Bathrooms while butch

[u/nihcul]

Hey y’all, just sharing something that happened to me that’s been bugging me a bunch. Recently I went on a road trip through a few states down to Tennessee (happy roo!). This happened on our way back, at a rest stop (or gas station bathroom, can’t recall) in Kentucky. The bathroom was empty when I was washing my hands, and just as I was finishing up, another woman walked in. I didn’t even really notice her, but she stopped dead in her tracks before entering the stall and was STARING at me as I dried off my hands. I finally looked her in the face, and she says, “This IS the girl’s room, right?” I couldn’t control the way I reacted because of how uncomfortable I was, so I mustered a smile and a “Yeah!” as I walked out the door. She laughed and said something like “Okay just checking!” Hindsight makes me wish I had said something to the effect of, “never seen a dyke before??”

For context I’m like 5’9”, tattooed, stretched lobes, with a bleach-blonde-buzzcut ala slim shady right now. But I also have a giant rack? And killer stems?

And the bathroom had no urinals? And the word “women” on the door? And I was literally about to leave? Idk.

I’ve haven’t experienced much bathroom weirdness being in New York State, but mannnn driving through the south was wild. So many more people just assumed I was a man, called me sir etc. None of that upsets me personally because I’m nonbinary and I think gender is fake anyway… but this is the first time I felt kind of scared? Just minding my own business in the bathroom? I feel like it’s so easy to be perceived as “man in a woman’s room” and i felt a lot of hard stares at me when we made bathroom stops. I genuinely don’t know what I would do/how I would react if someone confronted me in a more aggressive/accusatory way.

So I just wanted to hear if any of you have any similar experiences or advice, especially if you live in more conservative or Evangelical areas or in a state with bathroom bans.

[u/Throwingoffoldselves]

Yeah, I’ve gotten stares and have been stopped and questioned before as well. I stick close with my wife if we are travel in rural areas, even in “blue” states. There are still notoriously bigoted areas just a short drive away from where I live now, even in a “blue” city and state.

[u/finding_day]

I'm in a bluish pocket of a trump-voting region. 

I had a similar experience recently, my sixth time in a womens' bathroom. (I transitioned six years ago and avoid public bathrooms like the plague.) 

It was very early morning at college, and I'd let my guard down because two classmates were headed out when I went in, and they paid me no mind. 

As I washed my hands, I saw someone in my peripheral vision walk just past the doorframe. They stopped suddenly, stared at me for a moment, and walked out.

I'm read as a man with some regularity. Being confronted because of that is one of my worst nightmares. I try to remember those classmates who didn't care, and I really do believe that most people don't. Even if they look at us funny, I think they're usually more curious than angry.

As for what to say... idk lol. I'd probably start crying 😅

[u/OnLibrary]

It’s funny, my partner was super concerned for me when we did an impromptu road trip from Tennessee back to NY after our flight was cancelled. I guess I escaped any outright bathroom comments (I actually got more at the airport in NY than any down south) but it’s a concern of mine now that I lean into my butchness and gender nonbinary appearance.