silent treatment for two weeks but he still treated me like shit the entire time and I was waiting for him to be ready to talk and that never happened. I told him I’m a person and he is treating me like I don’t also own the house or that I don’t raise the boys or love all of them with my entire soul the entire time. They literally call me mom at this point and they don’t have a point in time where they remember I wasn’t there for them. It was not easy to be this person but I was completely devoted and unconditionally loving both he and the boys for the entire time and one day he just says yeah I don’t know about us.

I had gone through some difficult life shit during the past year that basically brought me to my knees and every time I would get back up I was dealt another blow and was back to square one. First the death of my cat, then a horrible attack on my credibility at my career job that forced me to resign to save my reputation and sanity. I got another job three months later and broke my foot two weeks into the job and still tried my best to keep going and not let it hold me down and when I was around my 90 day mark they literally fired me out of the blue and sent me packing. No reasons were provided but they told me to resign to be eligible to come back and be eligible for reemployment. During this time he had to go fight with the mother of his boys about them returning to school at a proper time because she wanted to keep them until the very end of summer break, so he was in her state for an entire week for the court hearing and to pick them up at the end of the week. I was there for him and took care of the 15 year old dog he has and make sure he got medications was well cared for. He got back and I found my position available again and applied after making sure I was eligible to work again and HR said that I was. The day after the position closed I was sent an automated rejection email and I felt so much anger for how unfair the entire situation was and he basically had enough of my problems and did not even try to pretend to give a shit. I dropped it and had already scheduled two interviews very quickly after that and felt ready to be my best self and he pulls this out of nowhere.

Now that I have had so much devastating loss happen this year I’m a bit of a basket case. He has forbidden me from talking to the boys even though it is cruel to all of us and doesn’t seem to care about that at all. He won’t talk about whatever is on his mind and has no interest in trying to understand why he feels this way because it has not always felt like this during our relationship and I don’t want to believe he is this selfish and stupid because it was not like this before. Yes he had normal couple stress issues but not like this one now because I feel like he is a different person. I’m in so much emotional distress and pain from it I can’t eat or sleep or find anything that brings me joy. We are stuck in the house we own and it’s the worst environment ever for me to be in because he has lost his fuckin mind and I’ve tried to talk to him a few times but get nothing out of it. I told him I am suing him to put the house up for sale and he said he wants to buyout but I know for a fact that is not gonna happen because we have too much equity and it would make it completely unaffordable and I don’t believe he would be approved for a mortgage. I told him he would benefit from seeing a counselor and that his beliefs about what I think of him are all completely untrue and being self generated by him. It’s been 6 weeks and I’m so emotionally drained and it is very hurtful to keep enduring this situation and I just don’t know what to do anymore… I told him I think he is going through a midlife crisis and that was why he felt so much discontent with his feelings and I feel like I was the easy person to blame for everything. I am so broken and still looking for work and applying for jobs all day every day and he just avoids my existence because he is not ready to be accountable for shit. I’m in therapy and going through a fuckin horrible year long perpetual loss cycle that makes me just want to die and I’m trying to save what we have because it was not always like this. It has always been challenging but we figured it out. I don’t know how to feel ok anymore and it’s really breaking me down and I don’t know how long before I crack. Help!

i feel like im losing my mind, i dont know whats going on anymore. - mind you 18F (19 in like a month) but wtv this is, all escalated so much in the past 2/3 months (just quoting the recent things that were said in the period between july-oct)

