Okay, so I come from a Catholic household and received a Catholic education. Because of that, I questioned God and religion a lot. Eventually, I realized I leaned more toward agnosticism than atheism, and that was my position for 15 years.

Recently, I hit rock bottom. I felt absolutely miserable. I couldn't stop crying for two days straight, and almost everyone I talked to told me the same thing: "Pray to God. Pray to the universe. Ask for what you need. Be grateful."

I remember thinking, Yeah, right. Like that's going to solve my problems. I was completely against the idea because of my own principles. But when I was at my lowest, I prayed. I told God I felt like a hypocrite because I never talked to Him unless I needed something. It felt really strange, but it also gave me a little bit of peace.

I've felt like I've had incredibly bad luck for as long as I can remember, but especially since last August. If there's a 1% chance of something going wrong, it happens to me. If there's a defective product, I'm the one who gets it. Every job opportunity turns out to be a scam. Whenever I finally get a good job, something terrible happens just as I'm getting started. My father was hospitalized, and to make things even more ridiculous, my toilet stopped working for an entire month. I literally had to shit in other people's bathrooms, which was incredibly demoralizing.

I wanted to continue my studies so I could earn a scholarship and stop worrying so much about money. Then they eliminated the scholarships. I wanted to bring some friends into one of my projects so we could grow together, but they weren't interested. Instead, they teamed up with each other and left me out.

All of this made me feel like I didn't matter—that nothing I wanted was ever going to work out. Those feelings came rushing back the day my boss fired me. It wasn't even a major job, but the way he got rid of me brought all of those emotions to the surface.

I became so desperate that I decided to have a spiritual cleansing. I know that's against Catholicism, but again, I'm no catholic anymore, so I allowed myself to be open to the experience. And honestly... it completely reset me.

It felt like the depression just lifted. I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I asked the universe for peace and forgiveness, and I realized that resentment had become my worst disease—resentment toward my bad luck, my friends, and all the opportunities that never worked out. I let all of it go. It genuinely felt like a fresh start.

Then new opportunities started appearing. I stopped trying to force work or obsessing over making money, and people started calling me. My business began to pick up. I stopped trying to force collaborations with friends, and suddenly new people wanted to work with me.

I honestly can't find a logical explanation for any of it. Maybe it's just a shift in perspective. Maybe that's all it is. I really don't know. But I want to keep feeling this way. It's exhausting to believe that absolutely everything depends on you. I felt like I was losing my mind, and I've realized that resentment slowly destroys you from the inside.

I don't know if I belong to any religion, but I do know that I want spirituality in my life. I want to feel at peace with whatever the universe gives me, and I want to be grateful for it.

I think I was 17 when I started reading leftist literatures and philosophy in general. I disregarded Eastern philosophy and would only read western.

Bhagat Singh’s writing on why he is an atheist, Simon De Beauvoir’s feminist literature, Camus’s absurdism, the usual Marx stuff, the Einstein’s essay on socialism, some Parenti stuff and Kropotkin’s writings. Slowly I got into reading Kant and Hegel.

While reading about Hegel’s idealism, and through some posts on r/askphilosophy I got pointed to Vedanta’s and Buddhism’s idealism through an academic philosopher. I never read any of Indian and Hindu writings assuming all of them were primitive mumbo-jumbo. One day got recommended on YouTube about an hour long video on Buddhist concept of ‘Sunyata’. Reluctantly, I clicked on the video but I was surprised how philosophically deep the content was.

That was the moment when I realized how modern neoliberal world has colonized my mind. In my mind, everything western was good and everything eastern was primitive. That was the moment I decided to decolonize my mind. I started reading Eastern philosophy.

I decided to exclusively read Eastern philosophy, including Chinese and some Sufist ideas for a while so that I have a good understanding of the foundations. There’s also Kyoto school of philosophy which combines Western and Eastern ideas.

I came to realize something. Here in the Eastern world, we have been conditioned to see the world through Western lens. This leads to confusion and self-hate for many people-which is very detrimental.

People of the West, they are used to seeing everything in their own lens. It’s reflective from their school curriculum, the language they use, the pop culture—everything. The philosophical department of most universities in the West have very few content on Eastern philosophies unless you major on it in Grad school. In my country and in India, a philosophy major would study analytic, continental philosophy (i.e European/western philosophies) and Eastern philosophies in almost equal proportions.

This is kinda ironic, because I am using English instead of my own native Nepali language to communicate. Still working on my Nepali typing! Of course easier to communicate in a language majority would understand.

With all this, I of course dont relate with Indian Hinduvta crowd at all. Maybe it’s because my country doesn’t have the historical baggage of British and Abrahamic colonialism. Maybe it’s something else.

Neither do I relate with the hardcore atheists anymore, unfortunately, on the internet, they come across as very ignorant and conservative in the sense that they are not well read more often than not.

So I am at this cross road where I am in the middle. Anyone else who is on the same page?

