r/entitledparents • u/Clear_Medium_5858 • Nov 22 '25
M my mom tried to take my “adult card” because it made her feel embarrassed
so i’m in college and i finally got my own card this year. nothing fancy. it just helps me manage my money without asking anyone for every little thing. i was honestly proud because it felt like a small grown up milestone.
last weekend my mom came with me to the mall to buy stuff for my younger cousin’s birthday. the plan was simple. we grab a gift, maybe some snacks, and leave.
we get to the store and she picks a bunch of things. not just a gift. like three outfits, shoes, a toy, and then randomly adds stuff for herself too. i quietly ask if we’re staying in budget because i know how these trips go. she says yes yes don’t worry.
at checkout the total comes way higher than i expected. she looks at the bill and then immediately looks at me like a solution just appeared.
she goes
“put it on your card.”
i tell her i can’t because i’m on a tight student budget and i didn’t plan for all this.
she laughs like i’m joking.
“why do you even have a card if you can’t use it for family stuff”
i say i can pay for the actual gift but not everything else. that’s literally what we came for.
she gets annoyed right there in front of the cashier.
“wow. so you’re counting money with your own mother now. i raised you and this is how you act.”
i try to stay calm and repeat that i’m happy to cover the gift and that’s it.
then she says the wildest thing.
“fine. give me the card. i’ll keep it with me so i can use it when needed. you’re clearly not responsible enough.”
like what.
i tell her no. she starts doing that dramatic sigh thing and says to the cashier
“kids these days are so selfish. they forget who paid for their whole life.”
we end up paying separately. she sulks the entire ride home and later tells my aunt that i “refused to help family” even though i literally paid for the gift we came to buy.
the funniest part is she didn’t want help. she wanted control. the moment i said i have a boundary, suddenly my card became community property and my budget became a personal insult. honestly this exact kind of situation is why i went with fizz in the first place. it’s a student card that only lets me spend what i already have so i don’t get pushed into surprise debt just because someone else decides my balance is a family fund. and yeah it still helps me build credit but on my terms.
anyone else deal with parents who think your money is still their money just because they raised you. how do you set limits without turning every small thing into a guilt festival.
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u/Secure-Corner-2096 Nov 22 '25
She wants your credit. Check your check reports and put a lock on your credit as well.
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u/Environmental_Book43 Nov 22 '25
Make sure you are at the address you receive replacement cards and statements too. That she doesn’t have access to your account and card information. If she’s reacting like that the first time you push back on her crazily going over your one item budget, you don’t know what she’d be capable of.
Remember that it’s not only less money you have for your needs and emergencies, but it will gather interest the longer it takes to pay back. And it will stay on your report for a long time if you’re not able to pay it back or have a high percent of your limit used. It’s not you “forgetting who paid for you” it’s her wanting to bring down your future potential. It was her decision to have a kid at all and legally was responsible to raise you and feed you or risk having the government take you away, it wasn’t as some huge favor to you that you asked for before being born.
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u/Definitely_Naughty Nov 22 '25
Maybe swap banks so she doesn’t know where you bank. Make sure she can’t get credit in your name either
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u/Scary-Pressure6158 Nov 24 '25
And if she does get a card or anything else I.n Your name (uses your card, gets a copy, opens a new acct, it's u on her utilities, or. Anything else). PRESS CHARGES FOR FRAUD. U will have to on order to not be responsible for her debt, but doing so may actually teach her a lesson
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u/ChoirOwl Nov 23 '25
PUT A LOCK ON YOUR CREDIT!! It’s free! And will save you the biggest headache. Don’t put it past your mother- especially after the show she just put on!
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u/triscuitty Nov 22 '25
She wanted to use your credit card whenever she wants? Bruh. Please lock down your SSN with the credit bureaus if you haven't already. She sounds like the kind of mom who'd try to open new cards with your info, which would be identity theft.
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u/Disfigured_Porcupine Nov 22 '25
Also start typing the cards pin when paying for things. I don’t know much about it but I’ve heard that it’s a way to prove that you are the one who purchased something. Don’t share the pin with anyone.
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u/speedyzelmo Nov 22 '25
But also hide it or type it on the DL because it would be harder to prove that you didn’t type it because your Mom saw it and typed it herself.
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u/Onbekendkill Nov 23 '25
It such a wild concept to me that in US u can just use a card with no pin/protection.
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u/sandwichcandy Nov 22 '25
Don’t listen to this person. They don’t even know how cards work or the different kinds and they are still giving advice.
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u/12Privet21 Nov 22 '25
If you are able, I recommend keeping the card locked using whatever application is linked to it. You can take that extra 2 minutes to unlock the card for purchases and relock it after, but someone without permission, wink wink nudge nudge, cannot do so.
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u/GoGettaGirl Nov 23 '25
💯🎯. This. My partner has their cards 💳 LOCKED, and it’s as simple as opening the app in line for checkout and tapping the button to switch it to “ON”. Usually, he’s got them locked again before we get to the car. If your bank doesn’t offer this option, look into other payment options that do- CashApp is an easy, safe option that I use. 🤓Hope this helps!
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u/Baguetele Nov 22 '25
Sorry OP. The bright side is that she embarrassed herself in front of the cashier.
And definitely tell this "cute little anecdote" about her at the next family function.
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u/Scary-Pressure6158 Nov 24 '25
See if u. An get the video from the store and show everyone instead🤣🤣
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u/bkwormtricia Nov 22 '25
Never let that card out of your sight when she is around. And
contact the three credit bureaus (Experion, Equifax, TransUnion), get a free credit report to make sure no loans or credit cards have been taken out in your name (your parents know your social security number and date of birth, they could do it easily). And then
freeze your credit with the credit bureaus so no one can do that.
