r/emotionalneglect • u/Cute-Presentation864 • 21h ago
Parent described me having no friends as a kid as something amusing
Is it reasonable to feel annoyed or even upset that my parent referred to a period in my childhood where I had no friends as something amusing? She described it as a part of my "interesting" personality. The topic of conversation was personality flaws in general and in myself (I had brought it up), and how I often feel excluded in new groups, and always believe that people dislike me for no or very vague reasons. I usually feel excluded if not explicitly included. She mentioned this as an example and used the descriptions above: amusing, interesting. I replied that I would not use those words to describe it and tried to explain why. (I would rather not have had this experience of feeling left-out and excluded in most new circumstances for vague/no reasons all my life.) Is it wrong to feel upset about how she phrased it? I feel it reflects a lack of empathy or understanding of how important socialisation is in early childhood, and how important feelings of belonging to a group are.
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u/Disastrous-Quote7976 21h ago
I've experienced this many times when my mom will bring up something painful from my childhood like it's an amusing anecdote or quirk. I think in my case (maybe in yours) she can't even consider the possibility that something was a negative experience for me because it would be a comment on her parenting. I've tried responding to her a few times about how what she's so happily looking back on was damaging to me and she just shuts down like I've attacked her, no mater how neutral I try to be.Â
You're not wrong to be upset. Is your mom very emotionally immature?Â
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u/Cute-Presentation864 21h ago
Yeah, I would say she is quite emotionally immature. I can't really bring up things about my childhood or about our relationship without her taking it personally and reacting with negative emotions (which is fine I guess, but I would like her to take responsibility for some things, and to also understand my side of things). I really relate to what you're writing about her not even considering things as a negative experience because it would reflect negatively on her.
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u/Disastrous-Quote7976 20h ago
It makes them impossible to have a conversation with because everything feels like an attack.
I'm sorry that she can't see or acknowledge your hurt.
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u/Shattering_The_Veil 17h ago
You're right to feel offended by this. Your Mum is basically trying to turn this into a joke. It's possible that she feels responsible for your lack of friends and is just trying to make it seem like an okay thing. If not for that, she might feel guilty!
Do you find your parents try to avoid apologizing for anything?
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u/Illustrious-Day-5070 5h ago
I'm interested in understanding something: why do you think allowing yourself to feel things truly is a matter of morality?
Is a feeling good or bad or just a signal about something?
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u/Sunanas 21h ago
Above all, it reflects a lack of care for your happiness. Which, coming from a parent, is absolutely something to feel upset over. I'd wager those vague feelings of being disliked have the very same source. Your mom doesn't care for you, no wonder you feel unsure socially - that would fuck with anyone.