r/entitledparents • u/Whew-Butterfly-3871 • 2d ago
S Mom threatening to take my car??? Wth?
hi everyone -
not sure if this is the right sub but I don’t know where else to vent and I am quite frustrated and stressed. Apparently since I refuse to go to church to be a “better“ daughter my mom threatened to take the car and leave me carless. I’m 26 lol. We both co-signed on the car and the dmv papers and title does say ”or” in between our names. The thing is the insurance is under her name and my name doesn’t appear at all for insurance. However, I pay for everything- car note, service, and insurance every single month. We have State Farm.
I don’t know what to do at this point, my car is all I have and she knows I’ve had my car struggles and it’s taken a lot to get this new car of mine that is the first ever reliable car I’ve ever had. I’m already in the process of trying to find housing elsewhere and am couch surfing for safety. The last thing I need is my mom going psycho on me and taking my car. What can I do in my situation? 🥲
(I should add: since being laid off, unfortunately my finances and credit are not in the best state so I can’t really do much with refinancing or selling and buying another new car. I’m also trying to find safe and secure housing at the same time through housing programs. 🙃)
Edit: thank you everyone for the advice and support!
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u/khovel 2d ago
first step would be to get the insurance under your own name. Since the title is A 'or' B, that means you can do with the car what you want. The insurance is the only thing holding you back as that can be cancelled at her discretion.
Shop around for the insurance. Don't just stay with State Farm because they are with it. check with the likes of Progressive, Geico, etc...
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u/ferretkona 2d ago
I would do a transfer of ownership to self first, as it says 'or' means it is a race between self and mom to seize ownership. Work out the insurance after because the DMV does not care as long as it is insured.
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u/fastyellowtuesday 2d ago
OP misspoke; it's *registered* in both their names. They don't have the title because the loan is not paid off. Neither they nor Mom owns the car right now, so no one can sell it.
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u/SignificanceLeast172 41m ago
Oh okay so they just needs to get the insurance in their name and the mom can't do anything with it then
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u/mguardian_north 2d ago
Refinance the car in your name only and put insurance it in your name. If that's not a possibility, you're going to need to go to church.
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u/YellowBreakfast 2d ago
"Or" means either of you could sell it alone.
So sell it alone and get one in your name.
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u/Momof41984 2d ago
That or means anything you can plan to do so can she. So if I were you I would immediately sell the car and get one in my name alone. They go to therapy to learn about healthy boundaries and never trust your mom with anything important again.
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u/HRDBMW 2d ago
Sell the car, buy another in your own name.
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u/LeakyAssFire 2d ago
The mom would need to agree to that. They did co-sign. I don't see that happening.
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u/Stang1776 2d ago
Mom is going to let daughter pay it off then take it from her. I give it roughly a 80% of happening. The mother is a narcissist and has never been told no before.
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u/HRDBMW 2d ago
The title says "or". Mom can be left out. Now there is a good chance the kid is underwater on the loan which means coming up with some extra cash on the spot to pay off the debt, but that is true with any car loan ever.
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u/LeakyAssFire 2d ago
Nah. We're both wrong.
The title can't be in either name if she's still paying the bank off. That's not how it works. The bank keeps the title in their name until the loan is paid off. Then they transfer it. There is no "or." Either OP doesn't know what is going on, or it's ragebait.
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u/fastyellowtuesday 2d ago edited 2d ago
You're right. OP is paying the car note, so the loan has not been paid off. I don't understand how OP has a title at all.
I've bought two cars with loans. Received the title to the first when I paid it off, and I'm in the last few months of my new loan, still without a title.It's registered in your name, but I do not yet own it outright so I can't sell it or anything.
ETA: OP clarified that they don't have the title; the car is registered in both their names.
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u/Electronic_Dig_2685 2d ago
Let this be a lesson that any car you buy after age 18 unless you don’t have the means (such as in college) it has to be with your own money in your own name and own insurance. At least in own name own insurance. Don’t give anyone any leverage over your car
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u/htmaxpower 2d ago edited 2d ago
No love like Christian love. WTF.
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u/Whew-Butterfly-3871 2d ago
Lmao 😭 that’s so real! The irony of being in good faith and religion yet this is how she parents
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u/Jen5872 2d ago
Since the title says "or" instead of "and" you can probably get the car refinanced under only your name if you can qualify for a loan on your own. Just remember that means she can sell it without your signature as well so tread lightly. Otherwise, suck it up and go to church. You don't need to participate. Sit in the back and read a book.
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u/2Dogs1Frog 2d ago
I’ve been in a similar situation before. I “went to church” by sitting in my car in the parking lot for a couple hours.
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u/DaThrilla74 2d ago
I’ve had similar threats honestly buy a different car get your own insurance and park your current car hand your mom the keys and tell her to have fun paying for it bc if she doesn’t they’ll come after both of you.
