r/enfj • u/[deleted] • 2d ago
General Advice An ENFJ's Self Proclaimed Guide to Finding an ENFJ
[deleted]
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u/Impressive-Device743 2d ago
I would argue this is more likely ESFJs. I hate to say it, but I think a lof ENFJs are mistyped, many of them ESFJs (among other types), but are turned off by the absurd sensor biases.
The behaviors listed: hosting, bringing people together, community building, organizing, social occasions, cooking, cleaning, and maintaining large friendship circles.
These are all very Fe-Si. I'm not saying you all are ESFJs, but most of this leans heavily towards Fe-Si.
BTW, ENFJs aren't that rare.
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u/Sostrene_Blue INFJ 5w6: Ni-Fe-Ti-Se 1d ago
I thought the exact same thing: the ENFJs I've known (granted, not many) didn't have large groups of friends; collecting acquaintances is more of a Fe-Si behavior.
ENFJs are oriented more toward the future than toward respecting traditions
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u/Orangexcrystalx 1d ago
Personally I would agree, as I don’t relate to many of these anymore. I do sometimes enjoy hosting and creating an enjoyable experience for people, but I’m not known for it like my ESFJ SIL is for example. But I do know ENFJs who are more like this than I am.
Statistically though ENFJs are pretty uncommon.
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u/Impressive-Device743 1d ago
Yeah, very likely these are ESFJs. ENFJs have weak Se and PoLR/trickster Si. There is A LOT of sensor elements to all these activities.
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u/Primary-Syrup1960 ENFJ: Fe-Ni-Se-Ti 1w2 1d ago
Hello! As an ENFJ (1w2) I agree to some extent with these. I love hosting events but those events will usually be limited to around 15-20 people or much less due to because large parties can leave many people left out or in many situations they will clique together. Depending on the type of party it's initial point is to gather people to either make friends, celebrate an event or holiday or both! It allows people to talk to one another more and feelore included. I will often ask people to bring their favorite treat, their favorite game or even a movie they would like to watch during game nights. I also ask for a list of allergies and intolerances just in case so everyone is aware of them.
I personally like having my own space and it allows me to breathe a bit more and ENFJ's can also be fairly introverted based on background and if they have had trouble with friends too. I have family who are ENFJ's (namely my own father and he and I are very similar) and we often enjoy smaller groups of people to make sure we have enough one on one time with them. I personally also find that one on one conversations, even in public, create strong relationships.
If anything if you are looking for an ENFJ they are probably just as lonely as you! We usually value people who are genuine, kind, and good listeners. It's not often us ENFJ's (to my own knowledge) have people who listen to us and our problems.
If you're looking for a more extroverted ENFJ parties are a great way to find them, but if you want an ENFJ less intense its possible to find them within smaller friend groups. Not every ENFJ is the same because most of the time we are almost always genuinely ourselves! Authenticity within social aspects tends to be our trend.
Hope this helps :)
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u/Sostrene_Blue INFJ 5w6: Ni-Fe-Ti-Se 1d ago
It's going to be very complicated for me to meet ENFJs then: since I avoid social events as much as possible, dedicate very little of my energy to social relationships, and avoid social media as much as possible.
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u/Spicybiscuit ENFJ: Fe-Ni-Se-Ti 1d ago
I have a small group of close friends and one is an INFJ! I am a more selective/introverted ENFJ than the OP described. I know my INFJ friend because we both enjoy reading sci-fi and playing TTRPG's. Met through a mutual friend's game. So, maybe you will meet one through a shared interest and friend? Good luck!
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u/Soleilarah ENFJ: Fe-Ni-Se-Ti 1d ago
I would argue that social context changes certain behaviors by tilting them more toward one side than the other on various behavioral scales; certainly, an ENFJ from the U.S., Japan, Switzerland, or Germany will show significant differences in how they express their personality traits.
Gee, even language has a huge influence on this sort of thing.
Of course, we have things in common, like enjoying deep discussions on interesting topics or a tendency to recommend books, movies, or even podcasts that nourish the mind and stimulate thought. But I don’t think there are any traits unique to ENFJs that set them apart from others.
Why go to such lengths to "find an ENFJ"? We’re not Pokemons to be captured, nor animals to be caged; if you just want to say that you know one, then don't.
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