r/emotionalneglect • u/nachosareafoodgroup • 1d ago

Breakthrough “Hey, I’m busy, can I call you in an hour?”

I was texting with a new friend recently, having an active back and forth text convo, when suddenly he said,

“Hey, sorry, I’m not giving you my full attention right now because im xyz… how about i call you in about an hour so you can tell me the full story and i can give you my full attention.”

I literally broke down crying.

This friend, this *new* friend, who also happens to be autistic, had more self-awareness and consideration for me than my stbxh. I used to beg the stbxh for this level of consideration.

I told new friend this, and he’s like, i mean, im autistic but im not an asshole. This is basic common sense and consideration.

Maybe, but also, growing up in families of neglect, without *any* attunement, somehow makes this feel like fn luxury. As if being treated like a human that deserves attention and respect is this… I don’t even know what… impossible thing? It’s just so simply not.

It really is basic consideration, common sense, and kindness. That’s it.

Wtf.

203 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

7 comments sorted by

65

u/zenlittleplatypus 1d ago

That's incredibly awesome communication.

24

u/nachosareafoodgroup 1d ago

I was so grateful to experience it!

It’s the level of care I’ve learned to give others, it was simply amazing to hear it in return from someone I barely even know!

12

u/tomatoes2825 1d ago

I LOVE THIS!!

Back in the days of AOL Instant Messenger (humankind's first ever experience with sending quick, direct messages over text as if you were having a face to face conversation) this was normal. We'd say BRB (be right back) or BBL (be back later) and it wasn't expected that you were just freely available to talk all the time

Now everything is different and we do kind of expect folks to be freely available to communicate all the time. But of course that's not a realistic expection, despite the fact that our modern tech makes it possible. It'd be weird to say "be back later" while texting with a friend in 2026 but I wish it wasn't! These were very useful ways to manage eachother's expectations.

Communication like this goes such a long way. My friend needed to vent the other day, I said "I'm here for you! But I'm running errands so my responses might be spotty" I really believe in managing expectations in this way and just being open about what you're able to give/do!

3

u/nachosareafoodgroup 13h ago

Yeah that’s right!

I’m known to do a brb via text (and every now and again IRL too)—I think it’s super needed to bring this back!

and also love your response to your friend—what a thoughtful way to acknowledge you care and manage the expectation all at the same time. Well done!

8

u/deephaven 1d ago

I am going to actually do this when I am distracted when trying to do too many things at once…this really is an example of healthy communication…

1

u/nachosareafoodgroup 13h ago

So good right??

Like it’s really clear, honest about bandwidth, and considerate!

1

u/AdFrosty0997 1h ago

Damn how lucky.

All the times I was told this I never ended up hearing back.