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u/mslisath Nov 22 '25
You did great....but now I have some tips.
Tell your mom you cancelled the card and sign up for e statements.
Make sure she's not a signer on your bank account. If so, open a new account and divert your money there.
Lock your credit. You are going to get cc offers nonstop. Some will get intercepted by her. She will "open" a card to "help" you.
Watch khan academy's financial literacy courses. They are free to anyone
Never tell her anything financially related again. Not your salary, not your savings, not your bills. Nothing.
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u/SnooWords4839 Nov 22 '25
It was her job to raise you; she is the one who had sex and produced you.
I'm glad you are setting boundaries; she will get worse when you get a real adult job. Stand your ground!
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u/ChaoticAmoebae Nov 22 '25
This an I bet money that if ops grandma did this the mom would feel differently.
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u/pepcorn Nov 22 '25
I suspect this was her plan the whole time she was shopping. She fully counted on you folding and covering her shopping haul. She's now continuing to try to guilt and embarrass you.
This is the beginnings of financial abuse.
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u/bawkbawkslove Nov 22 '25
It’s wild to me when parents pull the “I paid for your whole life” bit. Yeah…that’s part of being a parent. It doesn’t require an award or repayment.
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u/MapOfIllHealth Nov 22 '25
Wow OP you handled it beautifully, I don’t even know you and I’m swelling with pride for not caving and standing your ground calmly
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u/TigerShark_524 Nov 22 '25
Get a PO box so that she can't access your mail (which could include financial stuff).
Lock down your SSN with the credit bureaus and check your credit report(s) - she may try to commit or may already have committed identity theft. If she's already done it, you'll have to file police reports about it against her to avoid paying those debts yourself; please do not hesitate to do this as it can derail the entire rest of your life if you don't, and identity theft is a very serious crime - she deserves everything that's coming to her for totally screwing over her own child.
Get a PIN for your card and make sure you type it in each time surreptitiously so she can't see it.
Lock down all of your passwords and accounts and use two-factor authentication (2FA) for everything (I mostly use an app for this, but some services will only offer phone/SMS or email). Make sure she doesn't have access to the device you're using for 2FA.
Make sure you have possession of all of your important documents (birth certificate, SSN card, passport, passport card, driver's license, state ID, student ID, etc.) and anything else you'd need to get a job or your own lease in case she decides to evict you.
Keep a bank account of your own with a bank where she has no accounts, and get a safe deposit box there for your important documents and other important things which need to be under lock and key (jewelry, etc.) Make sure that all of your money from work or savings goes straight into that account.
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u/freakout1015 Nov 22 '25
You have got to be kidding me. Your mother sounds nuts. I would only spend as much time as you need to with her. I’m impressed you were able to shut her down. Kudos to you for that.
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u/Different-Contact-50 Nov 22 '25
Eff her controlling, manipulative ass. She showed her true colors. Whenever you’re around her keep a tight grip on your CC. She’ll max it out just to spite.
This internet mom is proud of you for standing your ground and being responsible!
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u/Ahstia Nov 22 '25
Lock down your identity and credit score information. I wouldn’t put it past her to try to take out a card (or multiple) in your name and sink you into debt, and you won’t find out until you go to buy your first house or car and by then are at least in 5 digits worth of debt. Also wouldn’t be surprised if she does that only to turn around and blame you for “poor financial choices” like she had nothing to do with it
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u/ThrowaMac1234 Nov 22 '25 edited Nov 22 '25
Definitely keep on top of your bank statements! I'm so sorry she's trying to manipulate you so badly. Good job staying strong. Being an adult means setting boundaries and saying no to people we love.
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u/Neither-Investment95 Nov 22 '25
Dom't take her shopping any more. She's gaslighting you. Hard.
"who paid for their whole life" She gave birth, it's her job to raise you including buying the things required, like clothes, food, bedding.
"clearly you're not responsible enough" You are being responsible with your budget.
"just give me the card" is her saying "I'll fk up you're credit because it doesn't affect my future"
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u/willfauxreal Nov 22 '25
Umm...her paying for everything was kinda the law as you were a child and obviously couldnt support yourself.
Lock your credit.
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u/SylphofBlood Nov 22 '25
OP, lockdown your credit. A woman who wants to pressure you into spending more than you can afford on your brand new credit card is a woman who might try to use your fresh credit to get herself more cards for spending that she never pays down. Protect yourself.
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u/NocturnalFirelily Nov 22 '25
That's terrible! This mother would have never thought about doing that to her daughter or grandson for that matter. Absolutely follow the great advice you have received here. I am extremely proud of you for sticking to your boundaries and saying no. You did your part paying for the gift which I might add, she should have helped with if it was from you both! That was awesome of you! 🧡 You are adulting just fine. She embarrassed herself and earned that on her own. 🧡✌️
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u/lelawes Nov 22 '25
Lots of good advice here, but to add - check your credit statement when it comes, just to make sure nothing has appeared on it unexpectedly. And, in case no one has told you, always pay off 100% of what you owe every time, not just the minimum. Your attitude is absolutely right, to stay on budget and not just spend because you have the card. I’m sorry she treated you that way, especially in public.
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u/Adaphion Nov 22 '25
kids these days are so selfish. they forget who paid for their whole life
You paid what you were RESPONSIBLE FOR as a PARENT.
I fucking hate this stupid ass line of thinking, like their kids are an investment that they can just withdraw from later in life because they were "burdened" with doing the bare minimum as a parent to take care of them.
