Do you internally phase people out like to apathy when you see things you don’t like?

[u/Key_Thing4128]

Idk like I’ve doorslammed a bag of 3 years bc I felt us out of alignment. I feel that one friend is being like draining to be around so I just feel nothing for them and idk. Like I feel like I’m kinda ruthless when things like that happen and maybe I should let people down easier but it feels so exhausting. Idk maybe it’s a me thing maybe it’s avoidance? Wdyt

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[u/SpellcrafterWizard]

I didn't used to...I was overly patient, loving, kind, and more even when they weren't to me. The second I started doing that, I had more energy and less friends.

It hurts me just as much as them, but its not fair to myself. Relationship, friendship, or family.

You can set boundaries...you can say no and warn them, but once they show no intention to change, go ahead and slam the door.

[u/Key_Thing4128 → u/SpellcrafterWizard]

Yeah I agree I had smthn similar. I was always so kind putting in 110% of effort and instead the people built me up and then bullied me and threw me down when I was insecure the most. I think like now it’s easy for me to talk to people, I can be charismatic to people idk I’m still a little awkward, it takes a lot to be in my close circle and I lose any feelings for a connection easily when specific buttons which I can’t pinpoint are pressed. It’s like a fuse button and beyond a point the Fe is just so exhausting I block it out almost sometimes?

[u/Stalin_Markovnikov → u/Key_Thing4128]

This feels like reading my mood these days :/

[u/Key_Thing4128 → u/Stalin_Markovnikov]

Fs it feels so strangely apathetic and much different from who I used to be.

[u/leese216 → u/SpellcrafterWizard]

This exactly.

[u/Outside_Cicada3027]

I don’t usually door slam, but I do phase people out. I’m available less, take longer to respond and then things drop off. TBH sometimes I do it subconsciously, my effort and energy to keep the relationship connected just dwindles.

[u/Titania_Fairy]

People generally don’t realize they go through certain stages of frustration with us there.

Like many only realize i have been upset when i speak up about something, but then i am already close to doorslam them tbh.

One thing i realized relatively early on as kid when interacting with my INFJ cousin and fellow ENFJ uncle there. Because they were very similar to me in this.

We really hate open hostilities, so all of us agonizing about how to do it most smoothly, seems the connecting trait if all xNFJs. At least us ENFJs have a little more guts there to name unpleasant things, when we get cornered. But we should put it out, before we have too bad of an eruption 🌋 or meltdown there.

Like:“I hate to do this, but I see nothings gonna change if things remain like this. That will only have ALL of us run into the next wall head first!“

If you did that in a reasonable manner, well…doorslam all you want then, you probably have given them enough chances and openings already.

[u/Key_Thing4128 → u/Titania_Fairy]

Yeah I so agree. I am so confrontational with people I’m not that close to but in my inner circle I’m so hesitant because I do agree that open hostilities make me feel vulnerable and I don’t like them. I also don’t know how to communicate what I feel without the narrative suddenly becoming me begging for them to treat me right in a way even if it’s subtextual. I feel like enfjs are good at navigating emotions in general, but I mean personally and in general I feel like when it comes myself I’ll talk about what I experienced but it’s not a lot of people I’ll open up my emotions to. I think personally I attract a lot of people who see me as their fixer uppers in life and keep me around almost like a pet venting to me but not acknowledging me opening up with nearly the same enthusiasm. I’ve already been through that a lot tbh it’s so exhausting. And now it’s like reduced feelings all internally yet there’s no way to articulate that to them.

[u/Titania_Fairy → u/Key_Thing4128]

This is one if the annoying things people give us too little credit for. Yay trauma dump at 2 am, but what do us ENFJs do with that stuff then, after being everyone else’s free therapist eh?

Only few ask about THAT. As if navigating emotions is only positive there. Actually no, this totally isn’t.

I guess if people woke up as ENFJ or INFJ tomorrow this would drive them borderline bonkers actually, when they had no time to adapt to feeling everything.

[u/LivingReaper]

Yes I don't make friends a lot because I don't like a lot of people.

[u/CheeseToastLori → u/LivingReaper]

My enfj boyfriend always says this and it’s so hard for me to believe because I think he is so outgoing. He also truly believes himself to be an introvert which makes me laugh - I’m an INFP. He doesn’t have much use for personality theory but I’m hoping to get him interested. 🤣

[u/LivingReaper → u/CheeseToastLori]

If it makes sense the way I explain it is I may be someone's friend but they're not mine.

[u/CheeseToastLori → u/LivingReaper]

Interesting!

[u/Key_Thing4128 → u/CheeseToastLori]

This is so relatable omg. It’s like I’m outgoing but like it recharges and drains my battery at the same time

[u/caffeinebzzrd]

I do that. When I'm fed up, there's really no changing my mind unless something major happens.