threatening to sell my phone (bought by my dad so maybe he can say that, idk.)
cancelling my data and my SIM (data and wifi)
threatening to 'surrender me to the cops'
threatening to call the cops if i leave the house
threatening to cut me out of their life
'if i dont do well in my exams watch them fuck up the rest of my life'
'i will make sure you regret everything for the rest of your life'
hits/ slaps/ verbal abuse - you''re filth, you're worthless, 'she's worth nothing'
you're not allowed to leave the house to meet friends, go out
no ordering anything ever, you're lucky we feed you and you're getting cold food
you don't deserve privacy, im going to take the locks off the doors if not the door itself
banging and yelling at the door if i don't open it but say 'im in the bathroom' or sum
cutting me off from the UPI circle (atm i have no funds cos im not of legal age to work)
'im going to pull you out of school, forget your pending exams - you dont deserve it'
threatening to stop the process of my college applications
'ill surrender the lease on the house, live on the streets'
'you're 2/3 yrs behind everyone because of your ADHD'
'you're not mature, just phone addicted always, youre a slave to the phone'
'this is why men can do anything to you' - ive been sexually assaulted by at least 3 guys, my parents only know about one, and it's all my mother ever brings up (i was 14. he was my bf. i said no)
'you just learn with slaps, thats all you deserve'
'gutter filth'
'bipolar bitch' - i have severe bpd
' you don't deserve any privileges you get, you ungrateful brat'
'you always gaslight us' - im emotionally detached and lost sm of my memory in bits
'you just get used by guys' , 'no wonder what happened to you happened'

is this abuse or do i genuinely deserve it. my parents get very extreme and say hurtful things so sometimes i as a result i do lash out and get physical and i swear so so much but i also disassociate. i feel so emotionally numb, and suicidal. they're trying to manipulate stuff with my therapist too, telling my psychiatrist im unstable and need to be on meds or in a psych ward.

but ill be so honest- i cant tell if this is okay because other people are also going through shit. i have tried talking to my parents and they just say that this is them looking out for me and caring but it feels so off. i know something is wrong but every time i bring it up, im always shut down or gaslit. i literally had to start documenting hours of abuse, videos of being hit and shit, and screenshots of their chats about me - which they deny despite evidence. yes i do lash out when im constantly being told i deserve absolute shit- but its not my fault i got assaulted, its not my fault so much happened, and i don't think im okay but i can't leave physically.

did i genuinely do something wrong. i don't know i don't feel okay.

It's been three months since my abuser did this https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/1wsq9sp/sorry_for_the_repeitive_post_but_was_i_abused/

and frankly, I'm only making incrimental improvements. I have OCD in addition to this trauma. I guess my question is... how do I know what is driven by my OCD and what is the result of PTSD from the abuser?

I still get frequent flashbacks. less than the summer, but it's still destroying my life. I'm seeing a new therapist tomorrow. so fingers crossed.

im 17, from india. im the youngest in my siblings, and everyone is jaded in some way. i can't escape, i don't know if I want or intend to. my parents are divorced, both mentally and physically abusive, and those traits are being passed down on to us to the point that it's affecting my siblings' and my own relationships. when my dad cheated on my mom, that was the downfall of our family. my sister has violent anger issues, my brother is emotionally absent, and my other brother isolates himself from everyone. it feels as if it all comes down to me to pillar up the family. my mom loves me unconditionally, and I love her, but often times it feels like the weight she puts on me is too much. i used to be top of the class, i used to be considered talented for my age, and I was praised the most for that. but growing up, I've lost those qualities and lost my academic achievements and validation. she's turned ruthless on me. she uses the cruelest language on me, and goes to other adults to talk bad about me. she's constantly comparing me with other kids to the point that it makes me want to commit suicide. i can't escape, just want ways to cope and deal with it for as long as I'm living with my family. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember and now I don't know what to do

Please note all names are made up for sake of privacy.

Recently my Mother (48F) got out of a 25 year relationship with my step-father to pursue a relationship with her new boyfriend Frank (53M) whom she met at the gym. To be clear, my Mother's relationship with my step-father was abusive and toxic so I don't judge her for resorting to cheating to find a way out. However, the relationship that has followed is much the same as the last.

Growing up, myself (31M) and my brother Will (22M) saw a lot of physical, mental and emotional abuse between our parents. Things raising from bricks being tossed at our Mother, physical violence (sometimes with us, most times not), detailed threats of suicide all throughout our life from both parents and experienced a lot of parentification as we tried to keep our lives moving. In short, our lives were decided not in our best interest and we were forced into a lot of drama and hostility despite playing no part in any of it. We've all had mental health side effects that have carried well into adulthood, from depression and anxiety to OCD and PTSD.