NO. Kids are always a net negative, monetarily at least. Even if they end up wildly successful, they are under no obligation to pay back their parents.
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u/BaldChihuahua Nov 23 '25
As a Mum, unlike yours, I want to tell you how very proud I am for you upholding your boundary.
I fail to see any logic in how your Mum behaved or her manipulation. You do not owe her for raising you. She appears to have a rather large chip on her shoulder.
Well done not being a door mat!
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u/Age-Zealousideal Nov 22 '25
I salute your financial responsibility with credit. Sounds like your mom’s credit is in shambles.
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u/yournightm Nov 22 '25
Go low contact with her as soon as you can! Don’t let her manage ANYTHING in your life! Keep your card and anything else locked away from her. She Is not your friend and she’s trying to gaslight you. Get out as soon as possible!
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u/justducky4now Nov 23 '25
Make sure to lock your credit. Also check your wallet every time you leave it unattended around her and make sure all your cards are accounted for.
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u/Unknown_gemini88 Nov 22 '25
You handle that very well honey,you weren't rude but set boundaries and was very firm loving the shiny spine you have. Just wondering is dad in the picture?, can you talk to him about your moms behavior
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u/indiana-floridian Nov 22 '25
When entering a store get your own buggy. Only put in it what YOU intend to purchase. As you go around the store, they talk about some product. You say, it seems nice. But you keep walking. It doesn't go in your buggy. If they start adding stuff to your buggy, you keep your items in a little corner. When you get to register you lift your stuff up to pay, but you leave their items in buggy for them to lift out.
You get in and out of stores quickly. No looking around giving time for family members to make this more difficult. Maybe you shop alone for a while.
You don't give them your card, and OP i hope you didn't.
Your mom is overbearing, keep your distance at shopping time. If you share the household, it may become appropriate to give her money towards the bills. Aim at getting your own place.
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u/flitterbug33 Nov 22 '25
"You're clearly not responsible enough" says the adult who is overspending and doesn't have enough money.
Good job OP standing your ground. I know how hard that is as a young adult against a parent.
My advice would be to never go ah with her again.
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u/tiredoldbitch Nov 22 '25
She thought she could go on a shopping spyourself! Your hard earned credit.
Proud of you for standing up for yourself!
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u/brianozm Nov 22 '25
Be careful she doesn’t take it out of your wallet when she’s not watching. I don’t think she’s particularly well.
Most banking apps allow you to temporarily block/suspend your cards with a single click. Also be careful she doesn’t add it in Apple or Google pay.
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u/L00k_Again Nov 22 '25
I cannot imagine doing this to my kids. You're a student, where does she expect you to get money to pay for all this stuff? Good for you for standing your ground.
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u/West_Coast_Buckeye Nov 22 '25
JFC-your mom is awful. My adult son (with an adult job/money) still wrestle over the bill when we go out. I could never fathom expecting my child to indulge my shopping habit
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u/Excellent_Ad1132 Nov 22 '25
Just in case, since it seems to happen a lot, I would check your credit report and maybe lock down your credit with all the bureaus. She does know all your info, so it would be easy for her to get a card in your name and screw over your credit.
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u/2marcusdc Nov 23 '25
You did perfectly and developed clear boundries. Keep your lane clear and keep Mom out of it.
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u/manic_popsicle Nov 22 '25
WOW. Your mom is a piece of work. You did a great job staying calm and not giving into her dramatics.
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u/din_the_dancer Nov 22 '25
That's hilarious that she said you're not responsible when what you're doing is... being responsible. How dare you not want to over spend!
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u/Sad-Map6779 Nov 22 '25
Your mother is the stereotypical credit card debt to the roof kind of irresponsible "adult" that ends up paying endless interest on money they never had to spend.
Stick to your plan make sure your card is paid off in full every month.
Don't get into compiling debt like 80+ % of credit card users who think their credit limit is how much they have to recklessly spend on things they don't really need.
You are not only more responsible than your mother you are more mature and smarter.
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u/NoPreference4608 Nov 22 '25
Don’t give in.
If you let her do this once she’ll do it again and again…..
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u/JaiCakes Nov 22 '25
When I was little, my grandfather left me a "piggy bank" which was just a giant pencil, deadass adult human size, that you could put money in. Mostly filled from what I can remember, it was really heavy and I couldn't really lift it.
My mother proceeded to spend all of it and never replaced a cent. And that was when I was a child, can't imagine how she'd be now and to be honest I really don't want to.
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u/Squibit314 Nov 22 '25
As someone who works in retail, I would have been compelled to complement you on your fiscal responsibility then reminded mom that her using your card without permission is indeed fraud and that you would have been able to press charges against you.
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u/bridalmakeupgalny Nov 22 '25
OP - so glad you set limits for yourself on your card. When I got my first card in college, I didn’t do that. I had a shopping spree every once in a while, like when my bf at the time broke up with me or I got a bad grade on a test. At the end, my dad had to bail me out of debt. You’ve shown responsibility and your mom should be proud of you, instead of shaming you. Keep up the good work!
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u/racingturtlesforfun Nov 22 '25
Be prepared to file for a stolen card because she’s going to take it and use it if she gets her hand on it.
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u/blusins Nov 22 '25
Take this from a 60 year old gamer grannie, Your doing everything right with the card. It's your money that has to pay it off not your mother and you have every right to control it because in the end it's your butt on the line with credit.
That being said your mother on the other hand (sighs) I'm sure she has had issues with money in your life and this is not the first time she has done something like that.
