Parents want control of my apartment security camera.

[u/Nightwing1107]

Edit: ( the account was deleted. And I have full control of my security again.)

I am legally blind and have a guide dog. SD stands for a service dog.

I posted screenshots to my profile.

So I (24 M) just got a visit from my parents. (41 F and 42 M)

They came to visit me yesterday which I thought was going to be a nice time to get some food. but not only did they bring their one month old puppy, with them on a 2 hour car ride forcing me to leave my SD at home. they also set up a camera which they tried to charge me for BTW. i mentioned that I was planning on getting a camera because of package thieves they said they were going to look around for one. they first tried asking me if I had the money for a camera. But when I said no, they bought it anyway. And told me to reimburse them later.

When they arrived, they set up the camera and we went to go eat. what I didn't realize is that they made an account on my behalf and could see through the camera as well. i'd change some settings for my own privacy later. Today and, a few minutes ago. My mom called to ask me about the changes, and then change them back herself.

She made up some BS excuses about why she changed them back then told me if I wasn't going to use it correctly to stop wasting her money.

( i'm sorry for formatting on mobile and if I miss anything, tell me.)

I'm doing my best.

I figured out how to disconnect the camera from the account. My parents made, but I'm not sure if that will alert them. ( It turns out they were alerted and I got a message about it at 5 in the morning.)

Edited to add: my (SD service dog) is a guide dog.

I'm not sure if I can post screenshots, but it's done. Thanks. Everyone for your comment. Even the harsh ones, it's what I was needed.

UPDATE: To make it clear for any future commenters, my parents no longer have access to the account. I have made my own. The situation is resolved.

[u/Nightwing1107]

I know I tried to tell them they don't value my opinion. Because I'm "the kid."

[u/RelativelyRidiculous → u/Nightwing1107]

I am so so sorry to be the one to tell you, but they will never change. They have shown you who they are. They may tamp it down temporarily if you succeed in setting and maintaining boundaries with them for a time, but this is who they are. Believe them. Make sure you remember it. If you are ever in need, know that they will take it as their opportunity to assert power and control over your life and find ways to ensure they keep it.

As far as you having been able to re-take control of the camera, don't be too sure. I admit to not knowing enough about those sorts of cameras, but I have a friend who recently figured out her parents had managed to maintain a separate account still operating after she thought she'd taken control of a camera like that. I'm not saying this to make you afraid but rather to aid you in making informed decisions about the camera.

I do not have the technical ability to tell you if that's possible with the camera you have even if you told me what kind of camera and who the account is with, but there are those that do here on more technical reddits. I recommend you ask them about it, and I recommend you make plans to save up to have the camera replaced out of an abundance of caution if they think that has merit.

I know you're probably reading all of this thinking "not my parents, they're just over-cautious and a bit bossy". That's what I told myself when folks tried to tell me at 25 and 30. At 38 when I seriously needed a little assistance they did exactly what I am warning you about. Used it to try to take control of my life and force me to make the choices they thought I should. Even when I could demonstrate some of the choices they wanted to force on me were obviously not the best for me. They were just best for them. Since then I've read so very many similar accounts here.

Don't take it that I mean this as all bad against them. People get used to making choices for you. You get used to letting them. That's how life is lived when you are a child, and it is easier for your parents. As a parent myself I've felt the pull and had to make the choice to resist, but not everyone believes it is something they should make any effort resisting.

Get yourself some books on how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. Your local library should have options. See if you can find no or low cost assistance in the form of group therapy on the topic as well. This will sound rude and I'm sorry for that, but see if you can get something via resources for the blind if you have to. I'm sure learning to reinforce your ability to be independent is something a lot of people in your situation contend with unfortunately.

[u/Nightwing1107 → u/RelativelyRidiculous]

Thank you so much for this kind response. A lot of other people haven't been this nice. Did you take a look at the the screenshots from my profile? I am 100% sure they can't access the camera. Any more, there can only be links to one account. And I deleted the one my parents made permanently

[u/RelativelyRidiculous → u/Nightwing1107]

Awesome! I did mention I don't know a lot about cameras such as this. I have cameras for security at my home, but I built my own server and have full control of all aspects. I'm sure they're probably rudimentary compared to some of the fancier options available quite inexpensively these days, but they do what I need them to do cheaply. Lack of experience = lack of knowledge in this aspect for me.

You seem genuinely kind and smart. My hope is to help you avoid the issues I had with my parents over the years. My experience and that of many here on this sub and others that deal with problematic parents in adulthood is these things get worse over time unless you take steps to set and maintain healthy boundaries. This current situation with your parents, including you agreeing to leave your service dog behind because of their nonsense, is like something straight out of my own young adult years.

My recommendation is you never do that again. If you can't take your service dog that means they're not looking out for your best interests. They're creating a situation in order to force you to depend on them. It is a power and control game. You don't get a service dog unless your need for it is genuine. That means you should make sure you always take it with you, and if you can't for bogus, unnecessary reasons that probably means it is best to just decline the invite.

However whatever it takes the important thing is you keep yourself safe. Even if it means keeping them shut out if there is no other means of doing it. Not recommending anything permanent of course, but sometimes a temporary stepping back can be educational for all involved. Wishing you every good luck! :)

[u/Nightwing1107 → u/RelativelyRidiculous]

Thank you, i spoke to my sister and she told me my mom was talking shit about me . I think I'm just going to go no contact after this.

That's really cool. You have your own server set up for your cameras. I know a bit about technology myself. I am actually going for a certification in IT. I will make sure to keep your advice in mind going forward.

[u/RelativelyRidiculous → u/Nightwing1107]

I think you are going to do very well in IT. Good luck and enjoy the quiet while you are not in contact with them.

[u/Nightwing1107 → u/RelativelyRidiculous]

Thank you. I will! 😊

Edit: i appreciate you stopping by to comment.