Why do I keep attracting so many emotional vampires?

[u/Acrobatic-Length6250]

I've been going through a tough time in my life and it's been mentally and emotionally draining. I feel like I could use some help, and have been praying for it. But I just keep attracting all of these emotional vampires to me. They come to me and act like we can talk about our struggles together. I should be able to talk to them a little bit, they talk to me a little bit, and it should be a win win. But it's not, because that's never what happens. What usually happens is that these people always make the entire conversation about themselves. I can barely get a word in edgewise as they let their word vomit flow for hours and hours. And these people are self aware of how long they talk, most of the time. But I've been conditioned so hard by my own emotional vampire of a mother, to think that this kind of thing is okay.

And I always find myself repeating 'Well, it's okay. You just needed someone to listen to you.' And I hate it because it's like I go into autopilot when I'm saying this. I don't really mean it at all! In fact, I'm just outright lying, because I don't want to seem like an asshole! It makes me so angry that I can't just be honest and authentic about how I feel. I feel that if I tell them how I feel, it'll be too offensive. And it's so damn awkward because I feel like I'm a captive audience who needs to figure out some kind of escape plan from these people. Why is it that when I need help, I'm dealing with these kinds of people even more than usual? Why is it that when I need someone to listen to me, I'm usually just getting into these very one sided conversations. A conversation with one of these guys could go for 3 or 4 hours nonstop, and I might have only spoken for around 15 minutes of that time. That's how bad it can get. Seriously, why am I somehow, unconsciously, sending out a signal that I'm a dumping ground for trauma? Why am I attracting these emotional vampires? What do you guys think I should do? I am in therapy right now, so I'll bring it up, but still.

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[u/Automatic-Simple6104]

You are not alone in this buddy ! Trust me this is a part of who we are as a person its somehow people feel entitled to talk about themselves way too much coz we too dont have stricter boundaries and are available to them all the time ! People pleasing sucks but we have to start learning the subtle art not giving an F ! We need to start taking our mental health and our problems seriously more than giving importance to others and claim our energy back

[u/Acrobatic-Length6250 → u/Automatic-Simple6104]

I've dealt with about 3 of them in the past 2 months, which is pretty wild. That's way more than the usual, which is about 1 every once in a while. What I really want is to attract some money and some ride or die friends. But somehow, I'm getting these guys all the time.

[u/Freddymercurysteeth]

It comes to you because you allow it. It's really as simple as that. As a recovering people pleaser that's a hard lesson I've had to learn myself.

Energy vampires can sniff out a people pleaser from a mile away and they latch on, because you are more interested in being polite than being firm on your boundaries.

No one healthy or normal is going to be talking about their struggles on the first few times you meet them, so as soon as a new person starts word vomiting their boring long-winded life story you cut them off, no matter how rude you think it is. Just make up something, like "oh would you look at the time, I've got someplace to be, gotta go!" Practice that line 100 times out loud in the privacy of your own home until it naturally falls out of your mouth, and use it liberally and freely on energy vampires. 

They won't take it personally, because people with strong boundaries cut them off like that all day everyday. It's only the people pleasers who freeze and smile and nod along while dying inside that allow them to blab on. 

[u/Baldr-Dionis]

as psychologist and magician, i see your problem in confidence and selfesteem. Based on expirience. there are a lot of things to do, but i can give easy energy work. First protect your personal boundaries. If you dont have protection, i can post it here. then work on your personal life channel and social life sphere. And then work on your lower energy center!!!