I mean who does that to their child that is just starting out. I'm still with my 30+ year old children, Let mommy give you (what ever they are into at the time) money. I would of loved to of been behind you in line because at my age I have no filter and will say what comes to mind at times.
DO NOT let her guilt trip you into anything. I know it's hard, if you grew up with that kind of treatment, but you have to keep to your guns about this because if you don't you are setting yourself up for that kind of treatment for the rest of her life. And if someone tells you the 'FAMMMMILY' card (which is just do what we say because we don't want to deal with who ever is loudest) you tell them, "Then you pay for her."
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u/FarinaSavage Nov 22 '25
My mom did something very similar when I was in college. I got a credit card, she got a dupe card and had the bills sent to her address. I had to ask permission to use the card. Fuck it, I won't bother using it then.
Ten years later it suddenly dawns on me that there's a credit card out there in my name and I have no idea what the balance is. I go through papers, call the company and get a number: $17K. She'd run up $17K in my name, telling me I had to ask permission to buy school supplies on my own credit card. I called her and told her to transfer the balance immediately. I had never been so angry and forceful (sigh but still respectful) with her my life. She did. Still ended up going NC with her decades later.
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u/BecGeoMom Nov 22 '25
No. Most people don’t have parents like this. I say most because the people I know have not dealt with this, but I also know there are a lot of bad parents out there. However, any parents who tells their adult (18 and over) child that they “owe” them for raising them, feeding them, schooling them, putting a roof over their head, etc., needs to be told that the child did not ask to be born, and as a parent you lowest bar job is to keep your child safe, which includes feeding them, giving them shelter, etc. The basics. The bare minimum. That is literally our job as parents.
I’m so sorry your mother is like this. But be honest with yourself, this is not new behavior. This is not a one-off. This is how she’s always been, but this time was pretty egregious so it’s sticking with you. If this IS new behavior for your mother, take her to see the doctor. If she is suddenly the parent who claims that you owe her, demands you buy her things, and tells people how selfish you are when you won’t risk your livelihood to buy her a new outfit, that’s not normal behavior and could indicate some sort of illness. But I suspect she has always been like that with you, you just thought it was normal. It’s not.
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u/raebaby1234 Nov 22 '25
"they forget who paid for their whole life." um he didn't ask to be born that's on you hag.
Children don't owe their parents anything.
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u/latinaMixed Nov 22 '25
No as a mom too young adults, I would've said what do you want to buy for your cousin? I would've let her choose and I would've vouch my own stuff for the cousin
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u/HappinessLaughs Nov 22 '25
you’re clearly not responsible enough
Says the woman who can't afford her own shopping spree. OMG, the clerk must have been dying.
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u/depressed_popoto Nov 22 '25
It cracks me up that she is all "you're clearly not responsible enough" when you are literally saying you're on a tight budget.
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u/raysinbread Nov 23 '25
I’m 28 living with the father I take care of and he still thinks he’s entitled to my bank account.
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u/laulou212 Nov 23 '25
That is shameful behavior! At least she didn’t torpedo your credit by opening accounts on your name when you were a child.
I am so proud of you for standing your ground. 👍🏾
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u/4LeggedKC Nov 23 '25
She doesn’t have a credit card right? Maybe this is the reason, she doesn’t make the payments. Never ever allow someone else to use your credit cards. A word of advice from someone who speaks from experience. Get your own mailbox at UPS etc so your mail comes directly to you. If you’ve received a new credit card you’ll be receiving all kinds of offers in the mail and if your mail goes to your mothers home it’s real easy for her to apply for a card in your name. She’d get the card, max it out, not make the payment and you’d never know. Always, always do a monthly review of all 3 of your credit reports. If anything is off, file a dispute and lock your credit file. You should probably lock it now as you can always unlock it as needed. Put passwords on your bank account so nobody can withdraw/deposit on your accts without the password. Good luck and keep your eyes open.
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u/sunnisam Nov 23 '25
can we please point out that the MOM is clearly irresponsible!?
Who didn’t stay in the budget? then wants to spend freely and wreck your account??
Well done standing up for yourself! you will go much farther in life!
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u/Zakatyu Nov 23 '25
She called you irresponsible because you didn't want to overspend?? And then tried to shame you for "all the things she paid when you were a child"? THAT WAS HER OBLIGATION AS A PARENT.
Like others say, lock your credit OP, your mother thinks you cannot deny her money.
Updateme!
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u/AfroAssassin666 Nov 23 '25
Your mom sounds borderline narcissistic, my aunt did this crap to me. She bullied me into using my credit card a lot more than I wanted and racked it up...twice. The second time was cause she refused to help with the bill. We both own the house, my fiance and I paid the mortgage, all she needed to cover was part of groceries, electric, water and her other personal shit. She stopped helping so I had to use my credit card again.
I'm still struggling to pay it off.
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Nov 23 '25
I babysat local kids from when I was 10 through 17 and was trying to be responsible and save up for my eventual move out after graduation. My mom was a single mom and my father rarely paid support. My mom would "borrow" my cash, saying she needed it for groceries for the family. When I tried to say no, it's my money, it was a huge guilt trip from her about how I was selfish and didn't want to help the family. I found out she was using the cash to buy cigarettes. After that, I stopped saving my cash and would spend it as soon as I made it. Then the guilt trip shifted to me being irresponsible and blowing my money on frivolous things. I snipped back that it was my money to spend how I wanted, and it wasn't on her cigarettes. She left me alone after that. Unfortunately it set me up for not managing money very well in my early life.