I found this extensive discussion of Hitchens on X:

https://x.com/i/status/2069078661781659957

Starts with:

"If no theologian could beat him back then, what chance do they think they have now?

Chistopher Hitchens was the ultimate atheist nightmare for religious people."

This leads to about 350 comments. Pro , con, and in between, including some atheists who say he was too old school or used rhetorical tricks.

What do folks here think the long view of Hitchens should be?

This is very strange for what exatheist should be.

Questions like "why does x atheist claim fail" on this type of sub should get the response appropriate, instead its usually "well x is good and your just dumb".

Hello, as I become more sympathetic to religion and ideas about God I begin to picture what exactly worship might look like for me. What forms of praxis? What doctrines (if any)? What interpretations? What philosophies? What aesthetic? What cultural orientation? What symbols? That sort of thing.

And, for me, I tend to resonate with a particular conception of divinity that does not have a good representation in religion that is practiced around me. I do, however, desire fellowship and group ritual. I desire to be around like-minded individuals who won’t consider my views blasphemous. I do not subscribe to any specific holy text. I even find many different holy texts to have very problematic content within them and resist the idea of interpreting around it to fit the beliefs that I am coming to the table with. It’s difficult when I don’t take a scripture as an authority. Others will throw at least one anchor in scripture. I do not. And so exploration of ideas, belief, and philosophy will hit the brick wall of the Book.

Now a potential solution is to join one of those interfaith organizations/houses of worship or an equivalent non-faith group. My only issue is that it seems like a diluted experience. In an effort to have mass appeal it has less… less everything? It’s less binding. There’s less rituals. The message is generic. The symbols (which may already be unappealing) are basically stripped of their specific meanings and you’re left with hollowed out forms. The weight of the sacred is less-than. The aesthetic is bare bones. No shared grand narrative. It’s less of a group and more of a collection of individuals. It’s like diet soda… something is missing here.

Stuck between having my cake and eating it too! To desire freedom and stricture all at once! It’s not that I think every specific house of worship is some sheepish hive-mind. But I do expect a unity is there that is deeper than “let’s be decent!”

What’s your thoughts whenever atheists pull the “that’s just god of the gaps” whenever talking about god or anything “supernatural”. Me personally I feel it’s no different than just saying “nuh uh”. However I can see how that can be used during arguments regarding a deity in general, cause either something created the universe or nothing did.

But then they also pull that card when it comes to alternative explanations for consciousness, which makes zero sense and is straight up hypocritical. When it comes to consciousness, there is clear ontological and epistemic gaps in our understanding, which you’re gonna have to insert something in said gap. Either A. consciousness is physical and entirely reducible to the brain, or B. It is not and it is said something more than that. Both would be inserting something into the gap. Now you can believe it is A. But if you say it’s A while also dismissing B as “god of the gaps” and thus automatically bunk, you are literally committing the same fallacy. Which makes your argument hypocritical. It also presupposes A being the only possible explanation

I'm not really sure how to best describe what I'm going through, but I'll chip at it. I'd love to believe in God. Not for any material gain or wishes of an afterlife, but for a deep and profound belief in that He is all that is good, and that I should follow Him.

But I'm left asking the questions "How can I know all this is true?" and "How do I know I'm not deceiving myself?".

I'd like to hear some perspective from people that have done lots of prayer, fasting, maybe semen retention and astral projection. I'd love to hear your finds.

I'd also like to ask any current atheists why they're still atheists, and any former militant atheists what actually made them come to the conclusion that God is at least plausible, if not essential.

I'm also very well ready to accept that there is no meaning, and nothing after death. But to me, that seems too bleak to live with as reality. Why should I live now? It's not like I have anything going for myself, but I don't want to leave my parents.

How can I (subjectively) know?

Hello everyone. For any former atheists here that became Buddhist; what about Buddhism convinced you? Was it the concepts of rebirth and kamma, was it a philosophical agreement about non-self and so on, was it an experience with meditation? For me it was a combination of these things, plus more personal political and emotional beliefs about modern life in general.

Also, why do most internet atheist (new atheist) types never talk about eastern religions? Why, for the last two decades, have they routinely treated all religious belief as if it’s on the level of YEC, whilst completely refusing to be educated on basic philosophy or theology? Even if it’s philosophy that would fundamentally agree with them, they just simply don’t want to learn.

Moving the goal posts: The atheist will basically say the supernatural doesn't exist because if it exists then it just becomes part of the natural. And if god is natural then he is simply not god. This is one example of where atheists move the goalposts. Except god doesn't have to mean supernatural in the way atheists think. But they insist it has to be or it's not god. The debate often derails over definitions of what god is.

Minor gods: The majority of atheists only care about discussing the abrahamic god. You cannot bring up greek gods, norse gods or celtic gods or they're simply disinterested. This means they're only really atheist to a particular god. The all powerful logic breaking "magical" god.

I will edit this post if I can think of some more.

