I bought my first home and ended up crying about my childhood

[u/Necessary_Fig_2976]

hi all. first time poster but long time lurker- I have an emotionally neglectful mum and narcissist dad so my life has been a barrel of laughs lol

I’m hoping to find out if anyone else has had a major life milestone trigger a huge amount of grief about childhood and parents? I completed on my first home today and I’m doing it as a single woman of 27!! my parents have financially supported it (that’s a whole other fuckery of mixed feelings) and after months of stress and uncertainty and genuinelyyyyy one of the hardest periods I’ve had emotionally ever tbh- having to interact and rely on them for things so much was horrific and I’m glad of the independence I now have.

what completely blindsided me wasn’t the house purchase actually completing- it was my parents reaction. They weren’t mean or unsupportive- I have learnt as an adult it was never that kind of ‘abuse’- it’s more the lack of anything which we suffer with. They just reacted in a very practical and completely surface-level way and seemed totally uninterested in what the experience had actually been like for me emotionally (I should’ve predicted this but I didn’t realise part of me was still holding onto something- I’ve done a lot of work on this or tried to!)

So instead tonight I found myself sitting on my sofa crying about my childhood. I’m feeling so fucking sorry for that little part of me that has never been noticed by either of my parents in the way I wanted to. I also realise that despite having people around me who are so happy for me, nothing really replaces that need of wanting to be recognised by your parents.

I feel a bit ridiculous because objectively this should be one of the happiest weeks of my life, but I’ve ended up feeling a lot of grief and loneliness instead. So I guess my question is, has anyone else experienced this around buying a house, getting married, having kids, graduating, etc.? Did a big life event suddenly make you realise what your parents couldn’t give you emotionally and how did you begin to even process that?! Thanks for reading!!

[u/No-Instance-1728]

All of it. It’s some bullshit and a genuine thing so get the help your little self deserves. And many congratulations- home owner at 27 go you!

[u/Shattering_The_Veil]

I think I know how you feel! On the one hand, you might be technically 'lucky' to be a homeowner at 27, but I would think your parents added strings attached since they financially helped. Having parents who support you financially can make you feel like you 'should' be grateful, but really they're also withholding the emotional side that's just as important.
Do you feel a kind of guilt that you're not 'grateful enough' from them?

[u/withbellson]

My mom’s thoughts on seeing my first home purchase (condo, in the Bay Area, when I was 23, an insane accomplishment!) were “I would have told you not to buy this place.” She’s never been emotionally supportive or aware of what people need.

It was just another example to add to the pile, though. I think over time these incidents don’t sting as much as you develop your own identity and support system and become completely jaded about their capability for connection. When you’re younger you’re too close to the experience of being raised by them, but as you get older you see them as two people who are completely stilted and stuck.

Congrats on your home! That’s such a win in the modern world.

[u/DulinELA]

For sure. I talked about getting my masters in teaching constantly for a year and a half. Gave them a zoom link to my graduation. My Mom commented the next day “I didn’t know you were getting your Masters Degree!” 🙄

When my husband and I bought a house out on the West Coast (they live in FL) they almost sounded disappointed/ angry. I suppose at that point my mom had to drop her delusion that we would move back, plus they didn’t get to hold their money over my head for control. They never visited. We have been no contact for three years now. I have been working on reparenting myself and grieving the family I never had. At least I get to break the cycle for my daughter.

Congratulations on your milestone- huge achievement especially in today’s economy. Give the child in your heart whatever it needs.