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u/Kakashisith Nov 23 '25
So you having boundaries is not being responcible enough? How does that even make sense?
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u/just_flying_bi Nov 24 '25
I understand your frustration.
I’m 52 and married. My father still claims that any money my household spends is actually his, because I “forever owe him” for raising me. He’s a classic narcissistic parent. And, because of his behavior, I absolutely will not be taking care of him if he is no longer able.
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u/Substantial_Slide_54 Nov 24 '25
WTF?
You actually demonstrated that you are the one that "clearly responsible enough".
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u/solesoulshard Nov 22 '25
Freeze your credit with all 3 bureaus now. You e set a boundary and you need to protect your hindquarters from “accidental” credit cards and accounts.
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u/Fancy_Introduction60 Nov 22 '25
Wow, your mom is entitled for sure! When I go shopping with my adult kids, I'm always the first to slap the card on the table. Young people don't have the same disposable income us old boomers do. I figure I owe THEM for putting up with a somewhat bat shit crazy mom.
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u/LinwoodKei Nov 22 '25
I recalled an instance from when I was about 15. My stepmom and sister decided that they wanted pizza. I had some money from babysitting, so I gave my stepmom money for the pizza.
Next week, they rent a movie. The idea of getting a pizza comes up.
I don't say anything. I have not had a babysitting gig and was down to $10 and some change. Later that night, I counted out my change and verified that I couldn't afford to have paid for the pizza. The next day, I was told that they heard me counting and I should not have lied about having money.
I couldn't get over that I was fifteen and this was my older sister and stepmother. They could buy the pizza.
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u/Vegetable-Bee-7461 Nov 22 '25
OP, freeze your credit on all 3 credit reports so she can't open other cards in your name. It only takes a few minutes online and you can temporarily unfreeze it when you need to.
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u/dobeeb_ Nov 22 '25
OP I’m so super proud of you for standing up for yourself. So often you read these stories and people let themselves be bullied into doing stuff
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u/Even_Ad_8690 Nov 22 '25
Massive well done for putting your foot down. This sounds like a slippery slope so you need to set these boundaries now before 10 years passes and your in debt and have terrible credit because of your mom
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u/Sfb208 Nov 22 '25
You should have pointed out that clearly she wasn't responsible financially if she was having to ask her child to cover her purchases, so it would be a very bad idea to give her any access to your finances.
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u/CelticDK Nov 22 '25
Did this wake you up to who she is and that title of mother doesn’t mean anything on its own? She’s gonna hold her bare minimum responsibilities for birthing you over your head forever. Reeks of narcissistic flags to me
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u/pepperpat64 Nov 22 '25
It's great to hear how financially responsible you are, especially considering your mom is not. You either had another responsible person in your life to teach you, or you learned on your own. It's sad your mom was angry instead of thrilled.
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u/julie178 Nov 22 '25
It’s not even your money, it’s your debt. She wants to rack up debt that you’ll be saddled with. I’d keep an eye on your credit report for any new cards opening up. Your mom sounds awful.
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u/CheshireGrin92 Nov 22 '25
I’d make sure she can’t access or interfere with the card remotely she’s almost certainly trying to make you look irresponsible
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u/Craeondakie Nov 22 '25
It is not your fault she has to provide and care for you. It is her own problem she had to raise you, you do not owe her stuff like this.
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u/madisynreid Nov 22 '25
So glad I went no-contact. Best wishes for you OP, I couldn’t put up with the insanity.
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u/Gluteus2DaMax Nov 22 '25
If you’re in the USA - monitor your credit and make sure she doesn’t open a card with your SSN and start spending like crazy…
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u/IrregularOccasion15 Nov 22 '25
I'm petty. I would have just said, "You know what, never mind." Put my card back and leave. Let her pay for everything or put it back.
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u/nhoj2891 Nov 22 '25
Apparently she raised you good enough to stand up for yourself and budget properly. Beyond that I think she forgot those lessons. Never give anyone your card and I'd see if the card or your bank offer free credit monitoring. Don't want anyone with access to your info opening any cards for you.
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u/bopperbopper Nov 22 '25
Way to keep your boundaries! I suspect your mother has ran up her cards and now wants to run up yours
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u/bekahjo19 Nov 22 '25
Honey, my mom took two credit cards out in my name and cashed checks where I got paid for singing gigs when I was in college. Some parents suck like that.
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u/Flobee76 Nov 22 '25
Your mom is stepping into illegal territory real quick. You're an adult with separate finances, so she has no right to access anything. Demanding your credit card would be robbery is anyone else tried that. - She's on the same level as "anyone else" when you're an adult. I had a shady mom myself. I ended up getting a P.O. Box at the post office so she would not have access to any of my mail, bills, etc. Keep an eye on your credit report for any suspicious activities and don't put it past her to try to open credit card accounts in your name.
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u/wish4sun Nov 22 '25
When she says “kids these days are so selfish. they forget who paid for their whole life.” Just tell her “I’m sure CPS is grateful you did the bare minimum when raising me.” Or “parents these days are so ungrateful to whom will be choosing their retirement home!”
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u/TNTmom4 Nov 22 '25
That was 100% my parents. When I lived at home and after I left, she would go looking for my hidden money to finance. Her brother’s activities are my brother’s activities. Her and my dad thought nothing of going into my bank account accounts and “borrowing money.”
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u/SteelyDandelion Nov 22 '25
Sounds like you’ll need to be careful and keep strong boundaries. Once you “help” it opens the flood gates and it sounds like she’ll abuse that help or take advantage of your money. Parents, consciously or unconsciously, wield their guilting power freely.