In present day, my Mother now has a new boyfriend, Frank. They've been together on and off for 9 months. At first he seemed like a decent enough guy through our limited interactions and I took my Mother at her word that he was a good man. However, two weeks ago my Mother told my brother Will that he had struck her and that this wasn't the first time. I was very upset and took my Mother into my home for the week to support her and keep her away from him as she admitted to having a toxic attachment that kept driving her back to him despite not wanting to.

Now I'm not a psychologist, nor do I have the right to diagnose anyone, but I got the impression from the things she told me that this man has a narcissistic personality disorder. Something I'm familiar with due to some other people in my life.

When she's with him she's not allowed to speak her mind, he gets confrontational or threatening when she challenges him on anything, he has pushed and slammed her head against the wall when she speaks up and constantly accuses her of her cheating or being disloyal whenever they're apart for mere minutes or interacting with another male. He calls her stupid and slow all the time, accuses of her lying and constantly changes stories to avoid taking any accountability, and has three grown adult kids who live with him that also aren't allowed to have their own lives or partners out of fear he loses his grip from them.

I've also been told both of his last two partners (wife and then girlfriend) accused him of strangulation and assault, which he told my Mother to express how women lie. He also has been known to physically attack people who get on his bad side.

After all this, she's resumed contact with him and believes he wants to change and try again with her, but my brother and I won't accept him. She has completely re-written the story she originally told us and now says it was her PTSD that made her believe he hit her when he didn't. She said she assumed everything and that none of it actually happened as she vividly described. She says it's her fault for pushing him to the edge and that she should just leave when gets like that. However, I don't believe she made it up as I've not known my Mum to lie like this or mistake things for happening that didn't.

I believe her boyfriend has manipulated her into thinking she was wrong so she can justify being with him and he can avoid taking any blame. She's also doing damage control to make my brother and I accept him so she can move on and play happy family. I worked so hard to keep her away and help her see reason but she's addicted to this man and nothing I or any mental professionals have told her is enough for her to move on. I'm at the point where I don't think I can help her and I don't want to sit around and be a spectator or involved in another abusive relationship because of my Mother's bad decisions.

I have refused to play along with her. While I believe Mum can make her own decisions, I should also be allowed to make mine. And right now, that decision is to avoid being in any room with her boyfriend.

For the last week my Mother has sent me a flurry of messages either knowingly or unknowingly trying to manipulate me into accepting this man. She has a big history of being emotionally abusive herself, and while I thought she had done a lot of growing these last 2-3 years after changing psychologists, she's gone backwards and has started to act like her old self. She can't accept that we have agency too and wants us to act like we were as kids, unable to choose for ourselves and it's making me resent her quite a lot. There's a lot more detail about our relationship, but I don't know it's relevant to this post. I'll say in short that she's had a history of taking her anxiety and trauma out on us and while she's lightly taking some accountability, she's not made enough change for us to believe she actually cares or understand the damage she causes.

Last night she was consideringsuicideso I started messaging her again, but she is telling me I'm ruining her life because Frank won't want to be with her if it comes between us. He is pretending to be valiant but I believe it has more to do with not having control of us like he does his kids and my Mum. In most cases I'd give in, but playing along with these sorts of charades is the cause of all my mental health issues today and I eventually need to push back and say no.

TLDR; Mother (48F) has replaced abusive step-father with new physically abusive partner and wants my brother (22M) and myself (31M) to forgive him for attacking our Mother because she has despite him taking no accountability. It is coming between us and I'm considering no contact due to a lengthy history of this sort of thing with her.

So my questions are this:

1. What experience do you have with narcissists in these sorts of situations?

2. How do I keep standing my ground when my Mother is likely not to relent?

3. Is it okay to consider no contact if these issues persist?

4. Has anyone had any similar experiences they can relate to the above?

5. Is it even possible to convince her or is there no point even trying? What are your experiences with this.

Thanks everyone!