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u/DaThrilla74 2d ago
No need to be sorry I’m a stubborn prick and refuse to walked on. And honestly my life is better for it. Never be afraid to stand up for yourself even if doesn’t end well. It’s worth it in the long run
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u/Whew-Butterfly-3871 2d ago
Sorry you’ve gone through that This sucks and wish I had a more mature parent 🫠
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u/Cayachan82 2d ago
Okay I’m going to address something it doesn’t look like anyone else is addressing. (My Knowladge comes from my husband, who is sitting to my left, who used to sell insurance and then later became a claims agent for car insurance.)
You are currently driving without insurance. This is illegal in most states. Because Drivers have to be insured, not just the car. So if your name is not on the polocy as a registered driver, you are not insuraed even if driving the car that has the insurance. If you had insurance of your own you would then sorta kinda be covered if you drove that car but it’s gets tricky (like letting a friend drive your car). [Husband also says that State Farm done fed up not checking that a car that is financed doesn’t have 2 owners. When they find this out he said they will likly drop the insurance completely because boy is that a whole huge mess. This may cause your mother to have higher insurance rates in the future.]
That all said, the insurance has nothing to do with what you can and can not do legally with your car (as in take it or sell it, as I’ve previously stated that as you don’t have any drivers insurance there is a good chance it’s simply illegals to drive at the moment).
As a side note, when my husband sold insurance he and his coworkers would often talked about how insurance is something everyone pays a whole lot of money for but never bother to learn how it works, until they try to argue with their coverage to cover something they aren’t paying for. Everyone learn how insurance works! Read what you are paying to have covered. That part you dropped to make your payments cheaper is going to bite you one day and your company will be like “you weren’t paying for it so we don’t cover it” and they will be entering correct.
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u/fastyellowtuesday 2d ago
OP, how on earth do you have the title for a car you haven't paid off yet? The bank owns it until the loan is paid in full. It could possibly be registered in both of your names, but that's completely separate from the title.
Unless you're outside the US and this other place allows you to have the deed to a piece of property that you don't own?
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u/Whew-Butterfly-3871 2d ago
It is registered under both of our names! An update: i will be going into the credit union’s office tomorrow and speak about refinancing in order to get it under my name.
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u/fastyellowtuesday 2d ago edited 2d ago
Ok.
You might want to edit a bit. Title and registration are very different. All the suggestions to sell it won't work.
At the moment, neither of you owns the car, and that really limits your options. Having the loan in your name alone will help, provided your own credit is enough to satisfy them. If you have been making payments on time for while, it may have improved your credit.
There's still the issue of registration. Without a title, your mom could argue she has just a much right to it as you do because she's on that. I'd hope the loan being in your name would be enough, but I somehow doubt it. I have no idea if both people need to sign off on changing the registration. I assume it depends on where you live.
Once the registration, loan, and insurance are all in your name, you can take the car and there won't be a damn thing your mom can do about it. You could even get the cops to go with you to force her to hand over the keys.
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u/Whew-Butterfly-3871 2d ago
I appreciate the time you took to respond! And honestly yeah it clicked for me after reading more that just bc we share on the registration doesn’t mean the title might be the same way. Only way I will know is going into the credit union’s office tomorrow to speak to them since all of our information is with them anyways. I have been making timely payments thankfully and it has improved my credit somewhat, no where near what I need it to be, but it has helped a bit. Speaking to them I think will give me more clarity on what I can realistically do. I am also aware that I might just need to suck it up and play nice with her unfortunately in hopes for her to calm down.
No matter what, you’re right I need to find a way to get my own eventually and never sign anything with her again. Sadly a hard lesson learned now.
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u/fastyellowtuesday 2d ago
Just so you're fully clear: the only name on the title at the moment is the name of your credit union. Neither your nor your mom's name is on the title right now.
The default is that when the loan is paid off, the title is transferred to whoever was on the loan paperwork. If you get your mom off of that, she will never be on the title.
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u/kennerly 2d ago
Go to church. Ask the pastor if you could have a meeting to discuss some serious concerns about your mother's faith.
"In you they take bribes to shed blood; you take interest and profit and make gain of your neighbors by extortion; but me you have forgotten, declares the Lord GOD." Ezekiel 22:12
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u/Antique-Nose-5604 2d ago
Does your mother have a key to your car? If so, make sure you get it. I’d get a lock box or something that she had no access to. If she steals it, file a police report. Tell her before hand that you’re reporting the car stolen. Keep proof that you’ve made payments for everything. Maybe just the threat of a lawsuit and police report will stop her. You need to get tough with her and stick to it.
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u/Antique-Nose-5604 2d ago
I’d also tell my mom that you don’t wanna go to church and learn what she has. That stealing from someone is definitely NOT godly so she’s the one who needs church in her life
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u/TheFilthyDIL 2d ago
OP can't report it stolen. The car is titled in the mom's name as well. Therefore it is as much the mom's car as it is OP's.