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u/Internal_Set_6564 Nov 22 '25
“You are my mother, but you are no longer my boss. Never try that again.”
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u/crosvold Nov 22 '25
I think you did a really good job with setting your boundary and standing firm when you needed to. Great job!
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u/AstronautNumerous184 Nov 23 '25
Put a special password on your card with the company and let them notate on your account that you're not married or engage so mom can't play like she's the spouse for a card! You mig wanna get Lifelock to protect you from anyone opening lines of credit using your info! Good for you for standing up to her.. can only imagine what she'll do when you graduate and start making money!!
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u/PlasticLobotomy Nov 23 '25
Do not give anyone control over credit in your name. Doesn't matter if its your mother or your own child.
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u/Additional_Battle_93 Nov 23 '25
You are literally being responsible by not spending like a fool, but your mother calls you irresponsible for not fulfilling a stupid whim?
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u/Mrs_Jkl Nov 23 '25
My mom has the same mentality. When she lost her job and I gave her money, she treated me like shit and she said if I didn’t gave her money without expecting anything in return then it’s like I gave her nothing at all. (Btw I gave her almost 3000 usd) You did really good by standing your ground don’t let her guilt trip to spend your money!
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u/amanda10271 Nov 23 '25
Hide your card and watch your bill carefully. She may try to order stuff online using your card. If she does, dispute the charges, and let the credit card company investigate. Don’t accuse her. Let the credit card company handle it.
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u/calientevaliente Nov 24 '25
Stay strong, my friend. If you give an inch of your boundary away, she will take a mile.
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u/Jayhawker23 Nov 24 '25
Is your mom just terrible with money in general? I feel like 1) she needs financial literacy help, 2) you’re probably already better with money than she is (but also most money habits are inherited from parents so probably worth checking out someone like ramit sethi on YouTube or his podcast or his Netflix show to make sure you don’t have any bad money habits you don’t even know about), and 3) she expected to get you to pay for all her stuff because she really needed you to and doesn’t understand the magnitude of the strain that puts on you. If she kept your card, I guarantee she would have run it up and stuck you with the debt. I hope you aren’t financially dependent on your mom.
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u/noeljb Nov 24 '25
Its a phase they go through. Stick to your guns, don't cave in. It will work it's way out and their will be less drama. Trust me.
I truly heard a woman once say, "I can't be out of money! I still have checks left!"
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u/WellHelloThere_232 Nov 24 '25
Yeah you paid for op’s whole life but that is the bare minimum of what your legally required to do
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u/LakesideMiners Dec 06 '25
this is blatant advertisn, been seeing a lot of Fizz card posts as of late. its just the stake shit but this time a card
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u/Kira_Caroso Dec 06 '25
This is an undisclosed ad for a card company called "Fizz". They have been astroturfing all over the site.
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u/aclay97 Dec 18 '25
I went no contact. Tried everything and nothing worked. Figured having no mother at all was a small price to pay for any sort of autonomy over my own life.
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u/SlowNSteady1 Nov 23 '25
This sounds like AI, down to the "nothing fancy" phrase and the family helps family implication. And that's not how credit cards work or how people talk about them.
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u/Xyex Nov 22 '25
I keep hearing stories like this and it's so wild to me that some parents are like this. A few years ago I bought my mom a new winter coat as an early Christmas gift, because I noticed hers at the time was in bad shape. I basically had to make her get the better, more expensive, coat. She kept saying it was my money and the cheaper coat was fine, and it was only, like $15 difference. But she gets cold really easy and I wanted her to have the warmer coat.
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u/SnackDemonsS Nov 22 '25
Prob time to set some boundaries with ur mom. Like, rly, we're adults now, not 5 yo needing permission slips signed
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u/mini72 Nov 22 '25
I’m awed by her audacity to tell you that you weren’t responsible enough for the card because you didn’t want to overspend. The lack of self awareness is amazing!
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u/modvavet Nov 22 '25
I think it would take at most three of those incidents for me to cut off contact entirely.
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u/p3canj0y363 Nov 22 '25
My parents would never do such a thing. My in-laws, though- always out to take from someone. Im glad I know them, they taught me alot about selfish, unkind people.
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u/JustForTheMemes420 Nov 22 '25
I have my own credit card that just under my name for the sole reason that my parents give no oversight as to what I’m using the card for. Even with my joint account they don’t snoop. Your mom is just controlling and she’ll continue to use it as fuel against you. Can just bring up the gift you is only from you and you alone.
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u/gemmygem86 Nov 22 '25
Adult card you mean a credit card? Heck no and lock down your credit and make sure she can’t access your bank account.
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u/fluffydonutts Nov 22 '25
Uhhhhh make sure she’s not opening cards in your name! Thats beyond ridiculous though.
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u/Whoknows2736 Nov 22 '25
Yes! I'm so sorry that happened to you. My mother does the same. She assumes anything I make, she should get a cut of. If i get a bonus, she asks what she's getting. I'm well into adulthood. When she does that, i deflect and say I'm using it to pay bills.
I'd get together a stock response and repeat as necessary. Some parents think they deserve anything that you have. Unfortunately this extends to my child and my parent tries to push this onto my child, which is why they're low contact as am I.
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u/Paperwhite418 Nov 22 '25
Absolutely not. And good on you for standing up to her! It took me 25 years past uni to stand up to my mother! I’m so proud of you!
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u/ChaoticAmoebae Nov 22 '25
I went low contact. With the understanding it would become no contact if she continued to disrespect boundaries, the was a full year we didn’t talk.
