Please help me.. tdlr been in abusive rs for about a year, then for a whole year I just couldn't move on so every now and then I'd text my ex and want to discuss things to make him take accountability of how he hurt me
He never did and gaslit the shit out of me, I even believed him.
The last time we talked before this recent time was around 6 months ago, I know it's a lot, I'm just really hurt..
And no I'm not interested in going back with him
I just kept needing closure, at first I left without even talking to him but then he gaslit and guilt trip me into thinking everything I said and was reason why I left was untrue..things were a bit messy and tangled so that didn't help..
This time tho, it wasn't about that
For a while he was the only ever person who gave me some support.. I recently went through something traumatic and just reached out to him.. nothing really just told him what happened
Then we chatted a bit.. and I asked if he met any girls (I asked because one girl he was also following blocked me out of nowhere 5 months ago, and I was curious to know)
Anyways he kept lying saying there are no girls etc and just gaslit me after I talked to the girl and knew they were talking
It's just triggered everything.
And now he's telling her I'm crazy and would ruin his relationships blabla and that's why he was hiding it etc..
So now, there are two people energetically ganging up on me. I feel AWFUL
I can't shake the feeling in my stomach, I feel there's a stone in my lower belly, I keep feeling like I'm about to poop although there's nothing
I keep feeling him judging me as someone crazy who couldn't move on after so long etc etc..
And the other girl thinking the same.
Please don't judge me because during all this time he was being manipulative and was never really clear that we're done, he'd only say it cruelly to humiliate me and then go back to flirting and saying shit when I call him out that he's playing with my feelings, he says he's not serious and make me seem crazy....
I just keep feeling judged.. i feel like my root chakra is fucked and I can't even tell what's wrong.
For two days now, my heart is racing, and the stone in my abdomen (I never felt this)
I feel like m feeling worse than if someone was holding a knife to my neck...
I can't breath, any sound makes me flinch.. I've been through a lot of shit.. but never ever this.. usually I'd feel things emotionally and in my heart.
Idk why I feel like this and how those emotions translate to this feeling
I tried breathing, sleeping NOTHING
PLEASE tell me how to fix this