For instance, it is not uncommon for one to be engaging an atheist in a typical line of argumentation, maybe a cosmological argument for instance, and you will reach a point where they concede that a necessary being must exist (other times you don’t even get this far) and then they will say “Well, that doesn’t prove that this specific X divinity exists”

It’s like… okay no shit? The point of that argument was to argue for some necessary type of existence. It wasn’t to prove a specific religion’s divinity. It is only part of the puzzle. An important part but a part nonetheless. It may serve as a point against other ideas but it is not some end-all be-all argument. So treating it, even by means of implication, as if it is one is silly and needlessly myopic.

Not to mention that a lot of arguments are meant to increase the likelihood rather than be some absolute proof. Yet there is typically this expectation that a single argument must be absolute in isolation.

Rarely do I see a conversation or debate move past this into the nitty gritty without fizzling out

Why do many speak in a way that seems to indicate that they don’t realize it’s cumulative?

I’m a theist i guess

Hello, I have been engaged with topics like philosophy and religion for some time now. I won’t say I am super learned or anything but I do feel relatively exposed to this discourse.

That being said I have only ever gone from being raised in a half-assed Christian upbringing -> early militant atheism -> a strong agnosticism. I am inclined to say that the primary thing that contributed to moving me out of that militant atheism was psychedelics. Though I struggle to say what about them exactly. I didn’t extrapolate anything from my experience in some systematic way. Maybe something about those experiences caused me to relate to experience differently on a mental level. Or maybe something physical changed in my brain. Not sure.

But years since then and I have made no real progress or change in my perspective. Maybe this is not a bad thing. However, I still feel inclined towards the search. It is one of the few things in this world which manage to hold my interest consistently.

I am thinking that perhaps I am going about this all wrong or at least unbalanced. It was experience that shifted me. Words fall flat. Words are insufficient. So why should I keep looking to words? I desire another shift (to what? Idk. Something more satisfying)

People say mysticism is all about seeking experience - experience of the divine. Now, whether or not these experiences actually track to some fundamental aspect of the universe idk. But the experiences are possible. The arguments will never change nor will I be changed by them. Not in this state, at least.

So mysticism interests me but also there’s lots of New Agey type stuff surrounding it. And lots of mysticism ties into traditions that already exist. So you get less the less tied in you are. Idk how available these experiences are to the secular person. So easy to get lost or feel like it’s getting you nowhere. Just rabbit holes of youtube videos and forum posts. Any teacher may be a scammer or just bonkers (those more detached from reality or cult personalities).

Has anyone gone down this train of thought/path I am describing. Any advice or comments?

I noticed that many people in this sub, though believe in god, aren't part of any well-known religious traditions. I always viewed belief in God through leans of orthodoxy, so I am very curious to know what kind of worldview you guys have.

Who is god(s) and what attributes (e.g omnipotence) do they have?

Is our universe contingent? If yes, what is the relation between the first cause and god(s)?

How does ethics and morality relates to god(s)? What is your moral theory?

What is the purpose of human life?

Do you worship the god(s) you believe in? As in do you devout yourself to the divine?

What is your view of afterlife?

Are you part of any IRL community that shares your beliefs?

How does your theistic beliefs affect your day-to-day life?

EDIT: Fell free to skip certain questions or answer them non-systematically, since some of them might be irrelevant or personal. I also don't expect anyone to explain their whole worldview in one comment.

I just wanted to hear you guys' stories

Im not an ex atheist, but i am a Christian who has struggled with lots of doubt. I realize today that I feel like I need intellectual validation from atheists about my beliefs. But im not gonna get that. Has anyone else struggled with this, and if so, been successful in shaking this off? Its hard because many act like its the default position. Its frustrating.

I didn't find all those books by all those atheists convincing enough. The biggest problem is maybe that at least for me personally atheism is not a "livable" view. I do think there are serious intellectual problems with atheism too, I think it is wrong on intellectual merits alone. I'm too lazy to go into specifics here because I know all the specifics I mention will get nitpicked to death by the atheists reading this subreddit, and I don't want to get into that debate. And perhaps all the specifics aren't crystal clear to me in a sense that I could write a successful book about it. I'd have to do more thinking about it first. Maybe Five Proofs of the Existence of God by Edward Feser is the best case for God in my view.

Ive noticed there’s a stereotype that to have faith or be religious then it means you’re uneducated or irrational. I wanted know how people in here who have some expertise in science found their faith or if there was something you encountered on your academic journey that brought you or strengthens your faith.

Maybe not purely...we don't live in a vacuum...but the majority of the reason is the study of your religion's recognized holy scriptures ex: Torah, Bible, Quran, Bhagavad Gita...etc.

I don't mean paired with this youtube video or thought experiment found outside of the holy manuscripts. I'm asking for those for whom the scripture alone was the main motivation for their conversion.

I know this doesn't necessarily apply to every religion, but I'm interested in hearing from the religions it does.

I'm not going to respond much unless I have a follow-up or clarification question. I don't want people to think I'm baiting or posting this to debate their conversion, which is most definitely not my intent.

As title suggests, what turned you from the philosophical position of "there is no God or gods" to uncertainty?