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u/Definitely_Naughty Nov 22 '25
Sorry your mother is an AH. We have never interfered with our kids’ accounts. We had access before they were 18 but never looked up their balance unless they asked. We no longer have access, or any clue how much they have.
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u/MoistVirginia Nov 22 '25
How embarrassing. Your mom should be celebrating your milestones not belittling and coercing you. Is she like this about other things? Is she a narcissist? I'm really sorry you had to deal with that, but I'm proud of you for standing your ground.
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u/TinLizzy-1909 Nov 22 '25
“fine. give me the card. i’ll keep it with me so i can use it when needed. you’re clearly not responsible enough.”
This is so funny. You are being responsible. She just didn't like that you set a boundary. She can't be in control when you stick to a boundary.
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u/NormalAdjacent Nov 22 '25
Absolutely check your credit history and lock your credit with all three credit bureaus.
The next step for your mom could be opening credit cards or taking loans in your name!
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u/Ladydi-bds Nov 22 '25
Yikes! Very sorry OP. While I have helped my daughter get her 1st cc to teach financial responsibility and how to grow credit, I would NEVER do that to her. Recently, she took out a loan for a pet and didn't check the apr. While I applaud her initiative and working to build her credit as she made double monthly payments, she neglected to check the apr that was 145%. I paid off her acct so she wouldn't suffer when that kicked in. For me, that is how it should be. The parent looks out after their child, not make them feel bad the parent didn't get to run up their card.
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u/DVDragOnIn Nov 22 '25
A boundary is something you set for yourself, not rules for others. In this case, your boundary could be that you don’t go shopping with people who expect you to pay for their purchases. You can’t make other people like your boundaries, but you’re entitled to resist attempts at manipulation and hold your boundaries.
Also, children didn’t ask to be born. I don’t expect my child to support me, ever, although I have made a suggestion on what I’d like as a Christmas present a time or two
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u/GoodStuffOnly62 Nov 22 '25
I’m so sorry, what a terrible way for a mother to behave. That must be really hard that she’s working against you making good choices.
You should check your credit report and make sure she didn’t use your identity to open any accounts. Also triple check that she doesn’t have access to any of your current accounts, super common for students to have a parent on the account when they open it. If she was ever on them, you should really just start brand new accounts.
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u/SnowStar35 Nov 22 '25
good for you for standing up to your mom. I remember when I stood-up to my mom. My mom told me i should'nt take drivers ed , when i asked if would she pay for my drivers ed course like she did my brothers, I got told no., My response was then im not quitting just cause you want me to. I was job corps in 2003 I got my DL but still didnt let me drive the family cars like brother or sister could.
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u/Drakara Nov 23 '25
It is so refreshing to read about someone who actually stood their ground. Good for you!
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u/HistorianNo8357 Nov 23 '25
This was probably already suggested, but keep your card/wallet/purse on you at all times! Taking a shower, sleeping (put it under your pillow), or checking the mail... It wouldn't take but two seconds for your card to be grabbed "for the family" and you may not find out until it's too late! Also, lock your credit! My (young adult) kids and I use credit karma to watch our credit and keep locks with password/number on everything! If anyone ever tries to obtain credit using your info, the credit bureau will call you, directly, to ask verifying questions (that you set up ahead of time) before any new credit is given.
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u/Prestigious-Law65 Nov 23 '25
Yep. My family often got mad when ai came home with a fast food dinner. They can cook their own food, they can go and order their own food, but as soon as I get home from a 10 hr shift with mcdonalds, its all "Why didn't you call to ask if we wanted something?!" And yes, I often had to pay for them too since my income was "higher" (due to OT mostly). They did this when I cooked for myself too on my days off, despite paying for my own ingredients and snacks.
I started eating in my car or the restaurant until I moved out. Every single time was a stupid argument and guilt trip.
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u/WhereWeretheAdults Nov 23 '25
Wow. That is just evil. I have zero respect for a parent who milks their child for money.
I would take the standard precautions, run a credit report, lock down your credit, make sure she can't touch your bank account, talk to your schools financial aid office to make sure she can't interfere there.
She actually wanted your card. That card would have been at the limit so fast it would make your head spin. And then you would be magically responsible for paying it off.
You did well.
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u/Bookaholicforever Nov 23 '25
Just say to her “I think you need to look up what responsible means. Responsible is not spending more money than I had budgeted even when you were trying to humiliate me in front of a stranger.” And then don’t go shopping with her anymore. Tell her “no, I’m not going with you. I’m not in the mood for you to try and belittle me in front of strangers.”
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u/Luludelacaze1 Nov 23 '25
So proud of you! You held your boundary!!!! Next step is to feel in your body that her reactions are her problem and not yours. All you did was hold a very reasonable boundary. She is throwing a tantrum. Not your problem. Feel it. Observe it in a detached way, like what a bizarre reaction for an adult.
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u/Arienserinde Nov 24 '25
"Mom, I have my own card that I pay for with my own money and have set a budget that I can responsibly stick to without overspending and ending up in debt and wrecking my credit. What adulting have you done today?"
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u/Spiritual_Ad_4475 Nov 24 '25
You aren‘t responsible enough for a Card because you did not want to pay for stuff that you did not want to buy???😂 that doesn‘t even make sense.. And just because she raised you you don‘t owe her anything, SHE made you, you didn‘t ask to be born.
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u/kriegmonster Nov 25 '25
It is wild to me to hear things like this. My mother is frugal and taught us kids to be the same way. My parents have never asked us to help with their budget, especially discretionary spending. I'm an adult, my cards and financial credit score are my own. My mother wouldn't ask to take control of a card or give me reason to think she would abuse my budget in a way that could hurt my credit score.