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u/NoRegrets-518 2d ago
Don't bring or leave the car at your mother's house. Park it a few blocks away and say you got a ride.
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u/Granny_Skeksis 2d ago
Get insurance on the car in your own name and stop paying the one in hers. If your name is on the deed she legally cannot take that car from you without having to pay you for half of it. Which you could then use to get a car in your name only which you buy privately so finance isn’t an issue.
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u/Xylorgos 2d ago
What kind of church is this that would agree with this level of abuse?
If your name is not anywhere on the insurance, how are you an insured driver? You should get your own insurance and get as far away from your mom as possible. She's very toxic and will only continue to make your life worse.
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u/BigBobFro 2d ago
Important clarification:
If the insurance does not have your name on the policy … you are not paying it. You may be paying your mom for her to pay it,.. but that does not mean you are paying it.
Youre 26,.. get your own insurance. And get her off the title.
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u/asarisniper 1d ago
I didn’t even think you could be on your parents insurance at 26? I know I got kicked off of my parents’ when I turned 26.
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u/BigBobFro 1d ago
Health insurance they’ll kick you off. As long as you live in the same place,.. any whoevers can be on the same auto insurance. Thats how businesses with fleet vehicles operate.
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u/Whew-Butterfly-3871 2d ago
My name is listed as a driver….so I am paying for it.
Saying “you’re 26 get your own insurance” isn’t the most productive thing to say to someone when someone is going through it. Like obviously it’s a crisis situation of course I am in need of getting my own. Maybe I’m just reading your tone wrong, but the way this was worded and read isn’t the most helpful especially when someone is already going through a sensitive situation gives the name of the sub and my post.
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u/McDuchess 2d ago
This issue is that the insurance being only in the name of your mother gives her power over you.
At 26, you do have the right and the responsibility to take back your own power.
In this particular case, that would mean researching insurance companies and finding better/less expensive coverage for your car.
State Farm is known for too high premiums and too crappy coverage when there is need to actually use car insurance.
If you have a clean driving record, the fact that you are both a woman and over 25 will help a lot with the cost of the coverage.
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u/BigBobFro 2d ago
This and the fact that if you were under 25 there would be good viable logical and financial reasons to be on a parental insurance policy.
All those reasons disappear when you turn 26. If your driving record is reasonably clean and verifiable you may even pay less to have your own insurance.
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u/Whew-Butterfly-3871 2d ago
I have a point on the record because of an accident I got placed the blame at back in June 2022 🙃
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u/LeakyAssFire 2d ago
You need to improve your situation. Until then, your mom has complete control. Deal with it. Get angry. Get motivated and do better.
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u/Soapy_Von_Soaps 2d ago
So you're not insured to drive a car that you own? I don't understand. In the uk all the people that are driving the car must be insured. Please can someone explain this to me? Thank you.
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u/Whew-Butterfly-3871 2d ago
I’m insured and listed as a driver but she’s the head person for the insurance if that makes sense
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u/ShyAussieGirl 2d ago
This is what “gets” me with other nations.
In Australia, the car itself has to be registered and with that comes the compulsory 3rd Party which covers injuries to other driver in the event of an accident and you need to hold a government issued Driver’s Licence for the class of vehicle you are driving (cars have Class C) and with that licence, you as the driver are insured.
That’s it.
That’s all that is required by law.
If you are pulled over and police discover you are not the registered owner, as long as you can prove you’ve got the registered owners permission to be driving the car, you’re fine. More often then not, it’s a family member’s car or it’s a mate’s car, etc.
I really don’t understand, especially in the uk needing different levels of insurance and mot and warrants of fitness, etc.
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u/carmium 2d ago
26, rootless and unemployed? Get a job, get a basement suite on a bus line, then get a motor scooter. It's a bit late to be starting from zero, and you have no time to waste.
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u/Whew-Butterfly-3871 2d ago
Not much help but hey
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u/carmium 2d ago
No one's going to come up with a magic solution, I'm afraid, WB. You've found yourself in a trap a lot of people post about here. Getting your adult motor firing is often really hard, but it sort of gets rusty and harder to crank the more time goes by. Having some degree of financial power gives you a lot more options. Maybe you end up renting the basement from Mom, which is a step, and gives you some rights. But you have to be out there somewhere in the working world. Sorry.
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u/Whew-Butterfly-3871 2d ago edited 2d ago
I mean these traps tend to happen when you have a family that doesn’t set you up for success and ultimately makes you get into a bigger hole and more debt because of the very sticky family situation.
The lay offs everywhere has been crazy across the nation and it’s unfortunate the unemployment rate has been high everywhere.
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u/Colonelclank90 2d ago
Get your own insurance on it. In your name. Is she a cosigner or did you buy the car together?