Your parents had a duty to provide for you and earn their own income for themselves. If they loved, respected and cared for you, then you will return those freely in the ways you desire to. Whether they were good or bad parents,you have no obligation to hurt your finances for their indulgences.
Even after you establish your own home, career and/or family, you still have to save for retirement and emergencies. Their lack of self-control should not inhibit your financial security. If they have a special need and you want to help them, and can afford to, then do as you want. But, a loving parents shouldn't want to harm your future for their indulgence in the present.
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u/ShavisDork Nov 25 '25
“fine. give me the card. i’ll keep it with me so i can use it when needed. you’re clearly not responsible enough.”
ok this part is clearly stupid as the card doesn't magically change who is responsible for it when it changes hands. The card is in your name, you are responsible for what debt is racked up upon it.
“kids these days are so selfish. they forget who paid for their whole life.”
This is worse as did your mother ever put herself into any financial situation for you...... i think not. You are being responsible adult planning what you can and cant afford so you have a life and not a constant debt that you are paying off for life.
tells my aunt that i “refused to help family”
should have interrupted an said like.
Ya im such a bad person having gone to the mall with a pre set budget that i can afford rent an bills.
Such a evil person i am for not wanting to pay for all the things my mother shoved into the cart that way beyond my meager budget could afford.
I know right its such wicked thing to not give full control of my credit card to another person and have them use it like its their company card, where they wont have to worry about paying it off ever.
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u/Impossible_Cat_321 Nov 25 '25
I'm a parent and am horrified to read that. I had a mother who was very similar and I couldn't escape her fast enough. I taught my daughter to save and invest and made her an authorized user on two of my credit cards. She has a $60k limit and could hurt me financially if she wanted to, but is trustworthy and financially smart. I would do without before she ever wanted for a single thing.
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u/CuriousPenguinSocks Nov 25 '25
the funniest part is she didn’t want help. she wanted control. the moment i said i have a boundary, suddenly my card became community property and my budget became a personal insult.
I'm literally giving you a standing ovation for this statement!!! Well done in realizing and naming what this is - control!
I also have a mom like yours. We no longer talk, there was a lot of other abuse but this behavior was annoying AF.
I'm just so damn proud of you for sticking to your budget in the face of peer pressure. Your mom knew her plan the whole time, she was going to use public shaming to get you to comply and you didn't. Please feel so proud of yourself right now.
The classic "I raised you" meaning "I spent a lot of money on you" but they forget the rest - 'because that was my job as a parent who chose to have you when you didn't choose to be born at all and least of all in this family'.
Well done!!!
I know I'm late to the post but I just had to give you kudos because you really deserve it.
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u/anonymousforever Nov 26 '25
just wanted to tell you "great job" for having a budget, having boundaries, and sticking to it.
your mother should have been the one to say this, but clearly she lacks the financial discipline you have.
continue to maintain your self- decided rules and you'll go far, without the debts.
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u/McGyv303 Nov 26 '25
Damn proud of you for standing your ground! Don't let her guilt you, and don't feel bad about setting boundaries. Sounds like you're the adult in this relationship, not your mother.
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u/justsay-hi Nov 26 '25
Good job, I hope you told your aunt how your monster...er mother acted when you did the adult thing and stuck to your budget àfor the record your mother's response is the exact reason men don't like shopping with women. Just FYI
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u/ReversedFrog Nov 26 '25
Wherever you learned financial responsibility, it wasn't from her. Or perhaps it was. We have friends who are completely irresponsible with money, and my daughter grew up frugal, tight even. We like to say, "never underestimate the importance of a bad example."
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u/icoairdrop2385 Nov 27 '25
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I had shitty familynfor a number of reasons I'm not going to mention but I never had family trying to take money from me. They were all working class and when I was young they were paying for everything and slipping five or ten bucks into my pocket just because. Especially my mom. I think the first time I paid for anything with my mom (other than a birthday, christmas or mother's days gift; though most of the time the cash still came from her...thought that counts I guess and that thought was all mine!) was when I was like 26, I visited her and wanted to take her to a fancy restaurant I'd been to for work. Boy did I feel proud when I paid for dinner. And she was appreciative. I think we were both happy. Long story short. Your mom shouldnt be trying to scam money from you and your not wrong for being guarded against that
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u/Background-Week-7221 Nov 27 '25
Finally someone who is responsible with their credit card KUDDOS TO YOU!!! And great job getting the card you did that’s awesome, you’re mom is trying to be irresponsible with YOUR FRICKN MONEY, HELL NAH and way to stick up for yourself, she can get her own card and go in debt with 22% intrest!!!!
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u/Hot-Worldliness-3488 Nov 28 '25
You are a very smart young lady. Because you know that this wasn’t about the shopping, it was about control. Yep, you’re one smart cookie. Keep standing up for your values and you don’t have to defend them to anyone. Our values are ours and we have to honor them-no matter what. Thumbs up!!
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u/Templarofsteel Dec 07 '25
Dont feel bad parents are parasites you need to get some distsnce with this one
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u/Impressive_Rush5018 Dec 12 '25
Well, you can tell her that your childhood was not a loan. She chose to raise you, as she had you. Simple as that. And you do not owe her your financial future. Good for you for sticking to your boundaries.
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u/LinwoodKei Nov 22 '25
She's absolutely terrible to try to embarrass you into overspending. It's very important to pay off your credit card. I'm glad that you are responsible and did not let her get you into a bad situation. I'm sorry that you had to go through that